by Rye Hart
God, I hope she’s married.
CHAPTER 5
CINDY
“Mommy! Watch!”
I looked after my daughter as she rode her bike up and down the street in front of the house. Her hair was blowing in the wind, and there was a bright smile on her face. Every day that passed by, she looked more and more like her father with his broad smile, his twinkling eyes and his strong jawline. She even had his build, strong shoulders and long legs. She was going to be a tall one, beautiful and strong.
Two of the many things that drew me to her father when we’d first met.
The day was beautiful. The sun was out, and the birds were chirping. I was trying to enjoy it as Lily giggled on her bike but pushing thoughts of my late husband away was hard sometimes. Every day brought a new experience with Lily that I wished he was there to see. Her first day of kindergarten, riding her bike, learning how to read, and writing her name for the first time by herself.
“Mommy! Are you watching?”
“I’m watching, booger. You look awesome,” I said.
I heard a door open, and I whipped my head around. Lily stopped on her bike as the two of us watched my neighbor come out of his home. His hard demeanor kept his shoulders taut and his stance rigid. His entire body emanated tension. His hands were in fists at his sides, and his face was sunken with displeasure.
He was picking up his mail, and Lily couldn’t stop staring at him.
He was the one everyone was talking about, and the more I heard him mentioned, the more skewed the rumors became. New ones seemed to pop up every single day about him, and his silent and cold attitude wasn’t helping things. But I had seen something in his eyes that told a different story than the one the set of his jaw did.
It made me hold my breath when he’d dropped that package off on my porch the other day. There was so much more behind those eyes than a cold, hard man. He definitely had a wall up, but it wasn’t because he was angry.
It was because he had been utterly devastated. I knew that look firsthand.
I waved at him, trying to be as friendly as possible. He stopped in the middle of his driveway, his hand clenching his mail in his fist. His eyes connected with mine, and for a moment, I felt let in again. I caught the slightest glimpse of pain before his eyes hardened again, and he continued up his driveway.
He didn’t bother to wave back, and I didn’t hold that against him.
I watched him all the way back to his house. Lily was back to riding her bike up and down the road, but my attention wasn’t on her. I studied my neighbor’s rigid stance as he made his way back into his house, slamming the door behind him on the way in.
He did put up a good act, but he wasn’t fooling me.
“Cindy!”
I whipped my head around at the sound of my name as a car made its way into my driveway.
“Uncle Paul!”
Lily dropped her bike into the grass and went running for the man stepping out of the car.
“Oh, how’s my little Lilypad?” Paul asked. “Have you grown? You look four inches taller.”
“No,” Lily said with a giggle. “I’m only half an inch taller.”
“Half an inch! If you don’t stop growing, you’ll be as big as a beanstalk!” Paul said.
I stood on the porch and watched as Paul tickled my daughter’s stomach. I’d known he would be by eventually. Paul and Bradley had gone through basic together. Paul became a military police officer, and Bradley found his niche with cyber security and coding. They were the best of friends when I’d met Bradley. Paul had been his wingman at the bar we’d met at that night. When we had Lily, it was a no-brainer as to who we wanted to be her godfather, and through every struggle we battled with her, Paul was there to help.
Paul even came back from a deployment early to help me arrange Bradley’s funeral. Now he was back for good, having run out his time in the military and taken a job with the Bend Police Department.
“Glad to see you back,” Paul said.
He wrapped me up in his arms, and I hugged him close.
“It’s good to be back, however bittersweet it might be,” I said.
“How are you doing? How’s Lily getting along with things?”
“I’m getting along. Got a part-time job that’s keeping me busy for now. Lily’s… Lily. She asks passing questions after her dad from time to time, but she’s loving school.”
I released Paul, but his hand stayed around my body. He was rubbing my back, which was probably an innocent gesture, but ever since Bradley’s passing, I’d shied away from physical contact with any man. Even one who had been our closest friend. I took a step away from him and smiled and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Did you just get off work?” I asked.
“I took today off. I usually have Sundays and Mondays off, but a long weekend seemed like a good idea after three full weeks of working nonstop,” Paul said.
“The police department keeping you busy enough?” I asked.
“Not as busy as the military, but the change of pace is nice.”
“You’ve been out how long now?” I asked.
“A little over a year.”
“I’m sorry. A lot of things blurred together over the past couple of years.”
“Don’t be sorry. You were grieving. We all were. I’m just glad both sides of the family were still there for you, even in Brad’s absence,” he said.
“Me too. Living with my mother after everything that happened was hard. I felt like I was sort of floundering. She was the one who helped me get my finances in order. And Brad’s mother took Lily whenever I needed her to. She was a godsend, that one. I had my worst days away from Lily thanks to her. I didn't want Lily to see all that.”
“Because you’re a good mother, Cindy. And you were a good wife to Bradley. He was a lucky man. I want to make sure you girls are still being looked after without him.”
“Lily likes that you’re here,” I said.
“How’s the house treating you?” Paul asked.
