by Rebel Hart
I nodded. “Glad to see the love is still very alive here.”
Avery chuckled. “Let’s leave before you get caught in the crossfire.”
We turned around and left the room, closing the door behind us, and made our way downstairs. I couldn’t shake the empty pit in my stomach that I felt from watching Avery and Alistair interact.
I wanted that.
My brain immediately started to paint a picture of showing Deon my outfit and him descending into playful overprotectiveness. Looking at me with wide eyes and telling me he was going to wait up. I missed him so much it made my stomach hurt, and all of a sudden, I didn’t feel much like going out. I should be looking for Deon.
“Cherri?” Avery asked. We’d made our way clear into the living room while I was lost in thought and Avery pulled me down onto the couch. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Just that interaction between you and Ali made me miss Deon more than I was expecting,” I explained. “I feel like I’m not doing enough to find him. He could be in trouble and I’m about to go out for a fucking drink with my girls.”
“There’s only so much we can do.” Avery pet my head gently. “And honestly, I think we’re doing more than most teenagers would be able to do in this situation. Yeah, we have a ton of money to throw around, not to mention our own personal technical genius, but at the end of the day, we’re just a bunch of kids, even if Nathan has the brain and maturity of like a thirty-year-old.”
“I guess…”
“For two days, we’ve made strides, or we’ve tried to at least. All we’re doing is what it takes to survive as kids in this world. We already lost our entire second senior semester, we can’t throw away our summer too. Deon’s a strong, capable guy, and we’re doing the best we can. We shouldn’t just be miserable while we’re waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
I nodded. She wasn’t wrong, and I knew that, but it didn’t mean I missed Deon any less. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I know you miss him, but I believe, and I know you do too, that Deon is out there, alive. We’ll find him or he’ll find us. We just have to be patient and in the meantime, you said so yourself, we have to make the most of the time we have left.” Avery pulled me into a hug. “I’ll try to be less coupley with Ali.”
“No, no, I don’t want that. Thank you for being willing, though,” I said.
After a while, Colette and Nikita came down to the living room, then we all piled into Avery’s car and left for Colette’s mom’s sushi restaurant. The dynamic was different, but in a good way. Avery, Colette, and Nikita were all so comfortable with each other, especially Nikita and Colette. The shroud hanging over Nikita before I left The Royal Court that seemed to be lifted, and though she was still dressed in dark colors and jeans with chains hanging from them, her jeans were a little more form-fitting, and her t-shirt/vest combo showed a little more skin. There was an added femininity there that was different, but nice to see on her.
We were seated at a private table near the back of the restaurant. We’d been there many times before, but it felt extra comforting for me—like coming home after being gone for a long time. A bottle of wine had already been corked and was waiting open in a chiller for us. Thanks to Colette’s family owning the place, we were allowed to skate on some controlled underage drinking. An edamame appetizer had been placed in the middle of the table as well. Waiters came over quickly enough to take our orders, and then we were left to ourselves.
Surprisingly enough, it was Nikita who bubbled up the conversation. She looked across at me and gave me a coy grin. “You were shocked I agreed to come, huh?”
“You got me,” I replied. “I remember you avoiding us at all costs.”
“I’ll admit, before, I wasn’t really interested in bonding, least of all with you. I mean, you were with Nathan, and everyone loved you…” She looked at Avery and Colette. “These two adored you, so it wasn’t like I could bond with them without you.”
“I’m just gonna say it,” Colette said. “Cherri, I am so happy that you’re back, but you leaving The Royal Court…” She cast nervous glances at Avery and Nikita before settling on me. “It was kinda the best thing that’s ever happened to us.”
“Ouch,” I said. “I deserve that.”
“It’s not meant to be insulting, like I said, I’m so glad you’re back, but The Royal Court was toxic, and a lot of it was centered around you and your relationship with Nathan. You didn’t make us toxic, in fact, you were the only thing that was still kind of good about us, but it was all kind of self-serving, and that always came back around to the fact that you were the queen. I knew I was never gonna be better than you, so I just worried about myself.”
