by Jena Wade
The buzzer sounded before Lucas had a chance to collect his thoughts. Rain plowed forward after the released steer, exactly as she had been taught to do.
Jason, obviously ready for their ride, had his lasso up, whirling it in the air. When he released the rope, the loop easily landed around the horns of the steer. With a quick tie off, the steer spun, in perfect position for Lucas to hook its back feet. He threw the rope, but it felt wrong; the whole ride felt wrong. The lasso missed the steer by at least three feet.
The announcer called out their disqualification.
There had been times that Lucas had missed before. Way back, when he had less experience, or when he was hungover. But never like this; never had he been so out of sorts that he missed completely.
Jason rode up beside Rain as Lucas sat there too stunned to move. He hadn’t even pulled in his rope yet
“No worries, man. We’ll get the next round.”
Lucas snapped from his thoughts. “Yeah, next round.”
* * * *
Lucas signed yet another poster with a flick of his wrist and smiled at the lady as he handed it back to her. The line at the western tack store moved along, and another item was placed in front of him to sign. Normally he enjoyed these events—meeting fans, signing autographs, taking pictures. It was all a part of being a rodeo star and meeting the requirements of their well-known sponsors. Only lately, he didn’t feel much like a star. Though they had been on the road for six weeks and ridden in a few rodeos, he and Jason were barely in the top ten. Tied in tenth place, with the eleventh-place team trailing by a few points. This time last year, they had been number one.
“You guys have had a rough run of it lately, eh?” A man in his early forties, by the look of him, dropped his poster in front of Lucas. It was one of the promotional photos he and Jason had done two years ago. They had spent an entire day at a ranch that provided well-broken horses to a camp for differently abled children, taking pictures and hanging out with the kids. Out of all of the promotional events they had to do, that was one of Lucas’s favorites.
“Yup, it’s been…” Lucas couldn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t know how. It had been what? Hard? Confusing? Infuriating? All of the above?
“We’re taking it slow, gonna make a comeback in a big way very soon; just you wait.” Jason stepped in, smiling at the man, like they really did have a plan to hang out low in the standings and make a big comeback. Jason had been saving their asses a lot lately, preserving their dignity with their fans and sponsors each time Lucas managed to muck up another run. He’d lost count of the missed throws and false starts he’d had this year. Their current standings were out of sheer luck.
Lucas stood, the air suddenly too thick, too hot in the crowded room. “I’m going for a walk.”
Jason grabbed his arm. “We’ve got to stay here at least another hour. People are counting on us.”
“I’ll just be a few minutes.” Lucas pulled his arm from Jason’s warm hold and headed toward the back exit.
Outside, he sat on the concrete and held his head in his hands. Where the fuck had his motivation gone? His drive? Hell, where was his talent? He had yet to land a clean throw this year. Even when he managed to land a throw, it still didn’t feel right. Jason would be better off riding alone, or with a different partner.
Lucas’s gut tore at the thought. Jason riding with someone else? Driving to rodeos together, having dinner, sharing a beer after a successful ride? No. He couldn’t stomach the idea.
Not that the two of them did more than ride together anymore. Knowing what Jason felt like in the throes of passion made it hard to be around him, especially since Lucas couldn’t have him.
The door behind Lucas slammed, and he turned to see who had interrupted his pity party.
“It’s just me.” Jason stood there in his jeans and button-down, pale-blue shirt that fit perfectly snug against his washboard abs. Abs that Lucas had gotten to feel not that long ago. Most of the time it felt like yesterday. He thought about it often enough, running the memory of that night through his mind every time he was in the shower.
“I told you I would be back in a minute.”
“Yeah, well, I’m worried about you. Besides, the people want to see the bull riders anyway. No one’s going to miss us.”
No one is going to miss me.
“I booked us some time at the arena later. We can do a little practicing before we head off to Little Rock.”
“You mean so I can do some practicing. You aren’t the one missing throws on every damn ride.”
