A flash of pain showed in her eyes. As soon as it was there, it was gone, blinked away and replaced with the coquettish smile that set his blood on fire. “Come to bed, lover. The hour is late.”
“Nay.”
She paused and tilted her head.
“Ye do this often.” He pointed an unsteady finger at her.
She blinked innocently. He knew better.
“Ye dinna trust me, Faye.” Saying the accusation aloud was more striking than he’d anticipated. He hadn’t planned to speak his mind on it at all, but the drink guided his words with no care for fault. “Ye choose passion over conversation.”
“Are ye truly complaining?” Her fingers crept up his thighs and brushed at his cock, which still stirred even in his foggy state.
He shifted in this seat, away from her touch. “I want to get to know ye, Faye. I want ye to trust me the way I’ve trusted ye with this painful admission tonight.” He ran the back of his thumb over the hand she’d tried to entice him with. “I want to love ye.”
Her eyes filled with tears. A single one spilled down her cheek like a dropped diamond. “I don’t want that.” She wiped at the moisture on her face. “I’m not like yer first wife, Ewan.”
He frowned, his thoughts sloshing in his mind. “What do ye mean?”
She stared up at him, resolve glittering in her eyes. “I don’t want to be loved.”
12
Faye woke alone in the large bed she had shared with Ewan since they were married. And for the first time, they had not spent the night coupling.
After she’d confessed her lack of desire to be loved, Ewan had refused to leave his chair, and she’d been forced to go to bed. Alone.
He had consumed a good bit of alcohol. That much had been evident in the slight slur of his words and the completeness of his confession.
She eased quietly from her bed to dress and found the chair empty. Her reply had disappointed him. She shouldn’t care, of course. She should have put enough distance between them to prevent herself from becoming emotionally involved.
But the burning ache in her chest told a different story than the one she tried to tell herself. It bespoke of a man who had opened his heart even as she closed hers off, one who was inclined to get to know her despite her determination to remain aloof.
And through the silent battle she’d waged against him, he’d somehow begun to find cracks in the wall she hid behind.
She crossed the connecting doors into her own chamber as a soft knock sounded. Gavina entered with a new kirtle in her arms, this one a sumptuous crimson red with a gold circlet and veil. Faye tried to maintain a friendly demeanor as the maid dressed her, but the smile continued to slide from her face, and the painful clutch of emotion remained locked around her chest.
When Gavina was done, and Faye had thanked her for her talents with a needle, Faye made her way down to the kitchen to first speak with the cook to prepare the midday and evening meals. Then she went to the chatelaine to ensure the essential household duties had been properly carried out.
She had dreaded becoming the mistress of the keep when she’d first learned of the task. After all, it had taken her mother and sisters to ensure the manor remained clean and their stores well-stocked. But now that she was heading a well-trained staff, it was entirely manageable. More than that, it was enjoyable. At least she never had to wrestle wet laundry onto a line again or pluck a chicken. The latter of which was the most deplorable task in the entire world.
And the work required of the mistress of the castle was a glorious distraction from the heavy ache in her soul.
Faye had only just finished scheduling the laundry pressing with the chatelaine when Moiré approached. She wore a fine yellow kirtle with her long chestnut hair plaited back in a braid. Whatever glimmers of lust that had lingered on her face the night before had been scrubbed away to reveal her usual sweet, pleasant expression.
What Faye had seen the night before had skittered about in her mind in the brief moments she wasn’t fretting about Ewan. She still hadn’t recovered from her shock at seeing gentle Moiré leaving a man’s room. And not just any man’s. After all, discovering the chamber’s occupant was a simple task for a mistress traversing the castle with her chatelaine earlier that morning.
Finn Gordon. The very man who had rejected Moiré as a wife.
“Good morrow,” Faye said to Ewan’s cousin.
Moiré smiled. “Good morrow. I trust all has gone accordingly this morn?”
