“Say yes,” he pleaded. “Be my wife.”
“Aye…I’ll stay with ye. I’ll be yer woman…”
She woke from the dream gasping, her skin still tingling from the memory of his touch. Bridget looked around confused and realized the bed was empty. She was alone, wrapped in linen sheets. It had felt so real—her lips still remembered the passion of Valan’s kiss.
Bridget glanced to where Valan was sleeping on the floor.
As her eyes lingered on his face, Bridget’s chest felt tight.
Only one more day…she thought. One more day before we leave fer Castle Strome.
W hen morning came, the weather was still clear.
Bridget hadn’t slept well after waking up from her dream and gazed out the kitchen window toward the village. Their morning meal was a silent affair, everyone in the cottage sick with grief that she was leaving.
The tension between her and Valan felt almost overwhelming. She’d been fretting about what to say to him ever since she woke up that morning. She was heartbroken yet determined to fulfil her father’s wish. After the dream about him last night, Bridget knew she couldn’t stay in Castlebay any longer.
Ailsa abruptly stood up from the table and rinsed her dish off in the basin, saying, “I’m going tae check on the chicken coup. There’s nae telling what happened tae it during the storm.”
Valan nodded absentmindedly as he finished his meal. “Aye, Mam. Let me ken if there’s anything that needs tae be fixed in the fence or garden. I want tae make sure those are secure before setting sail tomorrow.”
His mother smiled at him appreciatively before grabbing a cloak off the hook on the door and then heading outside into the cold.
When the door fell shut, Valan looked over to Bridget with concern. “Ye’ve been awfully quiet. Dae we need tae talk?”
She sighed, nibbling on a piece of bannock. “Nae. I just wish that ’twas over.”
“I dinnae,” he responded. “I’ve been thinking about this fer quite a while, and tae hell with the consequences. I think ye should stay—I ken ye want tae.”
“Valan, I’m engaged tae Rodrick.”
Valan stared back at her in disbelief. “Rodrick? Ye’re going tae invoke the name of yer would be husband as an excuse? Ye dinnae seem tae concerned with him the other night when we were together.”
“Dinnae say it,” she pleaded sadly.
“When we kissed,” he continued firmly. “Where was he in yer hour of need? Destiny brought the two of us together, we should embrace it.”
“The kiss was perfect,” she responded sadly. “But it ne’er should have happened.”
“Why? Dae ye regret it?”
She could feel a sob rising up in her chest. “Nae, ’twas perfect. I wanted it too much. That’s the problem. I should nae be feeling this way about ye. I cannae stay here and fall in love with ye. That’s exactly what would happen. I have tae leave.”
“Love?” he asked her softly.
Bridget swallowed hard. “Ye heard me.”
“Aye, that I did. Though it’s the first time I heard ye admit it.”
She threw up her arms in exasperation, saying, “Well, I am, and it isn’t fair. It breaks my heart that I cannae have ye. What else is there ye want me tae say?”
He took a step toward her. “I dinnae understand. If ye’re happy in Castlebay, and love me back, then what’s the problem? Stay, and let this be yer home.”
Her chest tightened at the memory of her dream where he had pleaded the same thing. Even so, she did not think he would actually do it. “I—I cannae.”
“Aye, but ye can,” he insisted. “Nae one would ever come looking fer ye, they think ye went down with the ship. Bridget MacKay of Sunderland disappeared the night yer ship was attacked—she’s gone. Ye could start a new life with me.”
“I…”
Valan placed his hand against her cheek, his brown eyes smoldering. “I will take ye tae Strome if ye want, but nae before reminding ye of everything ye’re giving up. I love ye, and I will continue tae go on loving ye until my heart stops beating. All ye have tae dae is want me back.”
Her mouth ran dry as she tried to find the words to explain what she was feeling. Valan made a compelling case, and she felt torn between desire and duty. Carefully, she wet her lips and raised her hand to place it on top of his. She could see the love burning in his eyes, the affection in his voice, and it confirmed everything he said was true.