Jason placed his hand softly on Lucas’s shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “We’ll just ride for an hour or two. It’ll be fun.”
Lucas shook off Jason’s touch. Once Jason’s hand was gone, the warmth remained, reminding Lucas what he was missing.
“Yeah, sure. That sounds good.”
* * * *
“Do it again.” Jason tried hard to keep the patience in his voice, but he was slipping.
Lucas gathered his rope and directed Rain back to the box. He squared his shoulders, determination in his eyes. He nodded at Jason, and Jason released the next steer being loaded by one of the workers at the arena.
Rain took off like a shot, and Lucas swung his lasso above his head.
Everything about his ride, his position, and his technique was perfect. There wasn’t a single error that Jason could point out.
But once Lucas let the rope fly, he missed the steer completely. Not even close.
Lucas’s shoulders slumped in defeat as he gathered up his rope yet again.
“Let’s call it a night. Rain looks like she could use some rest.” A headache pounded behind Jason’s eyes. He racked his brain for anything, any tiny thing, that could be causing Lucas to miss, but he came up empty. Lucas was lost. Jason had no idea what could be done to help. Four years ago their positions had been reversed, and it had been Lucas coaching Jason on ways to improve his technique. It had worked wonders for them as a team.
Lucas had even gone so far as to sit on the back of Argo while guiding Jason’s hand, as together they swung the lasso overhead, Jason’s back resting against Lucas’s chest.
Jason’s dick hadn’t responded at the time, but it did now. Just the idea of Lucas behind him, near him in any way, made him hard. He shook his head at the thought. “Don’t get discouraged, man. You’re in a slump.”
Lucas shot him a look of disbelief. He got down off Rain and led her to the opening of the arena. Jason hopped off the fence where he’d been perched and followed him.
Inside the barn, Lucas removed Rain’s tack and threw it on the ground. Though it was obvious his temper was raging, he was always gentle with Rain, even speaking to her softly after dropping the tack. He led her into the stall and pulled a treat from his pocket.
Jason checked Argo’s hay bag and water bucket, and then waited for Lucas to come out of Rain’s stall. “You want to go grab some dinner, or head back to the hotel?”
Lucas let out a long sigh as he shut the stall door and latched it. With one last look at Rain, he grabbed his gear and headed toward the exit.
“Are you going to answer me?” Jason jogged to catch up to Lucas.
“What?” Lucas broke out of the daze he was in and stared at Jason. His eyes drooped and didn’t hold the sparkle that Jason usually found buried in their depths.
“You want to go grab some food?” Please say yes. Desperation for some sort of acknowledgement from Lucas rose to the surface. Couldn’t they be friends again? Or better yet, something more?
“No, I just want to go crash.”
“You gotta eat, Lucas. We’ll grab some takeout. My treat.”
“Whatever.” Lucas continued walking toward the truck, and Jason followed him.
Jason put this one in the win column. It was the first time since they’d been on the road that Lucas had agreed to have dinner with him, besides the times they were in the truck driving and he didn’t have a choice.
Back at the hotel, Lucas plopped down on his bed. Jason bit back the urge to join him. But they weren’t going there again. The first time had caused serious damage to their friendship; surely a second time would decimate it.
“I’m going to order some food, then take a shower in my room. I’ll be right back.” Might be a long shower. Or a cold one. Depending on whether or not his willpower could hold out.
Lucas waved him off but didn’t say anything.
An hour later Jason returned to the room. If Lucas had been in a crummy mood before, what Jason had to say wasn’t going to help. At least he’d brought food. He’d even ordered a slice of chocolate cake for dessert, because he knew it was Lucas’s favorite.
“Got some bad news, dude.”
Lucas had showered and changed while Jason was gone. His hair was wet, and he wore a pair of plaid pajama pants with a white tank top.
“You sleep in those?” Jason stared at the pants. He kind of wanted to rip them off to see if Lucas wore any underwear.
“What? No. But I’m not letting you see me naked again anytime soon.”
That might change with the news Jason had to share.