“Yeah!” Avery yelped, then she looked at me with wide-eyes. “I love you, Cherri, so much. It broke my heart when you left, but I get what they’re saying. You and your relationship with Nathan was like this crazy benchmark I was never going to hit. You’re so perfect.”
“Then we saw that you weren’t,” Nikita said with a smile. “We saw you deteriorate and change, and when you were gone we fucking fell apart. I’m not lying, it was like you were the pin in the grenade. Once it was pulled, things went to shit fast.”
Colette started to chuckle. “Oh my god. We used to just sit at the lunch table in complete silence. Seriously. I’d try my hardest to start a conversation, but it was like I was talking to a wall. Nathan was guilty, Nikki and Avery were heartbroken, I was delusional, Brayden was planning our imminent demise, and poor Kyle, Jax, and Ali, they were exhausted just trying to hold us together.”
Avery and Nikita joined in the laughter. “It was touch and go for a while,” Avery said. “Nathan dressed up like Santa in, what was it, January or February? I can’t remember. Time is a blur.”
“Yeah, and Colette trying to give Cherri that box.” Nikita had tears in her eyes. “Remember when Cherri completely ignored her and then she turned around and told everyone she’d talked to Cherri and things were going to get better?”
Colette shivered. “It makes me cringe just thinking about it.”
Nikita shook her head. “I was like, oh man, this girl has really lost it.”
I couldn’t tell if I was warmed or uncomfortable by the conversation, so I just sat and let them toss the ball around. Finally, Avery looked across at me and smiled. “Yeah. Turns out we were all way more attached to you than we realized.” It made me think of Nathan’s confession that he thinks of me like family and it killed him when I was gone. “Ali didn’t want to forgive Nathan for a long time. Nikki either actually.”
“We struggled,” Colette said, “but that struggle led to some pretty astounding changes. We got closer. We became actual friends. Even you, Cherri. You grew and changed so much and now you’re so much more of the person you want to be. That sucked. God, it sucked so much. I think I cried every day for months and got no sleep, but I can’t bring myself to say it wasn’t worth it.”
“Yeah,” Nikita said, “And not just because I’m finally with Nathan, but because it took the blinders off for me.” She smiled at Colette and Avery. “I can’t believe I spent so much time not letting myself get close with these two.” She side-eyed me. “Or you.”
“Wow,” I said. “I guess I’ve been so apologetic this whole time that I didn’t realize the good it did. I’m glad. I’m angry at myself for being such a fucking brat and hurting you guys.” I looked at Nikita. “Or in your case, getting my ass handed to me.” Everyone laughed. “But I’m glad that it made us all stronger.” I lifted my wine glass. “To aging like ten fucking years in six months.”
“Here here!” Colette said, and she, Avery, and Nikita lifted their glasses to meet mine. “Oh! Cherri! Did you see how Nikita looked at prom?”
My eyes widened as I remembered the shimmery ensemble with the first time I’d ever seen Nikita’s hair down or her wearing makeup. “Yes! Oh my god, you were smokin’!”
Nikita smiled. “Thanks.”
“I’m serious, I even told Sicily how amazing you looked, you can ask him. I was seriously like, I’m so angry at them, but damn she looks good. You all did, but Nikita was like…” I whistled. “How did that happen? One of you did it?”
“Well, we convinced her to get dressed up, but you’ll never guess who picked it out,” Avery said.
I tilted my head. “Not Nathan?”
Nikita nearly choked on her drink. “God no. I’ve spent the last six months making his wardrobe less douchey.”
“Jaxon,” Colette said proudly.
“No way.”
She nodded. “Yup. Avery and I kept picking out these poofy dresses, and they looked good on her too, but fortunately Nikita dragged Jaxon along—It was back when we were still navigating our new friendship—and he picked it out. The only thing we added was the headband.”
“I’m impressed,” I said. “Didn’t know he had it in him.”
