by Donna Alward
“I don’t know. Like butterflies, kind of, but running in a line down my belly. I’ve felt similar things lately, but not this strong. Oh, my, maybe the baby has been moving and I didn’t know it!” Her face broke into a smile. “Oh, there it is again.”
She reached for his hand and put it on her top, pressed against the solid curve. He didn’t have time to react or hesitate; one moment he was standing there and the next he was crouched by her side, palm pressed against her navel. He waited, holding his breath, and then felt the tiniest flutter against his hand. “Is that it?”
She grinned and nodded. “You can feel it? I wasn’t sure it would be strong enough.”
It was. His child was in there, moving around, and his mother looked like a flipping angel, a perfect picture of motherhood. Something joyful and expansive filled his chest, while a balancing cold trickle of fear ran down his spine. This was amazing! And absolutely terrifying.
He waited, but there was no more movement, so he reluctantly took his hand away and stood again. She let out a huge breath, and then looked up into his face. “You okay? You’ve got a bit of a deer-in-the-headlights look about you.”
“I’m all right. Terrified, but all right.”
“I know. It takes some getting used to.”
“It just got really real today, I think. I told my friend Branson, too.”
She stood and went to him, putting her hand on his shoulder. “I’ve had a few months of pregnancy so I’m past the surreal part. You’ve got some catching up to do.”
She’d gone through finding out and dealing with the first weeks alone, and an internet search had quickly told him what she’d probably gone through. He’d found out just yesterday that the baby was probably roughly the size of a banana now.
“Jeremy?” She called him back out of his thoughts. “I’m a bit late having my ultrasound, but it’s scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Do you want to go with me?”
Pictures of his baby. His! He felt as if he were being thrown into the deep end so very quickly, but he also knew there was really no other way. “I’d like that. A lot.”
“It’s in Bridgewater. Kind of close to that first house we saw last week.”
“That’s fine. You just tell me when we need to leave and I’ll be ready.”
“Okay.” She reached down and took his hand. “It’s going to be okay, you know. We’ll figure everything out. My mom told me this weekend to have faith, and that’s what I’m going to do.”
Faith. Jeremy smiled but his heart wasn’t in it. He didn’t have faith. Not in anything, or really anyone. And Tori was making a mistake if she was placing her faith in him. He could try to live up to it, but chances were he’d fail. There was a reason that he was still single at thirty-six, and never been married. The women who liked him, he didn’t like in return. And the ones he liked, he didn’t trust. The guys were right. He was a serial dater. It kept him from being lonely, without the messiness of emotions and expectations.
He liked Tori, liked her too much. And he wanted to trust her. But faith? That was just asking for trouble.
* * *
Tori had thought what she wanted was to go to the ultrasound alone, but as she sat in the waiting room with Jeremy, she was glad she wasn’t alone. And that he was there. He was the baby’s father, after all. It seemed right that they share this moment together.
“Are you nervous?”
She looked over at him. His knee bounced up and down. “I think you’re the nervous one.”
He stopped bouncing his knee and smiled sheepishly. “It feels weird. I never imagined I’d be a father.”
“Really? You never wanted a family?” She appreciated how well he’d accepted the situation, and his promises to be there, but it worried her that he might not have seen this role as part of his future.
“It wasn’t so much wanting or not wanting,” he revealed. “It’s more... I just didn’t have a great example to follow, and believe it or not, dating is hard with my money.”
She gave the obligatory laugh, but then put her hand on his knee. “It must be hard to figure out who’s genuine and who’s after your bank account. I don’t have that problem.” And then she laughed again. And hoped he realized she didn’t care about his money, either.
“Yeah, there’s that. Some women want the status. But I have my own issues. I don’t trust easily. Other people, or my own intuition. When it comes to relationships, anyway.”
“Then this situation must be driving you crazy,” she said, jostling his shoulder. “Because now there’s a baby mama in the mix.”
“You’re being awfully chill about this.”
She shrugged. “I am what I am. I can’t make you believe that I’m genuine, that I don’t want your money or that I’m out for anything. All I can do is tell you my truth. You’re the father. I can and will do this by myself if you bail. I can support me and my child, and I’ll be okay. So there’s no pressure from me on your bank account. Just room for you to be a father.”
She turned sideways in her chair and met his gaze squarely. “My only demand is that if you choose to be involved, you’re consistent and honest. I don’t want our kid always to be wondering if you’re ever coming back or if you care.”
To her surprise, his eyes softened. “I was that kid, Tori. I won’t do that to my own.” He swallowed and his throat bobbed with the effort. “I promise you I will not be that dad.”
“Then we will figure everything else out.”
The door across from them opened. “Victoria? We’re ready for you now.”
They went in together. Jeremy waited to the side while Tori got on the bed with the paper sheet beneath her. The room was warm, thankfully, and in a few moments they’d adjusted her clothing so that her shirt was up and the waistbands of her leggings and underwear were rolled down right to her pubic bone. She looked over at Jeremy and realized his eyes had widened, looking at her belly. He hadn’t seen it before, not like this. She smiled up at him, reassuringly. “You gonna be okay, Dad?” she asked lightly.
