by Melody Sweet
I rushed to grab my stuff, throwing on my shirt and haphazardly doing up the buttons.
She didn’t say anything, just watched me with a look of desolation.
I ignored it. I had to.
Bending down, I placed a kiss on her lips. “I'll be back.”
I rushed for the door before she could say anything else. I thought I heard her whisper something, but I didn't know what she said. I had another confrontation I needed to psych myself up for. It wouldn't be pretty, but I’d do whatever it took to keep Ella.
35
Ella
“I won't be here,” I whispered as Cole swung the door shut. He didn't hear me and that was okay. I knew I had to leave.
Last night was magic, heaven...perfection.
But it had to be a one-time thing.
Life wasn't always roses and cupcakes, and as much as I wanted Cole, he couldn't be my Prince Charming.
We didn't have a sunset.
We had reality. We had David.
What were we supposed to do, just start going out as if the guy didn't exist anymore? It couldn't work and I couldn't stay; the fallout from my decision last night was too monumental. It scared the hell out of me and I had to get away.
The idea of being on my own was less terrifying than facing the conflict ahead.
Running back to my room, I snatched out a pair of jeans and pulled them on. Grabbing out a T-shirt, I threw it over my tank top and shimmied into my sweater and jacket. I yanked the backpack out from under my bed and began haphazardly throwing things inside, trying to get my frantic brain to think through what I'd need.
There was no folding involved. I just dumped things randomly inside, the bag getting heavier with each item. Dropping it onto my tussled sheets, I felt my fractured heart splintering a little more.
I ran my fingers over my pillow and remembered, my eyes closing as the sweet ecstasy of my night permeated the corners of my brain.
A sob burst from between my lips and I sniffed. Tears exploded from my eyes as I grabbed my round packet of pills off my bedside table. I popped one into my mouth and swallowed it down, wondering if I'd ever need birth control again.
How would any man ever measure up to Cole?
He was magic and passion wrapped up in one. He was my perfect match. If I walked away from him now, I was sealing my fate. I would be single for the rest of my life. But I had to go. I just had to go.
Zipping my bag closed, I wiped my sleeve over my face and headed for the door.
It swung open before I got to it, and I dropped my bag in fright.
Breathing out a sigh of relief, I looked at Morgan, a fresh wave of tears coursing down my face.
“What happened?”
I shook my head, swiping at tears and trying to rein in my punchy breaths.
“Did Cole find you?”
“He spent the night,” I hiccuped.
Morgan's eyes lit and she closed the door before turning to me with a smile. “I thought he might. That's why I chose to stay at Brad's. How was it?”
“How do you think it was?” I threw my hands in the air. “It was freaking amazing, Morgan!”
Her face crested with a compassionate smile. “So, if it was so great, why do you look like you're about to shatter?”
“It can't work.” I shrugged. “How could it ever work? I can't screw up their friendship. I'm not gonna be the girl they fight over.”
“Honey, Cole is so perfect for you. You're seriously just gonna leave him? I thought you loved him.”
“I do. You have no idea how much.” I shook my head, pressing my lips together as my tummy trembled. “But I have to go. I have to figure out what's right for me, and I can't do that around him. I can't be this close to David and Cole...and even you! I need some space...on my own to work this all out.”
Morgan paused, her eyes darting to the floor before settling on me. Her smile was beaming with pride. “Good girl.” She nodded. “I've been wanting you to say that for a really long time.”
I rushed into her arms and pressed my face against her shoulder. “I'm petrified.”
She squeezed me tight. “You're stronger than you think, and once you've had some space to breathe, you'll know. You'll know what's worth fighting for.”
She pushed me away from her and held me at arm's length. “Where are you gonna go?”
“I don't know yet. I just can't be here.”
“Do you want me to take you anywhere?”
“No, I'm gonna head to the bus station and decide from there.”
She looked worried but put on a brave face. “Promise you'll call me once you're settled. Jody will freak out if she doesn't know where you are.”
I grinned. I knew she really meant her. “I will.” I gripped her elbows. “Promise you won’t tell Cole once you know.”
Her expression faltered, bunching with reluctance before finally relaxing. “Are you sure?”
No, of course I wasn't sure! It hurt like hell to think he could never find me, but if he followed me, I wouldn't be able to resist him.
“Promise me, Morgan.”
She sighed and gave a stiff nod. “I promise.”
“Thank you.”
I stepped into her embrace again, clinging to her. It was like saying goodbye to my mother in some ways, and it tore me apart. Tears shook me and it took every ounce of willpower to step out of her grasp.
“Be safe,” she whispered.
“I will.” I nodded back, clicking the door open.
I stepped into the corridor, clutching the bag tightly in my hand. My old friends, Vulnerability and Isolation, sat heavy on my shoulders, turning my legs to lead, but I fought them all the way. Keeping my eyes straight ahead, I walked out of the building, away from the people I loved.
As I raised my arm to hail the passing taxi, I felt a small flutter of freedom rush through me, like in spite of this pain I was somehow doing the right thing.