“It’s good. My mother helped me pick it out. She found someone to take Brad’s military gear as well as his truck, and it paid off most of the house.”
“Brad’s life insurance through the military should’ve paid off all of it,” he said.
“I had some student loan debt from my business degree, and I put the rest into a college savings fund for Lily. I wanted it to feel like Brad was still providing for her. When she gets older, she can use that to bypass all the debt I dug myself into, and when she asks where it came from, I can say her father gave it to her.”
“That’s actually a really good idea. I never would’ve thought of that.”
“You’ve always been an immediate gratification kind of man. Bradley was the long-term planner out of the two of you,” I said with a grin.
“We all have our strengths and weaknesses,” he said with a soft chuckle.
“Thanks for stopping by, Paul. I really appreciate it, but I need to get Lily inside and fix her some lunch.”
“That’s fine,” he said. “Just wanted to come by and see how you were doing.”
“I appreciate it. Really. And stop by anytime. Lily loves seeing you.”
“I’m gonna go give her one last hug, and I’ll be out of your way.”
I watched him pick Lily up in his arms and throw her into the air. She giggled, gave him a great big hug, and then hopped back onto her bike as she left. I watched Paul’s car ride down the road as my neighbor’s door opened again, and the sound caught Lily’s attention, distracting her enough that she went crashing into the curb and tumbled onto the pavement.
“Lily!”
I made a mad dash from the porch and tore across the grass. She was crying and sniffling and holding her knee. I scooped her up into my arms as something warm dropped next to me, and I looked over and found my neighbor reaching out for my daughter.
“I have medical training. May I see it, sweet girl?”
The
way he cooed at my daughter caught my attention. Tears were leaking from Lily’s eyes as his calloused hands picked up her leg. I held her hand as my eyes danced around her scraped and bloodied knee. He knocked some of the dirt and rocks off her scraped-up skin, his movements intentional and filled with purpose.
“Let me see if you can move it, okay?” he asked.
He slowly moved Lily’s leg, and she whimpered. She was gripping tightly onto my shirt as she sniffled hard. His hand was moving around her kneecap, trying to feel for something as blood continued to rise to the surface.
“It doesn’t seem dislocated or anything, but you need to get it cleaned up before it gets infected.”
His voice was deep. Full. He seemed like the kind of man who could whisper, and a room full of people could still hear him. He looked into my eyes before he slowly placed Lily’s leg back to the ground. Then, he got up and walked back to his house.
“Thank you,” I said.
He stopped and turned his head, and I watched as he nodded slightly.
I knew my gut about him had been right. I knew he wasn’t a cold-hearted man. I scooped Lily up in my arms and carried her back into the house, figuring a bath was probably the best course of action to get her cleaned up.
But I had a hard time looking away from my neighbor as he made his way back to his house.
If he wasn’t so distant, I’d consider him attractive.
CHAPTER 6
GRAHAM
I felt bewitched.
Was there such a thing?
Every time I looked out my fucking window and saw her house, she popped into my mind. Her emerald eyes and her distinct little smile. That woman was a looker, but she was also curious.
It was unsettling, finding another woman attractive. In all the cities I’d bounced around to and all the women who had tried to talk me up, none of them had ever been my type. Their eyes either reminded me of my wife’s or were nothing like my wife’s. Their bodies were either enticing like my wife’s or the exact opposite of my wife’s. Either way, my dear late wife was always on my mind. Her warmth and her laughter. Her inviting curves and her generosity.
Then, I’d see her body as I’d last seen it, and I would be pulled back into that pain.
But there was none of that looking at my neighbor, no comparison to Cary and no reminiscence of that time in my life. It was odd, experiencing that without my memories impeding on the moment.
I couldn’t let it sway me, though. I couldn’t let her get under my skin.
No one could get close.
No one.
And with the way she loved her daughter, I couldn't do that to her. I couldn’t put that vibrant little girl in danger like I had my own son. I was destined to be alone forever, and that was fine with me. I’d had my chance. I’d created my family. Then, I’d squandered it by becoming comfortable, and I paid the price for my comfort. Men like me didn’t lead comfortable lives. I got selfish. Greedy. I let my guard down, and it had cost me my family.
I wasn’t going to let my guard down for anyone else.
A knock at my front door pulled me from my trance. I put my beer down and made my way to the front door. I picked up my gun off the kitchen table and tucked my hand behind the front door. My entire body was alert for whatever was on the other side.
“Is he home?”
“I’m not sure, sweetie.”
“But we made cookies.”
I opened the door and found my neighbor and her little girl standing on my front porch.
“Told you,” the girl said with a grin.
“Told her what?” I asked.
“That you were home. Your truck’s in the garage,” she said.
“Observant,” I said.
“Thanks. I get it from my daddy.”
My eyes whipped over to my neighbor, and I watched a sort of pain rise in her eyes. Her gaze faltered, and she swallowed hard. To most, the moment would’ve passed them by without them acknowledging it. But I saw it, and I knew. It was a pain only those who had experienced it would recognize. I held her gaze as she brought her eyes back to mine and held out the cookies for me to take. My heart thundered in my ears for a few seconds.