“Quite well, thank ye.” Faye studied the other woman. There was still an innocence about her wide brown eyes that was entirely opposite what Faye had seen in the sexually confident grin the night before. Had it truly been Moiré?
And yet, Faye trusted no one better than herself. Indeed, it had been her.
“I’m grateful for yer instruction,” Faye said. “’Tis been most helpful.”
Moiré beamed. “I’m so pleased to hear it.”
There was such a genuine benevolence to Moiré that it tugged at a tender spot in Faye’s chest. If Finn had used Ewan’s cousin, Faye had to know, to plan out how to make reparations. Or, at the very least, to prevent Moiré from getting hurt again.
But how did one go about bringing up such a topic?
“I wonder…” Faye began, then thought better of her approach, and the words died on her tongue.
“What is it?” Moiré leaned closer. “Is it about Lara? I shouldna have ever mentioned it at the feast.” Her large eyes filled with regret. “It was no’ my place to do so.”
“Please put it from yer thoughts.” Faye meant to reach for Moiré’s hand but stopped short. Black ink stained her forefinger as though she had been writing recently. “I confess,” Faye said. “’Tis ye who most occupies my concern.”
“Me?” Moiré chuckled. “Dear Faye, ye need no’ worry after me.”
Faye bit the inside of her cheek to keep from outwardly wincing at Moiré’s words. What Faye had witnessed was indeed cause for concern. She took Moiré’s slender arm in her hand and gently drew her toward an alcove. A quick scan of the hall confirmed they were alone.
“I saw ye last night,” Faye whispered.
Moiré said nothing. Her expression remained blank, as though Faye had not spoken at all.
“In the hall,” Faye pressed. “After ye left the feast.”
Moiré swallowed. “Mayhap, we can speak in yer chamber?”
It was a reasonable enough request, especially regarding the topic of their discussion. They were already near Faye’s rooms, and the two quickly hurried there together. Faye secured the door behind her. Moiré perched herself on the edge of the seat by the dressing table, her expression pinched.
“Was it Finn Gordon?” Faye asked.
Moiré folded her arms around herself and gave a sullen nod.
“Did ye…” Faye glanced around the room, terribly uncomfortable with the question she knew she needed to ask the other woman. “Did he have ye?”
Moiré’s cheeks blossomed with a brilliant red, and her eyes lowered to where her leather shoes peeked out from beneath the sunny yellow hem of her kirtle.
“Has he promised himself to ye then?” Faye’s heart clenched with hope. A hope that was met with silence.
Jesu.
“Moiré, does he plan to wed ye?” Faye asked.
The other woman shook her head, tears bright in her eyes.
“Moiré.” Faye approached her and smoothed her hand over the other woman’s hair. “Why?”
Moiré looked up; her lashes spiked with moisture. “Do ye ever get tired of all the rules we have as women?” she asked abruptly. “We’re to flirt, but no’ too much. We should be bonny at bed and at board, but only after we’re wed. We should marry, but only to whom men agree we can.” Her brows lifted with emphasis. “No matter how it happens.”
An ember of anger glowed to life in Faye’s chest. Aye, she knew well the unfairness of a woman’s lot.
“I grew weary of the rules.�
�� Moiré sucked in a breath and shook her head. “I made my own choice. I know he doesna want me as a wife. I understood that when I went to him and I dinna expect anything from him, above what we shared last night.”
Faye had heard other women claim such and had seen their hearts broken regardless.
“Ye know this will impact yer options for marriage,” Faye said gently. “Unless ye are certain he will keep yer secret.”
Moiré lifted her chin with a flash of spirit Faye had not yet seen. “Mayhap, that was the point.”
Faye opened her mouth, unsure what to say to such defiance. Part of her cheered the other woman on, for taking a stand for her own path. But the other part of Faye feared Moiré would come to regret such a decision, especially with so much of her life still ahead of her. She was young and attractive. Someone may steal her heart yet. And a secret such as Moiré’s could be an impossible wall between herself and happiness.
“I dinna…” Moiré pressed her lips together.
