At the accusation, Lauren turned around. She worried she’d break her if she got close to her, so she made sure her feet were firmly planted on the floor before she spoke.
“If you think of yourself as a prostitute, then there is nothing I can do. I, however, am no pimp. Had you listened to my story, you’d know I’d never do such a thing to anyone, let alone another woman. I picked you, out of all the women in that club because you were the only one who wasn’t satisfied with what the dominants were doing. You wanted more. You were eager to learn, and I saw the submissive in you the moment you saw me.”
Abigail let out a long sigh. Lauren saw her anger disperse with every breath. “I know. I’m sorry. Sometimes I speak without thinking. I—I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry, Lauren. I don’t understand why you’re leaving.”
“There is no secret that I love Preston and I have become very fond of you, Abby. What I am not fond of is your reluctance in accepting Preston’s love because of my feelings toward him. I am not your dominant, he is. He should be your number one concern, not my unrequited love.”
“What you seem to forget in your many questionnaires is that you were my first dominant and I will never do anything to hurt you. You asked why I accepted your love so easily, that’s why.”
Lauren pushed her emotions aside as she channeled Mistress Lauren. With a snap of her finger, she ordered Abigail to kneel by her feet.
Mistress Lauren raised Abigail’s chin with a tap of her finger.
“Now I am telling you not to deny yourself of his love. I want you to accept it and find it within yourself to offer it back. Never, ever break his heart because if you do, you’ll have to answer to me. Is that understood?”
“Yes, Mistress.”
Lauren kissed the top of her head, inhaling Abigail’s unique scent. “Now stand.”
“This isn’t goodbye, is it?” Abigail asked with a mist of hope.
Lauren gave her a solemn smile, not wanting to hurt her feelings with fraudulent words. The last thing she saw before the elevator closed was Abigail’s back as she walked down the hallway to Preston’s room.
In the safety of the enclosed space, she gave reality a fairytale ending, “And though it pained her to see her lover love another, she knew they’d live happily ever after because their souls were meant to match.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Abigail inclined herself on the balls of her feet and pressed her ear against Preston’s door. It wasn’t the first time she found herself committing such an act. However, today was the first time she’d done so with her heart exposed for him to claim and engrave his name.
She didn’t care she’d get in trouble for twisting the knob. She didn’t care she’d be kicked out of the room for lying next to him. All she knew was Lauren had given her a command to love and be loved by Preston and it was her mission to complete such a task.
Lauren’s revelation had shown her how deeply she cared for Preston. It was love’s testimony to let a loved one go to love another, and she’d done so with grace and without regret, putting her trust in Abigail to love Preston as he deserved to be loved.
Unfortunately, sometimes women forgot about other women. Abigail swore never to forget about Lauren and the sacrifice she’d made. So much had already been taken from her and the one person she’d always wanted, she gave away selflessly.
Her stomach made a repulsive growl as she recalled her story.
Today’s world was a cruel world. Heinous crimes were committed on a daily basis and rarely ever did victims get justice. Yet another reason why not to bring an innocent life into this disgusting place.
As Abigail’s eyes adjusted to the moonlight, she noticed the Greek God that laid on the bed. Silk sheets were wrapped around his hips. His chest was naked, begging for her hands to smooth the ridges on his abs.
Not wasting another unnecessary minute, she got under the sheets with Preston. Her eyes closed as she blew out a comforting sigh. This was where she belonged. This was where she needed to be.
She wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled his neck with her nose. It was surprisingly warm, and smooth, yet strong. All him.
“Abigail,” he said with deep relief. His voice was smeared with sleep—groggy and drowsy. Extremely sexy.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“If you’re here to say goodbye, don’t.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Did you think I was leaving?”
His silence said it all. Why did he always think she was going to say goodbye? Did he think himself that unworthy of love?
She scratched his five o’clock shadow with her thumb. The stubble sent goosebumps down her arms. “I’m not leaving you.” She’d say the sentence however many times he needed to hear it.
“No?”
“No.”
“Why are you here, then?”
“Lauren left us.” She sniffled a tear. “I didn’t want to be alone.”
“I know.”
“You knew she was leaving us?”
“I didn’t know when, but I knew she’d leave soon.”
“Why didn’t you stop her?”
“I’d never pressure a woman to do something she doesn’t want to do, especially Lauren. I’d known for a while she’d been wanting to leave, but I knew it had to happen on her own terms. I’d never push her away, not intentionally, at least.”
“Would you tell me about her?”
“I’d much rather talk about us.”
Abigail shook her head. Although she knew they had to talk about the use of her safeword, she wasn’t ready for the conversation. She would much rather talk about Lauren.
He sighed. “It isn’t my place.”
“She told me what happened to her.”
Preston sat up. His hand flew to the bedside lamp. He rubbed the sleep out of his coffee eyes as he spoke, “She told you?”
“Not in so many words, but I got the gist. It was what she neglected to tell me that said everything. She says you’re her angel, isn’t that what you call me?”