He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah.”
“Okay, then,” the technician said. “Let’s get started.” She squirted gel on Tori’s belly, then began, the pressure from the probe firm. Tori couldn’t see the screen, though she wouldn’t know what she was looking at anyway. The tech made clicks here and there, saying that she was taking measurements first. Then she turned the screen around. “Okay, are you ready to see?”
During Tori’s first scan, at only eight weeks, there’d been very little to see. This time, however, was different. The image shifted, but she could make out the head, and the ridge that was the spine, and appendages. “Look at the little toes,” she whispered, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
She tore her gaze away to look at Jeremy, who was staring at the screen in wonder. “That’s our baby. My kid.” His fingers flexed and unflexed. “I just... I can’t...”
“Do you want to know what you’re having? I can’t tell you today, but the report will go to your doctor.”
Tori looked up at him. “I don’t mind it being a surprise. Gender’s not important to me anyway.” Her only concern was that the baby be healthy. Besides, she didn’t go into all the pink and blue stuff and gender-reveal things. She’d already started decorating her tiny second bedroom with a Beatrix Potter theme, something neutral. Peter Rabbit and Squirrel Nutkin were way too cute.
“If you want it to be a surprise, then that’s fine with me,” he said.
“You’re sure?”
“Whatever you want.” A smile broke out over his face. “Wow. That’s our kid in there.”
It was the genuine smile that did it. He’d moved past the looks of alarm and panic to that of... Well, looking at him right now all she could see was joy. Relief swamped her heart as well as a feeling of...happiness? Was that possible? Their relationship was still something the
y didn’t talk about. Nothing had been decided about how they were going to make this work. But she remembered what her mom had said only a few days earlier. One day at a time. And today she was going to enjoy this lovely moment.
“Do you want to see the heartbeat?” the tech asked.
“Yes.” There was no hesitation from Jeremy and Tori laughed.
She pointed to a spot on the screen where the ba-bump, ba-bump flash flickered in a little heart.
Jeremy went around to the foot of the bed and sat, covering his mouth with a hand. Tori watched him as he stared at the monitor, feeling her heart slipping bit by bit. He said he didn’t trust. He’d had a loveless childhood, from the sounds of it. And yet he was capable of so much feeling. He was good, underneath it all. She truly believed that. Could she keep her feelings for him under wraps? Wait it out until they faded? Wasn’t it natural to have feelings about the father of her baby?
Even if they weren’t returned...or couldn’t lead anywhere?
She looked back at the monitor again, and the form of her unborn child there. Every decision she made had to be for the good of her baby. They were the most important thing now.
“Okay, give me a few minutes and I’ll take some pictures for you.” The tech started moving the wand again, then held it in position and hit a few keys. She tried again and started to chuckle. “Your baby’s moving around in there and won’t sit still. So much for napping.”
It took another few minutes but then it was done and the tech gave her a towel to wipe away the gel as the pictures printed. “I’ll give you a few minutes to put yourself back together.” She handed the pictures to Jeremy. “Congratulations.”
Tori wiped off the gel and adjusted her clothing, then got up from the bed and dropped the cloth in the used bin. When she returned, she stopped in front of Jeremy. “Are you okay?”
He nodded. “I think so.” He reached out and pulled her closer, so his hand was on her hip and his face was just below her breasts. He cradled her bump and then, to her surprise, placed a kiss on it. Tears stung her eyes at the tender gesture.
“Are you real?” she asked softly, putting her hands on each side of his head. He looked up and into her eyes. “You could have run the moment you found out. You could have offered to buy me off. You could have made demands. But you haven’t, and I don’t understand, and I’m... I’m afraid that someday soon there’s going to be a price I need to pay and I don’t know what it is.”
He sighed, a heavy, weighted sigh that sounded so weary she wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“I’m trying to do the right thing,” he finally said. “I’m as responsible for this as you are. There is no blame and if there is, we share it equally. The truth is, that’s my child in there. I saw them on the screen and saw their heart beating. It’s humbling, Tori. I have no idea how to do this but I want us to try.”
“Us,” she said, a bit numb from what she thought he might mean.
“We’re going to be parents together. We like each other. For God’s sake, we kissed the other day.”
“You kissed me,” she clarified, though her heart thumped against her ribs.
He stood then, so she had to look up the tiniest bit. “If you tell me there’s nothing between us at all, I’ll drop the subject right now. But if there is, don’t we owe it to our baby to try?”
“If we blow it, the stakes are really high,” she responded. And yet he was so close she could smell his cologne and feel his warmth. She couldn’t lie and say there was nothing between them because there was. Both the attraction from the summer, and the depth of character he’d shown since his return. He’d been far more understanding than a lot of men might have been.
“Look. Look at this picture and tell me this little nugget doesn’t deserve us to try at the very least.”
