"What's happening?" the Empress shouted, over the thunderous boom all around them.
"Who fucking knows?" was Colton's reply, made two seconds before the lights went out.
The next three minutes were like a waking nightmare: terrifying noises overlaid with sudden shifts in direction; gravity switching intensities and angles at random; bursts of sparks from nowhere, and the ominous glow of white-hot metal, along the far edge of the cockpit, lighting up the seams between the panels.
Colton blacked out after one particularly intense burst of speed...
...and woke up to the sound of: "Emergency power restored."
The lights came back on, the console flashed to life, and—
"Warning. Impact in 5... 4... 3..."
The world went dark again.
"Captain?" came a voice in the distance. "Captain? Wake up. Wake up!"
Colton seized back to life, gasping for air. He looked all around, and saw the Empress, already out of her seat, kneeling next to him. Her eyes were wide with panic as she pushed at him, tried to make him move.
"Wh... what..." he said, pressing a hand to his head and feeling blood.
"We're on the ground," she said. "Somewhere on the ground. A piece of panelling hit you and knocked you unconscious, and I... I was afraid you were..."
Colton shook it off. More or less. Wasn't a fracture, he figured, but still not fun. He unclipped his harness, got to his feet slowly, testing his balance.
The console was dark, and melted in places. The overhead lighting was dim and flickering. He fished a flashlight from his kit, looked around; he smelled smoke, and didn't want to stick around to discover why.
He swapped the flashlight for the one on his MP5, leading the way to the rear doors, sweeping the area like someone might be hiding inside. But the real danger was the back door — it wouldn't open. And the smell of smoke was unmistakable now.
"Open it," the Empress commanded.
Colton gave her a nasty look. "Tell me how."
She didn't like his tone, it was clear, but he didn't care. He was too busy searching around the edges of the door for an emergency lever or a handle or anything to—
He noticed he could see better, and the light was orange. He turned around to see the console was definitely burning, and the flames were getting more and more intense. He searched faster for an exit. Any exit...
"Here!" shouted the Empress, pointing to the floor the middle of the cargo area. There was a square painted there, in blue, with writing on it that Colton couldn't read. The Empress knelt down putting her palm to the square. "It says ‘emergency hatch'. It must lead outside, yes?"
Colton crouched next to her. "Does it say how to open it?"
She frowned, shook her head. "It may require power."
She coughed — the smoke was getting thick. They didn't have much time. He stood up, warning the Empress back, and took aim at the square with the MP5. "Here goes nothing," he said, and pulled the trigger.
The gun didn't fire, but it sprayed hot sparks into his face. He jerked back. "Argh! Dammit!" he unclipped the gun, threw it across the room. Perfect. Just perfect.
The fire crackled louder, punctuated by pops as bits of electronics burned.
Colton pulled his other gun from its holster, and pointed it down. He fired a single blast — which ricocheted up and crackled on the ceiling. He looked up to see how badly it had damaged things... and saw a blue lever.
"Fuck me with a crowbar," he said, and pulled it, and the square slid open.
Outside was orange rock, about six feet down. He leaned out, checked the area for hostiles, but had such a poor vantage point, it meant nothing anyway.
The Empress held out her hand to him, to help lower her down. And he almost did it, too, before stopping. "Lose the cloak," he said.
"What? Why?"
"Because it seems like half the fucking universe is trying to kill you on sight, and the longer it takes for them to recognize you, the better. Don't be such a target, if you can stomach it."
She took that to heart, and quickly. She unclasped the cloak, threw it toward the console — it caught on fire immediately, and spread the flames even closer.
She offered her hand to Colton again, and this time he lowered her out. She dropped the last foot or two, and looked back up, desperate for him to join her. With one last look at his beloved MP5 knock-off, he slid out the portal, and onto the edge of a bright orange mountain above a blood-red lake.
The shuttle, above them, was charred and ruined. It was a miracle they survived the crash, given how mangled the thing was. And it was only going to get worse.
