by Hanna Ruthie
“Why?”
“Because you’re too good for them. They’re immature, stupid and privileged. They think they can just take what they want,” he answers.
I go quiet for a moment. In his own way, I think he’s just trying to look out for me.
“They’re not all bad,” I reply quietly.
Matthew shakes his head at me. “If you want to roll the dice on it, be my guest. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
* * *
I share an Uber to the frat party with the nice red head from my trig class, Emily. She looks stunning. She’s wearing a cute purple dress that’s short but flowy, showing off her long toned legs. Two black heels sit on her feet, her hair curled and pulled over one shoulder. Big gold hoops hang from her ears, her makeup flawless. I on the other hand, don’t look nearly as great. A dress like her’s is not a luxury I can currently afford. Instead, I’m attending the party in my black skinny jeans, ripped at the knee, a slim blue tank top and a soft grey cardigan. Of course, to top off the outfit are my worn down Converse. I did good with what I could. I pulled my hair into a half up half down style, curling the strands loosely that hang over my shoulder. I did a little more with my makeup than usual, using some eyeshadow and lipstick with my usual layer of mascara. As the car pulls up to the house, we get out, already hearing the loud base that’s spilling from the party. As our ride drives away, I swallow nervously. Matthew may have been right. It looks like a mess. There’s a couple screaming at each other on the lawn, a kid passed out on the porch swing with a red solo cup in his hand, and a girl heaving into the bushes by the side of the house.
“Come on!” Emily says, taking me by the hand and dragging me inside.
As soon as we enter the house, a blast of heat hits us. It must have gone up twenty degrees. The music is deafening and the house is way over it’s capacity, everyone dancing and grinding and kissing and drunk. Emily says something to me but I don’t hear a word of it. I shake my head, trying to signal to her that I don’t understand.
“What?!” I shout above the music.
She pretends to drink from a cup and points at the kitchen, telling me she’s going to get a drink. I wave her off, letting her go. I don’t think I want to drink tonight. But it’s seeming to me like that’s the only way to actually enjoy these parties. I walk around a little bit, checking it all out. The upstairs is dark, telling people to keep out. There’s a long line trailing from the bathroom and I walk by just as a couple stumbles out together, gigging. In the back of the house there’s a TV where a bunch of guys are playing video games. I glance outside and catch the sight of lights. I head into the backyard, looking for some fresh air. There are little lights strung up all around the backyard. Out here, the music isn’t as loud. A game of beer pong is going on to the right and there are couples scattered all around making out. In the middle of the backyard, where there’s still concrete and no grass, there’s a small game of basketball going on. Against the house are a few coolers, and I head there, searching out a water bottle. I twist the cap off, breaking the seal, and drink a little, watching the basketball game. Matthew’s there. He’s the first one I notice. I can’t stop staring at him. He shoots the ball and I watch as it slides easily through the net. Some shouting at the beer pong table gets my attention and I look over, seeing a scrawny kid chugging down the contents of a red solo cup. I laugh a little at the sight. I look around a bit more, my eyes scanning the backyard until they stop on a pair of eyes already looking at me. A tall blonde is staring at me from the other side of the backyard. Knowing he’s been caught, he gives me a little wave. I blush a little at the attention and wave back. He kicks off the fence where he’s been standing and starts towards me. I fidget nervously, trying to get myself in order before he makes it to me. And then, suddenly, he’s there, right in front of me.
“Hey,” he says, offering me a hand. “I’m Parker.”
I shake it, trying to be brave. “Josie,” I reply.
I drop his hand, taking a sip of my water to busy myself.
“Josie…” He tries out my name, smiling at me. Oh my God, that’s a nice smile. It’s wide, with dimples, his teeth straight and white. His eyes are very blue and very attractive. He runs a hand through that blonde hair and the thin strands fall around a bit haphazardly. He looks like a surfer.
