by Jen Davis
Jimmy joined in with an off key “ee-i-ee-i-oh.”
He’d have enough time to get through all of Jimmy’s favorite animals between here and home.
Then, he needed a plan.
No problem.
Tomorrow, he’d bring Jimmy to the drop-in church daycare while he went to work. He was low on diapers, but if Patty didn’t show up to take the baby back, he could pick up some more at Walmart. Maybe some of those puffed rice treats Jimmy liked so much. Their baby department was a one-stop shop.
Too bad he could never find what he needed most on a store shelf. Something to bring back the woman who used to be his best friend.
Chapter THREE
Matt
Matt’s stomach rumbled when he woke up, but he only had time to grab a granola bar before his quick rinse in the shower. He’d set his alarm early and skipped his morning workout, but he had to keep a brisk pace. It would take an extra thirty minutes just to bring Jimmy to daycare before work.
Thank God, Kim, the lady who ran the place, had a soft spot for his mom. Kim’s mother had been a patient at the nursing home where Matt's mom worked, and Kim said Mrs. York had gone above and beyond in taking care of her. Finding a good daycare was hard enough; finding a good place willing to take drop-ins was even harder.
He’d lain in the bed the night before, staring blankly at the Farscape action figures on top of his dresser, trying to plot out a plan to find some extra money, not only for his custody fight, but to help out his mom. The nursing home had never paid well, and she had let go of her second job a few weeks back. At her age, forty hours a week was hard enough; sixty was out of the question. Only now, without the extra income, she struggled to make ends meet.
His mom had supported him on her own his entire life. Now he needed to step up for her.
Jimmy played with some plastic blocks in his playpen as Matt toweled off, the baby’s happy babbling the only sound in the quiet bedroom.
His toes dug into the soft rug next to the bed for a moment before he slipped on his boxer briefs and khakis. He loved his apartment, but maybe it was a luxury to have his own place right now. Maybe he should move back in with his mom for a while and help her with the bills.
He shut down the line of thought as quickly as it came. He’d need this place if he ever wanted a chance for custody. His mom had made it very clear, no matter how much she had his back in everything else, she’d never be a part him trying to “snatch that baby away from his mother.” Too many years as a single mom gave her a huge blind spot. Besides, a judge would never take him seriously if it looked like he couldn’t support himself on his own.
No. What he needed to do was earn some more money, which meant taking on a second job, maybe even the bartending thing Robby had suggested.
A stack of diapers, wipes, and a change of clothes went into Jimmy’s bag. If he hurried, he could get to Little Darlings before they served the kids breakfast. “Wanna go see Miss Kim, Jimbo?”
Jimmy laughed and clapped his hands as Matt swooped him up into his arms and grabbed his keys by the Buffy keychain Patty had given him once upon a time.
Money worries couldn’t compete with the kind of joy his son displayed. He laughed along with his boy, all the way to the car, and sang his favorite Wiggles songs on the road to the daycare. They arrived with five minutes to spare before the eight o’clock breakfast time.
The lobby of the daycare had sky-blue walls painted with puffy white clouds and a dozen brightly colored balloons floating among them. Two preschool age children sat together on a white bench below a large window into the newborn area. The director and one of the assistants stood behind the check-in desk on the right.
Kim raised an eyebrow when he and Jimmy stepped toward her. “Is that Jimmy York I see?” Her voice was exaggerated for the toddler’s benefit.
Jimmy giggled when he heard his name.
“You want to go have a muffin with Miss Stephanie? Are you hungry, baby?”
Matt gave his boy a quick kiss as the assistant whisked him away to the little cafeteria, the two preschoolers following behind them. He set the diaper bag on the desk. “Thanks for taking him at the last minute.”
She shook her head, the tiny beads in her braids clinking gently. “You know I am always here for your family.” Her brow wrinkled. “His mama still messing with you?”
He hated talking about Patty and the way she was behaving, but Kim had to understand why he so desperately needed her to be able to take Jimmy with barely a moment’s notice. He nodded, jaw tight, as he pushed his credit card toward her. “I just wish she’d agree to a permanent arrangement.” Every time he broached the subject, though, she shot him down.