Beyond it, in the sky, he could see the Royal Yacht breaking up in the atmosphere; its shape already crumbling apart, thick smoke trailing from its pieces as they tumbled toward the ground, exploding here and there, sending flaming contrails everywhere, like awful, life-ending fireworks.
"Good God..." Colton gasped.
"I don't see escape pods," said the Empress. "I don't see any escape pods..."
Colton took a moment to compose himself, then pushed his traumatized self away, and got back to business.
"We need to find shelter," he said to the Empress. "Find a secure location, fortify, and find some way to call for reinforcements before the locals find us."
She didn't seem to agree. Her face was scrunched up with displeasure.
"What?" he asked. "You have a better idea?"
She raised her hands over her head, very slowly. "I think the locals already found us," she said, and Colton turned to see half a dozen rebel soldiers with weapons pointed right at them.
23
"Knees! On your knees!"
Colton sank down, hands in the air, not making any sudden moves that might invite retaliation. The Empress, to his left, was struggling to kneel — her dress was ripped, but still a little too tight around the legs for that kind of movement. She stumbled, put a hand out to catch herself, and half the rebels jerked forward, guns powered up.
The Kgegans really were an interesting race: they really did have the full spectrum of human-like bodies, which only made their fox heads stranger to look at. Their hands had three fingers and a thumb — stubby and clawed — while their feet were easily three quarters the length of their thighs. Their ears were all tucked back, like Earth animals under threat, and their sharp teeth bared as a warning not to fuck about.
Colton's attention split between the Empress and the enemy, back and forth, until she was settled on her knees, trembling in fear.
Out from the middle of the soldiers came a big man in in bulky, battle-scarred armor, carrying a hefty weapon somewhere between a broadsword and an anti-tank cannon. He snarled at Colton, snarled harder at the Empress, and spit at the rock between them.
"You made a mistake, coming here," he said.
"Wasn't by choice," said Colton, and the Kgegan smacked him across the face with a metal-braced glove. Colton spit blood, nodded an apology: this was one of those rhetorical conversations, obviously.
The fox-man noticed the Sig Sauer at Colton's side, snatched it up, turning it over in his hand with clear curiosity. "You bring us toys?"
Colton didn't want to answer, but did it anyway: "That toy bites."
The Kgegan grinned. A terrifying grin. The kind that could rip your throat out. "A most welcome gift."
"Hey now, that's not a—"
Smack went the glove, and Colton's vision swam. He spat more blood, caught his breath through the pain.
The Kgegan turned away, pausing briefly to sneer at the Empress, and rejoined his comrades for a strategy session and show-and-tell about his new "toy." Colton leaned closer to the Empress, frowning.
"I don't think they know what they've got."
"An Earth weapon?"
"No, you. If they wanted you dead, they've have done it
by now. If they wanted a hostage, they'd have killed me and moved you. I don't think they recognize you."
"It's not unlikely. It's illegal to broadcast my image in the Empire."
"What? Why?"
"Too many look-alikes and frauds," she said. "It—"
"You!" shouted the Kgegan leader, heading back in and waving Colton's weapon at them both. "No talking! No talking!"
Colton bowed his head a little, as a show of submission. It seemed to do the trick. The Kgegan snarled, pocketed the Sig Sauer, and leaned in closer.
"What are you?" he asked. "Why are you here?"
Colton had a gambit in mind. Risky, stupid, absurd... but given the situation, why the fuck not: "Honeymoon," he said, and everyone got real confused. Especially the Empress. "We're on our honeymoon."
The Kgegan laughed (or at least it seemed like a laugh). "In a cargo shuttle?"
Colton shrugged. "It's my grandpa's," he said. "He let me borrow it for the week, to get us around." He looked back at the burning hulk of charred badness, winced: "He probably shoulda taught me to fly it first."
