“Hey,” I said gently, squeezing her hand. “Don’t cry. I heal pretty fast.”
She drew in a deep breath. “That’s what Nate said. He and Tony…had a little chat with me.”
When she didn’t elaborate, wariness crept under my skin. “About what?”
“About you.” She sucked in a breath, then blurted, “It’s all my fault. I was the one who convinced you to go to the veterans’ center. If I hadn’t, then Kenny wouldn’t have captured you and made you fight like that. I’m so sorry, Jacob. So, so sorry.”
My chest almost caved in at the remorse in her eyes. She was blaming herself for this? It wasn’t her fault. Kenny had played her, along with all the good people at the veterans’ center. She couldn’t blame herself for being a sweet, giving, selfless person.
I squeezed her hand again. “Anna. It wasn’t your fault. What did Nate and Tony say about me? Did they warn you off, say I was no good?”
She cleared her throat and looked down at my bruised torso. “They said…you wouldn’t be the same anymore, that I might not be safe around you.”
Pain skewered my chest. Assholes. I sighed and closed my eyes. Their betrayal hurt. Yet it was true. They knew all about the effects of severe PTSD. I was too dangerous. Too much violence lurked inside me. Too much horror. That darkness had been yanking me down just minutes ago when her soft touch had brought me back. I could hurt her without meaning to. So easily.
I’ll never hurt her. Never.
I could tell myself that over and over, but I didn’t truly know that. What if I snapped one day and hurt her? Or Hazel? What if I accidentally killed her? I would never be able to live with myself if I hurt Anna in any way.
“It’s true. I could hurt you without meaning to. If you want to leave, Anna, I’ll understand. I won’t blame you.”
Please don’t leave me. You’re the only thing that keeps the darkness away.
As if that thought conjured up the monster inside me, it surged forward, a flash of violence seeking release. I squeezed my eyes shut, gripping her hand tighter.
Make it go away. Please.
“Jacob, are you okay?” She leaned over me, squeezing my hand back. “I won’t leave you,” she promised gently. “I’ll never abandon you. I’m your friend. I’ll be here as long as you need me.”
The darkness slowly slipped away, the sound of her voice shoving it back. I opened my eyes. My chest tightened with emotion. I didn’t deserve this woman. She wasn’t even mine. But fuck, I wanted to keep her, make her mine. I wanted more than just her friendship.
The truth was there in her eyes, plain as day. She meant every word. She would be here for me as long as I needed her.
Even if I hurt her?
Another wave of emotion washed over me. Tears stung my eyes. I blinked, forcing them back. Why did she care so much about me?
I patted the edge of the bed next to me. “Come lay with me. I need to feel you next to me. Your touch makes the darkness go away.”
She nodded. Then she settled next to me on the thin bed, careful not to touch my injuries, not that it mattered. Her touch would never cause me any pain. Her touch was soothing. Healing. I was healing fast now, anyway. I planned to be out of this place by the end of the day.
She lay on her side facing me and settled her head on the pillow next to mine. I turned my head and looked at her, and we lay there, staring into each other’s eyes. Her hand held mine in between us, comforting, soothing, the connection between us strong. This felt good. It felt right.
“So tell me how you got away and how you found the dregs. I want to hear it all.”
She smiled. “Kenny went running—well, hobbling, actually—out of the room right after they knocked you down with the Taser after the fight.” A shadow fell over her face, and I knew she was remembering that night.
“It’s all right,” I murmured. “It’s over. I’m safe now. You’re safe.”
She nodded, drawing in a deep breath and puffing it out. “So I jumped out the window and escaped with the crowd. I found Nellie parked where I’d left her the night I left the city with you. She started up after two tries.”
I choked out a laugh. “You named your car Nellie?”
She giggled. “Yes. I know, it’s silly.”
I chuckled, squeezing her hand in mine. “You are one of a kind, Anna. You make me laugh. You don’t know how special you are.”
