by A. J. Downey
It was overwhelming. It was decidedly amazing, and my heart nearly wept with the relief of it.
“Hey, hey, what’s that?” he asked and I blinked in confusion.
“What’s what?” I asked softly, so softly I didn’t think he had quite heard me over the film playing on the television.
He brushed a thumb along my cheek and took it away, his eyes locked with mine. I was vaguely aware of his hand moving off my face, the intensity of his warm brown eyes holding me fixed as he brought his thumb to his full lips and sucked the wetness of my tears from it. I swallowed hard and stuttered…
“I-i-t’s not what y-y-you think.”
“How you know what it is I’m thinkin’?” he asked with a soft, chiding smile.
“I don’t, I’m sorry.”
He shook his head, once back, once forth.
“Nothin’ to be sorry about, Ellie. Just tell me what you got going on in there.” He traced some of my hair behind my ear.
“I – um, that’s to say…”
“Just be out with it,” he said gently. “I ever judge you before?”
I swallowed hard and shook my head.
“No,” I whispered.
He gave a lopsided grin. “Then tell me what’s up, baby girl. Or you just gonna leave me with my dick hanging out all night?”
I snorted and gave a graceless laugh. He chuckled along with me as I slid down and rested my head on his chest. He put his arms around me and muttered, “Gimme just a second here,” before reaching between us to adjust himself. “Okay, that’s better.”
I laid back down.
He waited me out for a few seconds and just as he drew breath to try and prompt me again, I spoke.
“I like this,” I said bluntly. “Being with you like this. I like how it feels with you,” I said, and I know my voice tremored a bit with my false starts but telling someone, anyone, other than Mia how I felt was difficult. I mean, I guess, that was just another thing that my ex-who-shall-not-be-named did to me. He never raised a hand to me, oh no. He was always a perfect gentleman but… but for the cutting remarks and the what-do-you-call-it? That thing where even though something is true, is the situation at hand, the person you are with tells you different. Twists things so that you doubt yourself, start to feel bad and unreasonable and pretty soon you are the one apologizing.
“Ellie?”
I cleared my throat, and said, “I can be real with you.” My voice was a little stronger and I let go of my last thread of fear of what he might say or how he might take it or what if I’m wrong? “I can trust you,” I said.
“Well, yeah. Yeah, you can trust me. You know I got you.”
“I know… and before you there wasn’t anyone that did, you know? Except my sister. Except for Mia.”
“Not sure who dulled your sparkle, beautiful, but I’m gonna find him and punch him in the mouth.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the images that evoked and I sighed.
“I’m sorry if I ruined the mood,” I said softly.
He took my hand in his and shoved it between us, my fingers naturally just curling around the hot velvety softness of his straining erection.
“You ain’t ruined anything. Shoot.”
I smiled and he pulled me up to kiss me again. I melted into his touch once more, only this time I didn’t let my head ruin anything with the thoughts of the past. No, instead, I let Oz tug me along and just let that shit go.
21
Oz…
She was becoming more and more relaxed around me, but goddamn, I was fuckin’ serious about punching a motherfucker out. It wasn’t fair how she got bound up so tight. How her head took over where her heart should be leading the dance in her soul.
I didn’t mind it for me, or delaying my gratification, but I wanted her soul to be on fire and not the fire of agony. I wanted to hold this woman in the palm of my hand, open it up and watch her fly free and that sure as shit wasn’t going to happen on no narrow ass couch.
“Come on, let me take you to bed,” I said, and she smiled up at me softly, her eyes warming to molten caramel as she nodded her assent softly.
“Okay.”
Jesus, she made me hard without even trying.
I buried my hands in her hair and pulled her mouth to mine and she responded so beautifully, her lips parting underneath mine, welcoming, enticing; making me hard to the point of pain.
I groaned into her mouth and suddenly didn’t want to move my black ass off the fucking couch. I mean, here was good. Here, right now, sounded really good.
I ran my hands down her frame, sliding over her thin tee and shoving down her paint crusted shorts taking her scrap of cotton panties with them. I relished in my hands smoothing over the swell of her perfect, ripe as a peach ass, helping myself to a handful of that pressing her body tight against my body. Our mouths feverishly worked at each other, her light whimpering moans driving me wild as I kept shoving at her shorts to get them down her legs and off.
She laughed, squirming awkwardly in my arms, trying to help, trying to get naked from the waist down and finally with a frustrated and impatient sound at the uncooperative denim we had some success.
“There we go!” I said triumphantly as she flung the offending clothes over the back of the couch.
“I thought we were going to bed,” she said against my mouth and I smiled against her lips.
“You can sleep on a couch, can’t you?”
She laughed and it was high and joyous, transforming her face from beautiful to just plain… I don’t know… like she was some goddess or something and I was totally cool with that. It would be even cooler if I was up inside her. I fished in the front pocket of my jeans, which was harder than it sounded with them being half way down my thighs from her out-of-this-world blowjob of earlier.
“You had a condom in your pocket this whole time?” she asked incredulously.
“Always be prepared,” I deadpanned and she rolled her eyes.