“Where’s the food? I’m starving.”
Jason handed him the takeout bag and sat in the only chair in the room, watching as Lucas pulled out the containers. The man was fucking handsome. No matter what he was doing, he looked hot. Riding a horse. Reading a book. Sleeping in the passenger side of the truck. Jason’s dick took interest, even though it had received a thorough workout in the shower a half hour ago.
Jason cleared his throat. “So. When I went to my room, the key didn’t work. I went down to the front desk and found out they had booked the block of rooms on the other side of the hall to a group that’s going to be arriving late tonight, and no other rooms are available. They let me grab my stuff and take a shower, but I don’t have a room tonight.” Jason had hoped he wouldn’t have to ask if he could stay in Lucas’s room, but based on the sudden paleness that took over Lucas’s face, that was exactly what he was going to have to do. “Can I bunk in here?” With you.
Lucas swallowed hard. “The deal was we keep separate rooms. Besides, there’s only one bed.”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake. I’ll sleep on the floor if it’s that big of a deal. It’s one night, Lucas. I promise I won’t molest you in your sleep.”
Lucas put down the takeout container; color had yet to return to his cheeks. “Can we maybe get a roll-out bed or something?”
Annoyance or anger, Jason couldn’t tell which, had him jumping to his feet. “Fine. I’ll sleep in the damn truck.”
He reached the door and had his hand on the knob before Lucas finally spoke. “Wait. It’s a big bed. I’m sure we can be adults about this. You can stay in here tonight.”
Jason opened the door and grabbed his duffel that he’d left in the hallway. He threw it next to Lucas’s in the corner of the room. “Thank you.”
He grabbed the other takeout container and dug into the meal. Hamburgers and fries from the mom-and-pop diner down the street: better than the fast food version, but not quite as good as a steak.
Once he was finished, he tossed the empty container in the trash, lay on the bed, propped his head on a pillow, and flipped on the television.
“By all means, make yourself at home.”
Jason turned to face Lucas, who still munched on the last of his fries. “Thanks, I will.”
After a long while, Lucas threw out his empty container.
“Are we ever going to go back to normal?” Jason asked.
Lucas slowly lay back on the queen-size bed, careful not to touch Jason or even come anywhere close to him. He sighed as he rested his head on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. “I don’t know what normal is anymore. We had sex, Jason. We can’t ignore that.”
“I don’t want to ignore it. I don’t want it to get between us and ruin our friendship, or our chances for the championship.”
Lucas chuckled, but it came out harsh and sarcastic. “Yeah, don’t want to ruin that. That’s all you seem to care about.”
Jason seethed with anger, but he kept it checked. “It’s important to me; I won’t deny that. It used to be important to you. I need…” He let out a ragged breath. Maybe it was time to come clean, help Lucas understand. “I need the money.”
Lucas sat up and stared wide-eyed at Jason. “What? Why didn’t you tell me you were having money issues?”
Jason shrugged, trying to keep the conversation light. “I don’t have money issues. I need money so I can get a place of my own. Keep Argo on my own property. My parents sold their land two years ago, and since then I’ve been boarding Argo at another ranch. The guy’s been cool about keeping a spot for Argo, but he’s about to sell now too, and I want to buy it. He is willing to work with me, but I need the money by February. I want a place to come home to that’s mine.”
“You could’ve told me. We could have kept Argo at my place. Free of charge.”
Jason rolled his eyes as his anger went into overdrive. “I don’t want any fucking charity. That’s just it; you have a place of your own and a family that supports you. I don’t. My parents pretty much started ignoring me the minute I joined the rodeo. Then they sold the land without ever giving me a chance to buy it.”
Color came back to Lucas’s cheeks as he flamed red in anger. “My family doesn’t even know I’m gay. You think they would support me then? Besides, papers are already drawn up for Bryan to get the ranch. It’s not mine.”
This time Jason sat up. “What? Why would you do that? I thought you and Bryan wanted to run it together?”