She blushed and lowered her gaze. “Anyway, when I got to the military barricade, I told the guard on duty that you needed help and that if he didn’t let me through, you could die. He said you had helped him once, so he owed you. He let me through.” She paused. “What did you help him with?”
I cleared my throat. “He got trapped by a gang one night while he was switching out patrol with another soldier. They had him cornered at gunpoint and were going to kill him. I saved him and he thanked me, said if I ever needed anything to let him know. I told him the best way to repay me was to let me through the barricade whenever I needed in or out of the city.”
She was silent a moment, absorbing that. “I knew you were a good man, Jacob. That just helps confirm it.”
I sighed and lowered my gaze. “I’m not a good man, Anna. As soon as you start thinking that, I might do something to hurt you.”
She lifted her gaze to mine. “And as long as you believe that you’re a bad man, you’ll never be able to change. I believe in you, Jacob. It’s time you started to believe in yourself, as well.”
“Anna…” I trailed off, unable to think of anything to say to that.
“Jacob…” She squeezed my hand again, her lips twitching. “Let’s not argue about this. I know what I’ve seen, and what I’ve seen is a good man.”
I let out a soft laugh. “If I could hug you now, I would.” But I couldn’t, so instead, I leaned closer and kissed her. Just a soft brush of lips against lips.
When I leaned back, her eyes were wide, her mouth open in a soft “O”.
Our gazes met.
“Does this qualify as part of the getting-to-know-each-other period?” I asked. “I think you know more about me now than I know about you.”
She nodded. “What do you want to know? Just ask and I’ll tell you. I have nothing to hide.”
“What if what I want to know is really personal?”
She flushed, awareness sparking in her eyes. “Yes,” she whispered. “The answer is yes.”
I cocked a brow. “I didn’t even ask you anything. What are you saying yes to?”
She glanced down at my chest. “If you want to know if I’m ready to take this relationship to the next level, then my answer is yes.”
I swallowed hard as longing coiled deep inside me. Was she saying what I thought she was saying?
“You’re not going to make me wait two months like you did the last guy?”
Before she could answer, a knock came at the door. Then it pushed open and a nurse entered the room. Her eyes widened, then she smiled.
“Well, you’re awake at last.” She was older, probably mid-fifties, with kind brown eyes and a round, well-padded figure. My first impression as I looked at her was “maternal”. I imagined she had a grown kid or two and several grandchildren. The kind of woman, the kind of mother, I wished I had had. The kind of mother I imagined Anna would be. Kind. Caring. Nurturing. Loving.
The nurse glanced at Anna lying next to me on the bed.
“I’m going to remove the tube from his chest now. So you will need to give us some room.”
Anna jumped up and let go of my hand. “Of course. I’ll just…wait out in the hall.”
As soon as her hand left mine, the coldness returned. Sharp, painful jabs in my chest. Painful wails of the men I’d murdered. I squeezed my eyes shut.
“No.” I reached for her. “Stay. Please.”
She hesitated, glancing at the nurse.
The nurse nodded. “She can stay.”
I grabbed Anna’s hand and her warmth soothed me, pushing the coldness asid
e, shoving the demons back. I was scared to let her leave. I needed her close. Needed to feel her touch. Or the demons would return to yank me back down into the black abyss. Since I’d woken here, I was beginning to feel a deeper connection to Anna, a bond that seemed to grow the more I was around her. Did she feel it, too?
The nurse moved around to the opposite side of the bed and leaned over me, placing a stethoscope against my chest. “Breathe in and out for me. Deeply.”
I did as she instructed.
“Again.”
I breathed in and out again. My lungs felt fine.
“Your lungs sound normal now. No raspiness. Let’s get that tube out.”
Anna remained silent, holding my hand, while the nurse removed the tube from my chest. It didn’t hurt when she pulled it free, more like a tickle, though the tube was much longer than I’d expected it to be. The nurse then cleaned around the entrance site and covered it with a bandage.
“It’s such a small hole, it should heal up on its own. No stiches.” She smiled.
“Thanks,” I murmured.