Colette shrugged. “That’s generally true of Jaxon.”
“Well, you would know. You two are like the real deal now,” I said. “I will never forgive myself for missing that.”
“You know, it occurs to me that we’ve never really talked about it,” Avery said. “How did it happen?”
My eyes widened. “Wait. You don’t know?”
“I know a little bit, but not the full story,” Nikita said. “She’s right, it was just a thing one day.”
We paused the story for a minute while our food was delivered, then Colette perched one of her maki rolls between her chopsticks as she started to speak. “I guess it mostly started during winter break.”
“Bullshit,” I said immediately.
“Yeah. Cherri and I saw you with hickies back in like October,” Avery said.
“Okay,” Colette whined before popping her sushi roll in her mouth. She chewed and swallowed then wrinkled her nose. “I’m telling the story of how we got to official.”
I held my hands up in retreat. “Fine. Sorry.”
“You’re right, we would like makeout and stuff before winter break,” Colette explained, “but that was actually really rare, and usually we would just sort of trip and fall into it.”
“He would trip and his lips would fall onto your neck?” Nikita said.
Colette chuckled. “Damn near. Literally, it was like we would get together to study in a perfectly public place and it would just happen. I swear to god, the first time we kissed I asked to borrow a ruler he had, he reached across the table to hand me the ruler and he kissed me. I was confused, but not unhappy. Then there was this other time we were standing by my locker and I leaned past him to reach into my locker and I brushed a little too close to him, all of a sudden we were kissing. I don’t even know how we got there. He says I started it.”
“That’s amazing,” Avery said. “I love the idea that you’re just all of a sudden like kissing and have no idea how you got there.”
“Then,” Colette said with overdramatic pronunciation, “It all started around winter break. Those couple of weeks after Deon went missing were so tense and I just couldn’t sleep well. I was texting Jaxon and mentioned that I couldn’t sleep, and eventually he came over and we would just talk, and I was finally able to get some sleep. It was much, but enough. We didn’t do anything over winter break. No kissing or sex, just spent a ton of time together and slept a lot.”
“That’s what he told me too, so I can confirm,” Nikita said.
“That’s so cute,” Avery said.
“He was so worried about you,” Nikita said. “I’ve never seen him like that before.”
“Then, like right after I had the issue with Cherri and the box, when I got home I just broke down. I mean, like full on ugly crying, and he just held me and told me everything was going to be okay and that he’d be there for me.”
“Jaxon?” I said. “He doesn’t speak.”
“You’d be surprised,” Nikita said. “When it comes to the people he loves, he’s surprisingly sweet and passionate.”
“That was when I first realized we were more than just hooking up as one of the last remaining single people in the group. That time when we kissed, it was on purpose, and naturally, everything else followed. Then it was hard to be apart from him.”
“That was obvious based on the fact that you two became inseparable,” Avery said.
“Avery, when Colette clocked that guy with the pan at Nathan’s, Jaxon looked at me and said, ‘Shit, Nikki, I think I fucked around and fell in love.’” Nikita laughed. “I honestly never thought I’d see the day.”
Avery looked across at me. “You okay?”
I tilted my head. “Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be? I’m having fun. It’s nice hearing about this stuff that I missed.”
“You just have this really sad look on your face,” Colette said.
“Is it more guilt over Deon?” Avery asked.
I shrugged. “Maybe. Hopefully he’ll forgive me for having a little bit of fun.”
“Why shouldn’t you have fun?” Nikita asked. “I learned this really important lesson with Nathan, especially after seeing how much I loved getting to know Avery and Colette better, I realized I was living my entire life for Nathan. All the decisions I was making were based on my feelings for him and it caused me to miss out on a lot. Deon’s a grown man just as much as you’re a grown woman. He may need help, and we’re trying, but I also feel like you’ve just created an identity around Deon. I did the same thing, and it’ll lead to frustration every time. It’s okay to live your life. The Deon stuff will work itself out.”