“Why are ye doing this?”
“Because love is precious, and I’m willing tae fight fer it.”
Before she realized what was happening, Valan closed the distance between them and his lips were on hers. Bridget was surprised only for a moment, but then leaned into it willingly. She had no desire to fight her feelings for him any longer. Valan knotted his fingers in her hair and pressed his lips tenderly against hers. It was the most delicious feeling with his body so close to hers, and she never wanted it to end. Valan’s body welcomed her in his warm embrace and she forgot the reason she was supposed to be resisting.
All she could think about or feel, was Valan—and how much she wanted him—how she wanted more.
Their mouths claimed each other in a passionate frenzy as tears streamed down her cheeks. It was different than the times before. His kiss was more insistent, more hungry—because there was love in it.
Bridget hated herself for loving him, yet she was powerless to stop it. She surrendered to the moment while it lasted and opened her mouth a little wider to let Valan dip his tongue inside. He moaned at her encouragement and let his hands slide down the front of her gown to explore her womanly curves. She gasped as they wandered lower and splayed out over her hips.
What am I doing?
She didn’t have any answers, just passion and madness overtaking her. The next thing she knew, Valan lifted the hem of her shirt and backed her flush against the wall. Bridget threw back her head in ecstasy as the fabric lifted even higher, and his hand touched the skin of her thigh. No one had ever touched her thus, it was completely new and thrilling. Her heart raced as their bodies melted into one another.
Somehow in the middle of it all, Bridget was able to get hold of her senses and she pulled away from him. Her lips were thirsty, and she wanted to do much more, but she knew allowing herself the taste of what they’d never have was gentle torture. Bridget could still taste him on her tongue as she untangled herself from his embrace and stepped back to look him in the eyes.
Valan’s were still dark with desire, but she also saw hurt and confusion staring back at her. Bridget’s lip quivered as she fought down a sob, and then she ran from the cottage without saying a single word.
V alan’s heart sank as watched Bridget run away from him.
The pain of rejection washed over him and settled into an ache. It felt as though the dream of happiness, which had felt so close before, was slipping through his fingers.
Was he wrong? Did she not feel the same way he thought she did?
Valan wasn’t sure, but he knew Bridget was upset and that he overstepped by kissing her. He needed to make it right and apologize. As she ran down the village path he followed after, keeping a respectful distance until it was safe for him to approach. At the end of the road, he saw her go into the village kirk.
He didn’t question her reasons for going inside the chapel, but he followed after her still. With cautious confusion, he placed his hands on the door and let himself inside. The stone building was lit with candles, leading up to an altar at the front. Rows of seating lined either side of an aisle, and a small antechamber set aside for confession.
Bridget was at the front of the chapel kneeling to an altar sobbing. Her cries of despair broke his heart. He couldn’t bear to see her in such distress.
Valan approached her quietly, kneeling when he reached her side. The priest was nowhere to be seen, so he simply bowed his head and allowed himself to experience the moment fully.
Bridget managed to catch her breath an
d looked over at him with tear stained cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy, and a tinge of pink flared around her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Valan. I’m sorry fer wanting all of this. The life ye imagine fer us—together—it’s all I ever wanted. I’d give anything tae be yer wife…but it’s nae meant tae be. I’m betrothed, whether or nae I want tae be.”
He swallowed hard, and took her hands in his, saying, “But when the MacDonnells heard of yer ship being attacked by pirates, the contract would be void. Ye dinnae have tae be her anymore unless ye wanted tae. Nae one in Castlebay kens about yer past, who ye were–all ye’d have tae be is mine.”
Bridget shook her head as she pulled her hands away. “I would ken. Bridget MacKay is who I am, that’s ne’er going tae change. I cannae live a lie.” She placed a hand against his cheek and looked him in the eyes, saying, “I want ye Valan, I want that life, but my destiny is tae marry Rodrick.”