His smile was somber. “When she found out of my sexual habits, she said I was dark. Still an angel, however, now I was tainted by human desires. I’ve never considered myself a spiritual being, everything she said sounded like gibberish to me. But then I met you and I understood what she meant when she’d called me her angel.”
Abigail’s eyes welled with tears as she realized the vital role each had played in their lives.
Preston was Lauren’s angel, protecting her throughout the various stages of her life. Lauren was Abigail’s angel, guiding her in the path she needed to go. And Abigail was Preston’s angel, providing acceptance and ministering to his needs. It was a wheel that kept on turning, and though Lauren moved on to deliver guidance in another’s life, they both knew the moment they needed her she’d be there just as they’d be there for her.
“…but I figured it out.” Abigail caught Preston midway through his side of the story. “When she was ready to speak to me about it, I knew I’d gained her trust. I was very happy for her because trusting another man was a sign that she was moving forward. I made sure never to jeopardize her trust. What she went through… Fuck. No one should ever have to go through that. Sometimes she’d blamed herself, wondering if the clothes she wore were too provocative and a bunch of shit that boiled my blood. Women should be able to dress however they please without men acting like starved dogs.”
Abigail sat up. “Preston Trice, sadistic-dominant, a feminist? Who would’ve thought?”
He gave her a sly grin. “There are many things you don’t know about me, Angel.”
She suddenly had a desire to know everything there was to know about him.
“Like what?”
“For one, I believe the US moon landing was a hoax, and Area 51 has extraterrestrial activity, that’s why we aren’t allowed there.”
She laughed a throaty laugh that made Preston join in. “Pretty much conspiracy theories. You belie
ve our government has been toying with us?”
“Not all are theories. There’s one I haven’t mentioned and it’s not a theory because I saw it happen with my own eyes.”
“Oh, really? What?”
Silence drew their bodies closer as Abigail sought to hear his words. In his dark eyes, she saw the purest kind of love as they searched hers. She tried to mentally prepare herself for what he was going to say but couldn’t, his words a train that couldn’t be stopped.
They spoke at the same time.
“I rather not—”
“I’m in love with you, Abigail.”
“Preston…” It was all she said, not finding it in herself to say the words back.
She’d once told herself if she ever found a man who gave in to her desires and made her feel normal, she’d give him everything. So why was it so hard to give Preston her heart?
“I know you’re not ready for it and I know you don’t feel the same way right now. I hope you will one day. Hopefully soon.” She shook her head, but he kept talking. “I want us to be more than what we are right now. Please, don’t allow my words to frighten you or push you away because I’d hate to lose you.”
Like a lightning bolt, she was struck speechless. But just because she couldn’t say the words back to him didn’t mean she didn’t feel them.
What she had with Preston had been out of reach for years so much so that she’d built a fortress around her heart. One tall enough no one could climb. One heavily guarded no one could get into. She accounted for every scenario not to be hurt by a man who’d call her mentally ill or who’d abuse her based on ignorance.
She never accounted for a six-foot-three Greek with the stamina of an Olympian to climb the walls of her protected heart. She thought his trident couldn’t shake her world and shatter her walls.
She’d been wrong.
And now she laid humble, naked, and vulnerable to not only his words but his love. It was a vulnerability she had never felt before. She was emotionally naked and as she reached for garments, none were big enough to shield her.
“You’re wrong. Just because I am not ready to say the words, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same. I feel just as you do. I…I am not ready to say the words because if I do…If I do and for whatever reason things don’t work out…”
“You’ll be left with a wound that can’t be healed,” he completed her sentence.
“Yes. I want you to know, I accept your love. And I won’t run from it or you. I’m here to stay for as long as you’ll have me.”
His lips turned into a smile that imprinted crows’ feet on either side of his eyes. He seemed content with her response and so she felt safe to offer a piece of her heart.
He grabbed her sore ass and lifted her body to lie on top of his. He kissed the top of her head as he drew circles on her back. His arms wrapped around her as if making sure she wouldn’t leave.
Abigail fell asleep to the warmth of his body and the small whistles erupting from his lips.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Ashimmering sphere slowly descended through the tall buildings of the Upper East Side. The golden ball amplified as it moved across a naked blue sky. Clouds parted ways, afraid of the torrid torch. As it dove over the horizon an explosion of watercolors dotted the once empty sky.
A golden arrow cast onto Abigail’s cheek.
She grasped the railing and leaned in closer to its dwindling warmth. Her eyes closed as she inhaled the smell of winter flurries slowly melting into spring. She welcomed the twilight breeze with gusto as it swiftly brushed her chocolate strands behind her ear.
This time alone with New York she enjoyed, and so she settled on the outdoor sectional decorating Preston’s balcony and watched as the city once again, attempted a full repose.
Buildings awoke, no longer tainted by darkness. Traffic lights continued their flickering colors. Angered taxi drivers upped their honks as pedestrians cluttered the streets, desperately trying to get home. Tourists were the only ones who stood still, captivated by the City of Lights.
