“Um …” I leaned toward her, frowning. “Do I want to know?”
She narrowed her eyes, studying me intently. “Do you?”
I felt as if she were giving me an out.
“I won’t judge you if you’d prefer not to know,” she said.
Then I closed my eyes and nodded, although I was sure I would rather have shaken my head.
Aunt Christine started with where they’d been born. I hadn’t known they were originally from Toledo, Ohio. Our grandparents, who were both dead, had been extremely religious.
“They swore—and they never swore, but they did swear that your mother and I were going straight to hell. Our sin was breathing, and they felt we had to spend every waking hour of the day repenting for being alive since we were conceived in sin and shaped in iniquity. I mean …” She sniffed and rolled her eyes. “That was a lot of sin.”
I chuckled.
She smiled warmly. “I only told you that because I want you to understand the rejection and emotional abandonment your mother and I faced. The fight for our sanity and individuality began on day one.”
I hoisted my legs onto the couch and hugged them, resting my chin on my knees. “Mom never asked me to be anything but myself. Nor did she make me shoulder her pain. It was as if we were living in two different spheres, even though we were in the same room.”
“May I speak frankly?” she asked.
“Sure.”
She sat up straighter. “Your mother didn’t want to fuck you up, even though she was fucked up. She …” Christine clamped her lips together, closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply through her nose. After a moment, she opened her eyes again. “At the age of twelve, your mother ran away from home. She was starved for love, like many children in her … our … position. And that was why she fell into the wrong hands.”
“I never knew that,” I said past the tightness in my throat.
“I’m six years older than your mother. She ran away a month after I went off to college. Our parents never looked for her. They believed that like the prodigal son, their twelve-year-old daughter would come back beaten and ravished by the world and ready to conform.” She set her unfocused gaze on the window, seeing off into the night. “It took me years to forgive them. I first had to understand them so that I could acquire empathy toward them.”
I was captivated as she went on to tell me how whenever she wasn’t in class or studying, she tried to find my mother. For many years, it was as if my mom had fallen off the face of the Earth. They’d never had the same friends, but during summer vacations and spring and winter breaks, she would return to her hometown without visiting her parents and question all my mother’s friends, asking if they’d heard from her or knew where she might be. No one knew anything. Then during her sophomore year in college, Christine was in her dorm room, studying for finals, when a knock came at the door.
“I’ll never forget who it was.” Her eyes filled with happy tears. “Penny Carter was her name, and she said to me that I had a guest. Mary wouldn’t tell Penny her name, but Penny said that the girl was young, pregnant, and looked like me. I knew exactly who it was.”
I pressed my hand over my heart. “She was pregnant with me?”
As Christine nodded, I did the math in my head. “Then she was only …”
“Fourteen,” Christine said.
My jaw dropped, then I buried my head in my arms as tears streamed out of my eyes. “I didn’t know,” I whispered past my thick throat.
My aunt remained quiet while I cried. I recognized the silence that lingered in the air. It was the patient sort of space that those in the medical field allowed for expressing grief. After all, Christine was a psychologist.
I pulled it together the best I could while she went to retrieve a box of tissues. When she returned, I blew my nose and wiped my eyes.
“Better?” she asked.
I cleared my throat and nodded.
She leaned forward to make full eye contact with me. “Tears are restorative, so cry without restraint.”
I chuckled as I smiled, and so did she.
“Would you like for me to continue?” she asked.
I took a cleansing breath then pulled my shoulders back. “Yes.” I felt stronger and closer to my mother and aunt than ever.
“Okay.” She sighed. “Well … Mary Louise looked older than a fourteen-year-old girl because what she had endured aged her considerably.”
“Do you know what happened to her?” I asked.
Christine watched me with a long, pained look then broke eye contact. “She never wanted to talk about it. But whatever happened to her gave her terrible nightmares. And she never felt as though she was worth anything. You were her greatest accomplishment and a constant reminder of her shame.” She pressed her lips together as her chin trembled.
That was very difficult for my aunt to say, and I put my hands in front of me as if in prayer. “Thank you for telling me the truth. I’m not hurt. I always knew I was a reminder of whatever occurred between her and my father. The way she looked at me—sometimes she would love me as if I were the only thing that mattered to her in the world, then sometimes she would watch me with revulsion.”
Suddenly, Christine held out her hands for me to take. I hesitated as something hard arose in my heart. The emotion took me by surprise.
“Come on,” she urged me.
I furrowed my brow. Does she know what I was feeling? Carefully, I placed my palms on hers.
“Sweetheart, I love you more than words could convey,” she choked out. “As a doctor, you’ve learned a lot about the complexities of human nature, haven’t you?”
I nodded softly as she gripped my hands firmer. “I’ve already decided to give my mother the grace and the space to be human,” I said.
Aunt Christine held steady eye contact as she smiled. “Then that’s all I can ask.”
She stood and held her arms out. “Now let’s hug.”
I rose, and we gave each other a long, loving, and healing hug.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jake Sparrow/Asher Christmas
My adrenaline was through the fucking roof. I slammed my palm against the wall. “What did you say to her?”