“Oh, yeah. I can totally picture you a real boy scout.”
“Man, my family was too poor for that shit. We were more like the hood rat rangers.”
She laughed again and I handed her the condom.
“Do me a favor, let me watch you put this on for me.”
“Of course,” she murmured, charmed.
Fuck that was hot.
She slid the condom down my length and her hands on me felt so good, her long hair a satin sheet behind her face, framing it up nice, the slight smile on her lips, her soft, milky white skin, the slight shadow of very light freckles across the bridge of her long straight nose, her lips lush and swollen with my kiss, branding her beautiful face as mine.
Mine to cherish, mine to protect. Mine to hold and to love and to spend the rest of my life making her happy... if she would let me.
I shoved the creeping fear of whatever Yale had half-assed warned me what was goin’ on in the background to the background and let myself fall for her. Despite his warning that it might not be a good idea.
Fuck it.
I’d made a lot of piss-poor life decisions in my forty-plus years on the planet and falling in love with the beautiful creature that was Elka Köhler, currently lowering herself in a sensual glide over the top of my cock, her body hugging mine in a perfect chef’s kiss of two bodies becoming one. Loving her was definitely not the worst thing I had ever done. She was definitely the exact opposite of the worst thing I had ever done in my life.
She was quickly becoming my fucking everything, and I honestly never thought that was something that could happen to me.
“Fuck yeah, baby,” I praised her through gritted teeth, my hands drifting to her hips, caressing her soft skin, drifting up her body to whisk her tee outta my way. She wasn’t wearing a bra underneath, and I weighed her perfect full tits in my hands, caressing her stiff nipples with my thumbs, lightly pinching them between my thumbs and the sides of my hands, rolling them, watching her lose herself in riding me. She threw her head back
, that shining fall of long dark hair cascading down her back, sweeping along her skin, tickling the tops of my thighs just above my knees as she arched into my touch.
It was erotic art in motion watching her move above me and I just couldn’t get enough of it. I watched her, totally enraptured, smoothing my hands against her skin, thrusting up inside her when she began to falter from fatigue.
I could lay like this forever with her above me like this, but there wasn’t any holding out forever. My body just plain had other ideas.
Whatever ideas my body had, I would be damned if I was gonna come before her a second time, so I licked the pad of my thumb and slid it between the mash of our bodies. Her eyes fluttered closed in sweet ecstasy, her head tipping back, her back arching and I wished someone would carve her, just how she looked right now, into one of them big blocks of marble because she was so beautiful to look at right now. It was the type of beautiful everyone should see, and I was somehow honored it was just for me as I teased her clit with the pad of my thumb and felt her body tremble finely over mine, her pussy clenching around me.
I gritted my teeth and remembered to breathe even as she seemingly stopped, time stopping with her.
Finally, after a long hanging moment that shone with anticipation she cried out, her pussy spasming around my dick and it was just enough, it was too perfect, both of us launching into mutual orgasms – riding the waves of release.
She collapsed against my chest, her skin almost cool to the touch, her breath warm against my shoulder where she panted. I held her as she shuddered above and around me and this felt so much like home it was indescribable.
I held her close against my chest and tried to keep my mind here, on her, and off of whatever investigation was goin’ on in the background. I couldn’t change whatever it was that was going on. I couldn’t do anything about it.
What I could do was right here in my arms and was the most positive thing I think I had ever done.
Restoring Elka wasn’t like restoring one of her old paintings. It took a totally different skill set, but no less time and care. Plus, it wasn’t like something you could do and it was done, you know? It was something that was going to take continued care; a lifetime of love, to maintain.
It was something I had never pictured myself wanting in my life. Was never something I had ever wanted before, but there was something about her spirit… maybe it was her resiliency, or maybe it was the fact that despite all the shit she’d been through she hadn’t let it make her bitter – yeah, that was it – whatever it was, it made me want to stick around. Made me feel, I don’t know, secure enough to want to stay.
I’d had my fill of bitter ass women in Reggie and I recognized how precious that Elka’s willingness to stay soft through everything, soft but not weak – I wanted that in my life. Wanted her in my life, and I didn’t expect anyone to understand it.
“Oz?” her voice was hesitant, worried.
“Yeah?” I asked, stroking a hand up and down her back.
“You okay?”
“Yeah! Yeah, why? Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked.
“You’re just uncharacteristically quiet,” she murmured.
“Just enjoying you, baby.”
“You sure it’s nothing else?” she asked.
“I’m sure,” I lied and I felt like shit doing it, but I didn’t want to worry her. I kissed the top of her head and she melted against my chest.
“Okay.”
She sighed out and we just laid limp and satisfied on her couch, the rest of the spy movie playing out on the screen.
It said more than I wanted to that sex, one of my favorite flicks on the screen, and a beautiful naked woman draped over my chest still didn’t take my mind off of things.
The hammer dropped the middle to the end of the week, just like Yale said it would.
“Hey, Jones. Acting Sergeant wants to see you in the Dog Pound. He’s got the prosecutor with him.”