He leans his shoulder against the house, looking at me. I can feel myself blushing from the attention. I look down at my Converse.
“I haven’t seen you around here before,” he says.
I look over at him. “I’m a first timer.”
“Mm, makes sense,” he replies, nodding his head.
I look back out at the basketball game. Matthew’s eyes meet mine. He’s staring at me, his expression grim. I raise my water bottle to him, trying to say hello. He turns his head away from me and looks back towards the game. I don’t know why but… it stings a little bit. Fine. If he doesn’t want to give me the time of day I’ll give to to this perfectly cute, perfectly nice guy next to me.
“So, you frequent these parties often?” I ask Parker, turning towards him.
He nods. “I’m on the baseball team. We get invited to almost every one.”
“Wow, you get the VIP invitation huh?”
He chuckles, dragging his hand over his mouth. “I guess if you want to call it that.”
We look at each other for a moment, smiling, until I break, looking down bashfully.
“Can I get you a drink Josie?” He asks.
I point to my water bottle. “I’m good actually.”
He eyes my water bottle. “That’s no fun.”
“I disagree,” I reply. “Water is very fun. The kind of fun that keeps you alive.”
He chuckles. “The kind of fun that’ll get you to dance with me?” He asks, nodding his head inside.
I raise an eyebrow at him, impressed. “Very smooth. Sure, I’ll dance.”
I set my water bottle down and take the hand he offers, following him inside. But the crowd is unbearable. We can’t even make it through to where everyone’s dancing. So instead, Parker pulls me over to the wall behind where the video game tournament is going on. He releases my hand, hovering over me.
“Let’s play a game,” he says.
I look behind him at the video games. I’m not very good at them. In fact, I can count the number of times I’ve played on one hand. Parker’s finger pulls my eyes back towards his.
“Not that type of game,” he says, his hand sliding down my arm until it reaches my wrist. His fingers circle around it.
I look down at my wrist in Parker’s grip. I don’t like the way he’s holding it there.
“What type of game?” I ask cautiously.
I look back up at Parker and he moves closer to me. I back up a step when I smell the alcohol on his breath.
“Seven minutes in heaven?” He suggests.
His hand tightens around my wrist. He leans forward to kiss me but he stops when I recoil.
“No thanks Parker.”
I give a firm shake of my head. I don’t want to give him the wrong impression. Sure, maybe if I had spent a little more time getting to know him I’d give him a kiss. But not now. Not after just five minutes. I try to shake my wrist from his grasp but he only tightens his hold on me. He leans in again and this time, when I step away from him my back hits the wall. It frightens me a little. I’m trapped, pinned between him and the wall.
“Parker I said no.”
My wrist is pounding from where his grip is ever tightening. “I hate that word,” he says.
Red flag. My gut begins to stir in worry. Get out of this. Suddenly, a huge hand grips Parker’s shoulder, turning him around roughly. When Matthew’s face comes into view, I feel relief spread through my body.
“Leave her alone Parker,” he says.
“Fuck off man,” he replies, turning back towards me.
Matthew grabs his shoulder again, forcing him to turn around.
“What’s the de
al man? Is this your girlfriend or something?” Parker asks.
Matthew shakes his head. “Maybe I just don’t appreciate the rapey vibe you’re giving off.”
“Fuck off Steele,” Parker spits.
I’m terrified. Matthew’s trying to help, and he’s bigger than Parker, but not by much. He gets really close to Parker, his hand making a fist of Parker’s shirt.
“Listen to me closely now. She’s off limits. The baseball team and basketball team are close man. We practice together. We do workouts together. So unless you want serious trouble from the whole team, I highly suggest you fuck off.”
Parker stares him down for a second and then lifts his hands up in surrender.
“I didn’t know she was your girl. I’m sorry dude.”