Kim patted his hand before accepting the payment. “He’ll be safe with me. And he’s welcome anytime.” She swiped the card, then handed it back. “Now get on out of here,” she drawled. “You’re gonna be late for work.”
A quick glance at the clock perched near the red painted balloon confirmed she was right.
He double timed it back to the car. His job was too important to dawdle. He cued up his favorite gamer podcast to take his mind off his money troubles, and it worked like a charm. He even found a few new cheat codes to try when he got home.
Score.
Robby’s car was the only one there when he arrived.
Climbing out of his Ford, he strapped on his hardhat and approached the home site. The build was coming along nicely. The windows were delivered late yesterday, and they’d install them today. This was one of two houses they were working on this month in the development.
Cooper Construction was sub-contracting for Berringer Homes these days, and while it meant less creativity among the designs, it also meant guaranteed work as long as this subdivision kept growing. Steady construction work during the winter season was nothing to sneeze at, though now, as they moved into spring, it would mean a much more robust market.
Robby stood in the open, unfinished garage, scribbling something onto the paper on his clipboard. Though he had worked with the guy for more than a year, he could probably count on one hand the number of times he’d seen him without the clipboard in his hands or without his ever-present long-sleeved Oxford shirt.
Stepping forward, his foot crushed a soda can someone had left in the dirt in front of the house. Robby looked up, then froze in place.
Matt smiled despite himself. He found it hard to be nervous around someone even more anxious than he was. “Hey, Robby.”
The man’s eyes widened at the greeting, and it only made Matt’s smile surge.
He didn’t talk much at work, he knew, but it was kind of funny that a simple hello would prompt such surprise, especially after they’d just hung out last night. It just took him a while to warm up to people, and he needed this job so much, he usually found it safer to keep his head down to avoid any trouble. He had more than enough trouble at home.
“I had a really good time at the party.” He tipped his hardhat as he walked past. “Thanks again for the bartending suggestion. I think I’m going to give it a try. Maybe flash a smile or two.”
Chuckling, he caught Robby’s blush out of the corner of his eye.
Not even a minute later—he wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard Robby laugh softly, then start humming under his breath. Shaking his head, Matt pulled the gloves out his back pocket and slipped them on to start his day.
***
Robby
Robby didn’t even realize the song in his head was passing his lips until Kane belted out the chorus.
Oh no. He might have been dancing too.
He closed his eyes, clamped his jaw shut, and prayed the ground would swallow him whole.
Not only did the ground refuse to comply, but Kane added insult to injury with a full belly laugh so loud the crews working down the street probably heard him. “Aw, don’t stop on my account, kid. I was ready to sing the harmony.”
Brick laughed.
Great. Not only one, but two people
had witnessed his performance.
The big man tousled his hair. “Keep practicing, and you can give Ed Sheeran a run for his money.”
Kane put his hand over his heart and waltzed around the room by himself, humming the melody to one of the singer’s older ballads. Then, he fell flat on his backside when Brick subtly stuck his big booted foot in his path.
Watching the former biker wipe out so spectacularly cured Robby of any lingering embarrassment. He held his hand out to Kane. “No offense, but maybe you should stick to dancing with a partner.”
Kane laughed as he accepted the help up, and if Robby hadn’t planted his feet so firmly, he would have tumbled onto the floor beside him. “I haven’t had much practice, but maybe my wife will take pity on me when I tell her about this.” He smirked at Brick. “Especially since they weren’t my own feet I tripped over.”
Brick dismissed the pointed words with a wave of his hand. “No one cares about your big-ass feet. What I want to know is what has Robby here on Cloud Nine?”
“Big night last night, brother?” Kane waggled his eyebrows.
And just like that, the blood came rushing back to Robby’s face. With the things he’d seen and done in his lifetime, most people would’ve lost the ability to blush, but Robby had no such luck. If there had been anything in the garage, he would have been tempted to hide behind it. Unfortunately, the wide-open space mocked him.