I’d made an identity around Deon. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Nikita said. “It’s okay to live your life with him, so long as you aren’t living your life for him. Who are you when he’s not here? That’s what you have time to figure out now. Let us carry some of the weight while you put the pieces together.”
It was remarkably good advice and incredibly comforting. “Okay. Thanks, Nikita.”
“Nikki,” Nikita replied. “It’s pretty much what people call me these days.”
“Nikki,” I repeated. “Got it.”
Colette chuckled. “She’s not lying about that either. Sometimes Nikita just shuts Nathan down when he gets very Nathan-y. It’s awesome.”
“It’s because we’re the only ones who have any sense,” Nikita said.
Avery lifted her wine glass. “A toast. To being the ones with sense!”
Avery, Nikita, and I lifted our glasses and tapped them against hers. Even if I didn’t think we really had any idea what we were doing, it was nice to pretend that we did, just for a while.
10
Deon
“Well, you’re up early,” Felicity said. I’d just walked down from my bedroom and Felicity was sitting over a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table, flipping through her phone. “How’d you sleep? Has it gotten any better?”
It had been about a week since Felicity told me the truth about how Venom and I came to cross paths, and it had definitely messed with my sleep. If it wasn’t just me laying awake ruminating about all of the pain and damage my father had caused so many people in my life, it was nightmares of him making a valiant return to kill all of the people I cared about, from my mom and Cherri to Nathan and Venom.
“Not really, unfortunately,” I replied, sliding into the chair opposite Felicity.
“I went with something simple because I didn’t think you’d be up, but I can cook something for you. What would you like?” she asked.
“No, it’s okay. I’m fine with cereal.” I replied, but Felicity still stood up from her chair. “Why?”
“I’m gonna get you a bowl at least. Do you want toast?” she asked.
“Why are you like this?” I asked.
She looked back at me and stabbed a finger out in my direction. “Listen. Acts of service are my love language, okay. Just let me take care of you. I like it.”
I sighed, but nodded. “Fine. Yes please to the toast.”
She g
ave me a victory nod, then turned around and made her way to the toaster. She popped a couple of pieces of bread in the toaster and then grabbed a bowl and spoon. “What to drink?”
“Orange juice, please,” I replied.
She set the bowl and spoon down for a moment and then grabbed a glass from the cabinet and set it down as well. She opened the fridge and grabbed the milk and orange juice, then filled the glass with orange juice, and carried the bowl, spoon, glass of orange juice, and jug of milk over to the table, balancing them all with precision.
She set them down in front of the table and then I started pouring myself a bowl of cereal from the box on the table. “Thank you.”
“Of course. I’ve got good news by the way,” she said. “No more sitting around for either of us today.”
I looked up at her as she twirled back to the counter to retrieve my toast. “Yeah?”
“Yep. Garrett set up a meeting with one of his guys, Nico. Originally, I was going to go, but I have to go meet with a client, so…” She pulled my toast out, slid pads of butter onto each slice, and carried the plate over to me. “I’m going to let you go, and you’re not going to tell your father that I did that.”
I snickered. “As long as you don’t tell him, I won’t.”
Felicity let out a little squeak. “It sounds good coming out of me, doesn’t it? The whole mom secret, don’t tell your dad, thing?”
“It really does.” I gave her a smile. “You’re a good mom.”
“Maybe if we can get Garrett out, we can look into getting you a little brother or sister,” she said. “Which would you prefer?”
For a moment, I thought about having a younger sibling. A little girl or boy to spoil and snuggle, and it made the pit of my stomach burn with anticipation. “Either. I’d love that.”
What I’d learned in the time since I’d come to stay with Felicity was that she really did want to have a family with Venom. After she realized that I had committed myself to calling him my dad, as opposed to the man who was supposed to be my dad, she was happy to play along as the loving step-mom and I was fine to let her. She really would make a wonderful mother, just like Venom was a wonderful dad. I wanted more than anything to absolve Venom and Felicity of the fate Connor had set out for him so that maybe one day they could have a kid of their own.
