She’d never wondered what kind of lover Duc might be. But all of a sudden in a few moves she knew. Masterful. Decisive.
Her legs were shaking as she responded to his every move, matching him all the way.
Her hands slid under his T-shirt, sending shudders of desire through her as she felt the hard planes of muscle and the dark hairs on his chest. At the same time one of his hands slipped under her top and he ran his fingers up her spine.
The move set every nerve firing under her skin, and her breath caught somewhere in her throat.
He bumped her back against the sink and she pushed herself upwards, making room for him to step forward and letting her wrap her legs around his waist.
Her brain was completely lost in the moment, lost in the part frustration, part desire that had erupted from inside.
She wasn’t sure what had triggered the change in them both, but from the moment she’d set eyes on him at Hanoi airport she’d just known something was different between them.
For a few days she’d told herself it was his sadness and the obvious grief that was overwhelming him, but it hadn’t taken long to realise that there was something else—something underlying—no matter how much they both tried to ignore it.
But she didn’t want to ignore it any more—she didn’t want to pretend this connection wasn’t there.
Her hands tugged at his thick hair as his lips trailed a path down the side of her neck. She could see the pulse at the base of his throat racing just as much as her own.
She tipped her head back and let out a groan as the sensations started to overwhelm her, then Duc froze.
She sensed it automatically. His muscles tensing, his lips lifting from her skin.
She opened the eyes she’d just closed. ‘Wh-what is it?’ she breathed. She didn’t want this to stop.
Duc was still frozen, his lips just inches from her neck and his hands on her skin.
He lifted his head, his dark eyes locking with hers. ‘Vivienne, what are we doing?’ The huskiness was still there, but now there was a sense of something else—a sense of panic. A sense of removal.
It was like a cool breeze dancing over her skin. It would be so easy to continue. So easy just to let the heat of the moment take them and carry them on to the next place.
Right now, that was exactly what she wanted.
All her words were lost somewhere in her throat. She didn’t know how to answer that question.
Her pause made him step back, taking his hands from her skin. His eyes were shot with worry and confusion.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. He could barely look at her. ‘I don’t know what came over me. You’re the best friend I’ve got. The last thing I want to do is anything that will affect our friendship.’ His hand came up and ran through his hair—the hair that moments ago she had tangled through her own fingers.
He took another step back, his voice racked with emotion. ‘You’re it for me, Viv. You’re all I’ve got left. I can’t mess this up.’
‘Of course.’ She could barely get the words out, rejection stinging harder than she’d thought possible.
She jumped down from the sink edge and walked back over to the table. ‘Let’s just write it off to a moment of madness.’
His tight shoulders sagged, and his sigh of relief made her stomach twist and turn. Tears threatened, gathering in her eyes.
She turned away so she wasn’t facing him. ‘I need to dry off,’ she said, her hands leaving the plates she’d been about to lift from the table.
He reached a hand out towards her and she flinched away. ‘I don’t want this to spoil things between us. You’re too important to me.’
She didn’t feel important. She felt like the giant elephant in the room.
She waved her hand as she headed towards her room. ‘Forget it.’ She waved the hand over her shoulder. ‘Tomorrow is a brand-new day.’
She closed the door behind her before he had a chance to respond. Every nerve ending was on fire.
Every part of her body was calling out to be touched by his.
Instead, she was left alone. Her knees buckled and she slid down the door, wrapping her arms around herself.
She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them, letting the tears fall down her face.
Part of what he’d said was true. Duc was the closest thing she had to family. The only difference was she’d never really told him how important he was to her. Duc had still had his mum and dad. She’d always just imagined she didn’t feature quite as highly in his life as he did in hers. Best friend had been comfortable. Best friend had been manageable—at least she’d thought so.
But everything had changed. How could she forget about a kiss like that? How could she pretend it’d never happened?
She wiped the tears from her face, realising that her hands were shaking. No, her whole body was shaking. She stood up on trembling legs and ducked under the mosquito net to wrap herself in the blankets on her bed.
The air around her was clammy but she couldn’t seem to retain any heat. She rested her head on the pillow.
She’d started this. She’d initiated this. She’d been the one to step forward and slide her hands up to his shoulders.
She could have brushed off the damp shirt. She could have ignored his apologetic actions. Instead, she’d moved. She’d acted.
She’d reached out to grab the connection that had blossomed before her. A connection she rarely ever made.
Or had she ever made it?
Vivienne was very used to being alone. Very used to looking after herself. From the age of seventeen she’d never relied on another person. Living a life like that was isolating. It also meant she erected a shield to protect herself from being hurt. It made it easier to move around. Moving around, she wasn’t anywhere long enough to get too attached to people or to places.
Duc was the only person she’d ever let penetrate that shield—just a little.
And right now she was regretting even that. His friendship had been the one thing she’d reached out and grabbed onto.
