In that moment Andi realized the impossible could actually happen. Already he was taking this beyond where she felt comfortable. She wanted her first kiss to be tender and romantic, and this was feeling like some cheap scene in a second-rate movie. Again she tried to put distance between the two of them, but before she could say anything, they heard voices coming their way from the opposite direction.
Jake drew back, his eyes wide and nervous, his breathing fast. “What was that?”
“I don’t know.” She silently thanked God for the distraction and adjusted her sweater. “Someone’s coming.”
At that moment, Dayne Matthews and his wife, Katy, came into view. They were holding hands, talking, lost in each other. Katy had their baby girl in a front pack carrier, her hand sheltering the back of the child’s head. They looked up at the same time and noticed Andi and Jake. For a second they stopped, probably surprised to see anyone on the path ahead of them.
“Jake?” Dayne’s look was both puzzled and knowing. “What’re you doing?”
Andi was still breathless, and her face felt like it was on fire. She met eyes with Katy and then looked down at the ground, ashamed. Of course Dayne would know Jake. They’d probably been to the same red carpet events in Hollywood.
Jake released a nervous laugh. He put one hand in his pocket and with the other he reached out and shook Dayne’s. “Hey, man … didn’t get to talk to you much the other day at the set.”
The few beats of silence that followed made Andi look up. Dayne had one eyebrow raised, first toward Jake and then toward her. “You’re Keith’s daughter, right?”
“Yes, sir.” Andi was shaking. She took a step closer to Jake and gave a polite nod to Dayne. “I’ve seen you a few times, but we haven’t officially met.”
“Nice to meet you.” Dayne’s words were hesitant. No question he knew what they had stumbled onto. He put his arm around his wife. “This is Katy and our little girl, Sophie.” He aimed a direct look at Jake. “It’s getting a little too dark to be out here, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” Jake laughed again and reached for Andi’s hand. “We were only staying a few more minutes at the most.”
“Good.” Dayne resumed his pace, motioning to Jake as he went. “Come on. You can walk back with us.”
The relief that flooded Andi told her how frightened she’d been. Beside her she could feel Jake’s resistance to the idea, but before he could protest, Andi slipped her hand free from Jake’s, smiled at Katy and moved next to her as the group started walking. “Bailey Flanigan is my roommate.” She was deeply embarrassed, but she could only move the conversation forward. “She thinks the world of you.”
“Thanks.” There was nothing critical in Katy’s kind expression. “I think the world of her too.”
Jake and Dayne made small talk as they walked back to the parking lot. The Dodge Ram was Dayne’s—something Andi remembered now. It was the same truck he’d driven to the set earlier. Dayne shook Jake’s hand again. “You living right, man?”
Again Jake’s laugh sounded more nervous than funny. “Not like you. Family man and church and all.”
“Best change I ever made.” He eyed Jake. “Make good choices, Olson. This business’ll eat you alive.” He gave him a soft slap on the arm. “You ever want to talk about God … the bigger picture … you know where to reach me. Just leave a message at the Bloomington Community Theater.”
“Okay.” Jake looked more serious than he had before. “Thanks, man.”
Andi hugged Katy. “Your baby is beautiful.”
“She’s feisty, that’s for sure.” Katy kissed the top of Sophie’s head. “She’s changing every day.” Katy met Andi’s eyes. This time she kept her voice low enough so the guys couldn’t hear her. “Do your parents know you’re here?”
She felt the shame from earlier come back stronger. A lie was forming in her mind, but she had the strong feeling Katy would see right through it. “No.”
“I didn’t think so.” Katy put her hand on Andi’s shoulder. “Jake’s not ready for a girl like you, Andi. Don’t sell yourself short.”
The sky was nearly dark overhead, but she could still make out the sincerity in Katy’s eyes. Andi bit her lip and nodded quickly. “Okay.” She had her back to Jake and Dayne, who were still talking. Even still she kept her voice low. “I think … you came along … at just the right time.”
Katy smiled. “Me too.”