Lucas looked away, and it took all the restraint Jason had not to pull Lucas into his arms and force him to meet his gaze.
“If they knew… I don’t want them to find out, and then… It’d kill me.”
Jason laid his hand on Lucas’s shoulder. “I don’t think you’re giving your mom and brother enough credit. They love you. They aren’t about to disown you because you’re gay.”
“How do you know? You aren’t exactly announcing your sexual preference to the world.”
Jason was at a loss there. He couldn’t call himself straight now, but he wasn’t going to admit to being gay, either. He debated telling Lucas that his brother and mom already knew he was gay, but dismissed the notion. That wasn’t his story to tell and Lucas would never believe him. Exhaustion overtook him. Being on edge with Lucas for the past six weeks, and now finally having an actual conversation, had depleted the last of his energy. “Why don’t we get some sleep? We can talk more in the morning.”
Lucas’s eyes narrowed, and he pulled away from Jason like he couldn’t stand his touch. “Fine.”
He switched off the bedside lamp, fluffed his pillow, then lay down and closed his eyes.
After a moment of soaking in Lucas’s handsome face, Jason relaxed against his pillow, careful not to cross over onto Lucas’s side of the bed.
“Jason?” Lucas’s voice was soft in the dark of the room, falling onto Jason like a warm blanket.
“Yeah?”
“How’d you know about warming lube?”
Jason smiled against his pillow, wishing it were Lucas’s chest he was snuggled against. “I don’t like to jack off dry.”
“Good to know.”
“Yeah, write that down for later.”
Lucas snorted. The bed shook as he rolled over and tucked the covers around his shoulders. “Good night.”
“Night.”
* * * *
Warmth. Warmth surrounded Lucas. The feeling was new, and he loved it. He smiled and snuggled close to the heat of the body next to him.
That’s when he realized there shouldn’t be a body next to him.
He opened one eye, then the next. Sure enough, sometime during the night he’d twined himself around Jason and worked his way onto Jason’s chest.
For a moment, he savored the feeling. This was what it should’ve been like the
night they made love. Had sex. Whatever he was supposed to call it.
“Mmmm. Stop thinking so much. You’re making my head hurt.” Jason didn’t open his eyes as he spoke, but he did wind his arm around Lucas’s shoulders and pull him tighter against his chest. “You feel good. I could get used to this.”
Yeah. Me too.
But he couldn’t. Not really. Jason wasn’t gay, and Lucas wasn’t out. They could never be together. Mornings like this couldn’t happen again.
A touch of panic rose in Lucas’s chest, taking the place of the warmth he’d felt in Jason’s arms. “Well, don’t. We aren’t doing this again.” Lucas tried to scramble away, but Jason kept a tight hold on him.
“Aw, c’mon. We didn’t get to cuddle last time.” Jason chuckled sleepily.
Lucas continued to struggle, trying to get away, but when his hand accidentally came into contact with Jason’s stiff prick, he stilled.
He met Jason’s eyes and found that apparently Jason thought this was hilarious. His eyes were lit up brighter than the morning sun.
“You should see your face.” A fit of laughter rolled through Jason’s body, his shoulders shook, and he snorted.
Lucas rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”
Jason stopped just as suddenly as he’d started and wrapped his hand around the back of Lucas’s neck. “C’mere.”
Jason pulled Lucas down before he could stop him. Once their lips met, any protest he had was buried under a mountain of arousal and desire.
Lucas’s cock immediately took interest, and he moaned against Jason’s lips, nearly losing himself in their embrace.
This was what he’d wanted the last time they gotten together. Soft, slow kisses, sweeter than candy. Waking up entwined in each other’s arms. Lazy, romantic bliss.
Jason groaned and ran his hands softly down his back, eliciting a small shudder from Lucas. His fingertips danced across Lucas’s skin.
His touch was pure perfection and Lucas’s body responded to it, craved it. Once Jason’s hand cupped Lucas’s ass and their hips ground against each other, Lucas nearly lost it.