Gina had to comprehend the cruelty of what she had done. I was falling in love with Penina fast and hard. And one interaction with Gina, and my relationship with Penina was back in the shitter.
Gina shook her head as if she was stunned. “Why do you care?”
My muscles quivered. “Why do I care?” I bellowed.
When Gina jumped, I knew I’d gotten through to her. “I told her this was my house. Because it is!” she shouted.
“She knew that already. What else did you say?”
She closed her eyes as she looked away from me. “That I was your girlfriend. I’m sorry, Ash. I just … I don’t like her.”
I shook my head. “What else?”
Gina frowned as though she didn’t know what else to reveal.
“Did you tell her my real name?”
Her mouth tightened as she crossed her arms. That was my answer.
We had nothing else to say to each other after that.
I turned my back on her and smashed the elevator’s down button. “When I get back, I want you gone.”
“You bought this penthouse for me, remember?” she yelled at my back. “Don’t you want to know why I’m here?”
“Not really.”
“I’m sorry, Ash,” she whined.
I got into the elevator and pushed the closed button. My anger expanded as I watched the doors slide together, taking care of getting her out of my sight. Plus, she didn’t sound sorry. I hadn’t seen Gina in six years. How she’d chosen to blow up my relationship with Penina was one of several reasons why I’d put distance between us. She was bad for my life. I’d heard she was a swim coach for young girls and had been successful at it, and I’d thought her new legitimate status in society would’ve changed her, but what she had done to Peni
na, she had done for sport.
People would see me getting out of a hired car in front of Penina’s building and knocking on her door at night, but I didn’t care. I had planned on officially asking her to be my girlfriend anyway. I wanted to take her out and show off our new relationship at Nurse Peters’s Midsummer’s Eve party the next night. She would be my date.
I told Kirk to stay parked in front of the building. I’d tried to call Penina several times on the way over but was sent straight to voicemail. I’d never taken her for the avoidant type. When I tried to freeze her out of my surgeries, she remained persistent. I liked that about her. I thought for certain she would be fair enough to hear my side. That was why I was surprised she wasn’t answering.
A handful of people were waiting for the elevator. I couldn’t stand still while being flanked by a group of strangers, so I opted to run up the stairs, taking them two, sometimes three steps at a time. I knew what condo she lived in because when I learned we worked in the same specialty, I looked her up in the system.
I pushed the door open to the third-floor hallway and stamped down it, observing the apartment numbers until I found hers.
“Penina?” I kept knocking and calling to let her know it was me.
A door opened nearby. “Dr. Sparrow?” a female asked in a highly curious voice.
I glanced behind me then did a double take. “Dr. Agate?”
She shook her head. “Just Zara. I’m not a surgeon anymore.”
I furrowed my brow. I knew Zara Agate’s father, Dr. Arush Agate. He was a brilliant cardiothoracic surgeon. I had been looking forward to working with her, especially if she was even half as brilliant as her father. “Oh, sorry to hear it.”
She folded her arms and shrugged. “Don’t be.”
“Zara,” I said, garnering firm eye contact.
She leaned away from me then slightly turned her head to eye me cautiously. “Yes, Dr. Sparrow?”
“Where’s Penina?” When I’d seen them together a while ago, I could tell they were close. She would definitely cover for Penina, but I was ready to convince her to tell me where Penina was, come hell or high water.
“I don’t know.” She raised her eyebrows. “Why are you looking for her?”
It was then and there that I knew she was telling me the truth. “I can’t find her, and I need to find her.”
“But why?”
“Because we work together.”
“I know that.”
“Do you know if she’s home or not?” I snapped.
After taking a moment to study me, she sighed. “Well …” She checked her watch. “Pen is usually asleep by now. Sometimes she puts these earplugs in, or maybe she puts a mask over her eyes. Regardless, just give me a sec. We have keys to each other’s flats.”
I sighed with relief. “Thanks.”
Zara shot me a fake smile. “You’re welcome. But you know, you could’ve just said the two of you are seeing each other. Pen would tell me anyway.”
I kept a straight face as she waited for my reaction.
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’ll be right back.”
Once she was out of sight, I released the tension in my chest.
I stood in Penina’s bedroom, and it appeared as if wherever she’d gone, she had left in a hurry. Clothes were strewn across her bed. The bag she carried on a daily basis was also on the bed, and her laptop was still sitting on her desk.
“So, now that I’ve let you in, are you going to confirm that the two of you are involved?” Zara asked.
I’d almost forgotten she was standing behind me. “Yes,” I said without hesitation.
“All righty then,” she said, sounding shocked I’d been frank. “I knew it would happen, but not so soon. Pen’s slow to get it, you know …”
I wanted to know what she meant by Pen being slow to get it, but I felt pressured by needing to locate my missing girlfriend.
“Could you call her?” My tone was curter than I’d wanted to make it.
Zara tilted her head. “Oh, then she’s avoiding you.”
“Could you please call her?” I took the sting out of my voice that time.