She lowered her hand reluctantly and placed it in her lap. Valan exhaled deeply, looking back into her big, doe eyes and feeling his heart shatter into a hundred pieces.
He brushed his thumb across her bottom lip, feeling overwhelmed with sadness.
“I should nae have kissed ye,” Valan whispered. “If I had nae ken how sweet ye could be then it would be easier tae say goodbye.”
Bridget sobbed. “I’d rather have kissed ye once, then ne’er ken how it could feel. Yet, now I ken exactly what I’m giving up.”
He nodded. “I understand. We’ll depart on the morrow.”
Without another word, Valan stood and walked swiftly from the kirk.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Castlebay Village, The Barra
T he next day was every bit as painful as Bridget thought it would be. She sniffed while walking down the steps of the tavern that morning after saying goodbye to Graeme and Elspeth.
They had a beautiful son Elspeth named Liam, and he looked exactly like his father with grey-blue eyes and a curl of black hair. Bridget was happy for them, but seeing their happiness only reminded her of what she couldn’t have. Their love was nearly palpable—and she wanted that. She wanted that same affection for herself, the kind she felt when she was with Valan.
Even after marrying Rodrick, her life would not be the one she wanted, because she couldn’t have these people in her life. Valan would not be part of it.
A life without Valan was like being sent into exile. Before she knew that Valan existed, marrying Laird MacDonnell at least seemed tolerable. But she knew about him now, and that seemed like cruel irony; to meet the love of her life only to have him ripped away from her.
Bridget inhaled a determined breath and reminded herself it was her choice, while steeling herself away. She wouldn’t let herself dwell on what she was leaving behind any longer. All it would do is add to her despair. Bridget understood that her arranged marriage was the price that came with being born to privilege.
She reminded herself what Valan told her about Ewan after he fell in love with Claire. Bridget didn’t want that to happen to Valan, so in a way she was protecting him. She was protecting them both. Even if she knew about him years ago, that wouldn’t have changed anything. As the lady of Clan MacKay, choosing her husband was not her fate.
With a sigh, Bridget walked out into the dining area and glanced around the tavern. She took in the rustic ambiance and thought back to her game of cards with Valan and drinking with his men until the wee hours of the morning. She couldn’t explain it, but it felt like a piece of home. In the short time Bridget had been in there, Bess and her tavern held memories. It was sad to think she would never have a night like that again.
She swallowed the lump in her throat as she reached the door and walked outside to where Valan was waiting for her. He stood in the dirt path glancing idly back toward the dock where his ship and crew waited.
Her rebellious heart fluttered at the sight of him.
“How are they?” he asked her casually. “Are Elspeth and the bairn well?”
“Aye. They’re all doing fine. Graeme and Elspeth have a charming wee lad,” Bridget told him. “They named him Liam.”
A bittersweet smile crossed her face at the memory of the dark-haired bairn, wrapped snuggly in a woolen blanket.
“He’ll be a handsome lad when he gets older.”
Valan grinned, with a hint of sadness in his eyes. “I’m glad ye got tae see them before we left; Elspeth is very fond of ye. Come, I’ve summoned the rest of my crew and they’re waiting fer us on the docks. Kent and the others are preparing our ship, so they’ll be ready when we get there.”
Bridget exhaled nervously and offered a shaky nod. “Aye, we should probably get going.”
Together, they walked across the village to the docks on the western bank. The dirt path was still muddy from the extended period of rain, and many of the walkways were littered with debris. The route they took brought them past the marketplace before arriving at the rocky shoreline.
Valan cleared his throat and said, “Ailsa prepared some food tae take with us on the journey. It isn’t much, but it would be better than relying solely on the fish we catch.”
She nodded. “’Twas very kind of her. How long of a journey is it?”
Valan scratched his head and turned out toward the sea, squinting against the morning sun. “It depends on the wind, the weather, any number of things, so I cannae say fer certain. However, we should make it there before the day is out.”
Bridget nodded thoughtfully as they trudged down the path together.