I slid into the cab and pressed my head back into the seat.
“Where to, lady?”
“The Greyhound bus station, please.”
He pulled away from the curb and I closed my eyes, tears silently falling as I drove away from the best thing that had ever happened to me.
36
Cole
I didn't know if I'd find David in our room or not, but that was where I started.
“David! You in here, man?” My heart was hammering as I flicked the door closed behind me.
My night with Ella had been every kind of right, but I also felt like a scummy friend. Sure, they'd broken up, but Ella was right...there had been zero grace period.
I wanted to scold myself for crossing a line, but I just couldn't. Ella in my arms had been perfection, and I needed more of her...for the rest of my life.
“Dave-o?” I glanced into his room. His bed was still neatly made, meaning he probably hadn't made it home.
I spun to leave and then heard a soft groan from the couch.
Peering over the cushions, I spotted his arm dangling to the floor. I could smell the alcohol wafting off him and wrinkled my nose.
“David.” I slapped his back.
He groaned again and slowly pushed himself up. His bleary eyes studied me slowly before he leaned back against the couch and sighed.
“How you doin', man?” My initial urge was to take a seat beside him and hear him out, but I was a little tentative to get within range.
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I stood on the other side of the couch as he spun to look at me.
“How the hell do you think I'm doing?”
Guilt singed my insides.
“I'm really sorry, man. I know it sucks for you.”
He scoffed, rubbing a hand over his face. “So, where the hell have you been? I saw you chasing Ella out the door.” His tone was brittle. “I don't suppose she got run over by a taxi, did she?”
My frown was sharp and disapproving. “Don't talk like that, man.”
He glared at me. “Wher
e were you? Were you with her?”
I swallowed, wanting to lie, deny my actions, but what was the point?
I wanted to be with Ella and that meant telling the truth to her ex-boyfriend. I let out a sigh and looked to the ground. “Yeah, man. I was with her.”
“What?” David's head snapped up and he jumped from the couch. His gaze was razor sharp, and he looked like he wanted to rip my head off.
I raised my hands and backed away from him.
“You were with her? Like all night?”
I swallowed.
His jaw clenched, his neck muscles straining tight as he pointed at me. “Man, you better have just been talking.”
I kept my gaze steady, telling him the truth without saying a word.
His face blanched, his lips bunching tight.
“I love her. I'm sorry, man. I never meant for it to happen, but from the second I met her, I—”
“You screwed my girlfriend?”
“No!” My voice was firm. The very idea of anyone screwing Ella made my skin crawl. I'd made love to her, cherished every inch of her precious skin and told her in a thousand different ways just what she meant to me.
I wanted to rip David's head off for even saying it.
Swallowing back my rage, I forced my voice to remain calm. “She's not your girlfriend anymore. You broke up.”
“Last night! We broke up last night!” He practically screamed the words as his arms flung wide. “What the hell, Cole! You're my best friend! How long have you two been sneaking around behind my back?”
“Ella never cheated on you. The first time we were together was last night. We have been fighting this for months.”
“Oh, well, thank you for your consideration. You're such a good friend.” His scathing tone felt like talons clawing over my exposed skin.
“We didn't mean for this to happen. Sometimes you can't control these things. Ella—”
“Oh yes, Ella, the perfect angel.” He spat the word.
“David, she's amazing.”
“I know!” His voice cracked, his hurt finally overriding his anger.
His pain punctured me, but I had to keep going. I had to make him see that this was right; not just for her, but for him, too.
“Do you? Do you really know how awesome she is?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I just...” I sighed. “You've been so focused on your plan and what you want that I don't think you realize how different you and Ella really are.”
David's glare turned into a molten look that made my stomach quake. I was bigger than my roommate, and if he tried to attack me, I could probably come out of the fight triumphant. But he looked feral right now, and it was making me nervous.
I raised my palms to him and took another step back.
“Do you know she likes to dance? And she can sing.” I couldn't help smiling. “Man, she sounds like an angel when she sings. Have you ever heard her?”
Breaths spurted through his nostrils, warning me he was a bull about to charge.
“I'm not trying to piss you off, man. I'm just trying to say that maybe this break-up is a blessing in disguise. Take me out of this equation and just ask yourself if you two were really right for each other.”
“I'm gonna kill you.” He leapt over the couch with a war cry and dove toward me with his fist raised. I blocked the first blow with my forearm, but let him have a few free swings. I deserved it.
His knuckles crunched into my face, and I gritted my teeth against the pain. He wanted to pummel me, and part of me wanted to let him, but if Ella saw us like this, it'd just drive her further away. I had to calm things down.
We were on the floor, rolling over each other and trying to get the upper hand. David pressed his hand into my chest and pushed me into the wood, punching my cheekbone. It frickin' hurt and I could see his reddened knuckles as he pulled back for another shot. I grabbed his fist and pushed it away from me. Enough was enough. With a roar, I shoved him back, jumping up before he could dive on me again.
“Enough!” I yelled, raising my hands, but he just kept coming.
