Confusion swept over her. “But then . . .”
He leaned forward. “Think, Elizabeth, who else has known you for a long time?”
She got nervously to her feet. She couldn’t think with him towering over her. “I’ve told you — there is no one. My cousin was sick. We went nowhere. I — I’m sorry to cause you so much trouble.” She turned toward the door. “I’ll — I’ll look for another place to live.”
“Why?” he asked gruffly. “Do you dislike me that much?”
“Oh no!” She whirled, surprising a look of disgust on his face. “It’s just, you’ll be marrying or — There’s Miss Bingley. And having me here is an embarrassment to you.”
He was staring at her. “What the devil does Miss Bingley have to do with this?”
“Why, she’s your new . . . That is, you’re going to —” Tears blinded Elizabeth and a lump in her throat made it hard to speak. She was muddling this, muddling it badly. He would think her a complete pea brain.
“Caroline means nothing to me,” he said flatly.
How could she believe that? “But the other night at the ball, and yesterday in the park — I saw. And you were supposed to meet her last night.”
He frowned, his brows coming together again. “What you observed was merely a flirtation, nothing serious. The lady does it all the time. With every man she sees.”
“I’m sorry,” Elizabeth mumbled. “I didn’t know.”
“As for marriage . . .” He took a step closer. “I have considered marriage.”
Feeling as though someone had knocked all the wind out of her, she grasped the back of the chair for support. Who? Who could Darcy want to marry? Why hadn’t she known?
“I even asked her,” he went on, “but the lady said no.”
“She couldn’t have! Not to you!” Aghast at what she’d said, Elizabeth raised a hand to her mouth. “I mean, all of England knows you’re a very eligible man.”
Darcy didn’t smile at the compliment. “She didn’t think so. She said she loved someone else.”
“Someone else?” Elizabeth repeated in bewilderment. How could any woman not love Darcy? Why must love be so difficult? So complicated? Everyone loving the wrong person. “I’m sorry, Mr. Darcy. You deserve to be happy.”
He shrugged. “Perhaps. But there is only one woman who can make me so.”
Her heart ached for him. Unrequited love was so painful, as she well knew. “Who is she, Mr. Darcy? Maybe I can speak to her.”
The most amazed look crossed his face. “You would speak for me?”
She buried her hands in her skirt, trying to hide their trembling. “Of course.”
“You actually think I would make an admirable husband?”
“I . . .” She could give him no less than the truth. “Yes, Darcy, I do.”
His eyes bored into hers. “You think that in spite of what you believed was about to occur between Caroline and me?”
She felt the blood rushing to her cheeks, but she met his gaze steadily. “Yes, I believe you are a man of honor. Whatever you may have done before marriage, I believe you would honor your vows afterward.”
“Thank you,” he said, solemnly inclining his head. “I may indeed ask you to intercede for me.”
“I — I will do so,” she stammered, turning away again, “whenever you ask.” The tears were rising and she didn’t want him to see her crying. He was going to marry. She could not conceive of any woman holding out against him for long. And his marrying meant she would have to leave.
The tears blurred her vision, made it difficult to see, but she stumbled toward the door. She had to get out of there, to get out of his sight.
She had reached the door, had her hand on the knob, when he said, “Elizabeth, please wait.”
“I — I am not feeling well,” she murmured.
“Please, turn around. This will take only a few minutes.”
She swiped hastily at her eyes and turned. And he was there, just a step or two away.
He touched her cheek with a warm finger. “Elizabeth, why are you crying?”
“It’s — it’s nothing. Just a silliness on my part.”
A frown crossed his face. “You do love Richard.”
“Oh no! I love . . .” Oh dear, now she’d done it! She stood, her heart pounding, her knees quivering.
“You love someone else,” he said, his voice curiously hoarse.
“I —” What was the use? She might as well admit it. “Yes.”
“His name. Tell me his name.”
“I cannot.”
“His name, Elizabeth. Perhaps I can intercede for you.”
She shook her head. “No, you can’t. I know he doesn’t care for me.”
