“Hello,” Jav sang as a rather enthusiastic hard-on clamored against his back pockets. “Is that your paycheck or are you just glad to see me?”
Stef slid a hand under Jav’s T-shirt, gliding up his stomach and chest. “One guess.”
Jav pushed back a little more. “You walk home with this?”
“I’ve been crossing my legs over it all goddamn day. Finally when I was coming down the stairs I let it fly.” Now Stef’s hand wormed down the front Jav’s pants. “Don’t mind me. What’s for dinner?”
“Um…”
“Actually I’m not hungry.”
“You don’t say?”
Stef pushed the fridge door closed, turned Jav around and pressed him against it, kissing hard and deep. “You can be dinner.”
“We never talk anymore.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
Jav unbuckled Stef’s belt. “We should discuss what you’re going to do with this.” He unbuttoned and unzipped the jeans and wrapped his hand around Stef’s erection.
“Fuck,” Stef groaned, his eyes closing and his head dropping back a little. He leaned harder on the palm against the fridge door. “Oh my God, man, I’m dying.”
“Mm.” Jav licked along the inked ocean wave on Stef’s neck.
“Help me.”
“What do you want?”
“Anything, I don’t care.”
“No, you want something. Tell me.”
Stef turned his own mouth into Jav’s neck, biting a little.
Jav slid and squeezed his hand. “Don’t be shy, Finch.”
“I want to be inside you.”
“Thought so.”
“I don’t need t—”
“Can you wait ten minutes?”
Stef lifted up his head, flushed, his eyes glazed. “I can wait eleven. But you don’t have t—”
Jav kissed him. “I want to.”
“I fucking love you.”
“I know.”
He poured himself a shot of rum and downed it neat. “Report to the shower in ten minutes,” he said, setting the glass down. “And you can bring me another one of these.”
He didn’t need to be blind drunk to bottom, but a bit of liquid courage helped him relax, as did a cascade of hot water down his back, steam in his lungs and the comforting proximity of soap. Even cleaned out, he felt less self-conscious about ass play in the shower.
He was cool with using the Fleets now. It was kind of crazy how fast they’d gone from an embarrassing big deal to a mindless, occasional part of nightly routine.
“Like nose hair trimming with benefits,” Stef said.
Not to mention an empty Fleet box in the bathroom wastebasket made a silent but obvious signal someone was looking for some inside action. The adult version of a sock on the doorknob.
Jav surfed a little porn on his phone, waiting for the Fleet to do its thing. Truth be told, the prep was starting to be a bit of a turn-on. Now that he knew what was coming. Now that he knew the feel of Stef’s fingers sliding deep inside him, curling around and into that spot. Jesus fucking Christ, when he’d knead at it while using his mouth or his hand at the same time. Jav shivered, now fully hard with the rum sinking golden fingers into his veins.
Once in the shower, he ran soaped-up fingers along his cock, edging himself and then backing down. Wondering if Stef was doing the same in the bedroom. No, he was in the bathroom now, his hand holding a shot glass easing around the curtain. “Room service.”
Drinking in the shower was seriously underrated. “Gracias,” Jav said, handing the glass back.
“De nada.” Stef hit the dimmer switch, halving the light, knowing Jav was a little more comfortable when it was a little dark. He knew that like he knew not to talk too much, but follow Jav’s verbal lead. If Jav cracked jokes, then Stef would too. If Jav were quiet and pulled inward, Stef stayed quiet, too. Their agreement was absolute in its wordlessness. Jav trusted Stef would be himself. Stef trusted Jav wouldn’t try to be something he wasn’t. If it didn’t feel good, they stopped. No questions asked. No apologies necessary.
Tonight, despite all the build up, it didn’t work out. Stef’s fingers inside him felt great. He slid and turned them as they kissed with rum-sweet mouths. Slow and easy, getting Jav to open.
“Javi,” he whispered around the water streaming down their faces. His lashes clumped into little spikes, his tattoos shining and sleek.
“God, you make me crazy,” Jav said.
“You ready for me?”
