“I’m telling you, I’ve smelled it before, on my grandfather,” I heard Stephen say.
“It can’t be that Fate wouldn’t be so cruel as to Bond me with her,” was Kodi’s response. Were they talking about me? The mysterious smell was that of old people? Mortified and not wanting to hear any more, I stepped forward and made my presence known. “Guys, sorry to interrupt,” both of their heads snapped to me in surprise, “but Kodi, your mother wants us at the fire pit for the colored fire assignment.” He looked at me as if searching for something and he turned back to Stephen with desperate eyes. My humiliated blush caused me to flee without waiting for a response and instead I walked briskly back to the pit where Mrs. Barrett and the other students waited. Kendra was in the middle of tossing pages into the fire from a fashion magazine that she’d had in her room when Kodi, Stephen and Simone entered the campsite. They took seats behind a few other students across the fire from me and I kept my eyes away from them. Kendra only received one or two claps because the flames changed colors for no more than a few seconds before returning to normal. Several other students did the same experiment and after the fourth, all applause had ceased. Kodi went up with a carton of Epsom salt and poured a good amount into his hand. He tossed it onto the fire and many exclamations were made when the flames turned white. I had to admit to myself that I was impressed; I’d never seen white fire before. I clapped along with most of the class and watched the experiments with renewed interest. Stephen was called on next and he stepped up to the pit with a few packets of regular table salt and tossed them in. The flames went yellow for a minute or so and several students clapped, but nothing like Kodi’s praise. A few more magazine people went up before I was summoned, so I was nervous that this time, the applause had died down for good. Opening my backpack, I pulled out my four bags of sawdust from my backpack and walked a circle around the large pit, dropping large handfuls of each color into four points of the fire. My first handful was purple, my favorite color. That was followed by red, blue, and green. The colors blended in the middle of each of the four points, causing a rainbow of sorts. The amount of applause and whistling caused students that weren’t even in the class to walk over and see what the commotion was about. I thought it was cool too, but I wasn’t expecting praise of this magnitude, so it startled me a bit. I smiled at everyone and Mrs. Barrett gave me a nod with a grin on her face. I hoped that meant I’d get a good grade. My gaze scanned the crowd and caught on Kodi’s green eyes with seemed to be filled with pride as he clapped along with most everyone else. Simone clapped slowly but looked at me like she was planning to stab me in my sleep. I looked to Stephen and that same look of sympathy was pasted on his face. I had the inexplicable urge to slap the expression away. If he wanted to feel bad about anything it should be for telling Kodi that I smelled like his grandfather. I didn’t know any of my grandparents, but I’m sure none of them smelled like roses. Before the group home I was with a local foster family. They got a divorce because Hank, my foster dad, had cheated on Karen with the neighbor…who was a man named Joe. I was twelve at the time and I’d requested that Pamela Hanson, my social worker, place me in a group home so that nothing like that could happen again. I never knew my parents. I lived in the system right out of the womb and I’d been in five foster homes until Karen and Hank Sutter. I was with them for six years and I’d already thought of them as real parents when Hank got caught and I was suddenly one more problem that neither party needed. I didn’t want to chance growing attached to another set only to be cast aside when things got hard. Luckily, Pam found one in Mountain Falls, so I was able to stay in the same school district. The first time I’d seen Kodi, he had shoved a bully who was picking on a younger girl for simply bumping into him. Kodi and I were in the sixth grade at the time. He had joined in the middle of the school year which was odd since he’d lived in town his whole life. I looked at him now and I was filled with an all-consuming want that I’d never felt before. Standing from my log, I approached Mrs. Barrett and spoke in a hushed tone. “Mrs. Barrett, I’m not feeling very well. Would you mind if I headed back to my tent early?” I asked. She nodded and replied with a look of concern, “Of course, Meghan. Have a good night. I’ll check on you in the morning to see if you’re feeling better.” I nodded and thanked her before exiting the campsite. Walking briskly, I couldn’t help looking back at Kodi and found him watching me with worry on his face. Simone had her hand on his arm as if she’d stopped him from getting up. I didn’t like seeing her well-manicured hand touching his muscled arm and before my anger got the better of me, I turned back and headed to my tent. I zipped the door behind me and lay down on my air mattress on top of the covers. Fighting to control my breathing, my mind drifted back to Kodi as it often had these past couple of weeks. Had he intended to follow me? No, probably not. What was wrong with me? My infatuation with him had been much easier to deal with before this school year began. Why could I suddenly imagine, so easily, being in his arms? His arms. How in the world had he lifted me out of the pool like that? A scratching sound at the door of my tent made me shoot to my feet and my heart thunder against my ribcage. I cautiously unzipped the opening and what I found there caught me by surprise. It was my wolf! I pulled the zipper the rest of the way down and apparently, he took that as an invite because he trotted inside the tent and plopped on my mattress like a well-trained dog. I reached out slowly to rub his head and he turned to sniff my hand and gave it a lap of his velvety, pink tongue.