“Ye didn’t what?” Faye pressed.
“I saw how ye were forced to wed Ewan.” Moiré shook her head, her face set. “I dinna want to ever be in such a position.”
“Ewan would never do that to ye,” Faye gasped.
“He wouldna,” Moiré conceded. “But my da has the support of the Gordons now. I wouldna put it past him to do as yer grandda did to ye.” She caught Faye’s hand in her hot grip. “Dinna tell Ewan about Finn, please. Or anyone else.”
Ewan.
Even the mention of his name fanned the flame of hurt within her. She was not a good wife to Ewan, most assuredly not what he deserved. She didn’t want to be loved, and now she was considering holding back such a large secret…
“We women who have been so wronged by men must stick together.” Moiré’s gaze pleaded silently with Faye.
Uncertainty twisted in Faye’s gut, but still, she found herself nodding in reassurance to Ewan’s cousin. “Aye,” she said at last. “I will keep yer counsel.”
But even as she vowed to keep such secrets, she already knew to do so was a grave mistake.
Ewan had yet to deed Berwick to the Ross Chieftain. The parchment with the terms written out in a neat, slanting hand lay out on his desk, weighted down with stones on either corner to keep it from rolling up.
Giving Ross what he wanted did not sit well with Ewan. Dealing with a man such as him never did.
The ghost of a lingering headache pounded in the background of Ewan’s brain, punishment for having consumed far too much alcohol the night before.
Thoughts of Faye drifted into Ewan’s mind, but he tried to shove them away. There was too much in the forefront that required his concentration. He had ensured the Gordons left that morning without issue and that his uncle and his new bride were on their way to Cruim’s manor on the outskirts of the village.
In all the revelry the night before, the Gordons had not once mentioned an intent to overthrow Ewan. They had, however, indicated Cruim’s decision to negotiate a union between Moiré and one of the Murray Chieftain’s sons, a clan the Gordons sought to align with. If Moiré was not amenable to the idea, Ewan would do what he could to aid her.
Ewan skimmed the contract for the land to Ross once more, and his gut twisted with dislike. After all the years of constant attacks from the Ross clan and what Ross had done to his own granddaughter, the idea of deeding over the land felt like a reward for nefarious deeds.
The savory scent of a meal tugged at Ewan’s awareness, and his stomach issued a low, hungry rumble. He lifted the stones, so the parchment curled in on itself, and tucked the document into his drawer. He would consider it tomorrow. Again.
Ross’s patience would only last so long. Ewan needed to come up with a solution, and soon.
He arrived in the Great Hall as everyone else was taking their seats for the evening meal. His gaze found Faye, and his heart gave a solid kick against his ribs.
“I don’t want to be loved.”
Such words were hard to absorb.
He settled into the large, ornate chair on the dais beside her. She was resplendent in a red kirtle with a gleam of gold glinting from her circlet.
She cast him an anxious glance. “Ye’re displeased with me.”
He considered her words. She hadn’t made him discontented; it was her determination to not fall in love that vexed him.
“I canna force ye to want anything,” he replied in a quiet voice for her ears only. “Especially no’ love.”
She nodded and nervously touched the metal stem of her goblet. Her fingers were elegant, graceful as they stroked over the metal.
“’Tis no’ because of ye.” She paused until the maid delivering bowls of bread walked away. “I…” She released the goblet, and her fingers twisted against one another in her lap. “There has been much betrayal in my life.”
“And it’s made ye hesitant to trust,” Ewan surmised.
She nodded slowly.
Understanding dawned on Ewan then. It wasn’t that Faye didn’t want love. It was that she was afraid.
That, at least, was something he could manage.
But now was not the time for platitudes or trying to sway her with words. Not when actions worked so much better.
“I’d like to know what happened, but only as ye feel comfortable telling me,” Ewan said. “I’ll no’ force anything from ye. Especially no’ a feeling.”
Her rigid demeanor relaxed somewhat.