Shaking and ready, Jav turned to the wall. But when Stef slid up behind him and slowly eased his cock inside, Jav knew right away he wasn’t going to be able to take much. No matter how he shifted or angled, no matter if Stef moved slow or didn’t move at all, Jav couldn’t get on the other side of the burning ache.
Finally… “I gotta stop.”
“All right. Hold still.” Stef gently eased out and his arms wrapped around Jav’s wet body. He held him tight as Jav took a few breaths and tried to get himself to unclench. He spit out water and the sorry loitering on his tongue. He didn’t need it and Stef didn’t want it.
“Open your hands,” Stef murmured on his neck.
Jav smiled. He always forgot his hands. He pressed flat palms to the tile as Stef ran the spray cold and aimed it down the small of his back so it could numb the soreness. “Better?”
“Yeah.”
“Let’s get the fuck in bed.”
They toweled dry, then lay down and picked up where they left off. It was so fucking easy. Mouths and hands and fingers and teeth and tongues. Knowing a hundred honest ways to make each other come into pieces was the only way to make love.
“I’m so in love with you,” Jav whispered through his heaving chest.
Stef was breathing just as hard, mouth parted against the dim candlelight. “Say that again.”
“I’m so in love with you.”
“Tell me.”
“Never felt this way about anyone.” Jav swallowed. “Never felt this way about me.”
Three-Input
I was thrilled to hook Stavroula up with Roger Lark. It was my intention from the get-go. I mean honestly, are they made for each other or what? I don’t feel a particularly strong pull to write their story right now but if I ever do, spoiler alert, Stav’s getting knocked up with the sun-son and Roger will beg her, beg her not to leave him out of the decision. “I missed everything with Ari,” he’ll say. “I didn’t even know.”
Hard cut to Ari holding his new little brother, Sam Lark. Harder cut to Jav and Stef babysitting.
Sigh.
(By the way, none of that’s written in stone.)
Anyway, Stav used to be a POV in the early drafts of Finches, until I narrowed it down to the triangle of three men. And this is just a little scribble about her meeting Roger for the first time. —SLQR
Stav goes out to dinner with Rog, Stef and Jav.
“Best date ever,” she says, looking around the handsome company. “Finally I can say every woman in the room wishes she were me.”
“Everyone’s wondering what the deal is,” Stef says, opening a menu.
“Who’s riding bitch on this cuddle train?” Rog says.
Jav raises his hand.
Stav bites back a three-input joke just as Stef kicks her under the table. She bites the inside of her cheek harder.
After they order drinks, two women comes by the table, asking for Roger’s autograph. He signs the bit of paper and makes polite, easy chit-chat, ending the exchange with a smooth but firm, “Enjoy your dinner.”
“Does that happen often?” Stav asks when the fans are gone.
Roger shrugs. “Depends how unshaven I am.” He looked at Jav. “You’re next, pretty boy. Now that you’re showing your face on book jackets, you’ll be holding up traffic.”
“He’s already getting dick pics,” Stef says.
“Some of them quite impressive,” Jav says.
“Photoshop,” Stav and Rog say at the same time. And smile at each other.
His face is so interesting. Such large features. Big nose, big smile, thick eyebrows. A quick side glance and he’s awkward-looking and dorky. A second glance and he’s quietly beautiful. Then he laughs and he’s ridiculous.
He’s a big man.
Next to him, Stav feels tiny.
She likes it.
She didn’t feel small with her ex-husband. They knew each other since childhood. They grew up together at precisely the same pace and scale. They were exactly the same size. Twinned. She never had a sense he was physically protective of her.
Roger burns warm like a campfire next to her. His height and bulk, his tattoos and callused palms. He’d throw himself between her and danger. Stop a moving train. Lift up a car. Take a bullet.
All right, girlfriend, rein it in.
“She’s in the zone,” Jav says.
Stav blinks. “I’m sorry, what?”
Jav laughs. “You looked like I do when I get an idea out of nowhere.”
Her face flames. “I was just…seeing something.”
