And she’d made it. And Tori had become her world. Someone she loved very much and didn’t want to have to share. But she would have to if Cole decided to be the kind of father Skye had hoped he would be.
I’ve done the right thing. I’ve carried out Skye’s last wish.
She watched Cole playing with his daughter. He was doing very well. After all, he was a stranger to Tori, and she could easily have cried and reached out to Lane for reassurance. But she hadn’t. Tori seemed to like him, and he was being perfect with her. Letting his daughter decide the game, choose which toys she wanted to play with. Not forcing anything.
His face lit up every time Tori chuckled at him and that made her smile, too.
‘Here’s that tea, Cole. I’ll put it up here on the mantelpiece, where it’s safe.’
‘Thank you, Mrs Carter.’
‘Patricia. Call me Patricia. I’ll leave you both to it.’
And then her mum disappeared again, back into the kitchen, understanding that they needed time together to process this.
‘She looks like you,’ said Lane.
Cole looked up at her and smiled. ‘I think so, too.’
‘I always thought she had her mummy’s smile, but since meeting you I’ve realised that the rest of her is all her father.’ She meant it, and she wanted him to see it. ‘You must wish you’d known about her sooner?’
He looked bewildered. ‘Well, of course... But life doesn’t always work out the way we want it to. I wish Skye had told me. I wish she hadn’t run out on me that morning without telling me who she was. I would have liked to make sure she was okay.’
Lane shook her head. ‘I asked her about that night so many times. She tried to reassure me that the guy had been very nice. You had been very nice. A good listener. She’d been the one who had to listen when the social workers told her that her mother didn’t want any contact and she just needed someone to sit and listen to what she wanted to say. You gave her that. I couldn’t. I wasn’t there for her the way I should have been. Perhaps if I had been then all this might never have happened.’
Tori yawned and began rubbing at her eyes.
Lane glanced at the clock. ‘It’s time for her nap. Let me put her down and then we can talk some more.’ She scooped up the little girl, grabbing at her security blanket, about to take her upstairs.
‘Wait!’ Cole came forward, hesitated, and then planted a small kiss on his daughter’s cheek. ‘Okay. Sleep well, Tori. You be a good girl.’
Lane smiled and then took Tori upstairs, lying her in her cot, tucking her in and then gently closing the door. Normally she was very good at going to sleep by herself.
Back downstairs, she handed Cole his cup of tea. ‘You don’t want it to go cold. Mum makes a mean brew.’
He took the cup and sat down on one of the couches.
‘How are you feeling?’ she asked.
‘I don’t know! Bewildered, confused. Anxious.’
‘I get it. I do. I felt that way, too, when I suddenly had to become a parent.’
‘I don’t feel like a parent.’
‘I don’t think anyone ever does. I’m assuming you’ll want to do a DNA test?’
He smiled ruefully. ‘I just need to process this. I think I’m still in shock.’
‘You have time.’
Cole nodded. ‘I guess we need to sort out what will happen in the future?’
She felt a chill. Already he was thinking about sharing her? How would that work? ‘Yes, we do. But that can wait for a while. Get used to the idea, first.’
* * *
Cole tried to listen in to the baby’s chest, but he kept grabbing at his stethoscope and chuckling. He smiled at the little one and asked his mum if she could hold his arms, but she didn’t seem to be able to do it.
‘I tell you what—I’ll get in my bubble expert.’
He popped next door and rapped his knuckles against Lane’s open door.
‘Fancy blowing a few bubbles for me? I need to keep a patient occupied whilst I do an exam.’
Lane was wiping down the ECG machine. ‘Sure—I’ll be right in.’
‘Thanks!’
He pulled open his bottom drawer and there was the bottle of bubbles he kept for occasions such as this. Bubbles never failed to entertain and delight, and they were much more interesting than a boring old doctor.
When Lane arrived he passed them to her. ‘Little Sam, here, needs to see some of these.’
Lane smiled at him, and the genuine warmth of it, stirred his insides. She seemed so different at work now. So much more relaxed. Looking back, he could understand how much strain she must have been under, keeping the secret about his daughter, knowing what she was withholding from him.
No wonder she’d seemed stressed and uncomfortable in his presence! And he’d thought it was first-day nerves!
As she blew bubbles, entertaining Sam, he got on with his examination, listening to the baby’s chest and checking him over for rashes and high temperature. He seemed fine. He just had a cold, but his mum had been right to bring him in.
He told her it was a virus, and that she could give him infant paracetamol if she thought he needed it, and then said she must bring him straight back if she thought he was getting worse. Other than that, he reassured her, it should pass in a few days.
When Sam and his mother had left, Lane passed him back the bottle. ‘Tori loves bubbles, too.’
‘Does she?’ His heart skipped a beat at learning something new about his daughter. His daughter. He had to keep repeating that to himself as it still didn’t feel real.
‘She does!’
‘Then I’ll have to buy her some. Could I come round tonight? After work? I’d like to spend some time with her before she goes to bed.’
‘I’ve booked her in to a baby massage class at six, but you could come with us?’
Baby massage? He’d heard lots of good reports about that.
