Until then, I slackened the hold on my feelings and gave myself a freaking break. It was the end of the world, after all.
As if everyone was thinking the same thing, we came together in a huddle. Only Juneau failed to step forward, keeping an awkward distance a few steps away. Dorian raised a hand to Lanzon's ghostly shoulder.
"I will make you proud. I'll make sure there are scholars just like you, to make the world a better place," Dorian promised.
"I never doubted you once," Lanzon replied. "And I’m so glad you’ve finally found happiness. It figures she’d be another fighter." He winked at me playfully, making me genuinely warm from the praise. He hadn’t acknowledged me before, and I hadn’t been sure what Lanzon had thought of me, his brother’s human girlfriend.
"You've been with me since the beginning, with the stone, so I feel like I somehow know you. I’ll fight for your brother no matter what," I said. "Thank you." I wanted him to know that I would take good care of his brother. Lanzon smiled, looking between Dorian and me.
Laini cleared her throat. "There's someone else I want you to meet. Come here…" She pulled away long enough to drag Juneau into the huddle. For the first time in his life, the ruler looked truly aghast at being the center of attention. He stared at Lanzon like a deer in the headlights. "This is Juneau. He's my very close friend."
Lanzon tilted his head to the side and nodded slowly. "Yes, I see that." At that point, I remembered that the souls could sense our emotions, and felt very sorry for Juneau and Lanzon both.
"I'll take care of her," Juneau blurted out. "If she lets me."
Lanzon gave a strained laugh. "I'm glad Laini has people to support her, just like Dorian has Lyra." His warm eyes told me that he sensed and understood everything we felt.
The world around us shifted. The black rocks trembled, followed by the gray and brown. I drew closer to Dorian and Zach. Things in the cave began blurring, only to come back into focus. The wind blew and then stopped, bringing a strange smell of both the Mortal Plane air and the ozone scent of the tear. My heart rate quickened as I watched everything. It was actually happening; they were finally fixing the tear.
Lanzon frowned. "No, this isn't right."
"What are you talking about?" I asked. The world was changing around us… but he was right. I stared in horror as the rocks went back to their place. A ghostly, howling wind cut through the mountain. "No, what's happening?"
Xiu gritted her teeth as she strained, sweat dotting her brow. "It's not working. We can't pull the planes apart," she cried desperately. "I can feel them trying to revert, trying to tear us apart. If we fail…"
"We need more energy," Un finished in a grave tone. "We need a jumpstart of some kind."
A jumpstart? I looked around, not knowing what to do. They’d already used the crystals, draining them to the last drop.
Lanzon lifted his hand. "I can help." What was he… was he going to sacrifice himself? He was already so faded.
Laini sucked in a breath. "Lanzon, no."
He leaned forward to give her a ghostly kiss on her cheek.
"I'll give you light energy," Lanzon said. "I'll give you the rest of my spirit."
Cold shards of shock ran through me. Was that even possible? I looked at Dorian, desperate for answers, but he shook his head. He refused to entertain the notion either, but Lanzon spoke so confidently. We couldn’t let him sacrifice his soul.
Ruk groaned as he tried to continue channeling the energy into his body and reached up toward the sky. "That's all you have to offer, you realize? It’s the only thing you have left."
"I know," Lanzon said, clear-eyed and resolute.
Zach stepped forward with Lanzon, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I want to help, too."
"Zach," I cried. He couldn't. My brother deserved to know peace in the afterlife if he couldn’t have a normal life. A tear slipped down my face, hot and stinging, like a blade.
"I'll do anything to save this world," Zach shouted to Ruk. Around him, all the spirits began shouting their agreement. My head felt dizzy from the speed of how things were turning. This couldn't be the only way.
Ruk hesitated as the voices soared together. Souls crowded around Lanzon and Zach, who headed the charge toward the arbiters. I reached out for Zach. It felt as if he was once again slipping right through my fingers. It wasn't fair. I wanted to tell him that he couldn't, but all these souls were offering their own energy to solve our problem. A few of the council members next to the machine stood on shaky legs, lifting their hands into the air as they made their own offering. It looked like they were ready to end their journey. I was surprised some of them had the kindness—or perhaps resignation—to offer their lives.