They said their goodbyes and climbed in their vehicles, and only after Dayne and Katy drove away did Jake release a frustrated sigh. “Great timing.” He reached out and put his hand on her knee. With none of the sweet words or tender looks, he moved closer. “Now … where were we?”
She moved back against the car door, just out of his reach. What was wrong with her? She felt cheap and easy and disappointed. What had she been thinking? And what if Katy and Dayne hadn’t walked by just then? Her confidence was in place again as she aimed her answer straight at Jake. “We were headed back.” Her lips still burned from his kiss, but she couldn’t wait to get home and wash her face.
He clenched his jaw and turned away from her to stare out his side window. When he faced her again the charming mask was gone. “Are you kidding me? You let me kiss you like that, and we’re just supposed to stop?”
The fear from earlier rose up. Dayne and Katy were gone, and if Jake wanted to have his own way, she couldn’t think of a thing she could do to defend herself. It was nearly pitch dark now, so running back on her own was also out of the question. Calm, she told herself. God, please help me be calm. Help me make sense. She steadied herself with a slow breath. “Jake, we stopped a long time ago.” She made a squeamish face. “I don’t feel good. Seriously. I’d like to get back.”
Jake frowned, his jaw set. But at her mention of being sick his shoulders slumped and he started the engine. “Fine.” He peeled out of the parking spot and broke the speed limit all the way back to his hotel. The whole way he blasted the radio so there would be no need for small talk.
With every mile, Andi felt worse. She had told herself that going to the lake with Jake would be exciting, daring, the sort of thrill she’d been sheltered from all her life. Instead she couldn’t wait to be rid of him. At the hotel he slammed the gearshift into park and studied her. His smile was almost mean. “You missed out tonight, sweetheart. I was willing to show you the ropes.” He lifted his hands and cocked his head, as if to say she’d truly made a mistake. “We were having a good time.”
“You know what?” Andi had just enough spunk left to be honest with him. It would probably be the last time he talked to her anyway. “That’s not my idea of a good time.”
He chuckled, his tone lacking any respect for her. “Coulda’ fooled me.” He patted her hand, as if in this final moment he was trying to make things right between them again. “Maybe you just have less experience than you think.” He gave her a mock salute and he was gone. She didn’t watch him go as she climbed out and went around to the driver’s side of her car. The five-minute drive to the dorm she could do nothing but play the evening over in her head again and again. She’d been a fool, and worse, she’d almost been raped. So what if he was a movie star? That didn’t mean he wouldn’t have forced himself on her. She would’ve been too embarrassed to report him, which was something he probably figured before they ever left.
She felt sick to her stomach as she parked and headed up the stairs into her dorm building. A night guard was there, but he was reading so he didn’t look up as she passed by. The world wouldn’t have cared if she were coming home now having been accosted. She’d be just one more lonely college girl carrying a world of heartache.
In her room, she looked at the picture of Bailey and her family that hung near her bed. Bailey never would’ve done something so risky, so dangerous. She had warned Andi about Jake earlier today, so of course she’d seen this coming. Andi flopped down on her bed and stared at the ceiling. But she could never be as good as Bailey Flanigan. Or maybe
after tonight she could be. She wasn’t sure.
She pictured Jake mocking her, telling her he’d wanted to show her a few things. He was gross and disgusting, even if he was famous. Andi blinked, trying to imagine the night ending differently. If she were honest with herself, it was more Jake she disliked than what he wanted to do. If he’d been more romantic or tender with her, then she might not have cared if he didn’t stop at kissing. His words came back to her. What was wrong with two people making out? They were only enjoying each other, right? Wasn’t that what Jake had said? If he’d been more of a gentleman, if he hadn’t gone so fast, she might have been willing to explore that enjoyment a little more.
Her graduation photo with Rachel caught her attention and she looked long into her friend’s eyes. You were a good girl, Rach … but where did it get you? What was the point? In some ways she wanted to go out and get into worse trouble. Prove to Jake that she was plenty capable of going farther than kissing—regardless of her inexperience. But the thought of doing something that crazy didn’t only trouble her. It sickened her.