“Ye assumed the role of mistress of the castle today, aye?” He inspected the table, set with fresh linen and dotted with sprigs of heather.
Color flushed at her cheeks. “Aye. And I had the cook prepare one of yer favorite meals.”
“Ye know my favorite meal?” Pleasure rushed through him that she would be mindful of what he’d eaten to try to accommodate his tastes. It was a considerate gesture. Especially from a woman who claimed not to want to be loved.
She grinned at him. “I believe I am correct in what ye like.”
A servant carried over a platter and settled it before Ewan. He peered at it and froze. Coils of cooked eel snaked around one another, their dull eyes staring at nothing. A shiver of disgust crept up his spine.
He’d never cared for the wicked looking creatures. Not when they were alive with their serpentine bodies and sharp teeth. And even less when they were dead and set on a plate before him.
Mindful of her stare upon him, he pressed his lips together to stifle his expression.
She looked at the platter and gasped—no doubt in delight.
He steeled himself to force the meal down in an effort to please her. Not just one bite, but many. Enough to fill his belly. He stared down at the glossy, baked skin and bile burned up the back of his throat. Mayhap he’d need to eat an entire one.
“That isn’t what I asked Cook to make.” Faye glanced around the room, as though seeking the man out to speak with him then and there.
Ewan eyed the unappetizing meal before him. “What did ye ask for?”
“Venison,” she replied.
“So, ye dinna order eel intentionally?” Relief eased his tense shoulders.
She shook her head, her expression wounded. “I don’t know what I did wrong. How could I possibly confuse so simple an order?”
“May I confess something to ye?” Ewan nudged his elbow against hers.
She turned her worried gaze up to him and nodded.
“I’m glad ye dinna think I liked this.” He didn’t bother to hide his revulsion for the meal. “I canna stand eel.”
Her mouth curled up with mirth. “Nor can I.” She turned her face away from the platter. “I could go the rest of my life without ever having another.”
“My mum gave up with me when I was a lad.” Ewan chuckled. “I made such a show of it every time it was set before me.”
“It was all my mum could afford after my da died when we were in England,” Faye said. “We ate it for years.” A shiver of revulsion wracked through her, and they both lau
ghed.
Their eyes caught with their shared distaste for the food, and a pleasant warmth hummed in Ewan’s chest. He reached for the bread, his hand hovering. “May I select the finest piece of bread for yer supper this evening, my lady?”
Faye smiled at him and made a show of perusing the small rolls. “That would be most kind of ye.”
He plucked one from the top. “This appears to be the bonniest in the bunch.”
She nodded her thanks as he took one for himself. Together, they split their bread and spread a glossy smear of salted butter over it, while the rest of the castle dined on eel for the first time in nearly a decade.
One of Ewan’s warriors entered the Great Hall at a clipped pace and approached the dais. “Forgive the interruption, sir, but there are several visitors who insist on seeing ye.”
“Several visitors” was vague enough to imply any number of people. Including the Gordon clan, which was the last thing Ewan wanted now that he’d finally removed them all from his home.
“Visitors?” Ewan set his bread on the plate in front of him, no longer plagued with hunger. “Who are they?”
The young man glanced toward Faye. “They claim to be Lady Sutherland’s family.”
13
Faye sat forward in her chair. “I beg yer pardon?”
The young man ducked his head, revealing the top of his bushy blond head. “They claim to be yer family, my lady. They’re in the bailey and insist on seeing ye both.”
Ewan nodded toward the large entryway. “Go to them. I’ll join ye in a moment.”
Faye leapt to her feet and raced through the Great Hall, heedless of so many eyes set upon her. She would have gone with or without Ewan’s permission, though she hadn’t anticipated he would deny her the opportunity to see her family.
They’d come for her.
All this time she’d worried they would think she was dead, or that they might not ever see her again. Drake, so strong and determined. Kinsey, all fire and driven with purpose. Clara, with her exquisite kindness. And Mum…
Faye's Sacrifice (Borderland Rebels Book 1) Page 11