She nodded. “I’ll let the doctor know you’re awake. He’ll be in shortly to see how you’re doing.”
The nurse left and Anna glanced back at me. “I’m going to text the other dregs and let them know you’re awake.”
“Do you have a ride home?” I asked her.
“Yes. Nate said to text him when you were ready to go home and he’d come pick us up.”
“Where have you been staying for the past two days?”
“Here,” she whispered. “With you.”
“You slept in that chair?” I demanded, motioning to the worn brown chair in the corner near the window.
She nodded. “I didn’t really sleep that much. I was too worried about you.”
Another stab of something unexplainable skewered my chest. “Anna,” I whispered, my voice thick with emotion. “You’re such a sweetheart. You didn’t have to stay here.” Fuck. I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t even deserve to associate with her.
Her cheeks blossomed with color. “I wanted to.”
The door opened again, and a tall man with graying temples entered the room with the nurse. Anna let go of my hand and moved to the chair in the corner. She fumbled around in her purse, then pulled out a cellphone. The coldness returned, creeping under my skin, burrowing deep. I had to focus hard on the doctor and the nurse to ignore the darkness pulling at my soul.
I endured their probing, keeping my gaze fixed on Anna in the corner. She smiled at something on the phone, then typed something. Who was she texting? I was jealous of whoever made her smile like that.
I wanted her to smile at me like that. All the time.
She had the kind of smile that healed deep wounds. The kind of smile that cured a fucked-up soul.
Finally, the doctor stepped back. “You’re healing nicely. I expect you can go home in a few more days.”
Few more days, my ass. I was leaving as soon as the sun went down.
I merely nodded and thanked him.
“Kathy will bring you a dinner menu now.”
They left shortly thereafter, and then Anna smiled across the room at me. I relaxed under that warm smile, my lips twitching in response.
“I just texted with Jessica. She said they will be here late tomorrow or early next day, depending on whether or not they decide to stop somewhere and rest for the night.”
I nodded. That was a relief. As soon as Tracker arrived, we were going to find Hazel. I had no doubt he would find her. I sent Hazel more comforting thoughts, hoping she would get them. Hoping she would understand.
Hang in there, sweet girl. Be brave. Daddy’s coming for you. I will be there soon.
It was time to get out of here and go find my daughter. I wasn’t sure if I could wait for Tracker, even though I knew Hazel was alive. My heart couldn’t take being away from her any more than necessary.
“Tell Nate I’m ready to go home.”
“I already texted him. He hasn’t responded yet, so he’s probably down in the maze.” She hesitated, then asked, “What do you really do at night? You don’t have a job, do you?”
I cleared my throat and motioned her closer. I needed to touch her again. Needed to feel her warmth. She stepped up to the bed again. I grabbed her hand and urged her to sit next to me.
She did, her gaze on mine.
“No. I don’t have a job,” I admitted. “I go to a gym at night and spar. I need the physical release to help fight the demons inside me.” I sighed and lowered my gaze. Would that frighten her away?
She nodded. “Thank you for sharing that. It helps me to know who Jacob is. These little things you reveal, it helps me get an idea of who you are inside.”
She saw the true me, yet it didn’t scare her away.
“You’re not afraid of the monster inside me?”
She squeezed my hand. “There is no monster. Just pain. And guilt. And grief. I’m here for you, Jacob. No matter what. I will help you get through this.”
I let out a soft grown. “It’s not that simple. I’m fucked-up inside. Even more so now. Every time I close my eyes, I see those men I killed. I hear the cracking sounds of necks snapping and bones breaking. I see blood. I see death. I can feel…” I broke off, swallowing hard. “There’s demons inside me, Anna. Powerful demons. They keep yanking at what’s left of my soul, trying to drag me down. I don’t know if I can stop them.” My voice cracked and I turned my face away.
Anna leaned over me. She touched my jaw, gently turning my face toward her. I tensed, then relaxed as her heat swept into me, her touch soothing. Slowly, I lifted my gaze to hers.