Roger’s smile is kind but something in his face is wistful. Like he wants to see what she sees.
Stav looked around the table. “Remind me again, how do you know each other?”
The three men point and speak simultaneously.
“We’re brothers,” Roger says.
“He’s Ari’s father,” Jav says.
“We’re dating,” Stef says.
“We are?” Roger says.
Exchanged glances through a beat of silence.
“Check, please,” Stav says.
Barbed Wire
A lot of readers ask me, “What about Ari and Deane?”
And I always think, What about them?
No disrespect to high school sweethearts that marry and stay together for the rest of their lives. I bow down to that shit, I think it’s amazing. I also think it’s rare. Ari and Deane love each other, but I never saw it as a forever love. Like so many other young teenage couples, they’d come to their natural end. Plus there’s the whole cousin…thing.
A breakup however, makes for a wonderful opportunity for bonding with one’s uncle. And, in Ari’s case, for bonding with your uncle’s partner.
By the way, if you are not familiar with the art of Pascal Campion, Google him and have it nearby during this chapter. Look at his use of light. How he captures little pure moments of human connection. That’s Ari’s technique. If my life story is ever made into a graphic novel, I want Pascal Campion to be the illustrator. —SLQR
Ari came to Manhattan for Easter weekend. He stayed with Roger in the subletted apartment, but came down to Cushman Row for a visit. At his request, Jav made shrimp and yellow rice.
“So this is what a den of sin looks like,” Ari said, then immediately put up a hand. “That came out wrong. Sorry. Never mind.”
Jav was laughing. “It’s okay. We’re one of the tamer dens anyway.”
As usual, he offered Ari a beer. As usual, Ari took it and wrinkled his nose above one or two sips. “Does nothing for me,” he said. “I wish I could like it but I don’t.”
“It’s an acquired taste.”
“So I hear.” Ari lifted the lid of the shallow pan with the rice and sniffed with appreciation. “Where’s Stef?”
Jav jerked a thumb toward the bedroom. “Decompressing. Tough day at work.”
“Isn’t every day tough in that job?”
“Some are worse than others.”
“Mm. How’d you guys meet?”
“It was when I went to Guelisten to return the keys to the apartment. He was looking at the gallery with Trelawney. I went upstairs and we just…met.”
“Or maybe Trey orchestrated it?”
Jav laughed. “You know, it’s entirely possible.”
Ari grimaced over another pull of beer. “So you identify as gay now?”
“Bi.”
“You still find women attractive?”
“Of course. So does Stef.”
“But it’s nothing you want to follow through with anymore.”
“I don’t know about things like anymore and nothing.” Jav wiped off his hands. “I know that right now, I’m following this. Don’t get me wrong, I have my share of how the fuck did this happen moments. But most of the time, it feels good and it feels like me.”
“Gotcha.” Ari gave him a sideways glance. “He seems like a good guy.”
“He is.”
“But if he fucks with your head, I’ll kill him.”
Jav raised his eyebrows. “Will you now?”
Ari shrugged. “I’d send a threatening text.”
Underneath the sass, Ari seemed troubled. Like a ball of snarky barbed wire with a trembling egg at its center. Clearly something was up. And not for the first time, Jav felt his heart swell with love for this kid. Because maybe Ari came to New York to visit his biological father, but he came all the way downtown to seek solace from his uncle.
Because I had him first, Jav thought, then rolled his eyes. Dig him being all alpha male possessive. He bit his tongue and busied himself peeling shrimp and didn’t push Ari to talk.
He heard Stef’s voice: “Landes, what is this?”
Jav looked back over his shoulder. Stef stood by the counter, wet-haired and scowling, holding out a roll of bathroom tissue.
“That would be a roll of one-ply toilet paper, Finch.”
“Oh, T, you didn’t,” Ari murmured.
Stef brandished the roll like it was a grenade. “What’s the rule about one-ply toilet paper in this house?”
“Refresh my memory,” Jav said.
Stef threw it at his head. “It does not touch my butt.”