“I missed you,” I told him as he nuzzled my hand that was currently petting him. It wasn’t until I’d said it that I realized just how true it was. I’d missed him very much. The only time I’d seen him since the clinic was in my dream. He comforted me somehow. His fur was as smooth as it had been at the vet’s office and in my dream. I checked his hip for traces of the wound but found nothing. I stretched out on the bed next to him and I pet his head as he carefully laid it across my stomach. I was betting that my larger, soft stomach was a much better willow than the forest ground he must have been used to. I always thought wolves travelled in a pack. He was the only wolf I’d ever seen up close. His silver eyes watched me carefully for several moments from atop my tummy before he gave a contented sigh and closed his eyes, but I continued to keep my eyes on him a little longer. The comfort I felt with the warmth of him against me was unexplainable. I also found it amazing that he was that trusting of me and I couldn’t help but feel honored by it. Maybe he was really just a dog that was part wolf. I’d certainly never heard of a wolf acting like this around a human. Human. That’s what Mrs. Barrett had said to Kodi in the classroom. Was it possible that Kodi and I had shared the same dream? Before I could analyze it further, I drifted off to sleep, one had buried in soft brown fur. I was back at the campfire and this time I saw the old Irishwoman right away. “Oh, great,” I sighted, “it’s you again.”
Maggie gave a hearty laugh and said “Well, hello to you too lass.”
I put my hands on my hips and noticed I was funny dressed like I’d been when I went to sleep. I looked at the woman. “Why does the dream me wear the same thing as the real me?” I asked. She gave me a smile with an odd twinkle in her eyes.
“Because this is the real you.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “No, I know I’m dreaming.”
She angled her head at me. “How do ye know the dream you, isn’t the real you?”
I huffed impatiently, ready to respond when the actual answer to her question suddenly dawned on me.
“Because in the dreams…I don’t feel sick. I feel like I used to.”
She nodded in acceptance of the answer before replying, “So the dream you feels like you’re supposed to. Normal. Then the real you, feels wrong. Does that sound about right to you?”
I didn’t like that her logic seemed to make sense in some twisted sort of way.
“Hello?” a male voice suddenly called from the distance through the cool night’s air. I whipped to the voice and found Kodi walking
from a group of trees into the fire pit area. I turned back to Maggie only to find that she’d disappeared. Standing there, I waited for Kodi to notice me. I contemplated how I could decipher whether or not we were sharing this dream. How could I prove that this was or wasn’t the real Kodi? Did I want to know? Yes, I decided.
“Kodi!” I called to him. His eyes found mine and I waited as he walked to stand in front of me.
“What color was your fire?”
His expression grew confused.
“Excuse me?” he asked.
I held his eyes with mine.
“Tonight, after dinner. What color was your fire?” I asked again.
“White,” he replied and tilted his head at me like I’d lost it. Maybe I had. He got the answer right, but my subconscious knew the answer. So, if I was just dreaming that he was here, I could unknowingly have made him say that. I decided to try a new tactic.