“I promise I will help you get through this. I will do anything, anything to help you heal. No matter what it takes, Jacob, I won’t abandon you.”
The truth was evident in her eyes. She meant every word.
But she had no idea what she was up against.
She had no idea that she might not be able to keep that promise.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
Anna
Nate texted back later that evening just as the sun went down. He said he and Tony were on their way. He said they would take us back to the underground maze while Jacob finished healing. I wasn’t sure if Jacob would agree to that, so I would just have to wait and see what Jacob said when they got here.
Thirty minutes later, Nate texted again.
We’re here.
“They’re here.”
Jacob nodded. He removed the IV line from his arm and flipped the covers off. I stared down at his bruised torso that was a swirl of black, purple and blue. It looked horrendous. Jacob noticed me staring and smiled. His face was scruffy with several days’ growth of beard stubble, and his teeth flashed white against the dark stubble. Scruffy was popular these days, and it looked damned good on him. Then again, Jacob was strikingly handsome even with bruises and black eyes.
“It’s not as bad as it looks,” he said, sliding his legs over the side of the bed. “It doesn’t hurt that much anymore.”
I handed him a pair of boxers, a T-shirt, and jeans that Tony and Nate had brought that first day, then turned away to give him privacy while he dressed. Several moments later, we headed for the door, holding hands like lovers. Though we weren’t lovers yet, we had grown closer during the time I’d spent with him here in the hospital. He’d opened up to me in his vulnerability and I felt a special bond with him now. A closeness I’d never felt with anyone before. He was hurting deep inside. Jacob’s mental state was extremely fragile right now. Though I’d vowed to help him in any way I could, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to give him all the help he needed. Jacob probably needed professional help, but if I suggested that, would he accept it?
We slipped out into the hallway and exited through the front of the hospital. No one stopped us, though the nurse behind the front counter gaped up at us in surprise. It wasn’t as if they could force him to stay.
Nate’s Escalade was parked in the lot. Jaco
b walked easily to the vehicle, not appearing wounded any longer. I sensed his biggest injuries now were those inside his mind.
We climbed into the back of the vehicle and closed the door.
Nate and Tony both turned around to look at us. Jacob seemed uncomfortable and turned his head to look out the window.
“Thanks for the ride. I’m ready to go home. Anna said you know where it is.”
Nate cleared his throat. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. We can’t leave you alone with Anna. You know that. And what if the Spartans return, looking for you?”
Jacob scowled. “Fuck the Spartans. If they’re stupid enough to show, I’ll kill them all. Take me home or I’ll walk. Anna’s fine. I would never hurt her.” He lowered his voice and turned to meet my gaze. “I need her,” he whispered. “She makes the demons go away.”
Nate and Tony exchanged a long glance, then Nate backed the Escalade up and headed out onto the main road. Tony’s expression turned dark, but I had no idea what thoughts went on in that man’s head. He glared at Jacob for a long moment, then jerked his head around.
I turned back to Jacob and squeezed his hand.
Ten minutes later, they pulled into Jacob’s driveway.
“I’m going to go search for Hazel. I could use your guys’ help.” Jacob paused with his hand on the door handle, as if he feared their response.
“We already searched for her the past two nights. We looked everywhere, man.” Nate spoke firmly, but gently. “Besides, you’re not in the right frame of mind right now to head back out in the field. There’s too many triggers that could send you over the edge. Why don’t you rest a bit and come down off the adrenaline high while we all wait for Tracker? We’ll find Hazel when he gets here.”
Jacob hesitated. It was obvious he wanted to argue. He glanced at me.
“He’s right, Jacob,” I whispered. “You need to heal first, and you said you could feel Hazel, that she’s okay. Right?”
Jacob sighed. Then he swung his door open.
“I’ll say one more time that I don’t think this is a good idea.” Nate’s gaze was hard as he turned and looked Jacob in the eye. “You’re too unstable right now. You could hurt Anna.”
The Fighter Page 25