She hesitated but couldn’t take her eyes off the ultrasound picture. And he’d called him or her a nugget. It was an adorable little name.
Jeremy cupped her cheek, then kissed her forehead. “Let me take you home. Maybe we can talk it over.”
Her home. Where she had, in all likelihood, conceived their child. Where they’d spent lazy evenings after a day at the beach. And lazy morning-afters, watching the sunrise.
“Okay,” she replied. “Let’s go home. And talk.”
Because she was really unsure about this step, and they needed to set some solid boundaries.
CHAPTER SEVEN
SHE WAS VERY aware of how small her house was when they stepped in it again, Jeremy for the first time since last July. Just under a thousand square feet meant two bedrooms, a small kitchen with dining area to the side, a modest living room and a bathroom that was smaller than the closet in his suite at the Sandpiper. Still, it suited her well. It was cozy, and it was hers.
He didn’t seem to mind as he removed his coat and draped it over the back of her sofa. He slipped off his shoes, too, and left them by the door, stepping inside in his socks. Today he’d worn jeans and a simple sweater, and the look of him in casual clothing, so approachable, made her want to slip into his arms. But she couldn’t. Not with what he’d suggested hovering between them.
Could they be more than simple co-parents? More than...friends?
“You’re nervous,” he said quietly, moving toward her. “Don’t be.”
“How can I not?” She turned around, folding her hands in front of her. “What you said... It would change everything. I was thinking we could just be friends. Work together as a team. But not...”
Her voice trailed off.
“Not lovers?” he answered, reaching out and putting his hand along her upper arm, rubbing gently.
“Yes, that,” she answered, trying hard to keep her breath even. Right now, despite the thread of desire winding its way through her body, she couldn’t imagine having sex with him. Her body had changed. Heck, everything had changed. It certainly wouldn’t be a summer fling.
He gazed into her eyes for a long moment, then leaned closer, slowly, giving her lots of time to move away, or put a hand on his chest to stop him, or say no. But she couldn’t, because the truth was she wanted him to kiss her. Wanted to feel his lips on hers again. His arms around her without mistletoe overhead or staff meters away.
He touched his lips to hers, and she let out a breath. More of a sigh, really, as his arms came around her and pulled her close. Her mouth opened beneath his and she let him guide her, softly, seductively, no rush. Like they had all the time in the world.
She melted against his chest and tilted her head up a bit, hungry for more. Her wordless request was rewarded with a deeper kiss, more urgency, and the desire that had been a slow burn began to blaze brighter.
This was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place. Not that her baby would ever be a “mess,” but the situation was certainly complicated.
She pulled back a bit, startled by her response to him, needing space to breathe and think.
“I, uh...” That was as far as she got. Actual words weren’t making it from her brain to her mouth.
“I know. It’s not what we expected. Well, actually, it is what I expected when I came back. That we could go out again, have some fun. I think it’s clear that the attraction is still alive and well. We can’t ignore it, you know? Because it’ll crop up from time to time.”
“I can’t deny that, after what just happened.” She moved another step backward. His unflinching tendency to state the obvious was at times refreshing and other times vastly uncomfortable. He liked to deal with problems head-on. She did, too, or so she had thought. Still, highlighting the fact that there was still sexual attraction simmering between them threw her off balance. It wasn’t something they could compartmentalize in a little box, isolated from the situation.
The sad bit of it was, she wanted him to kiss her again, and again, until her head was swimming with it, and the scent of his co
logne, and the feel of his hands on her... Being pregnant hadn’t eradicated her libido. Actually, in this moment, she wondered if it hadn’t increased. She crossed her arms in front of her and tried to ignore the sensations running through her body.
“We’re having a child,” she said, and wondered how many times over the last week she’d said those words. “Where do you see this going? Because we’re going to be tied together for life, do you understand that? If this goes sideways, it could be a disaster.”
But if it didn’t...
A secret want bubbled up in her. What would it be like for them to be a family? The two of them together, their child...more children? She gave herself a mental shake. How would that even work? Once again she reminded herself they were from two very different worlds. That the fairy tale had never been in the equation.
“You think we need to set boundaries. Figure out the what-ifs.”
“Yes,” she said, letting out a huge breath of relief. “That’s it exactly.”
He went to her, took her hand and led her to the sofa. “Come, sit down. I don’t like the idea of us staring each other down like we’re in a negotiation.”
She followed him and sank into the sofa, the cushions cradling her lower back, which had started to bother her a little after the long day.
“You want to know what happens if we try this and one of us walks away. From a romantic relationship,” he clarified. “Not parenthood. We both agree we’re in that for the long haul.”
“Yes. And there are a lot of things to figure out. I live here. You live in New York. How would it work?”
“I actually have an idea about that,” he said, reaching for her hand. He turned on the sofa a bit and tucked his left ankle under his right leg, so he was facing her. “Come to New York with me for a week.”
Her stomach plummeted. “A week? In December? Before Christmas?”
He nodded, undaunted. “Yeah. Christmas in New York is amazing. I can show you the sights... Have you ever been?”