"We came here to help," Azpai shouted. "Let's give this everything we've got! We will not let the universe unravel." He charged forward, and soon the spirits surrounded the arbiters. I almost couldn't see through their amber glow as I fought my way to the front with the others. Dorian grabbed my hand in the madness. His blue eyes fixed me in place, filled with his own pain.
"Dorian, they can't," I whispered urgently.
"It's their decision," he replied sadly. If there was anything Dorian respected, it was strong actions. Sadness and a sort of conflicted pride warred on his tight face.
"What's the use of an afterlife if we can't even reach it?" Zach asked the other spirits, who rallied in response. "We'll throw ourselves at you if you try to deny us."
Sen shot him an urgent look. "Do you know what you're asking? There will be nothing left of you. No afterlife! No memories. You will cease to exist. Is this what you want?"
The hairs on my neck stood up with shock as the voices of the spirits came together.
"Yes," they shouted. "We will save the world. Take our energy."
Zach turned toward me. A tear came down his own face as he reached out to me, his hand clasping mine gently. Even though he couldn't touch me, I could sense the warmth coming off him. I needed him to be alive, but that was impossible. And even though I knew that, I wanted it all the same.
"I guess that means it’s time to say goodbye to you," Zach whispered to me. His other hand went for Gina, who stared at him with her chin high to meet his gaze. Now, it was me crying the hardest.
"I can't let you go," I said, nearly broken. "There's always been a plan that worked out in the end. You've always been a part of it. Who am I, without you?"
Zach met my eye. "You're Lyra. You're the fearless leader who makes hard decisions when others can't because you would give up your own happiness in a second if it meant saving people. You, Gina, and our parents were more than I deserved during my life. I was always inspired by the way you managed to find a way forward, even in the darkest times." He turned to Gina. "And I wanted to marry you more than anything, Gina."
Fresh tears streamed down Gina’s cheeks, but she valiantly wiped them away. “I would have said yes,” she whispered in a wavering voice.
I sucked in a ragged breath, feeling like I could never ever get enough oxygen into my body again. "Zach."
"Lyra," he returned with a grin, but now I saw ghostly tears spilling down his own face. He enveloped me in a spiritual hug with Gina. "I'm sorry that I can't walk you down the aisle to marry Dracula, or be Gina's perfect husband, but know that I'm with both of you. Always. In your hearts. Never forget that."
My vision blurred as he stepped away. "I love you." Gina whispered the same, and my brother smiled back at us, looking like the sun had melted and formed his body. He was beautiful—a golden, amber vision of love. My brother didn't deserve this, and yet, he’s so ready to give himself up.
I had to let Zach go, but what was next? I'd lost so much in such a short time. Dorian might be ripped away from me, too, if the arbiters followed their plan to take away our memories when all this was done. My heart raced as the spirits hovered closer to the arbiters. Ruk was surrounded by a rainbow of lights. An entourage of spirits floated toward him.
"Use us," they dema
nded.
I grabbed Dorian's hand. Tears burned my face as they dried in the whipping breeze. My chest burned. In place of the curse, I had the most grief I'd ever felt in my life. I pressed into Dorian’s side. To lose our loved ones again… Could we really do this? My eyes shot up to meet his, icy pools filled with love and heartbreak that reflected my own.
How could we stand to let this happen again? Something passed between Dorian and me, a sentiment that we both understood without speaking. We could not stand by.
"Take us, too," I demanded of the arbiters. Zach wheeled on me, but I met him with love and fierce anger. "You won't leave me. I'm coming with you."
"Take us," Dorian added. He gazed at his brother. "I owe you everything."
"We owe you everything," I corrected gently. Lanzon looked down at our clasped hands. We were too stubborn and heartbroken to be left behind.