Parker backs off me and my chest opens up with air to breathe again. He’s still hovering though, and he stays to tap knuckles with Matthew. I can tell Matt doesn’t want to, but he’s playing nice to get me out of the situation. He reluctantly hits Parker’s fist with his own and watches him as he walks deeper into the house.
As soon as he’s out of sight, Matthew moves closer to me.
“Oh my God,” I say, still in shock over what just happened. “What the hell is his problem?”
I grab my wrist, rubbing it where he held me. Matthew’s face moves in front of mine, getting my attention.
“Forget it Josie. He’s just an ass.”
A shiver does down my spine. “I told him no. Why didn’t he stop?”
Matthew grabs my hand. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
Chapter 12
Matthew Steele.
“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” I ask Josie, grabbing her hand carefully.
Fucking Parker. As soon as I saw that piece of shit with her I knew it meant trouble. When I saw them go inside, something in my gut just made me follow them. Thank God I did.
She shakes her head. “No. He just said some things, tried to kiss me.”
“What things? I swear to God Josie if he-”
Josie shocks the hell out of me when she wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me tight. And damn if my black heart doesn’t squeeze. I shock my own damn self by wrapping my arms around her and hugging her back. She’s shaking a little, trembling like a leaf in the wind.
“I’m so sorry Matthew. I shouldn’t have come to this party in the first place. You were right. You were right about everything. I don’t belong here. And I should have listened. And you-”
“Enough Josie,” I say softly. I hate her apologizing to me. No part of it feels right. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes it was. You warned me and I was stupid and went in and…”
I can feel her shake against me and God, it makes me want to rip Parker’s fucking head off. But it also makes me-
“Josie,” I say, pulling back. “Look at me.”
She pulls her head up to look at me, dropping her arms from around my neck and taking a step back.
“Can I get you out of here?” I ask. “Can we go somewhere else, please?”
She nods her head fervently and grabs my hand. I let her take it, ignoring the bolt of electricity that goes through my entire body. I’m walking us out of the house when she stops me.
“Wait,” she says. “I have to find Emily. I came here with her. I don’t want to just abandon her.”
Fuck Emily, let’s go. It takes serious self control to stop myself from dragging Josie away right there. Instead, I sigh, running a hand through my hair, frustrated.
“You have her number?” I ask.
Josie nods her head and pulls out her phone. We step outside and I wait as she calls her classmate, explaining how she’s leaving. Once she gets the all clear, she hangs up the phone, grabbing my hand again. I take her down the street to my truck, opening the car door for her and letting her get in. When she fiddles with her seat-belt, I gently take it from her hands and lean across her, clicking it in place. I pull back slowly, letting my body ignite in want for hers. She looks really fucking pretty tonight. After I shut the door, I stand for a moment, collecting my thoughts. I make a mental note to myself, dick included.
Please behave.
Then I get in the car and get it started, turning the heat towards her. She’s shivering, trying to compose herself, and I let her have silence as I drive her the two blocks to The Burger Joint.
“Is this okay?” I ask her, parking outside.
She nods her head yes and hops out of the car. We walk inside, finding our booth in the back where we studied before midterms. Johnny comes over to us quickly.
“Hey Matty. Josie, you enjoying your night off?” He asks.
Night off? She took work off for that fucking party? Josie looks over at me.
“It’s alright,” she replies, looking down.
Johnny shoots me a look of confusion. I shake my head at him, letting him know to leave it alone. He shrugs once and then pulls out his notepad.
“You guys know what you want?” He questions.
“I’ll have some fries,” I answer.
He writes it down and looks over to Josie.
“Ummm…” She hums the word out and it brings my attention right to those pink pouty lips.
“Can I get a vanilla milkshake?” She decides finally.
Johnny nods his head. “'Course. I’ll have that right out for you guys.”
He moves away and Josie turns her attention back to the table. There’s a minute of silence between us as I watch Josie, her head staring down at the table.
“Matthew,” she starts softly. “I’m really-”
“For God’s sake,” I interrupt. “Don’t say sorry. Stop telling me that.”