“How can that be?” he asked solemnly. “You are so lovely.”
She stared at him, trying to hold back her tears. “Please, don’t try to make me feel better. I’ll . . . I’ll get over this.”
Why was he looking at her so strangely? If she hadn’t known better, she’d have said it was like the way the colonel looked at Kitty.
Darcy raised a dark eyebrow. “You really don’t know, do you?”
“Know what?”
He took another step and he was right there, so close she could have leaned into him. He was big, handsome. She wanted to throw herself into his arms, to kiss him as the stranger had kissed her, but she dared not do such a thing. This was Darcy, a man who was beyond her reach.
His hands closed around her shoulders. “You are so beautiful,” he said softly. “So very beautiful.”
Would he never leave off the flattery? Couldn’t he tell it didn’t help? She wanted only to end this conversation, to creep away and lick her wounds in silence. “I —”
And then to her complete surprise, he bent, covering her lips with his in a kiss the likes of which she had never even imagined. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think. He kissed her so passionately, so strongly, almost like the stranger. She opened her eyes, pulled her mouth free of his. “Darcy?”
“Yes,” he said, gazing down at her from smoldering eyes. “I love you. I’ve loved you for years.”
She could hardly believe such a thing. “Oh, then . . .?”
“Yes, it was me in the library. And when you said you loved someone else, I thought, I thought I would hold my peace.” He sighed deeply. “Above all I want you to be happy.”
“But —”
“So, whoever this man is, I will do all I can to help you win him.”
“But —”
“It will not be easy, because I —”
Why didn’t he stop talking long enough to hear her? Impatiently she reached up and pulled his head down, kissing him with all the wonderful feelings she’d been keeping hidden.
When they paused to breathe, she said hurriedly, “It was you, Darcy! The someone else was you!”
He crushed her to him. “Oh my darling, my Elizabeth.” He led her to the sofa and settled them there, his arm around her. “I have loved you all these years,” he said softly, taking her hand in his. “But then you became Collins's wife. And you were beyond the pale.”
“My father only wanted to protect me.”
He nodded. “He had no idea of my feelings for you. No one had.”
“I certainly didn’t,” she said. “You know, I think I have loved you all that time too. Though I didn’t know it till quite recently.”
“There will be talk about us,” he warned, smoothing back her hair with tender fingers. “Gossip can be cruel.”
She shrugged. “Gossip cannot hurt us. We have done nothing wrong. I didn’t even know I loved you until several weeks ago.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat. There was something that could hurt them. She must tell him, she must not let him expect . . . “Mr. Collins and I —”
“I know you were a good wife to him,” he said, squeezing her hand.
“But that is just it, Darcy. I was not — We did not — I don’t know how to say —”
“It’s just — I don’t know how to be a wife. And — and I don’t want you to be disappointed.”
He laughed, sounding as young and happy as he had in those faraway days. “I shall certainly not be disappointed,” he said, hugging her close. “And do not worry, I shall teach you everything you need to know.”
He kissed the tip of her nose. “You have bewitched me, body and soul.”
“The love notes —”
“The first one I had from before — and didn’t get to give you. The others I wrote now. I was afraid to approach you directly.” He sighed. “While Collins lived I made myself keep my distance. But I wanted you so much, so very much.” He kissed her again, very thoroughly. Then he cupped her face in his palms. “I’m pleased you think I’ll make an admirable husband. I’ll do all I can to make you happy.”
“I know you will.” She sighed in contentment, nestling into the crook of his arm. “I cannot believe I didn’t know, didn’t feel it was you. All along it was you!”
He smiled and kissed her ear. “No matter, love. From now on it will always be me.”
“I knew it!” Kitty cried from the doorway. “I knew it from the way you looked at each other!” She clapped her hands in glee. “Wait till I tell everyone! Now we shall have two weddings to plan. How marvelous!”
And Elizabeth, smiling up into Darcy’s face, heartily agreed.
Mr Darcy's Admiration Page 5