When they approached the docks, Kent came up to them and greeted the captain with a nod. “Good day, Captain. We’re almost ready. Iain and Geoffrey are tying off the mast.”
Valan nodded in approval as he glanced over their progress. “Glad tae hear it. How are we with supplies?”
“Already loaded, Sir.”
He placed his hands on his belt and sighed. “Thank ye, Kent. Ye’re a good mate.”
Valan patted Kent on the shoulder as he and Bridget walked past, going to inspect the ship himself. Bridget smiled weakly as she neared the quartermaster and quickened her pace to keep up with Valan. She had already dressed for travel in a simple gown that Ailsa gave her, and a woolen shawl held together by a penannular brooch. Her hair was braided back into a crown at the back of her head and pinned in place. The wooden pier creaked beneath them as she approached the boat and rested her hand against a post. A cool breeze blew past them as she boarded, and Valan offered her his hand to help her step down off the deck.
Bridget tucked a brunette curl behind her ear and smiled. “Thank ye.”
“Ye’re welcome.”
Her breath caught in her chest as their eyes met, and her skin ignited with tingles where they had touched. She felt her cheeks get hot, and Bridget quickly looked away to find a seat on an empty bench. The rest of the crew busily tacked down crates of food, weapons, and other supplies beneath their seats.
Bridget paid little attention to what they did and stared back at the village. She wanted to burn it into her memory, so that she could cherish it for all time.
Goodbye, Castlebay…
Iain and Geoffrey finished untying the birlinn from the dock and the others found their places at the oars as the vessel took to water. Valan stood at the front of the ship so he could direct them on their journey, and Kent at the rudder. Bridget pulled the shawl up around her shoulders and tucked her hands inside to conserve the warmth. She pursed her lips together when Valan took the occasion to address his men, and glanced at him when he spoke.
“Men, I’m sure ye all remember the circumstances of how Bridget came into our company. She ne’er intended tae reach the Barra, her ship was destined fer Castle Strome on the shores of Loch Carron before those men attacked. Many of us have become quite fond of the lass while she’s been with us in Castlebay, however, now is the time fer us tae set it right and help her continue on her journey. This will nae be like our other raids, but ’tis in the service of a fellow Scot.”
&nbs
p; “Aye!” the men all cheered in unison.
“Let’s get on then,” she muttered quietly. “I’m ready tae have this finished.”
T hey sailed for hours across the murky deep with giant waves splashing over the sides of the boat. Valan looked back at his crew as Niall and Iain bailed freezing water with a bucket. Wind blew hard into their sails, giving the men a break from the oars and time to rest before they reached dry land.
His gaze inevitably turned to where Bridget sat at the rear. Gusts tossed her brown hair, whipping the loose strands about her face.
By God, she’s beautiful.
His heart ached at the sight of her, wanting to take Bridget in his arms and kiss her senseless. A quell of sadness settled deep within his stomach and left him feeling hollow.
Now he understood what Ewan went through, what it felt like to lose the one you love. Bridget never lied to him, he knew from the beginning that she would not be staying—still, that did not make parting with her any easier.
As he gazed at her, Bridget’s eyes flickered in his direction and they met his for just a moment. Valan could have sworn he saw her blush before she turned away and cast her gaze back toward the sea. He’d already spoken his piece, begged her not to leave, there was nothing more for him to say.
A shift in the wind caught his attention and Valan turned his focus back to the icy waters. The wind stung his cheeks as he twisted round toward its current. As the wind rushed over the windswept sea, it rocked their boat and forth. The men on board didn’t seem to mind, they were in their element. It invigorated them. After a while, they broke out into a waulking song, one Valan had sung with them many times. The whistling winds blew against their sail and created a low, yet steady rhythm. Even the wind and sea added music to their song.
Yet, this time Valan didn’t feel like singing.
Woman would ye if ye’re waking yet,
Rescued by Valan (The Pirates of Barra: Highland Raiders) Page 13
