by Vivi Holt
She’d been lonely. Looking for someone to make a family with. He was handsome and charming, and she hadn’t seen just how much he cared about himself or how little he cared for anyone else, including her. Everything they did together had been what he wanted to do—if he wanted to go bowling, they went bowling. It didn’t matter if she’d wanted to see a movie premiere.
Maybe Chris was different.
At first, she’d thought he was too full of himself to be of any use to anyone. But her opinion of him had changed after watching him with his family. He’d thawed since their arrival, in contrast to the weather outside. Time in Montana had been good for him. Perhaps she was good for him too. Whatever it was, she’d begun to see a side of him that was so very different to how he’d seemed at first.
As her hand slid into his, her entire body quivered at his touch. There was a spark of chemistry between them that she couldn’t deny. Even if they had nothing else in common, they shared that.
She couldn’t be sure he felt it too, though the way he was looking at her in the waning firelight made it seem like he’d experienced the same zing as she had when his hand closed around hers.
She caught Frank watching them, and he grinned as he stepped out through the open door into the cold air outside. They each shrugged on their jackets.
With a shiver, she stood in the doorway as the cold air rushed in to greet them. She glanced up and saw a sprig of mistletoe hanging above the door. Had that been there earlier? She couldn’t remember. She stopped and bit down on her lower lip.
Chris followed her gaze then arched an eyebrow. “Oh.”
“Mistletoe,” she said.
He nodded, rubbing his fingers over his lips. Her eyes were drawn there, and she remembered the way they’d felt against hers, and it caused a rush of heat to flood her body. Her cheeks flushed with warmth, and her heart thudded.
“I guess we’d better kiss then,” he said, meeting her gaze. His eyes were intensely dark and yet sparkled with mischief all at the same time.
“I don’t think we have a choice,” she added, her face growing warmer still.
With one hand, he softly cupped her cheek and stared down into her face, his eyes traveling over every part of it. Then, slowly, his lips moved closer to hers until they met.
Their kiss set her pulse racing and her head spinning, and she stepped closer to him, closing the gap between them until his arms found their way around her and squeezed her against him.
When their lips pulled apart, she was still pressed to him. He smiled down at her, and hand in hand, they walked outside.
Still smiling up at Chris, Kate wasn’t ready for the first snowball when it came. It thwacked into the side of her face, leaving behind a stinging sensation as it fell to the ground.
She gasped, grabbing at the place it’d landed with one gloved hand. Her head swiveled until she found Cade laughing at her from behind a snowmobile.
“That’s it! Now it’s on!” she cried.
She relinquished her hold on Chris just as he received a snowball to the chest. She ran toward the snowmobile, scooping up snow as she went and packing it into a ball. Then, she hurled it at a squealing Cade, who was running for cover behind Todd.
The entire group battled it out for the next thirty minutes, until Kate sat exhausted with her back to her snowmobile, rivulets of melted snow winding their way down her neck and back. Her gloves were soaked, and her jacket had dark patches where snowballs had left their mark.
“Truce! Truce!” called Sasha between gasps of laughter.
Kate stood slowly, still gulping for air. She hadn’t laughed so hard or run so fast in a long time, and it showed. With her hands pressed to her sides, still puffing hard, she grinned at Chris, who’d been the one to shove snow down the back of her jacket during a particularly heated exchange in which she’d pushed a snowball into his face.
He lifted both hands in question, and she nodded. “Fine, truce.”
He laughed, and the sound sent a warm thrill through her.
Chapter 14
December 28th
The shrieks of his niece and nephews forced a ringing in his ears, and Chris grimaced then smiled as he shook his head. Milly was only four years old, but her squeal could wake the dead.
“She’s got a strong set of lungs,” he called to Sasha.
She laughed. “Ain’t that the truth.”
He stood on the back porch, looking out over the snow-speckled backyard. The sun was out, and it warmed the air around them enough to make the snow glisten but not enough to thaw the chill of the wind that whistled around the ranch house.
Will, Cade, and Milly were making a snowman, but it was turning out to be more difficult than they’d expected. Will’s face was lined with frustration, and Cade had taken to making a snow angel instead. He lay on his back and kicked his legs out and shoved his arms upward then reversed the movement. Milly was doing her best to add a carrot as a nose, and Will kept snatching it away, telling her the head wasn’t done yet.
She stamped a tiny foot in the snow and let out a belting squeal as he knocked the carrot to the ground once more. Chris chuckled and rubbed his hands over his eyes.
Todd appeared beside him. “She could break glass with that squeal.”
Chris laughed. “I think I’m gonna need treatment for industrial deafness after this visit.”
“So, how much longer do you think you’ll stay?”
Chris’s lips pursed. It was always a sore subject with his family, one he’d tried to avoid addressing so far during this trip. “Two more days.”
“You couldn’t take any more time off than that? We hardly get to see you…”
“No. Ten days is a long time to leave the business unattended.”
Todd’s eyes narrowed. “But it’s not really unattended, is it? You’ve got a whole staff of people looking after everything. Surely they could handle things a while longer.”