“But I am.”
“Well you shouldn’t be.”
Josie’s head tilts to the side a bit, her pretty hazel eyes shimmering in question. “What does that mean?” She asks.
I shrug, taking the salt from the side of the table and sliding it between my fingers.
“I just mean, you should never be sorry. Especially not to me.”
“But I-”
“Josie,” I interrupt, looking up at her. “Seriously.”
Josie’s lips fall into a pout as she looks down at the table. “Okay,” she replies softly.
Another minute goes by and I let my hands fall back down to the salt shaker. Sliding it back and forth, back and forth, like a basketball.
“Thank you,” Josie says quietly.
I look up at her. “What for?”
“For getting him off of me. And for getting me out of there.”
I lean back in the booth, rubbing my hand over my chin.
“Fucking Parker. I hate that guy and his friends. Hell, I hate the whole fucking baseball team. I wish I could have broken his nose.”
“No but-”
“What a fucking piece of shit. I hate everything about him. And I have to play nice just because Aaron’s got into a fight with the baseball team and the whole thing blew up and both teams almost got suspended. And if I did that I’d lose my fucking scholarship so here I am stuck playing nice and-”
“Matt,” Josie says, cutting in.
I look at her and feel my eyes soften. Matt. She called me Matt. I don’t think she’s ever called me that before.
“I just wanted to say thank you,” she finishes. I can see her eyes getting watery. “If you hadn’t have come over… I don’t, I don’t know what would have happened.”
“Don’t think about it Josie,” I say, shaking my head.
“No but I- I can’t. I can’t stop thinking about it. I was so so stupid,” she says. A tear falls from her eyes and my stomach clenches in pain. She wipes it away, but not before I can see it.
“Josie, please don’t cry,” I beg. I can’t deal with girls much less girls crying.
“I know, I’m so sorry. It’s so embarrassing. I’m acting like a big baby.”
I can’t help it when my feet move of their own accord and I slide into the booth next to
Josie. My arms are wrapping around her again, just like in the house. My hand trying to soothe her by running gently over her back.
“I told you not to apologize to me,” I say.
“I know,” she mumbles against me. “I’m sorry.”
Then, realizing what she just did, she giggles. “Shoot, I- I did it again.”
I chuckle, running my fingers through her silky hair. “Last time.”
She pulls away from me a little bit, sadness still clouding her eyes. She looks down at her wrist, rubbing it gently.
“Do you think there will be a bruise?” She asks.
I look down at her wrist, confused.
“He grabbed me there,” she explains. “And he held me there and it… it hurt Matt. And I can still feel his fingers.”
I hold my hand out, asking permission for her wrist. She looks at me and grants permission, sliding her hand into mine. I turn her hand over slowly and run my fingers up and down the skin as softly as I can, trying to give her new feelings to erase the old unpleasant ones. It’s not even the wrist where the poison ivy has given her a rash. It’s her other one, giving her balanced pain on both arms.
I lift her wrist up to my mouth and kiss it gently. Lay my lips on her skin where Parker grabbed it. It’s soft and smooth and it ignites more in me. I want to kiss her like this everywhere. I press my lips against that small piece of skin until I feel it’s healed. Then and only then do I release her hand.
“Better?” I ask.
Josie tilts her head to the side, looking at me strangely.
“Matthew Steele,” she says, her hand gently sliding across my cheek. “You aren’t mean at all. You’re sweet.”
“I’m really not,” I grumble. “Only around…”
I cut myself off. What was I about to say? You!? Only around you?! What the fuck?!
Josie smiles and removes her hand. She looks down at her wrist again.
“You’ve got to stop thinking about it, it’s over now,” I tell her.
She nods slowly. “I know. You’re… you’re right.”
Just then Johnny brings the food over. He seems surprised to see us sitting on the same side of the booth, angling towards each other. So close.
