Of all the freaking stupid things to do, she’d slept with Liam. Not only slept with him but made love to him—and more than once. That was going to backfire on her in the near future. What other stupid things had she done in the moments when she’d let the emotion of the day take over? She lay still for a moment, trying to put last night into focus. So much had happened yesterday and last night had been amazing. She remembered catching the flowers and Liam singing to her. Had she protested at all? It was all a jumbled mess. That was what she got for letting the emotion of the wedding override her obviously terrible judgement.
She slid from the bed and picked up her underwear and her crumpled dress before sneaking into the bathroom. Aggie closed the door behind her and stood for a moment, cursing under her breath. This was hardly the way to move past her mistakes. At the time it felt right, but now all she saw in the mirror was shame.
How could she use him like this? Having sex wasn’t the cure for her insecurities. Certainly not with Liam. That was just plain mean of her.
She quickly dressed, determined to get out of the house without waking him. He didn’t need to see the shame she felt for using him like that. He’d been nothing but kind to her over the last few weeks and this was the way she repaid him? Aggie could always blame it on the emotions that weddings brought out in people but that wasn’t fair. She’d known exactly what she was doing and Liam didn’t deserve to be used like that. She was ashamed of herself.
Aggie vaguely remembered he’d said things would change between them, there’d be no going back, but she couldn’t let that happen. They couldn’t be any more than they were now: friends. This changed nothing.
She opened the bathroom door and looked over to the bed. He hadn’t moved. Still lay there looking as sexy as ever. Aggie gave herself a mental shake. This was no time to dream of what she couldn’t have. She couldn’t tell him what had happened two years ago. Sure, he’d give her sympathy and probably tell her everything would be okay. But it wouldn’t be.
She could imagine catching him looking at her sideways, wondering what she’d done to get assaulted. She’d seen it before on the news and on social media. People judged no matter how much they tried not to. She’d done it herself. Wondered why women dressed the way they did if they didn’t want attention or walked home in the dark through places they knew weren’t safe.
Until it had happened to her and she knew that everything she’d thought was wrong.
Aggie had done nothing to encourage her attacker. She’d worked her shift at the hotel, walked home the same way she had every night, and was aware of not taking shaded paths away from other night traffic.
None of that had mattered when she’d been grabbed and pulled into the park and assaulted.
She couldn’t burden Liam with her past. She wouldn’t do it. It wasn’t fair. She was broken now and it was something he couldn’t fix, no matter what she’d thought last night.
No one recovers from an assault like that. Sex with Liam had been a blissful break from reality that she would never forget. But it had also been a mistake and now she had to live with it.
Aggie tiptoed out of the bedroom, picked up her shoes and purse from by the front door where she’d dropped them last night, and snuck out of the house. She ran down the driveway before stopping to put on her sandals. By the time she got down to the village, she breathed easier. With any luck, Liam would sleep soundly for another few hours without even knowing she was gone.
“Didn’t expect to see you out and about this early.”
She jumped at the voice and turned to face her father’s best friend. “Bradley. What’re you doing up so early? I thought you’d be sleeping in after going head-to-head with Dad last night.”
He laughed. “Not possible with this little guy.” He indicated the small dog pulling on the leash. “Wants his walk and I’m not one to deny him. Besides, I needed to clear my head.”
She avoided looking at him, mortified to be caught sneaking home in her bridesmaid’s dress, shoes in her hand. Instead she focused on the waves coming in on the shore. “It was a good wedding.”
“It was. My, that young Liam can sing, can’t he?”
She gave him a smile, knowing there was more to come. Bradley was like that. Gave everyone advice whether they wanted it or not. Goodness knows he’d tried with her for long enough. Maybe it was time she took it.
“I’ve never seen your father so happy as he was yesterday. Drew married to the love of his life, and you and young Liam finally telling the world about your feelings for each other. Made us old men proud.”
“There are no feelings, Bradley. It was a wedding, and people get emotional.”
“But here you are coming home the morning after.”
She shook her head. There was no point arguing with him.
“I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that, Aggie. You’re both adults and it’s time you let someone love you.” They crossed the road together.
“It’s not like that.” He wasn’t going to let this go; she could see it now.
“No?” He walked a few more steps. “Ever since you came home, you’ve cut yourself off from everyone, family included. You bought the bakery so you could keep your relationships surface level with everyone. I understood that was the case when you settled in and didn’t make any attempts to mix with the community like you used to do. I know you’ve been hiding, even if I don’t know why, Aggie. It hurts me to see you so sad. Finally someone’s gotten through to you and you want to deny yourself that first hint of happiness? I think it’s a mistake.”
“It wasn’t what you think.”
“What was it then? That’s if you don’t mind sharing with an old man who worries about you.
Typical Bradley—he was like a dog with a bone. It was what made him a good psychologist even if it annoyed the crap out of her when she was the one he was digging at. “You’ll only keep at me until I tell you anyway. I’ve seen you in action, Bradley, and goodness knows you’ve dropped enough hints since I’ve been home about having a little chat when I’m ready. You won’t stop until I spill my guts to you, will you?”