“Stef, I apologize,” Ari said. “I’m embarrassed. I raised him better than this.”
“He did,” Jav said.
“One-ply,” Stef said. “It’s like I taught you nothing.”
“It was on sale. I’m trying to budget here.”
“We can cut the budget somewhere else. I don’t want to see this prison crap in my bathroom again.”
Ari pointed a stern finger at his uncle. “I am very disappointed in you.”
“Okay, okay,” Jav said. “Don’t squeeze the Charmin.”
Stef cracked a beer, drained a quarter of it, then turned a grin on Ari. “So what’s up, man? What are you working on?”
Ari got his portfolio and showed some of the pieces from his digital art class.
“I’m into windows lately,” he said. “Not sure why.”
“Damn,” Stef said, turning pages. “Jav, you seen these?”
“Not yet.” Jav turned the burner down and went to look over their shoulders.
Page after page, Ari had captured intimate moments of human connection. Two people communing, with light being a third party. Sunshine slicing through a window into a darkened stairwell, where two lovers huddled on a tread. Interior light streaming out of buildings into the night, puddling around a couple walking a dog.
“The use of light is crazy,” Stef said. “This is on the computer?”
“Yeah,” Ari said. “Something about the medium just clicked with me. It’s like all I want to do now. I haven’t picked up a pencil in a week.”
“This one,” Jav said. “I want a print of this one.” It was a bedroom at night. A girl sat on the windowsill, its frame wreathed in Christmas lights. Her hands wrapped around a mug. Snow fell outside. The twinkling garland splashed on the head of a boy sleeping in a twin bed. Or perhaps he was awake. And waiting.
“The composition is perfect,” Stef said, framing the drawing with his thumbs and fingers. “Your eyes don’t have to do any work. The emotion is quiet but it’s just tight.”
“It’s pure,” Jav said.
“Yes.” Stef pointed a finger. “Pure. Good word.”
Soon Stef was taking out
his own sketchbooks and pulling art books off the shelves, he and Ari jabbering over them while Jav cooked and watched. Both outside the moment and at the center of it.
Feels like home, he thought. And it feels like me.
All three men were quiet as they ate and watched TV. Ari kept glancing at Jav, then at Stef, his expression growing more worried. Stef threw a guarded, questioning look Jav’s way but Jav could only shake his head.
“I don’t know about you guys,” Stef finally said. “But I’m jonesing for some ice cream.” He got off the couch and slid his shoes on. “I’ll just run out.”
Jav counted twenty after he was gone. “Qué lo qué, Aaroncito?”
Ari just flipped a shoulder and stared straight ahead, his hand making long strokes along Roman’s head.
“Think you want to talk about it?”
“I think growing up sucks.”
“That it does.”
Ari changed the channel, ostensibly putting an end to the conversation. Jav let it go. Stef came back with four pints of Ben & Jerrys. They heaped bowls high and watched the Knicks get crushed until it wasn’t fun anymore. Ari clicked off the TV then, and silence descended with all the subtlety of the ceiling collapsing.
“You going to stay tonight?” Stef asked, scraping his bowl. “Or head back uptown.”
“I don’t know,” Ari said. “Deane and I might break up.”
Mouth closed around his spoon, Stef’s eyes met Jav’s then flicked away.
“Oh,” Jav said.
“She’s…” Ari pushed the heel of his hand into his eyes. “Fuck.”
Jav put his bowl down. “It’s all right.”
“I don’t know what to do. Everything’s changing.”
“I know.”
And you’re young, Jav thought. You’re in college. You’re hot-blooded and meeting new people. The world’s getting bigger. Your perception is widening. Your heart’s starting to get crowded.
“I spent a lot of time with Roger this winter,” Ari said. He glanced at Stef. “Roger’s my dad. My real dad, I mean.”
“I know,” Stef said quietly.
“We went skiing over President’s Day weekend. Just us two. He comes to see me at school. A lot of times, we go over to Guelisten. Have dinner with Alex and Val. And Trelawney. So it’s… I don’t know.”
Tales From Cushman Row Page 10