What a waste of a first kiss.
Tears flooded her eyes and she thought about staying home the rest of the night and reading Rachel’s quote book. Every time she looked through it she found something meaningful—as if God could speak straight to her soul through the lines of her friend’s journal. She picked up her cell phone and checked the screen. It wasn’t quite eight thirty. That meant they were probably just into the second half in the Clear Creek homecoming game.
She sat up and talked herself into going. Being with Bailey would help her forget the terrible night. She made up her mind and looked in the mirror on the way out, and for a few seconds she could only stare at her image. Something looked different, though she couldn’t figure exactly what. Not until she turned and grabbed her purse from the desk chair did it occur to her why her reflection looked off, why she didn’t have the same glow in her eyes that she’d always had. The one Bailey had. The reason weighed on Andi as she left for the football game because it was both obvious and sad.
Some of her innocence was gone.
Nineteen
CODY’S HEART SANK AS HE WATCHED Bailey join up with her mom and brothers at the end of halftime. She wasn’t alone. She was with Tim Reed, and though they weren’t holding hands, they looked happy. They sat down in front of Bailey’s mother, the same place where Cody had been. He watched Bailey lean back and say something to her mom, and then turn quickly and shade her eyes, staring down at the Clear Creek sidelines.
If she was looking for him, he wasn’t going to let her catch him watching. She was with her boyfriend, and now that halftime was over, he was ready to go. He found Jim Flanigan again and gave him a hug. They’d talked a little about Cody’s decision to pursue a medical career, and how he’d been attending a new church not far from campus. Now he thanked the man who had been more of a father than anyone else in his life. “I wouldn’t be doing any of this if it weren’t for you.” Cody didn’t allow his tone to get too serious, but it was one of those nights when he didn’t want to leave a compliment unsaid.
Jim returned his hug, holding onto him the way he did his own sons. “Come around. I mean it, Cody.”
“I will.” He smiled, but only to cover up the ache he was feeling. He missed the Flanigans more than he let on. He gave a last wave as he walked away. “Go win tomorrow.”
“It’ll be a tough one.” Jim gave a familiar grin, the one Cody had known all those years playing for him and living at the Flanigan house. “We’re proud of you, Cody. Call if you need anything.”
Cody looked toward Bailey only twice as he walked up the stairs to the exit. Both times she wasn’t caught in a conversation with Tim or lost in the thrill of a Friday night with the people she cared about most. Both times she was looking straight at him. Even from across the stadium sections he could see the hurt look in her eyes, a mixture of confusion and frustration, as if she couldn’t understand why he would leave without talking to her.
He was being a jerk, but he couldn’t help himself. He gave a slight wave of his fingers the second time he looked, and then he didn’t turn his eyes to her again. He walked up the sloped path toward the parking lot, steeling himself against the now cold wind. Couldn’t Bailey see why he didn’t walk over to her? He could never casually hang around Bailey and Tim, acting like he was fine with the situation.
Not when he still hadn’t learned how to stop loving her. Never mind that he truly believed someone like Tim Reed would be better for Bailey, more her type. That didn’t stop him from feeling.
“Hey! Cody, is that you?”
He looked up, and there, hurrying down the hill, was Andi Ellison—Bailey’s roommate. “Hey.” He kept his tone upbeat. If he was going to have to live without Bailey, he might as well figure out a way to adjust. “The third quarter’s half done.”
“I know.” She reached him, out of breath. “I couldn’t get here until now.”
“You’re not missing much. Clear Creek’s winning by three touchdowns.”
“I was more looking for Bailey.” She stopped and hugged herself, and in the spray of light from the stadium, her eyes looked like she’d been crying. “Did you see her?”
“She’s sitting with Tim and her family, near the fifty-yard line.”
“Oh … she’s with Tim.” She tried to hide her disappointment, but she failed. Again something in her eyes looked deeply sad. “Maybe I’ll just go back to the dorm then.”