He gave her an open-mouthed look. “Girl, you wound me. I only have your best interests at heart. You know that. I’m not the town gossip trying to drain you of every little bit of information I can get to share. Anything you tell me will be kept in the strictest of confidence.” He huffed his displeasure.
Now she felt bad. She was treating him terribly and he didn’t deserve it. He’d always been there for the Hope family, ever since she’d known him. “Sorry. I know you’re only trying to help.”
He stared at her and obviously found her regretful enough. “You’re forgiven. Talk to me while we walk.”
She had nothing to lose, not now. “You have to promise not to mention this to anyone. And I mean anyone. It’ll kill Dad.”
He pretended to zip his lips and Aggie proceeded to tell him about the night of her attack. “It was one night in Seattle. I was walking home after my shift at the pub as I always did.” Her throat closed over and the panic churned in her gut. Aggie took a calming breath. “I… I was on my own and… hell, do I really need to put it all into words?”
He paused staring at her with a frown between his eyes. “I think it would be better if you did. I don’t want to assume anything and it might help you purge whatever it is out of your mind. The more you talk about some things, the less power those memories have over you. Try it. I don’t mind if it takes you all morning.”
That was the last thing Aggie wanted. Rip it off like a bandage. Don’t let it drag on. She folded her arms across her chest, hoping for some sort of divine intervention where she didn’t have to say the words out loud.
Bradley smiled. “You’re stronger than you think, dear girl. Don’t let it control your life any longer.”
“I was raped. He dragged me into the bushes and raped me and there was nobody to save me, Bradley. Nobody heard me scream because I froze. I let him do w
hat he wanted.” She gulped in a breath and then another one. Her ears rang with the sound of her ragged breathing. White spots danced around her peripheral vision and she blinked to clear them.
Aggie felt a hand on her arm.
“Breathe, child. He can’t hurt you anymore.” Bradley nudged her along and they walked over the white sand toward the waves.
Aggie fought back the tears but eventually let them fall, comforted more than she thought possible by this man she’d known ever since she could remember.
“Let it out, my dear. You’re safe now.” The walked aimlessly up the beach until Aggie had her tears under control.
After some time had passed, Bradley spoke again. “It all makes sense now. You buying the bakery, hiding yourself away like a night owl. Not dating.” He sighed. “I want to help you deal with this. I’m ashamed to say I didn’t see this coming, Aggie. Wish I’d known so I could’ve helped you earlier. April knows?”
“Yeah. She’s the only one who does. I want to keep it that way.”
“Nobody is going to hear anything from me and that’s a promise.”
“Not even Dad?”
Bradley shook his head. “No. That’s for you to tell him if you think he can handle it. I won’t press you to do anything you don’t want to, except let me help you. Come and talk to me. You don’t have to deal with this on your own when I’m practically on your doorstep.”
She stopped at the edge of the waves, letting the sea nibble at her toes. “I don’t know if I can bear to keep going over it. It’s easier to push it away—ignore it ever happened.”
“Understandable. But if I can be frank, it’s also the way to let it ruin your life. It’ll come back and bite you in the ass one day when you least expect it.”
“Thanks. I’ll think about it, but I’m not promising anything.”
By the time they made it up to her street, she’d bared her soul to him way more than she’d intended.
She stood on the corner, swinging her handbag. “So you see, Bradley, why it can’t be anything more with Liam. I’m not good enough for him.” Aggie doubted she’d ever get over the emotional burden she carried as a result of the attack.
Bradley’s eyes bulged and a vein in his temple swelled. She couldn’t have said anything worse by the look of it. “That’s rubbish and I’ll prove it to you. Don’t let yourself become a victim, Aggie. You’re stronger than that.”
She tried not to see the pain in his eyes. Imagine if her father found out. That would be tenfold and Aggie didn’t think she could stand it. “I don’t think I want to risk it.”
He scratched his head, sending swathes of gray hair over his forehead. “So you’d rather live alone than risk opening up your heart to someone? Someone who might just be the perfect person to help you heal?”
“I think I’m past that point. All I feel is shame and despair. I don’t want to bring him down as well. It’s easier to keep my distance.”
“You didn’t think so last night.”
“It was the wedding. It made me feel frivolous.”
“I don’t think you came blame those things, Aggie. I think you really wanted to be with Liam because you trust him. But do you trust him enough to support you when he knows the truth? I think that’s what scares you the most; you want him but have a fear of being scorned or being judged.” He stopped and looked at her. “You’re so scared that he’ll react badly, you run the risk of never have someone who loves you. It’s a big mistake, Aggie.”
“Think what you like, Bradley. I know my own mind.” She started walking up the road toward her home.
“Call me if you want to talk, Aggie. I’m here for you. Remember that.” He waved and she turned away, hating how close he was to the truth.
* * *
Liam knew he was alone before he opened his eyes. Where her warmth had been last night, now lay a cold indent in his sheets to remind him that she’d been there. Her perfume still clung to the pillow and he breathed deeply wondering if that had been his one and only chance with her.
Even while they were making love last night, Liam could feel the distance between them getting wider and wider. As though Aggie was with him in body but not in spirit. It was a strange foreboding feeling he hadn’t been able to shrug off. It seemed as though he was right.