“What four colors of sawdust did I use, and why?” I asked. Silence followed and the way he looked at me was both encouraging and discouraging. If it was him, he’d think I was nuts and if it wasn’t him, I think he would have known the answer right away. I think. I held my breath as he opened his mouth to reply.
“Green, red, blue and purple. I’m guessing that purple is your favorite color. As for the rest, I don’t know.” I was elated that he knew purple was my favorite color, but I’d keep that to myself. In that moment, I hadn’t the slightest clue why I didn’t just nod and accept the answer. Instead, I told him exactly what those colors had stood for.
“You’re right, purple is my favorite color. Blue, because I love blue-raspberry slurpees. Green…like the color of Kodi Barrett’s eyes. Red was just a filler. It was the obvious choice to blend the colors.” I didn’t know if it was the cancer or not, but my gut churned as I watched him, waiting for a reaction. He continued to stare at me for what seemed like a lifetime before taking a step forward. The look in his eyes was unreadable as he slowly reached out with his right hand and brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear that I hadn’t realized had fallen. Then he gently stroked the back of his knuckles across my cheek and I released a breath that I’d apparently been holding. The effect he had on me was ridiculous even to me. I watched him with wary eyes and focused on his lips when he whispered, “So soft.” My thoughts mirrored his words, but I don’t think mind reading was one of his super senses. However, I could be mistaken, I thought as those pink lips came forward and my eyes widened before closing when his mouth met mine. I mentally catalogued every detail of his incredible lips and how they felt. Both of his hands cradled my face and I had nowhere to put mine except on the front of his body. The moment they met the hardness of his stomach, it was all I could do to behave myself. I still didn’t know if this Kodi was real or just a figment of my imagination. I found myself torn between wanting him to be real and not. If he was real, he might regret this, and I was also afraid that he wouldn’t I don’t want to fall in love. If he ever returned my feelings it would only hurt us both when I… as difficult as it was, I pulled away from the kiss. He was breathing heavier than he had been before and the hungry look in his eyes coupled with his swollen lips was too much for me to handle. I ran.
“Meghan, wait!” he called after me, but refusing to turn around, I kept running. I could hear the leaves and branches on the frost ground crackle behind me, signaling that he was giving chase. Turning to glance behind me to see how close he was, I didn’t see the boulder sticking part of the way up from the ground. My left foot caught on it and I put my hands out to break my fall. Instead of hitting dirt, I hit softness. I opened my eyes with a gasp and found myself on my inflatable mattress inside my tent. Whining caught my attention and I looked over my shoulder to see my wolf. I’d forgotten he had fallen asleep with me. From the looks of things, he was dreaming of chasing rabbits or something. I didn’t touch him because I wasn’t sure if he’d wake up confused and bite me. I glanced at the clock and it read five-twenty. Deciding to go back to bed, I rolled over gently, careful not to wake him. I was asleep within minutes and thankfully, there were no dreams teasing me with things I’d never have.
Five
I woke to a rustling noise and found my wolf with his muzzle rifling through the contents of my backpack. My guess is he must have smelled the beef jerky in there. I gave him a light swat on the butt, which was probably a stupid and dangerous thing to do. However, I was almost certain the wolf wouldn’t hurt me. Almost. Pulling the blanket off, I stood and walked to the animal in question, who had looked at me in surprise from my pat on his hindquarters. Picking up my backpack, I pulled out the bag of jerky. His features fell as if I’d pulled out the wrong thing, but when I opened the bag and took a piece out, he seemed to perk up a little. I tossed the meat and was impressed when he caught it in his mouth and barely chewed it before swallowing. Sometimes it took me as long as fifteen minutes to completely chew a piece enough to swallow it. Clearly my wolf didn’t share my problem. I hand fed him two more strips before unzipping my tent. I watched the wolf as he sniffed the air for a moment before darting off through several trees. I stepped outside to follow but he was long gone.
“Good morning, Meghan,” said a female voice from behind me. Startled, I turned around to find Mrs. Barrett standing there. Had she seen the wolf?