She couldn’t tell him how she was really feeling. She couldn’t tell him that from the moment she’d set eyes on him at the airport and hugged him it had felt like coming home. Home. A thing she’d never really had. A word she’d never really found a place for.
May Mắn Hospital was exquisite. The problems were sortable. The staff were welcoming. The thought of getting the chance to cover at one of the other hospitals wasn’t exactly too shabby either. How could she explain that for the first time ever she felt a buzz of excitement about a place. Just walking through the corridors made her smile.
And the realisation was that a huge, huge part of that was Duc.
But now?
Emptiness rolled around her in waves.
The truth was she’d never felt so lonely in her entire life.
And that made her sadder than ever.
CHAPTER NINE
DUC WAS WALKING on eggshells and they were all of his own making. For the past two weeks Vivienne had had a grin plastered to her face as if it had been painted on there.
He’d screwed up. He’d screwed up big time.
Joe had started shooting him funny glances and Lien was being down right off with him.
In the meantime, Vivienne had been true to her word. The conversation with Ron had gone well, even though both of them had been shuffling in their seats uncomfortably. Ron had asked for a few weeks to think about things, whilst still agreeing to consult on difficult cases.
Vivienne had read him well. Duc would never have imagined asking Ron to consider a position at May Mắn. But he’d smiled when asked, nodded, and hadn’t seemed at all surprised. Duc’s complete dread had been the thought that Ron might be insulted at being asked to give up his position for what most people would consider a less prestig
ious job.
But Ron had revealed that he was ready to think about some changes in his life, and that he liked the possibility of working at May Mắn. He’d mentioned a few community outreach projects that could be developed and had asked some questions that seemed to check if he and Duc were on the same page.
Vivienne had been enthusiastic, chipping in with projects she’d been involved with in other areas, and their success rate and transferability to Hanoi.
Duc hated the atmosphere in the house between them both right now, and his biggest dread was that she might go back on her promise to stay the full six months.
They’d arranged interviews this week with another midwife. But whoever they employed wouldn’t be able to replace the intensity that Vivienne felt for her job and her patients.
Duc had to try and sort things out.
Viv was finishing up in an outpatient clinic when he found her.
‘Do you have a minute?’
She looked up from some notes. ‘Yeah. What’s up?’
He could tell she immediately thought he wanted to talk to her about a patient.
‘Do you want to go somewhere this afternoon?’
The pause was agonising. It felt like asking a girl at school on a date and seeing all the reasons that she wanted to say no flit behind her eyes.
‘I think we should try to get back to normal,’ he said quickly.
She flinched at those words, but it was too late to pull them back. He wasn’t about to tell her he’d spent the last two weeks unable to sleep because of the whole ‘what if’ scenarios drifting through his head.
It was like being a kid with one of those books where you got to choose what happened next.
Except...none of his choices had seemed right, even in his imagination.
‘Let me take you on a tour of the city. Or a drive further out. Whatever you like. I’ve been a poor host.’
She was going to say no. It was written all over her face.
He watched as she bit her bottom lip. ‘Or let’s take some time to do what we normally do. We can catch a movie. Find a bar.’
He was getting desperate and he didn’t care if she knew it.
She blinked. ‘I’d rather just go for a walk around the city, towards the park maybe.’
Relief flooded through him. ‘Great. Why don’t we get changed and I’ll meet you out front.’
He turned quickly before she changed her mind, finishing up a few things with patients, then heading back to the house to change into jeans and a light shirt.
It took nearly an hour for Viv to come and meet him. He’d started to pace outside the front of the hospital. She appeared wearing skinny jeans and a long-sleeved white top with a simple bag over her shoulder and a pair of sunglasses nestled in her hair.
‘You came.’
‘I came,’ she sighed. He could tell she wasn’t exactly happy, and he wasn’t used to Vivienne being like this. Normally things were so easy between them. They got to be themselves, without any need for other faces.
He wanted to reach out and touch her. But every molecule in his body told him not to. Told him that reaching for Viv again could set off a catastrophic chain of reactions that his body would want to react to.
‘Let’s go this way,’ he said quickly. ‘It takes us through the Hoàn Kiếm district and will lead us down towards the lake.’
She started walking. He was sure he should actually be leading, but Viv’s long strides made him wonder who exactly was leading who here.
He kept up and started pointing out part of the city. ‘This is the local school. There are more than four hundred pupils. This is where Lien and I went to school together.’
Her head turned towards him. ‘You went to school together? I thought you met at medical school?’
He shook his head. ‘We did both. You know Lien’s parents stay just a few streets away?’
She nodded and he continued. ‘They’ve always lived there. My parents and I originally stayed in an apartment further into Hanoi. They didn’t build the bungalows until after they took over the hospital.’
They wandered through the streets. The walk from the hospital to the lake took around an hour.