“Kate has to get back…” That was a lie. Or maybe it wasn’t. He couldn’t say, since he hadn’t actually asked her about a timetable. No doubt she had something to return to Atlanta for.
“Or is it that you just don’t want to be here?”
Chris faced him, his brow furrowed. “Where is this coming from?”
Todd sighed. “It’s coming from hardly having seen you in the past three years. From having to take over the ranch on my own and manage everything myself, knowing… Ah, forget it.”
Anger burned slow in Chris’s gut. “Knowing what?”
“Nothing. I promised Sasha I wouldn’t talk about it.”
“No, if there’s something on your mind, you should say it. I don’t want there to be anything unspoken between us.”
Todd arched an eyebrow. “That’s rich.”
Chris’s eyes narrowed, and heat rose through his chest. “What?”
“You never talk about anything. We wouldn’t know if you were really a criminal on the run from the FBI rather than a successful businessman in Atlanta. We know nothing about you. You don’t let us visit, always saying you’re too busy to host us.”
Chris grunted. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“And it’s hard for me here, knowing that Dad wanted it to be you instead.”
Chris arched both eyebrows in surprise. “That’s not true.”
“You know it is.” Todd slapped both hands down on the porch railing. His face was red. “You were the number one son, the heir. He groomed you for years to take over the ranch, and he was devastated when you didn’t want it. He was depressed for five years. Did you know that? He’s on medication, even now, because of it. But do you care? Pffft!”
He flung a hand in the air, his eyes glowing like hot coals in their sockets.
Chris’s voice rose. “That’s not my fault. Don’t put that on me. I never wanted to take over the ranch. If Dad dreamed of it, it’s not my fault. You love this place; it’s yours. Don’t worry, I’m not going to get in your way. And if it’s such a hardship to
have me here, I’ll leave!” He crossed his arms over his chest and glowered at his younger brother.
Todd sighed. “I don’t want you to leave. I want you to take some responsibility. To finally be a part of this family. Don’t just visit at Christmas.”
Kate pushed out through the back door and hugged herself. She glanced between the two brothers, who broke apart. Todd strode down the back steps toward his family, and Chris backed up against the wall and leaned on it, propping the heel of one foot on the siding, his arms still crossed.
He was fuming. How dare Todd say those things. He was completely out of line. None of it made any sense. Yes, he’d been missing in action for the past three years, but Todd knew the reason for that. He understood; at least, Chris had thought he did. He couldn’t be a part of things here. He was needed in Atlanta. That’s where his life was. Not here. Not where Mia had died, not where the ghost of her memory floated around every corner.
“Are you okay?” asked Kate, stepping closer and laying a hand on his arm.
He stared down at her hand, his face softening. She didn’t know about their history; couldn’t understand everything he was feeling. But just having her there helped the pain to subside and the anger to fade.
“Todd’s angry at me for not being here.”
“But you are here.”
He forced a wan smile onto his face. “Not often enough for his liking, it seems.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thanks. It helps to have you with me. I need someone to be on my side, even if you don’t really understand what’s going on.”
She tipped her head to one side. “I’m listening, if you want to tell me.”
Why was she so concerned about him? His throat ached at the compassion on her face. He hadn’t expected that from her—concern, compassion, affection. Their relationship was supposed to be a business transaction. Granted, the whole idea had been a bad one. But he couldn’t regret it, since he wasn’t sure he’d have managed to stay sane over the holidays without her here. She’d been the buffer he’d hoped for between him and his family. At least for most of the time, anyway.
He sighed and took her hands in each of his, stringing his fingers through hers. Then, he looked her in the eye. His heart thudded as her gaze met his. Her eyes were so beautiful—big, golden brown, and full of life.
“When I was a teenager, Dad told me he wanted me to run the ranch when I was older. That he’d give it to me, and I’d be able to spend the rest of my life here, running it just as he’d done.”
She smiled. “That must’ve been nice to hear.”
He grunted. “You’d think so. But I was a kid. I wanted to see the world, to explore, have adventures. I wanted so much … and taking over the ranch just sounded to me like a gigantic weight around my neck. I didn’t want to be like Dad, as much as I love him. I wanted something different for my life. I didn’t know what that was at the time, only that I wanted it to be big. And to me, life on the ranch seemed so small.”
She frowned. “I can understand that.”
“So, when I told him just before graduation that I was going to college and had a scholarship to Harvard, he couldn’t believe I’d be so ungrateful. At first he was angry, then he demanded I give up the scholarship, then he begged me to stay. But I couldn’t do it. And when I left, he didn’t speak to me for a full year.”
Her mouth fell open. “That must’ve been horrible for you.”
“It was. But I was young and stubborn, and I figured if he was going to treat me like that, then I could do the same. I pulled away from the family and built myself a life on the east coast. I graduated from Harvard Business School then moved to Atlanta and started my company. And the rest is history. While I was doing all that, I met Mia and fell in love, and we got married. She helped me reconnect with my family. Still, we only came here to visit at Christmas, since I was so engrossed in the company and succeeding that I barely had time to think about anything else.”