“Okay.” He kept walking toward his car, and she turned and walked next to him. Cody wasn’t sure he should ask. He didn’t really know her, so he couldn’t expect her to tell him how she was doing. Even if something was wrong. But the cold night and the closeness of her beside him gave him the courage to ask anyway. “Hey … you all right?”
She angled her face but lifted her eyes to his. “Not really.” Her teeth chattered softly as she walked. “It’s a long story.” They continued on another few yards, and then she met his eyes again. “So what’s with you and Bailey?”
He laughed softly. “Another long story.”
This time she slowed her pace and an idea seemed to come to her. “Maybe I’ll wait out here for Bailey.” Her tone was lighter than before. “You have to be somewhere?”
“No.” He allowed a quiet laugh at the idea. “Not hardly. Just heading back to work on an essay.”
She gave a half shrug. “Wanna talk? We could sit in my car.” She pointed just ahead of them at the first row of cars. “I’m in front. That way I could see when Bailey walks by.”
He thought for a minute. “Sure, I guess.” There were no reasons why he couldn’t sit for a while with Bailey’s roommate. They walked together, plenty of space between them, and he slid into the passenger side of her ancient blue Jetta. In his high school days, Cody could easily tell if a girl was coming onto him or not. But Andi’s voice, her body language, and the look in her eyes told him this wasn’t one of those times. He actually liked the idea of getting to know Andi better. She was a nice girl, even if she wasn’t Bailey. Besides, he hadn’t had a good conversation since … well, since his walk across campus after Cru more than a week ago. And Bailey was too busy to talk tonight.
“Okay,” he positioned himself against the passenger door. “Tell me your long story.”
Andi took a long breath and gripped the steering wheel. Her eyes stared straight ahead, but it was clear in the reflection of parking lot lights that she was seeing something else—maybe whatever had made her so sad. Finally she looked at him, an embarrassed frown on her face. “I went out with Jake Olson earlier tonight.”
“Hmmm.” Cody wasn’t altogether surprised. Andi was a striking girl, and Jake had probably noticed her on the set a number of times this week. “Things didn’t go so well?”
“No.” She told him how they’d gone to Lake Monroe and how she’d been worried when they seemed to be the only people alone on the hiking trail around the edge of the lake. “But I don
’t know, at the same time I was okay with it. I’ve lived such a safe life. So predictable.” She leaned her head back against the head-rest. “Sometimes I’m tired of being so safe.”
Cody wanted to tell her that he was exactly the other way around. His younger days, through much of his high school years, were as unsafe as they could’ve been. He gave her a sad smile. “Honestly? It’s not all it’s cracked up to be … living dangerously.”
“Still,” Andi seemed restless, and he could sense in her an insatiable appetite for life—all life. “I guess I’m a little tired of the perfect missionary kid image.” She brushed her hand in the air, like she didn’t want to bore him with all the details. “Anyway, when we got out there he said all this nice stuff, and then before I knew what was happening he was kissing me.”
Cody understood. There was a time in his life when he would’ve been Jake, taking whatever he could get from an innocent, willing girl like Andi. He listened and she looked slightly uncomfortable as she told him how the kissing grew more intense. Just when she started to feel afraid, Dayne Matthews and his wife walked up from the other direction.
“So maybe God was looking out for you.” Cody felt like an older brother, the way he’d felt at the beginning when he and Bailey used to have talks like this one.
“Yeah. Or it was just good timing. Something.” She closed her eyes. “I keep thinking my first kiss should’ve been more special than that. The way it was for Bailey and Tim.”
Cody sucked in a quiet breath and kept his reaction to himself. But the blow couldn’t have hurt worse if she’d pierced an arrow through his heart. He had guessed that Tim had given Bailey her first kiss, but he tried not to think about it. Now, though, the image was in his heart and soul, along with a river of regret. He needed to say something, otherwise she’d read into his silence. “So,” he ran his tongue over his lower lip and tried to find his voice. “Bailey and Tim are doing great?”
“They are.” Andi shifted so her back was against her door. “When school started, she wasn’t sure. She liked him, but she wasn’t sure she was in love with him. You know?”
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