“We made these for you,” she said. “I’m Cindy, by the way.”
“What for?” I asked.
“The cookies?” she asked. “For helping my daughter with her knee.”
“See? It’s all better now thanks to you,” the little girl said.
“I didn’t do much. Your mother took care of you,” I said.
“Well, you helped,” the little girl said.
“Hardly.”
“Just take the cookies,” she said, looking annoyed like only a five-year-old could.
It was hard not to laugh.
“You’re a feisty one, aren’t you?” I asked.
“Yep. I get that from Mommy.”
I watched a grin spread across Cindy’s cheeks as a pang of hurt pinched my gut. She really was a beautiful woman and filled with a hurt I understood.
In any other lifetime, I might’ve even cared to introduce myself to her.
“What’s your name?” the little girl asked.
“What’s yours?” I asked.
“Lillian. But everyone calls me Lily.”
“Graham,” I said.
I held a brief staring contest with the little girl until a smile broke across her face.
“Take the cookies,” she said.
“They’re for you, after all,” Cindy said.
“You didn’t have to make them,” I said.
“And you didn’t have to help my daughter,” Cindy said.
“I guess she does get her feistiness from you.”
Another moment passed between us before I reached my hand out to take the plate of cookies.
“How’s your knee?” I asked.
“It’s fine. Mommy put me in a bath, and it really hurt, but I was brave,” Lily said.
“It’s good to be brave. Sometimes we have to be, even when we don’t wanna be,” I said.
I watched the small girl light up with pride, and it reminded me of my son. That same kind of pride and that same strong stance. Whoever Cindy was, she was raising her girl well, raising her to be strong and independent like I’d tried to do with my son. Memories of him came crashing back. Us working on the truck together and running around in the yard. I remembered his first skinned knee and how much he wanted to cry as I cleaned it up.
But no matter how much he wanted to cry, he didn’t.
He had been so brave.
Just like Lily.
I pushed the thoughts of my son away before they threatened to take over and set the cookies on the counter. I was still concealing the gun in my hand behind the door as I stood in the cracked doorway. The three of us were awkwardly standing there, not knowing what to do.
“I hate to cut the pow-wow short, but I got somewhere to be,” I said finally.
“We didn’t mean to keep you,” Cindy said.
I wanted to slam the door and lock them on the porch, but the look on Lily’s face stopped me from being a complete asshole. “Thanks for the cookies,” I managed.
“You’re welcome,” Cindy said. “Come on, booger. Let’s give Graham some privacy.”
“But I wanna stay and play,” Lily said.
“No. We need to go. He’s got places to be,” Cindy said.
The two of them walked away, and I watched until they were safely inside their house. I shut my front door and disengaged my firearm, sliding it across the counter toward the cookies. I locked the door and shut off the lights, doing whatever I could to ward off any other visitors.
Taking out my phone, I called Daniel. I needed a distraction, someone to talk to so I could get my mind off things.
The phone rang.
“Graham. My man. What’s up?” Daniel asked.
“Not much,” I said. “You?”
“Something must be up. You never call just to talk.”
; “Wanted to let you know I got a job in town,” I said.
“No shit! Whatcha doing?”
“Working at a mechanic shop. They prefer people pay in cash, so there isn’t a lot of formal paperwork to get hired there. Means my name won’t pop up on anything in the employment records.”
“Sounds like the best deal for now,” he said. “They legit? Not secretly running drugs or anything like that?”
“Nah, nothing like that. The owner’s old and doesn’t like fooling around with shit. You’d like him. Nothing’s sugar-coated, and I get to accept tips. Got the best prices in town too. He’s always busy from morning until the time they close.”
“Great, you have a job. Now you need to make a friend or two.”
“I’m not making friends.”
“The owner of the shop sounds like a start,” he said.
“I’m not his friend. The man’s halfway to the grave.”
“The place got a manager? Or some guy you work alongside? That’s your next mission.”
“I’m not a fucking operative any longer.”
“If you wanna wrap all this shit up, you are,” he said.
I sighed as I walked into the bathroom. I put him on speakerphone and started cleaning myself up. I needed to leave for work soon.
“I’ll find someone to talk to every now and then,” I said.
“That’s a start,” Daniel said.
“It’ll have to be good enough,” I said.
“We’ll work on it. Don’t worry. In the meantime, keep your head down. Don’t do your job too well or too shitty.”
“Do it enough to blend in with the rest of the crowd. I know. Fuck,” I said.
“When’s your first day?”
“Already been working a couple of days, but my first full-time shift is in a few minutes.”
“Better get to work then. Being late doesn't look good.”
“Believe it or not, I’ve held a job before,” I said.
“I’m gonna get off here before your sarcasm comes back to slap you in the face. Have a good first shift. Let me know how it goes.”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Later, shnookums.”