"We can be together forever, this way," Dorian whispered to his brother's doubtful face. "Xiu, take us."
A bead of sweat fell from her brow. "I can't guarantee what will happen to you."
Our hands tightened. It didn't matter. If she didn’t take our energy, we would die regardless. Xiu could clearly see that. She withdrew and shook her head, still continuing to pour energy into Ruk with the others. I heard the soft and resigned, "Fine. You might survive. It's more possible than the souls, but I can promise nothing."
"We accept," Dorian and I said at the same time. We approached them with the spirits.
"Wait," Juneau blurted. "Take me, too." He saw our bewildered faces. Laini's face blanched with horror. She had already lost her husband, and now Juneau? "I'll never be able to make up for the pain I benefited from in my lifetime,” he explained, unusually serious. “If I have more dark energy, maybe they can use that. It seems fitting."
Gina was next. My heart fell, but there was nothing I could do when she said, "Me, too. Take me." She made her decision the same as the rest of us. "I won't waste the sacrifice Zach made for me."
"Gina," Zach bit out, but she shook her head, tears flying into the air. "You know that I didn't want it to be this way."
Did any of us?
"We don't get to control what happens to us, but I control my own actions," she replied. "Let me love you like this. Let me follow you." She fell in step behind Zach. For a glorious moment, they looked almost normal, like we had just returned from a Bureau mission before all this madness started.
Laini followed us, her silence speaking for her. She laced her arm with Juneau’s and stepped up beside Lanzon's phantom form. If we were going, we were all going.
"We're starting," Un warned. "This is your last chance to turn back!"
"Go ahead," I told him. We had to do this. Every single person in this room came into the battle knowing we might not make it. At least in this moment, I had control over what I could do.
"Remember to breathe," Sen yelled over the increasing wind. "It makes it easier—" The rest of her words were cut off as all my cells suddenly began to vibrate. I turned to Dorian, cupping his face. Oh, how I would've loved to do this at our wedding. I whispered as much, and Dorian gave a soft, sad chuckle.
"There was never any doubt in my mind." He pressed my warm hand against his sharp cheek. It looked so foreign against his skin, which was dancing with shadows. Our love was forbidden by the powers that be, but it was ours all the same. "I always knew it was you."
My stomach turned. It was like being on a ship at rocky seas. Sometimes I saw things clearly, and then they blurred in front of me. I breathed in and out, low and slow, hoping that's what Sen meant. I had no idea what was on the other side of this, but Dorian, Zach, everyone was here with me…
Dorian wrapped me in his arms. I listened to his heartbeat thundering against his chest. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. To be by your side for eternity is an honor. Golden light streamed from us. It began at my hands and then traveled all the way up my arms until I pulled back and saw the same glorious sunshine spilling from Dorian's handsome face. He looked down at me, a warm smile upon his lips.
It was chaos, and it was beautiful.
"I love you so much," Dorian whispered. His thumb brushed my finger, where my engagement ring was. "This will have to count as our wedding."
"I wouldn't change it for anything," I muttered through my tears. It felt like we were alone in the sea of amber light and rainbow colors streaking through the air. The black rock melted away from us, and soon I was floating in darkness with just Dorian.
Everything blurred around us. The ground disappeared beneath our feet, but we held steady, as if an invisible net held us up. There was nothing but affection in Dorian's face. I couldn't break away from it. I loved him more than I loved myself. He was the only person I ever wanted to charge into battle with and face death alongside. I pressed my hand harder against him, feeling my cells start to blur, too. My hand passed slightly through his face, or his face started to become ghostly. Maybe it was both, but it was our madness and I loved it.
Shapes changed and morphed around us. Slowly, our amber energy grew closer to the rainbow tornado of light. I took a deep breath as the black stone around us changed to gray, brown, and then back to black. We were on the mountain's peak, then beneath it. We were at the base of a glacier, then on the shores of the Pacific Ocean. Our feet floated in darkness. The rainbows pulled us in.