“Good morning, ma’am,” I said, nodding politely.
“How are you feeling today? Better I hope,” she inquired. I opened my mouth to answer but remained silent as I watched her suddenly tilt her head before taking long sniffs of the air. Her pale green eyes darted to Kodi’s tent, from which there were no signs of life that I could see. She looked back at me.
“Please excuse me,” she said in a tight voice and walked briskly away. Maybe she’d smelled something that hadn’t agreed with her. I sniffed the air and got nothing, which wasn’t a surprise to me due to the fact that unlike Kodi and his mother, I didn’t have super-smelling powers. I changed into blue jeans and a thin gray and purple striped top. It was a fairly warm morning, so they didn’t make a fire. I sat next to Katie and Sarah again as we ate our fruit and granola bars. Katie had just finished telling me how lucky I was that I had Remy. She’d wanted to raise a pig as well in Agriculture class, but her father had not been able to afford it. Everyone began planning what they were going to do that day, so I listened to the options that our chaperones gave us. Students were asked to organize themselves into two different groups. I walked to the group that would be swimming in the river while Katie and Sarah waited with Mrs. Barrett, who would be supervising her group on a hike. We were given thirty minutes to get ready and we all headed to our campsites to prepare. Once changed into my bathing suit, I added a long purple tank top that ended mid-thigh. I didn’t like my thighs showing in public. Grabbing a towel, I met the two faculty members that would be supervising those of us swimming in the river. I looked around for any familiar faces but found none. The water was cold but not terribly so and I leisurely glided farther away from the bank. I swam upstream against the slight current and was glad that out of the twenty or so students that had chosen swimming, I was the only one to do so. After ten minutes, I came across a shaded area of water from a large rock that jutted out from a high wall of earth. Standing in the shadow, the water’s surface came up to my chest and it was a welcome reprieve. I leaned my forehead against the side of the rock but the peace I felt in that moment was short-lived. My thoughts raced and I tried to gain control of them but too many were trying to bring themselves to the forefront of my mind. One that stood out among the rest was how surprised I was that I didn’t feel fear swimming in the same body of water I’d recently drowned in during a dream. My dreams. They’d been so strange lately. Granted, I’ve dreamed up some pretty fantastic things, but never so realistic and I’d never been so aware in them. I didn’t like the feelings that came with dreaming of Kodi. Tendrils of hope curled inside of my being like a serpent ready to strike at any given moment. No good could come from hope when it involved Kodi.
I was going to die. I couldn’t kid myself. I was tired of pretending that it wasn’t going to be slow, that it wasn’t going to be painful. I was going to die, and it wouldn’t be pretty. Dr. Siegel had told me how much of a miracle it was that I didn’t feel much worse, more often. I averaged about three days a week where my insides burned like an internal volcano had erupted. According to the good doctor, I should feel that every day, especially without the treatment that he so adamantly tries to enroll me into. One of the nightmares I’d had a few times after being diagnosed was where I was in so much pain from the cancer, I’d only wanted the agony to cease. So, I used the supplies from the veterinarian clinic to euthanize myself. I would wake up just as I’d begin to fall into that blissful slumber. I envied the animals of their easy deaths and knew that such a luxury would not be afforded to me. I wondered where I’d be when it happened. Would I be dying in a hospital bed? Would it be sudden, while at school? That would be embarrassing… not that I’d have to live with the humiliation after the fact. I would miss so much. My own graduation, Jensen finally making a move on Jane, Remy winning awards at the fair. Kodi would probably end up with Simone. It wasn’t until I heard water sloshing behind me that I became aware of the hot tears streaming down my face. Without turning around, I quickly dunked myself under water to disguise that I’d been crying. When I came up Kodi was wading in front of me. I was certain my heart had stopped at the sight of a shirtless Kodi. Swallowing with a dry throat, I watched a water droplet drip from his chin, land on his chest and stream down his perfect abs before it rejoined the river. I’d never been jealous of a drop of water until that moment.
High School Bites Page 5