She sighed briskly. “Sure,” she said and used the cell phone she’d been holding the whole time to place the call. She put the device next to her ear, and after about ten seconds turned her back on me. “Pen, it’s me, Z. Call me.” Zara faced me again when she ended the call.
“You got her voicemail?” I asked.
“I’m certain she knows you’re looking for her, Jake. Whatever you’ve done, she’s pissed about it. When Pen gets angry or sad, she drops off the face of the Earth, if she’s not on shift. I’d just give her some space, if I were you.”
Frowning, I rapped my fingers against my thigh, contemplating what to do next.
Zara waved a hand before my face, perhaps thinking I was dazed, and said, “Dr. Sparrow, she’ll call you when she’s ready. Unless whatever you did was pretty hurtful. Was it?” She set her jaw.
I shook my head, though I wasn’t saying no. What Gina had said to Penina hurt her deeply. But I wanted more time alone in Penina’s apartment to search for clues as to where she might’ve gone. My gaze roamed around the space. I was sure in all the mess there was something that would point to where I could find Penina.
“Do you mind leaving me alone?” I asked.
Zara threw her hands up. “Yes, I do mind leaving you alone in Pen’s apartment without her permission.”
Fuck, she’s going to be difficult. I had to settle myself and think fast. First, I nodded empathetically. “Zara, I understand you’re being a good friend. Yes, I hurt her. But when she hears from me, I’ll be able to explain what happened, she’ll forgive me, and you’ll be invited to the wedding.” I grinned.
Her neck jutted forward. “Wedding?”
I snorted. “That was a joke.”
She grunted and twisted her mouth thoughtfully. I couldn’t tell what she might be thinking.
“How badly did you hurt her?” she asked.
“Very bad.”
“Who did you fuck?”
I jerked my head back, amazed she’d ask me that. “No one. Her. Only her.”
Her mouth formed an O, then she slapped her hand over it. After a moment, she dropped her hand, cleared her throat, and said, “Knock on my door when you’re done so I can lock up.”
My temple ached from frowning. I wanted to know why she’d reacted that way. “Thank you,” I said instead. Maybe I didn’t want to know.
I watched her until she closed the door behind her. Then I went on a hunt, tracking Penina’s steps. She had used the bathroom. Her face towel was still damp but drying. She’d probably left two hours ago.
Penina’s computer had been shut down, so I powered it up.
“Fuck,” I muttered after the machine finished booting. I needed a password to enter.
I looked in the wastebasket near her desk. It had a few crumpled papers. Then I saw her mail and checked the back of each piece.
“Bingo,” I said after seeing the numbers FR1539. That was a flight number.
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and called up the flight number. Sure enough, Freedom Airline flight 1539 had left the airport at eight-thirty, heading to Tampa, Florida.
“What the fuck is in Tampa?” I whispered.
Deb would know.
Deb didn’t answer her phone. Next, I called the care station, and whoever answered the phone said that Deb was somewhere in the hospital but busy.
On the way out of Penina’s apartment, I knocked on Zara’s door, said, “I’m gone,” and raced down the hallway.
Kirk drove me over to the hospital. I got out of the car and jogged across the quad, through the lobby, and down the hallway. I looked disheveled, which was why a couple of people asked if I was okay, but I didn’t answer. No, I wasn’t fucking okay.
When I made it to the care station, Dr. Baker was charting. She only looked up when I dropped my hand on the counter
in front of her.
“May I help you, Dr. Sparrow?” she asked without looking at me.
I took a few deep breaths to make them even. “Do you know why Dr. Ross might be in Tampa, Florida?” I still sounded winded.
Finally, Dr. Baker lifted her head and leaned back. Her lips were slightly parted, as if she were lost for words. “Um, no, I don’t know why she would be in Florida.”
“Family? Friends?” I pressed.
She shook her head. “Her aunt lives in Massachusetts.”
“Aunt? Do you have her number?”
“Um …” She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think … I mean …” Then she pointed. “There’s Deb. Deb!”
“Dr. Baker,” Deb said from behind me.
“Dr. Sparrow’s looking for Penina.”
“Sorry, can’t tell you,” Deb said, passing through the area like a streak of lightning.
I ran to catch up to her.
“Dr. Sparrow, why do you need Dr. Ross? If it’s a resident you want, then …”
“No,” I said and trotted ahead of her.
I walked backward, and she continued to walk forward until she stopped in her tracks.
“I want Penina.”
“Penina?” Her tone indicated that she had detected the personal way in which I’d said Penina’s name.
“Yes. Please tell me where she is.”
Deb straightened her posture. “You know, you are very self-important, Dr. Sparrow. You act like you own the place.”
I scratched my ear, fighting the urge to tell her that I did own the place, which meant that she had better start singing about where I could find the woman that I fucking loved or else. However, Deb was not the sort of employee a smart business owner pissed off. Without her, the internship and residency program would’ve crumbled a long time ago.
So I took a step back and steepled my fingers in front of my mouth. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Deb.”
She tilted her head, studying me. “Are you?” She obviously wanted to fight. Perhaps she had some pent-up frustration with me.
Seduction (The Secret Billionaire Asher Christmas Duet Book 1) Page 17