This got more laughter. Definitely laughter. The Kgegan pointed to the Empress. "Your wife is hideous."
The Empress was about to say something nasty, he could tell, so Colton wrapped his arm around her, hugged her in close. "Yeah, but we make it work," he said, and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
The other Kgegans recoiled in disgust.
The leader crouched down, close to Colton, squinting. "You are human?"
Colton nodded. "Earth humans."
The leader's face didn't show a reaction. His eyes didn't even blink. The absolute lack of a physical response was starting to worry Colton. What did Earth mean to Kgegans? Good? Bad? Worse?
The leader took a long breath, eyes narrowing. "This is shit place for a honeymoon," he said. "But better than Earth." He held out his hand. "Come, we must get inside."
Colton took the hand and let himself be hoisted up. He helped the Empress to her feet, too, because none of the Kgegans wanted anything to do with her.
"You kissed me," she snarled, very quietly.
"Emergency situation," he replied with a grin.
About half a mile from their crash zone, the rocky terrain started to get a little more refined; paths felt more like roads, cliff faces felt more like walls. After a while longer, Colton noticed windows carved into the mountainsides, and wiring strung along the edges of distinct dwellings. The Kgegans actually lived in the mountains, he realized, in ways he'd never seen before. These weren't huts and hovels, they were almost like villas, carved out of the yellow-and-orange stone.
They passed another pack of Kgegan soldiers. The leader of that group bared his teeth at Colton, the hairs on his head standing a little straighter. Colton bowed his head, showed deference, and the Kgegan spat, continued on.
"What is your plan?" the Empress whispered to him, as they made their way up a steeper incline with long, lazy steps.
Colton didn't really have one, but that's never the answer to give. "Recon first, action second," he said, and she seemed at least partly appeased.
But she did have a point: how were they going to get free? They had no ship, and even if they found one to hijack, he wouldn't be able to read the controls, and the Empress wouldn't know how to fly it. Escaping on foot was suicide, too... and not just because they knew nothing about the geography, and the Kgegans did; any kind of escape through deadly terrain was a non-starter. Too many ways for it to go horribly wrong.
Their best bet was to look for a quieter, uninhabited part of the mountain range, and hide out there until the Empire sent reinforcements. They would send reinforcements. They had to... right?
The Empress was a few steps ahead of him, and crested the slope first, stopping dead in her tracks. She looked back at him, mouth hanging open, and when the finally caught up...
There was no uninhabited part of the mountain range. Torsten was right, this place was huge. Spread out for miles and miles in every direction was something that almost defied logic: massive, multi-unit buildings built in and around peaks and valleys. Craggy skyscrapers, long plateus made into stadiums, and hanging vine-highways that criss-crossed the skyline for farther than he could even percieve.
It was like a natural New York City. It was astounding.
The Kgegan leader backtracked, stood next to Colton (and away from the Empress). He pointed out to one of the biggest buildings on offer and gave a knowing wink: "Luxury hotel. Good for honeymoon."
"That's where we're headed?" Colton asked.
The Kgegan just laughed. And laughed. And laughed.
It took them another fifteen minutes to reach the mouth of a massive, natural cave at the edge of a crescent-shaped valley. Like the rest of the city, it was modern built into stone; it seemed to be a military outpost of some kind... a staging ground, or a landing zone, or something in between. Not to mention the untold depths further inside. The perimeter was guarded by at least three dozen soldiers, all in strategic positions, and very obviously ready to rock 'n' roll.
The lion's den.
Colton held the Empress closer to really impress upon people they were young lovers, and certainly not the supreme leader of a galactic empire and her mercenary bodyguard.
It was unclear how successful he was.
They finally came to a stop, just underneath the lip of the cave, in the middle of an elaborate mosaic that must have been a good half-mile in diameter. And in the center of the mosiac, standing alone, was someone Colton instantly recognized.
Tgente Piro. The leader of the Kgegan rebellion.