“It’s hard to have balance in your life if you want to succeed at something. Everyone says you can have it all, but I’m not sure that’s true,” she responded thoughtfully. “Not that I’m an expert. I haven’t succeeded at anything in my life.”
He frowned. “Yes, you have. You’ve succeeded in helping me through this holiday season. Which is exactly what I hired you for. I couldn’t have done it without you, honestly.”
She smiled. “Really?”
“Absolutely.”
“Well, I’m glad I was able to help. Is that what Todd was so angry about just now?”
“He’s upset because he thinks he was Dad’s second choice to run the ranch. And I suppose that’s true, strictly speaking. But it doesn’t matter, because I know Dad wouldn’t have it any other way now. He wishes I’d stay on the ranch too. But Todd’s the right man for the job, and I’m not. It’s as simple as that.”
“Maybe Todd doesn’t see it. Has your dad ever told him?”
He shook his head. It wasn’t his dad’s way to lavish his sons with words of praise or encouragement. He expected them to buck up, stand on their own two feet, and find their way forward under their own strength. “I doubt Dad’s told him how he feels.”
“Did you tell Todd that?”
He sighed. “He didn’t give me a chance.”
“I’m sorry the holidays are usually so rough on you. I have to admit, I find it hard to believe your family could cause you any pain. They’ve been so wonderful, warm, and accepting of me. I’m actually pretty jealous. I wish they were my family.”
She chewed her lip, and he studied her through narrowed eyes. She’d told him her parents had passed, but he hadn’t asked her more about it. As much as his family drove him crazy at times, he couldn’t imagine how hard it would be not to have them around.
“It must be really difficult, being on your own.”
She shrugged. “I’m used to it.”
“You said that before, but I don’t know if anyone could every truly get used to not having a family.”
Her eyes glistened, and she looked away. “You tell yourself it suits you, that you’re strong enough you don’t need anyone else…but I have to admit, it’s a longing in my heart that I’ll find a family of my own.”
“Find or build?” His heart thudded, and he rubbed his thumbs around in circles on the palms of her hands.
Her lips pursed, and she moved even closer, until he could feel her warmth through his coat. “Find or build. Either one would work for me.”
“Do you have some other family out there to find?” He quirked an eyebrow. She hadn’t mentioned anyone.
She shook her head. “I…can I ask you something? How did you get the limp? I mean, your mom told me that it had something to do with Mia’s accident. If you don’t want to say, I don’t mind…”
He’d never spoken about what happened that day with anyone other than the police and the first responders. His family had probed him with questions at first, but he hadn’t been able to respond—couldn’t speak, couldn’t think, couldn’t see straight. After a while, they’d given up, and before long, the entire subject faded into history. At least out loud. They didn’t speak of it, but the undercurrent was always there, just below the surface of any conversation.
“I found Mia and brought her home. When I went after the horse, I fell down a cliff and broke my leg. It healed but still gives me a bit of pain and stiffness. It’s even worse when the weather’s cold.”
She nodded, her eyes wide. “Wow, that must’ve been hard.”
It was strange the way he was able to speak to her about it without the familiar taste of bile in his mouth. He felt comfortable around her, as though he could share anything with her.
“Did you and your wife ever consider having children?”
His gut lurched, and a lump formed in his throat. “Uh, yep. We did. We wanted to. We tried… Let’s see, I was only twenty-two when we were married, and it lasted for five years, so we tried for five years. But she wasn�
�t ever able to get pregnant. Not until…” He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat and released her hands to press his fingertips to his eyes. “Not until that Christmas three years ago. We only found out later, after the coroner told us. She was pregnant when she fell…”
He choked on the words and pressed his mouth shut to stare at the porch ceiling overhead.
Her arms wove around his neck, and she buried her head against his shoulder, standing on tiptoe to reach him. His head fell toward hers, until they were pressed together. His throat ached, and his eyes smarted. There was nothing that would make him talk about that day, about Mia and the baby, other than this moment with Kate. He hadn’t discussed it with anyone until now. No one else knew. But there was something about her that drew him in, that forced the truth from his lips and opened up his pain to the healing salve of her compassion.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered against his neck.
He inhaled sharply and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him. It felt good to get it out, to push out the pain with the words he’d kept hidden inside of him for so long without anyone to help him shoulder their burden.
Freeing.
“Is that why you struggle to connect with Todd’s children?”
Her question startled him. Was that true? Just as the thought occurred, he knew it was. He’d never let them into his heart. Never let them get close to him, because they were a daily reminder of the baby he’d lost and the children he and Mia had dreamed of but never had. It’d all seemed so easy for Todd and Sasha. They were so young when they were married, only nineteen. When Will arrived less than a year later, he’d been so happy for them. Of course, that was before he and Mia were engaged.
By the time Milly arrived four years later, he and Mia were married and had already miscarried two babies. Their hearts were raw with grief over their loss, and his brother’s bouncing baby had only intensified their pain.