Ruk was still visible in the mess. I saw him, felt our bodies being pulled toward him like a black hole. I wept for him and all the pain he'd suffered. Now I understood it well enough myself. We were all one with the universe, begging for it to be remade. My vision dimmed. My muscles went weak.
There was no pain, but I could sense the energy draining from me. Ruk transformed between versions of himself—to a large humanoid, to a bigger dragon, to the wildling he had been with Aurora—until he, too, went blurry.
And then it was only Dorian in front of me. I pressed my lips against his.
Ruk exploded into a thousand different colors.
Dorian's lips tasted like happiness. They tasted like forever.
The last thing I saw when I pulled away from him was Dorian's icy eyes, staring down at me with all the love in the world.
38
Lyra
The glacial blue of Dorian’s eye gave way to utter blackness. The darkness stretched on and on, surrounding me. All sound and smell went with it. It was cold all around me. The warmth of Dorian faded to nothing, although I sensed his presence nearby. For a moment, I thought… I thought I was gone as well. My body blinked away from me. All I could hear was my own thoughts, wondering where I was. Was this it? Was this truly the end?
It was more peaceful than I’d imagined. The rainbow lights from Ruk’s body had disappeared in the shadows, but somehow, I knew that he was still trying to work with the planes. He begged and commanded them to part from each other. Silence stretched on as I got my bearings.
Perhaps the universe ends with silence, rather than a bang.
I could no longer breathe, but Sen was right. My last breath had been calm. It surrounded me with a sensation of peace that I didn’t realize was possible after death. I knew I was no longer me, but I’d faced the end with Dorian. I’d faced the end with love. That was enough, wasn't it? I willed the universe to take me. I wanted to be used to help solve the meld. My soul had discarded my body and left it far behind. Where was I? What was I? I couldn't tell if this was truly death or not. Zach's words about understanding things very differently and being confused about what he was came back to me. I could still think, but perhaps all spirits still had their thoughts.
My thoughts feel like threads reaching out for others. I can feel… I feel everything.
I was not myself, and yet I was. I knew more than I’d ever known. Things clicked into place in my understanding. Everything fell into place inside of whatever me was. The universe whispered of how the rain fell, how water seeped into the ground and helped produce plants, creatures, and all living beings. It was
teaching me. I understood the cycle of darkness. I understood how the vampires knew they needed to hunt. I felt their rage and hunger, just as I felt the desperation and evil of those they fed upon. The darkness showed me everything. I couldn’t explain how I saw the cycles of life flash in front of me, but they did, even in the darkness. Birth, life, and death flitted by. I knew what was happening everywhere in the world without getting overwhelmed.
We were slowly pulling the planes back to their proper places. They creaked with a ghostly protest so faint that I hardly even heard it over the immense silence of my spiritual senses. Everything churned around me. There was energy in the air, but I couldn’t touch it.
Life never waits for tragedy, happiness, or anything really. Irrikus had tried to bend the universe to his will, but he failed. Now, my friends and I would be a part of the solution. It was beautiful and tragic at the same time. I felt connected to everything and everyone, even while floating alone in endless darkness. Was this what it felt like to be a spirit? It was outlandish, but I didn't mind it. I could tell that the others were there, even if I couldn't see them. I felt their faint warmth and presence in the soothing dark.
What was beyond this bizarre darkness, anyway? I pretended I had hands to move through the air, but of course, nothing changed as I tried to move said hands through the air. Oh, my body doesn’t work like this anymore. I sensed presences beyond my friends, the other spirits who had given themselves up. We had all accepted our deaths. If I had any more tears to cry, they could no longer fall. This was the ultimate price, and we were paying it.
I’d always imagined that my death would happen on the battlefield. Back when I was a soldier, Bryce had taught us early in our training that we needed to be prepared for it. In retrospect, I understood that my old captain was so hard on us back then because he never truly wanted us to face death, except at a happy old age. As soldiers, we had to understand that death was waiting for us at every moment.
Darklight 7: Darkfall Page 34