‘I’ll be there. Shall I pick you up from your house?’
She nodded. ‘Know where it is?’
‘No.’
She smiled and scribbled her address down on a piece of paper. ‘Here you go.’
‘I’ll look forward to it.’
‘Me too.’
* * *
She was quite nervous about Cole coming that evening. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe because it was the first step, of many, by which he would slowly get to know his daughter more and more. That she had started a process she couldn’t back away from now.
And she couldn’t stop a small assembly of butterflies from beginning to perform aerial acrobatics in her belly.
Was it because some of the stress had gone? The stress of holding on to the secret that was now in the open? It had been so much easier to talk to each other at work today, and she’d found her thoughts straying to him often. Thoughts that maybe she shouldn’t be having... She knew she was attracted to him—even though she’d tried not to be and kept telling herself she shouldn’t be.
He and Skye had once been together, talking, finding in one another a wounded soul and finding comfort, and that it felt wrong to have the hots for one of Skye’s exes.
They’d never gone out with each other’s guys—it had been a firm rule, because they’d never wanted anything to jeopardise their friendship. But Skye was gone now, and she’d got to know Cole a bit, and she couldn’t stop thinking about him.
But he was Tori’s father! And that was all he could be interested in. His daughter. They had a friendship, yes, and it was one she was thankful for. It might easily have been ruined because of the secret, but it hadn’t been. He’d not blamed her in any way. Not accused her of tricking him, or taking him for a fool, and she appreciated that.
He’d certainly not given her an ultimatum the way Simon had.
She liked Cole very much.
Maybe that was the problem?
Cole had been nothing but thoughtful, kind and caring. Not to mention handsome and totally unaware of how his looks affected all the women around him. Everyone at the surgery thought he was great. Even Mary the receptionist had a bit of a crush on him—she’d said so. His smile was infectious. And those blue eyes of his, even though they still held a shade of sorrow, could light up in the most beautiful way. They drew you in until you suddenly became aware that you were staring...
Lane liked spending time with him. Getting to know him. She suspected he would be a wonderful father, but she was still going to let him prove that. Because as soon as he did give her irrefutable proof, then what objections could she give?
What if they did get involved? Her and Cole? She wouldn’t ever have to share Tori, then, would she? But that was the wrong reason to get involved. Cole had seen how well Tori was connected to Lane. She was Tori’s godmother. She had been her mother since she was two months old.
At a quarter to six the doorbell rang and she rushed to answer it. Cole stood there, looking handsome in dark jeans and a white tee shirt that showed the muscles in his upper arms.
Don’t look, Lane.
But it was too late. She’d noticed, and her eyes kept stealing glances at him without her even being conscious of it.
‘Hi. You made it.’
‘Of course. Nothing was going to stop me. Is she ready? Need help getting anything together?’
‘No, we’re all set. If you could just grab that bag over there? I’ll go get the girl of the hour.’
‘All right.’
He grabbed the baby bag that she’d filled with soft towels and a bottle of milk for after the session. She’d been told by the massage therapist that a lot of babies got sleepy after a massage, although some got hungry, so it was best to be ready for both eventualities.
She gave him directions and soon they were pulling up outside a house. Janet, the therapist, met them at the door and invited them in, and they were soon in a room full of babies and parents, all sitting on the floor in a circle.
‘Right—welcome everyone! You might feel a bit warm! I’ve increased the heating in this room just a little because we’re going to be stripping our babies down. But first, if you could lay the towel that you’ve brought on the floor for baby to lie on.’
Cole pulled a thick, fluffy towel from the bag, folded it in half and lay it on the floor, smiling across at Lane.
‘And when you’re ready, let’s remove baby’s clothes and nappy. Those of you with boy babies might want to have a second towel ready as they tend to like to pee when their bits are exposed to the air.’
There were some chuckles around the room.
‘So, let’s have the mums go first. Using the grape oil, warming it in your hands first, until they’re fully covered, with slow, even strokes we’re going to cover their shoulders and chests—like this.’ Janet demonstrated on a doll.
Lane watched what she did and began stroking the oil onto Tori’s shoulders. It was slippery and smooth but Tori seemed to like it, which was good. She’d never done this before, but she’d wanted to give it a try. Wanted to have as many memories as she could with Tori—they were so important. Like Cole said, you never knew when something might change.
Janet demonstrated how to massage the babies’ arms, belly, legs and feet. Cole helped by squirting the grape oil into her hands each time she needed more. He was attentive and seemed to be enjoying himself.
‘Okay, let’s get the dads to have the babies. Turn them onto their stomachs now.’
Lane and Cole switched places and she watched as he tenderly took his daughter and turned her over onto her stomach. He talked to her all the time, gently whispering, telling her what a good girl she was, how well she was doing.
Janet gave more instructions on how to massage their backs, and again their arms and legs and feet.
Lane noticed that Tori was beginning to drift off. Her eyelids were getting heavy. Cole wrapped her in her towel and lifted her onto his lap, rocking gently as his daughter went to sleep. He looked up at Lane with such happiness in his eyes she couldn’t help but smile at his success.