“You’re a lousy man to have around, Liam Davidson,” he said to himself quietly, shaking his head. “You can’t even keep your word to yourself. What makes you think you’re good enough for the likes of Aggie Hope?”
Chapter 11
“Don’t you think he deserves more, Aggie?” Her father stood over her with a coffee in his hand. “Not like you to treat someone like this.”
“What’s happening here?” Gigi walked into the lounge. “Who’s treating someone else bad on such a lovely sunny day after such a divine wedding?” She stood in the middle of the room and stretched her arms over her head before dazzling Aggie with her smile.
Her father spoke first. “Aggie spent the night with Liam and walked out on him this morning. Poor guy will be wondering what happened.”
Gigi shrugged. “I think that’s between Aggie and Liam, don’t you?”
Her father frowned. “No, I don’t.”
“She’s right, Dad. It’s none of your business.” Why they were having this discussion anyway was beyond her. Probably because he caught her sneaking into the house when he got up. Not that it had been awkward or anything. Mortifying actually. “I’m a big girl and I can do whatever I want. If you’re going to start lecturing me, I’ll find an apartment.”
“Now, now, honey. You don’t have to go that far. I like having you here. I just think that it’s sending the wrong kind of message to Liam if you spend the night and then go sneaking out on him.”
“Who said I did anyway? You assumed that because I came home early.”
“Well, did you?” He watched her with one eyebrow raised. That look he gave that she couldn’t lie to.
“Maybe.” She threw the newspaper she was pretending to read onto the floor and crossed her arms. “It’s complicated.”
“Ain’t that the honest truth.” Gigi rolled her eyes and walked into the kitchen, checking out the coffee pot.
Aggie jumped on the opportunity to change the direction of the conversation. “It doesn’t have to be, Gigi. You don’t have to hide your boyfriend from us. You’re allowed a life you know.”
Gigi stopped, swiveled around, and stared at Aggie with her mouth open. “I…what are you talking about?”
Her father watched with a grin on his face. “Told you it wasn’t working, sis.”
“I think the whole island knows you have a boyfriend and you’re allowed. Just because you raised us doesn’t mean you can’t have a life of your own.” She shared a grin with her father, happy now that the spotlight was on someone else.
“That’s ridiculous. We were talking about you, not me.”
“Gigi, we love you. You know that, but I think it’s time you and David stopped sneaking around thinking nobody knows about the two of you. We all do.” Her father walked over and put his arm around his sister’s shoulders. “We like him. As far as lawyers go, he’s pretty good and if it makes you happy, then it makes us happy.” He kissed the top of her snow white head while she tried to act offended. “But we weren’t talking about you even though it kind of went that way. We were talking about Aggie and Liam.”
“Dad, don’t. Please just don’t.” Aggie didn’t want to have this conversation with anyone, let alone her father.
He wasn’t going to let her get away with it and she shouldn’t have been surprised. Her dad was all about being fair. “I’m going to have my say, Agnes, and it’s none too soon either. You haven’t been the same since you came back from Seattle and last night it was good to see some of your old spark showing again. If Liam is the one to bring that out in you, then I’m all for it. I like him; he’s a good guy. I think he deserves a chance and that means treating him well. Now, I’ve said my piece, a
nd I think I’ll cook us up some breakfast.”
Aggie stared at her aunt and shook her head. “Don’t even bother adding to that. I’m not talking to either of you about my love life or lack thereof.”
“Same.” Gigi poured herself a cup of coffee and walked out to the front deck to drink it.
Aggie watched for a while, chewing over her options. Should she talk to someone other than Bradley, or should she go with her original game plan of not getting involved with anyone? Or should she wait until April came home from her honeymoon and talk it over with her? She knew the whole story, unlike everyone else on the island. They all assumed Aggie had changed and she wasn’t about to disagree with them nor give them a reason why.
Her dad’s voice broke her out of her internal debate. “You look like you’re getting ready to go to war, Aggie. Why don’t you tell your dear old father what’s on your mind?” He cracked eggs into a bowl. “Time used to be when we talked a lot and about everything. I hate that’s changed.”
“I grew up, Dad. Learned to make decisions for myself.” She unwound herself from the chair and stood, leaning towards asking him for advice but arguing with herself over how much she could safely tell him. He’d go ballistic if he ever found out what really happened.
“And I’m proud of the way you grew up too. But that doesn’t mean you still can’t ask for advice or help. I was hoping the day never comes when my kids don’t need me.” He stared at her from under his bushy gray eyebrows, a twinkle of a smile in his gray eyes.
Her father could pull on the heartstrings like no other and most of the time she couldn’t resist, but this was different. She’d never been assaulted before and knew his opinion on the lowlives who attacked women. If he found out his only daughter had been assaulted and he hadn’t been there to protect her, it would kill him.
“Dad, you know you’ll always be my go-to guy for help but I think I need to work this one out myself. I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship, and Liam has been wearing his heart on his sleeve for as long as I’ve known him.”
Don't Let Go (Hope Harbor Book 3) Page 8