24
Piro listened to the whispered debriefing from his lieutenant, face blank and unforgiving. The leader of the the band that had found them used hand motions, grunts, twisted body language, and then a suspicious glance over his shoulder, as he gave his side of the story. Piro had no reaction to it at all. But he kept his eyes locked on the Empress.
Finally, the lieutenant stepped aside, leaving Piro with the Sig Sauer and a head full of questions. He looked at the gun, curious, turning it over, running a stubby finger along the side.
"Ugero here tells me you are on your honeymoon," he said, nodding to his lieutenant. "Congratulations on your union."
"Thanks," said Colton. "It's off to a rough start, but—"
"May I ask," interrupted Piro. "Who brings weapons on a honeymoon?"
Colton gestured to the Empress. "She's a biter."
The assembled Kgegans laughed while the Empress stewed. But Piro kept his pleasant smile static.
"More to the point," he said, and the laughter stopped quickly. "Who in their right mind honeymoons on Kgego?"
"Don't know what to say. It had good ratings on Yelp."
Piro stepped closer, still fondling the gun. "What planet are you from?" he asked.
"Earth," Colton said, and hoped the truth shone through.
"And how did Earth humans get access to an Imperial cargo shuttle?"
Of course they'd be able to ID it as an Imperial shuttle on sight. They were good and fucked if he couldn't explain this away. He just wasn't sure how to explain it away... he imagined trying to explain to a Taliban warlord how, even though they'd been caught in a US military humvee, they were absolutely not suspicious at all. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
Colton nodded to Ugero, the lieutenant. "Like I told your man there, my grandfather let us borrow it. He's a contractor, based up north. Leases the shuttle from the Empire."
So far so good. Blame grandpa for breaking the rules. Colton was pretty proud of himself.
Piro smiled. His smile was terrifying. He held the gun properly, finger next to the trigger, but far too close for comfort. The muzzle was pointed just shy of Colton's neck. "And what contract pilot is armed with a custom-made Imperial blaster?"
Colton crinkled h
is nose at that. "That's an Earth gun."
"Outside, yes, but I can smell the Imperial tradesmen on it." He tapped the side of his fox-nose. "Lies have a particular odor."
"Hey man, think what you want," said Colton. "I've had it for years. Good, reliable firearm. Bought it from a little shop in—"
Piro aimed the gun to the side and fired. A laser bolt shot through the air, hitting a pile of canisters by the far wall, shattering the primary target and sending a plume of plasma-fire into the air. Bits of metal and plastic clattered to the ground, a smoking ruin.
Piro looked back to Colton. "Continue talking."
Colton's expression stayed frozen. "I may have had some work done. Here and there."
The gun was handed to Ugero. Piro stepped closer, observing the Empress with a critical eye. She didn't shy away, which was not the best of plans, but there was really no good way to explain to a supreme ruler how to not be self-important.
He sniffed her. Sniffed again. Her cheek, her hairline, the space around her. "Where do you work?" he purred.
She looked straight ahead. "The vineyards," she said. "My family's vineyards."
He grinned his toothy grin. "Interesting. Tell me about this vineyard."
Colton hoped she knew what she was doing, because he wasn't in the mood to die over a half-baked lie.
"It's a small plot of land between the Tcholaa hills and the Great Sea, near the equator on Reesius," she said. "My great-great-grandfather was gifted the land for saving the governor's life at the spring fair."
"Saved how?"
"Runaway cart," she said, without hesitation. "He shoved the governor and his son to safety."
Piro was intrigued by this story. "A risky move, touching a governor."
"He acted out of instinct, not thought. And the governor appreciated it, greatly. He and his descendants had been my family's greatest champions in the years since."
"Had been?"
She looked down, like this next part was too hard to recount. "They were reassigned to another planet," she said. "Said to be too friendly with the natives. And the new governor, he..." She winced. "It has been different, since then."
The Galactic Empress' Bodyguard Page 9