From an early age, Abigail learned to hear her thoughts through the hustle and bustle of the city. To most, the energetic noise of New York was a distraction. To her it was serenity. It allowed her mind to swing to yesterday’s unexpected occurrence. The determiner more being her main focus.
“I want us to be more than what we are right now.”
Preston’s words were an inexorable mantra in her mind. They resided in her dreams, her thoughts, her actions. Nothing she’d done since she’d woken up had been without those words behind her.
Abigail had given Preston every part of herself. He had her, through and through, and that in itself hadn’t been an easy task.
What else did he want?
What did he need?
She wondered where Preston’s mind had been when he’d asked for more.
Had it been on marriage and kids just like Lauren’s? Or had his mind been on collaring her?
One excited her. Gave her the strength to run back to Preston and tell him just how much she loved him.
The other terrified her. She didn’t think she’d ever be ready for that. And if this was his deepest desire, if this was what loving him meant, she feared she’d never love him enough.
“What’s on your mind?” Preston’s enchanting voice brought her out of her convoluted thoughts.
She was thankful for it, and so she welcomed his intrusion.
“Thinking,” she said as a smile grazed her lips.
He looked handsome in his navy-blue sweater and dark jeans. His freshly washed hair curled at the ends. She wanted to run her fingers through it and pull it like she’d done this morning when they’d kissed after breakfast. But she valued her safety more than she did her desires, occasionally anyway, so she stayed put and waited for him to walk to her.
As he positioned himself next to her, she wondered how in the world had she become worthy of sitting next to a Greek God.
“Hmm, it’s never good when a woman starts to think,” he joked. “Do you mind sharing your thoughts?”
“I do. Thanks for asking.” She stared off into the distance, at the spotless edifices iridescently sparkling with the glow of commercialized billboards, knowing Master Trice was soon to emerge.
He turned to her.
His playfulness gone.
“You mistook my statement for a question.”
His ability to change from Preston to Master Trice within a matter of seconds frightened her.
Something inside her stirred at the thought of losing this—him, because of her selfishness.
She gave a deep sigh.
“If you must know, I was thinking of yesterday.” She shrugged.
He shifted in his seat. “So, tell me, why did you use your safeword?”
“Well, I wasn’t thinking of that specific part of yesterday’s occurrences.”
“Well,” he mocked. “That’s exactly what I was thinking of.”
“Preston...”
“Proceed, Abigail.”
“I rather not.”
“I’d rather you did.” She stayed quiet, hopelessly hoping he’d let this go. “As your dominant, I need to know what I did that caused you to use your safeword. I need to ensure you whatever it was I did, will not happen again.”
“The safeword…it was nothing you did.”
His eyebrows wrinkled. “It wasn’t because I let you go?”
She shook her head and remembered he wasn’t appreciative of silent replies.
She articulated, “Maybe. I’m not sure. So much was going on. It didn’t allow for my brain to process everything at once.”
“Maybe? You’re not sure?” He was getting irritated with her faint answers.
“I’m not sure, Preston. One minute you and I are connecting in a way we never had, and the next Lauren shows up and you not only dismiss me but release yourself of that connection. And then you said those words...”
“I didn’t dismiss
you. I tried, Abigail. I tried to take care of you, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know where to start or what you needed. When I asked for your help you used your safeword.”
Abigail stood and paced along the perimeter of the balcony. She needed the warmth of the sun and the blanket of the wind, not the assault of Preston’s words.
This was not the conversation she expected to have this evening. Although it needed to be had, her mind was stuck on the words more and love.
The use of her safeword had nothing to do with how Abigail felt about Preston. However, his use of the word love had everything to do with how he felt about her. The love word was a more pressing matter than a safeword only used to protect another’s feelings.
She turned to him, ready to ask for a timeout but then read the emotion behind his eyes.
With the sun beaming lightly upon him, his chocolate eyes sparkled hazel. They overflowed with unanswered questions. And if she stared long enough, she’d catch a glisten of worry.
“I felt alone,” she started. “I felt confused. You were talking so fast, saying so many things I wasn’t ready to hear. And you said it all in front of Lauren. I didn’t want her to hurt more than she was already hurting watching you love me when it should’ve been her.” Abigail swallowed a cry. “She should be here right now, not me.”
He stood and walked to her. His hand caressed her cheek, catching the tear that had escaped.
“What Lauren and I had was different from what you and I have. I never loved her. It was never my intention to make her fall for me. If she did, then that’s on her.”
“But it isn’t, Preston. It is not on her. You have no idea how hard it is not to fall in love with you. I fight with myself every day not to give you everything. Not to give you more. But I am so scared.”
“Why are you afraid?” He swept a strand of hair behind her ear. “Stop fighting. I will never ask for more than what I know you can give me. You’ve trusted me with your body. Now I am asking you to trust me with your heart.”
As she leaned into his touch, she realized she didn’t need the warmth of the sun. Or the blanket of the wind. Nor did she need the protection offered from the distance. All she needed was the man who stood in front of her. The one whose commands made her stomach summersault. The one who owned not just her body but her heart.
Collared (Masters of Desires Book 1) Page 25