I looked up from the computer screen on the intake and frowned.
“Almost done here,” I said and Lagina shook his head.
“I’m supposed to relieve you immediately.”
“For real?” I asked and dread weighted my heart into the pit of my stomach like a lead balloon. I spun in my chair and stepped down and Lagina took over.
“You good?” I asked, making sure he didn’t have any questions. He scanned the screen in front of him that I’d just been on and nodded.
“All good here, man. Good luck.”
“Heh.” I gave him a dubious laugh and shook my head as I went back to the back office, or the Dog Pound as we called it. No officer ever got called to the Sergeant’s office over anything good.
The only good thing was that our Acting Sergeant tonight was Miller. Our usual dude was on a disciplinary rip courtesy of a shit ton of union complaints about him being the asshole he was.
I stuck my head in the break room and saw Miller and Yale talking outside the little back office. The breakroom mercifully empty except for them.
“Yale, what’s up brother, why you here?” I held out my hand and Yale shook his head.
“Not exactly a social call, Oz. Not good news, but not worse news either.”
“You might want to sit down,” Miller followed up, arms crossed over his chest, hands tucked under his armpits. He rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet but the set of his mouth and the troubled look in his eyes had me on the defensive.
“How about one of you fuckers just spit it out?” I growled.
“Oz…” Yale’s tone held a bit of conciliation and I didn’t give a fuck. I wanted this over – whatever it was.
“Just tell him, it’s fine,” Miller said, and I realized Yale might have been worried about my mouth in front of who was supposed to be my boss.
“Have to wait for IAB,” Yale said unhappily, just as the door behind us opened and the rat squad appeared as if by magic. I rolled my tongue in my mouth, but the bitter tang remained at layin’ eyes on ‘em.
“Oh, good, you got him here already.” Kratanski gave a polite nod in my direction.
“I need my union rep?” I demanded.
“No, uh-uh.” Kratanski’s partner, some woman that looked like Mrs. Trenchbull outta that Matilda movie closed the door behind them.
“Someone just spill it already? Jesus Christ,” I said.
The rat squad moved into the room and I put my back against the wall by the door, crossing my arms.
“First, I’d like to say, you are absolutely not in any trouble,” Kratanski said, adjusting his light gray suit jacket. He was a tall, fit white guy, his hair almost a perfect match for his suit, his blue eyes vivid and sharp.
“Okay, so what’s going on?” I demanded.
“The coroner review found some… inconsistencies in the initial report,” the Trenchbull looking bitch said.
“Inconsistencies with what?” I demanded.
“A coverup,” Yale said dispassionately.
My eyebrows went up.
“Covering what up?”
Kratianski sighed and Miller threw up his hands. “Maybe stop beating around the bush and just tell him!”
“Upon reviewing all the evidence, they found that the trajectories were off. Again, you’re not in any trouble. It was a righteous shoot, you were trying to save lives –”
“Just get to the damn point man!” I barked.
“Your weapon was the one that fired the bullet to kill Mia Köhler,” Yale said calmly.
His words echoed in my ears more fiercely than the gunshots had that morning and my vision streaked, flashing at the edges as I felt a surge of… I don’t know what. So many things.
I sagged against the wall behind me and slid to the floor on my ass, bringing up my knees.
“Whoa, easy there, big guy,” Kratanski said and Miller knelt down next to me, fingers against my wrist, eyes against his watch as he timed my pulse.
“You’re sure?” I choked out and fought not to vomit.
<
br /> “It was double and triple checked,” Yale said, full of concern as he looked on but giving me space.
“Anyone else know?” I asked.
“No, but this department leaks like a sieve, it’s only a matter of time before it hits the street.” Trenchbull made a face and it said she hated the thought. Not for what it would do to me, but more like what it would do for the department.
“I gotta tell Ellie,” I said and struggled to my feet.
“Take the rest of the week,” Miller ordered.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, man. I’m sure. You aren’t here, and you can’t be here until you process this shit.”
“Again, there’s no further action to take. We just thought you should know,” Kratanski said and I struggled to my feet.
Yale didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. His face said it all, as shuttered as his look was, he couldn’t silence his eyes which fixed on mine and asked the silent question, are you good to ride?
I shook my head but didn’t care. Ride I would. I had to tell Ellie, I had to be the one she found out from.
I had to be.
It couldn’t come from anybody else.
22
Elka…
I savored one of the final bites of soup I had in my mouth, attention rapt on the television as I watched Persuasion for the millionth time when the knock fell at my door. I set my near-empty soup bowl on the coffee table next to my empty salad plate. I snatched up the remote, pausing the movie and rose as a second more insistent knock fell.
“Just a minute! I’m coming!” I called politely and went to my front door.
I was surprised to see Oz through the peephole, his head bowed, his face cast in shadow from the last rays of the sun behind him. I opened up the door quickly, a smile on my face which faltered and died the moment I saw his expression.
“Oz? What’s the matter?” I demanded and he just looked at me, the expression on his face almost longing, his eyes haunted, his mouth set in a grim line and whatever it was, he seemed… haggard.