Duc kept talking, partly because he couldn’t stand any silence between them. It was easy to chat as the area on the way to the lake was full of shops.
Duc pointed down various streets. ‘Things get a little quirky around here with each street having specific kinds of stores. Look, this street is mainly book stores. The one to the left, that’s all shoe stores.’
Viv nodded and stopped to look in a few windows. She picked up something with an international brand. He nudged her and shook his head. ‘This is a tourist area. That’s not likely to be real.’ She gave a little shrug of her shoulders. ‘But it’s right in my price range.’ So he waited while she pulled some money from her jeans pocket and paid.
As they moved along there were vendors at various street corners selling fresh fruit and they stopped to pick some up.
The traffic was chaotic, the streets packed with cars and mopeds, and it took an age to cross some of the roads en route to the lake. As they walked down one street they saw a bride getting her picture taken on the steps of a grand hotel. Duc smiled. ‘That’s one of the most luxurious hotels in Hanoi.’
‘It certainly looks grand,’ murmured Vivienne as she stopped to watch the bride and groom posing together. Duc didn’t want to hurry her along, so he waited while photographer posed the couple on the steps. Even from here, he could tell just by the way they looked at each other that they were totally in love.
An uncomfortable prickle ran down his spine. Viv had stopped watching them and was staring at her feet. Images shot into his brain. He could remember exactly the expression in her blue eyes that night, and if he closed his eyes he could remember exactly how much his heart had thudded in his chest and exactly how much he’d wanted things to go further.
Was he a fool?
She was quite simply the best person he knew. But there was no way he could have a fling with Viv and still retain the closeness of their friendship. Even now, he’d probably gone some way to ruining it.
Everything he did now had to try and pull things back.
He gave a tug at her elbow. ‘Let’s go around the corner. There’s some gorgeous architecture. The Hanoi Opera House is there.’
They walked to the opera house and he noticed Viv tugging at her top. The temperature was rising, and he could see her hair sticking to her neck.
‘Let’s stop for a minute and get a drink before we head to the park.’ He ducked into a doorway and led her to an elevator that took them four floors above the streets. ‘Café hopping is almost a trend here.’ He led her to a table in a café overlooking the streets below, with a view of the lake. He handed her a menu, which she handed back with her eyebrows raised.
‘Sorry.’ He shook his head as he realised it was in Vietnamese. ‘What would you like?’
‘Frozen mango smoothie,’ she said promptly, and when the waiter approached, he ordered two.
He pointed down at the busy road and crossing beneath them. ‘This is Hanoi’s answer to Times Square or Shibuya Crossing. I could people-watch up here for hours.’
Viv leaned back in her chair. Her gaze had narrowed. ‘So, are we going to talk about things or are we just going to ignore them?’
He started. He hadn’t expected her to say anything quite so blunt, but this was Viv and he should have known better.
His cheeks flushed and he shook his head. ‘I’m sorry. I feel as if I took advantage of you. You’ve came here, given up a job and everything to help me out, and then...that happens.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I meant it when I said you’re family to me. I crossed a line. I don’t know what I was thinking of.’
For the first time since it had happened he
r face didn’t seem quite so annoyed. She raised an eyebrow. ‘I know what you were thinking of.’
The waiter placed the frozen glasses down in front of them and they both jumped.
He rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah...that.’ He looked up and met her gaze. ‘But why? Why now? How many times have you and I got drunk together—shared a bed even—and nothing like that has ever happened?’
A sad kind of smile appeared on her face. ‘Who knows? Timing? Hormones? Change of venue?’ Her voice dropped. ‘Change of circumstances?’
He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. ‘I’m sorry. This is what I hate. I’m scared to touch you now. Scared that something that was so easy between us is now just...’
He let his voice tail off. His thumb was unconsciously making little circles in the palm of her hand.
‘The last two weeks have been hard,’ she said simply, and he could tell she was trying to keep her voice steady. ‘I wanted to go home.’
His head shot up. ‘No.’
A tear slid down her cheek. ‘But I realised I don’t know where home is. I don’t even really have one.’
He didn’t hesitate. Duc stood up and moved around the table, wrapping her in his arms. ‘Home is with me, Viv. We’re family.’
She was shaking now, and he hated every bit of himself for doing this to her. ‘You should have told me. You should have shouted at me—yelled at me. You should have told me you wanted to leave. I am so, so sorry. I had no idea you were feeling like that.’
She gave a nervous laugh and pushed him back a little. ‘How could I do that? I was the one that kissed you first.’
His breath caught somewhere in his chest. She was right. She had kissed him first. She’d responded to his every touch. Every moment of that night was seared on his brain. But he’d wanted to take all the responsibility, all the blame for what had happened.
He could tell that right now she was struggling to keep her emotions in check, and he couldn’t get past the first words she’d said—that she didn’t know where home was, that she didn’t have one.
Just Friends to Just Married? Page 9