But she felt a little sad, too. And she hated herself for being so selfish.
This wasn’t about her, was it? She’d come here to introduce a man to his daughter. To make sure they were good together, to see him be a good father. It had all seemed so simple months ago. But with every passing day the situation became more complicated.
She should be happy that Tori was letting him hold her. Felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in his arms. Lane had done her absolute best at raising Tori, but she had always felt like she was a stand-in and she couldn’t help but feel a little left out.
They managed to get Tori in her car seat without her waking and Cole drove them home. He scooped her from the car with those powerful-looking arms of his and gently carried her upstairs and laid her in her crib. He looked down on her with pride.
‘She needs Bunny Bee,’ Lane whispered, pointing at a yellow bear.
Cole grabbed it and placed it beside his daughter.
‘And Tootles.’ She inclined her head towards the stuffed black cat that sat in the corner.
He didn’t know everything yet, did he? But he would learn. How long would it take? Tori had survived. Lane had survived. So had Cole. They’d all lost someone precious. Now they were connected by that little girl who had got her through a difficult time and brought her immeasurable joy?
‘We should let her sleep,’ she whispered, and she turned to leave the room, pulling the bedroom door closed gently after Cole.
They both crept downstairs.
‘That was amazing, Lane. Thank you for inviting me.’
‘It was my pleasure. You need to spend time with each other. Get to know one another.’
He must have sensed the upset in her voice, because he tilted his head and lifted her chin with his finger. ‘Hey, I’m not going to steal her away from you.’
She was looking into his eyes then. Those beautiful blue eyes of his. Did he know what kind of effect he was having on her lately? Did he? Because if he did then perhaps he wouldn’t look at her like that. Or touch her face so delicately.
Those eyes made her want to sink into his arms and lay her head against his chest—have him squeeze her tight whilst he whispered sweet nothings into her ear. The yearning to be held was intense. The desire to feel comforted by him, by someone who would protect her and keep her safe, was something she could easily drown in.
Because for the last few months she’d had to be strong for others. For herself. For Tori. Surely it was someone else’s turn to give her a soft place to fall?
But, no. She couldn’t. Not with him. He was Tori’s father and that would be complicated. She wanted to, but wasn’t sure if she could.
‘I know. It’s just... I’m the one who’s looked after her all this time. I love her like she’s my own.’
‘She’s a very lucky little girl to have you.’
‘She should have been luckier. She should have had her real mother.’
He nodded. ‘Did Skye get to see her? Hold her? When exactly did she die?’
Lane sighed heavily. ‘Tori was two months old when her mother passed away.’
‘You’ve looked after her since then?’
‘Since she was born, really. Skye was so sick towards the end and she needed me to care for Tori. The cancer had metastasised to her bones, her liver, her brain, her lymphatic system... She gave birth a month early. The doctors insisted upon it. They said the pregnancy was an added strain to her body.’
Cole nodded. ‘I wish I’d known.’
His tone was so heartfelt she had no doubt that he was telling the truth. But this was getting awkward now. Standing at the bottom of the stairs, talking about Skye’s death. It reminded her o
f Simon, too. His ultimatum. Him, or Skye and the baby? She wasn’t used to a man being kind to her. She really needed him to go now, so she could clear her head.
‘Do you want a coffee?’ The words were out before she realised she’d said them.
‘I’d love one. Thanks.’
* * *
He’d not expected the evening to go so well. He’d thought only Lane would get to do the massaging and he would watch as some weird spectator, feeling like a spare part when all he wanted to be was be involved. Doing something. Being part of this little girl’s life now that he knew about her. He’d already missed so much! He didn’t want to miss anything more.
Yes, it had been a shock. And he felt bad that Skye had not felt able to tell him the reason she’d been in that bar, staring into her glass with tears in her eyes. He’d always thought he was an approachable guy, someone people could talk to. It was part of why he felt he was such a good doctor—people felt able to confide in him.
But because he’d still been in the depths of a depression himself that night he hadn’t pushed enough. Had just listened when she’d spoken about how alone she felt. How she had no one. He’d sensed depression in her. Had recognised a kindred spirit, currently suffering, and for a brief while they had given each other comfort in the only way they could.
It had never been about having crazy sex with a stranger. It hadn’t even been about celebrating still being alive. It had been about two lonely people, needing to find comfort in the arms of each other. As simple as that. And it had given him comfort for a while—though afterwards he’d lain in bed and felt guilty that on his wife’s birthday he’d taken another woman to bed. He’d hoped that Andrea would have understood. That she wouldn’t have minded that he had sought solace from someone else who was hurting and that for a brief time they had made each other’s world just a tiny bit brighter.
And yet somehow he now had this beautiful little girl in his life, and a second chance to do everything right.
Little Tori had let him massage her without crying. She had let him hold her until she went to sleep, and he had settled her into her crib for the night. He’d wanted to stoop down and press a kiss upon her cheek, but he’d been distracted by Lane telling him which cuddly toys his daughter liked to sleep with and suddenly absorbed in soaking that information in.
Healed by His Secret Baby Page 5