Ducking to the side, I let him stumble past me and then jumped up behind him, wrapping my arm around his neck.
“Enough, man,” I spoke into his ear.
He struggled against me, kicking and trying to break free, but my grip was tight. It took him a few minutes of fighting to figure it out, but eventually he sagged against me. “All right, let me go!”
I tentatively loosened my grip and stepped back from him. “Dav—”
“Shut up! You asshole! You traitor!” His words were crushing, but I stood tall against them. “I don't ever want to see your face again.” His finger shook as he pointed at me.
“Come on, David, please...we're not trying to hurt you. Ella doesn't want to be with me until we can resolve this. Think about what's best for her.”
“Keep talking and you won't have any teeth left by the time I'm done.”
I clenched my jaw and looked to the ground, knowing when to call it quits. “I'll move out today.”
David grabbed his crumpled jacket off the end of the couch and flicked it out. “You better be gone by the time I get back this afternoon.”
“Where are you going?”
“Why the hell do you care?”
“I care, man.”
“Yeah, obviously.” He shoved my shoulder as he walked past, nearly knocking me from my feet. The door slammed shut and I flinched.
Tears burned my eyes, but I held them in check.
Now was not the time to fall apart.
I needed to see Ella, let her know what happened. She'd hate it, but I had to let her in. Truth would always be first place in our relationship, and I needed to start things on the right foot. I had no idea how she'd react.
Glancing at my room, I quickly calculated how long it would take me to box up my stuff. I'd have to call Malachi and ask if I could move back in. It wouldn't be a problem, but I dreaded the call. Checking my watch, I made a beeline for Ella's room.
As soon as I told her, I'd head back and say goodbye to dorm living.
My hands were shaking as I rapped on the wood.
Morgan pulled the door open a few seconds later. Her eyes rounded when she looked at my face. I touched my aching cheek and winced. I'd forgotten I probably looked like an MMA fighter.
I grimaced. “I gotta talk to her.”
Morgan gave me a sad smile. “She's not here.”
I frowned. “Where'd she go?”
“I don't know. She just left.”
“What do you mean she just left? What...?” I shook my head, words failing me.
“I'm sorry, Cole, but she grabbed her stuff and took off.”
“Her stuff? As in, all her stuff?”
“As much as she could carry.”
My stomach coiled into a tight knot and I bent forward, leaning my arm against the doorframe. “She can't just leave.”
“She had to.”
I looked up at Morgan's soft words.
“She needs to figure out exactly what she wants, and she can't do that around you.” Morgan's lips slumped into a frown as she rubbed my shoulder. “I know she loves you and leaving is breaking her heart, but we have to let her go.”
“Do you know where she's going?”
Morgan shook her head. I could see she hated this as much as I did. “I told her she had to call me when she got there.”
“Will you let me know?”
Her face bunched with pain and she ran her fingers down her necklace, fidgeting with the pendant on the end of it. “She made me promise not to tell you. I'm so sorry, Cole.”
“But...” I let out a breath, feeling desperate.
“It's gonna be okay.”
“How?” I pressed my forehead against my arm. “I've just lost her.”
“If she's meant to be yours, she'll come back to you.”
My scoff was hard and wooden as I pushed off the doorframe. I
gave Morgan one more broken look before slumping back to my room and boxing up my stuff.
Memories from my perfect night skittered through me as I threw my things together. Punching my mattress with an angry cry, I slumped onto the floor. I didn't want memories. I wanted the real thing; not just for a night, but every day for the rest of my whole damn life.
Swiping my finger under my nose, I looked to the ceiling.
Here I was, rejected once more.
Rejected and alone.
It was a depressing destiny, but somehow it felt like mine.
37
Ella
4 months later…
I jiggled the cranky lock on my front door and grunted. Kicking the bottom corner with the toe of my shoe, I felt the lock pop and pushed the door open with my shoulder. This place was falling apart, but I still smiled as I entered the room and dropped my bag onto the two-seater dining table.
Slumping down on the lumpy couch with a sigh, I buried my head into the cushions and closed my eyes. I was tired, down to my very core. I was working my ass off trying to catch up after missing so much school. Bellevue College had accepted my application and let me start in the winter quarter. It'd given me time to find a job and move out of the Motel 6 I'd been staying in. Two days before classes began, I'd found this little apartment — a mother-in-law apartment, tacked onto the back of Mrs. Duffy's house. She was a widow of ten years and had just celebrated her seventy-fifth birthday.
Although a slight busybody, she was a kind heart and I really loved her. She had me over for dinner every Wednesday night for pot roast on the condition I'd fill her in on all my school gossip. There really wasn't much. I'd kept to myself mostly, happy to throw my energies into my studies and forget.
But I couldn't forget.
My eyes popped open, images of Cole dancing before me no matter where I looked. I could picture him walking through my door, shooting me a kind smile as he dumped his bag. He'd walk over to the couch and flop down beside me, his warm hand running up my thigh as he nuzzled my neck and asked me what we should do for dinner.