“Don’t be an asshole.” Brick’s words may have been harsh, but his tone remained mild. He took a swig from a gas station coffee cup Robby hadn’t noticed before. “Seriously, though, did you have a date or something after you left last night, Robby? You know you could tell us if you’re seeing someone, right?”
He did. Brick would probably celebrate the idea. The guy had known for months how he felt about Matt but had never once made him feel like a fool for chasing a lost cause. Not that there was any chasing involved. It was more like staring longingly at a lost cause when no one was looking.
Or maybe everyone was looking.
Brick had figured it out and so had Kane.
Robby hadn’t quite worked out all the nuances of how to be subtle. He shrugged, trying to pull it off anyway. “No date. Nothing’s going on. Really.”
Of course, Matt picked that moment to stick his head back into the garage. “Did I leave my water bottle in here?”
Trying to ignore Kane’s smirk, Robby relaxed his features into a soft smile. “You didn’t bring one in.”
“Must’ve left it in the car,” Matt murmured and disappeared as quickly as he had shown up.
As the front door closed, Kane snickered. Brick elbowed him in the side.
“Aw, c’mon,” Kane groused. “That shit was funny!”
The corner of Brick’s mouth quirked up, and Kane huffed in response. “It always comes back to Matt. What happened when you two were out on the porch last night? Did you finally manage to have a conversation with the guy? Is he what all the happy singing was about?”
Robby’s smile fell, and it must have been obvious because Kane sighed and looked at the ceiling.
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. Trust me, I’m the poster child for holding on to lost causes. Thirteen fucking years after we broke up, I hadn’t let go of Mandy.”
“And look at you now.” He knew he sounded ridiculous, even as the words came out of his mouth. It didn’t change the truth of it. Kane and his wife had the kind of relationship he could only dream of. And he’d resolved five years ago to look at life on the bright side whenever he could. At times, optimism was the only thing able to keep memories of his past from eating him whole.
Kane rubbed his cheek, the pressure briefly turning the pink line of his scar white. “Yeah. And God knows, I’m grateful. But the way I was living all those years, that shit wasn’t good for me. Not any more than this is good for you.”
“What Kane is trying to say is—”
Kane elbowed Brick as he stepped forward. “Don’t tell me what I’m trying to say. I can say it just fine. Matt has an old lady and a kid. Maybe he’s happy; maybe he’s not. Who knows?”
He lifted his shoulders in an exaggerated shrug. “Maybe he likes a little of the D on the down-low. You wanna find out? Be his dirty little secret on the side? Or do you want a chance to be really happy? What I am trying to say is to put yourself out there. Find some dude who wants the same shit you do. Find somebody who can love you. Stop wasting time on a fantasy and live your life, kid.”
It used to bother him when the guys called him a kid. He used to think it meant they saw him as less than equal. But could he really blame them? It’s why they were so protective.
His friends didn’t see him as less. They saw him as worthy of their love and protection. It’s what he thought he’d had with John. He just hadn’t seen the predator hiding underneath.
Unlike his birth family, his friends didn’t care if he was gay.
They didn’t care if he loved video games or Marvel superheroes or whether he had bad luck at romance. They made sure he had home-cooked meals and laughter and acceptance. And they wanted absolutely nothing in return.
No. It didn’t bother him anymore if they thought he was a kid. Not when he’d never shown them anything different.
Not when the alternative was so much worse.
Oblivious to the turn of Robby’s thoughts, Kane strapped on his hard hat. “That’s all the relationship advice I have in me, brother. But I’m here if you need me.” With his closing words, he stepped through the doorway into the house.
Robby couldn’t miss the sympathy in Brick’s eyes. “Is that what you think too? I’m wasting time on a fantasy?” Fantasies weren’t all bad. They could never break your heart.
“I can’t tell you if you’re wasting your time. And I won’t. You have to figure it out, you know? Ask yourself those questions…or don’t. Kane’s trying to help, but it’s your life.” He tilted his head. “Are you happy?”
Thankfully, his friend didn’t wait for an answer. He simply followed Kane into the shell of the house.
Robby gripped his clipboard tighter, then released the clutch to let it hang at his side.
Was he happy?
He had people who cared about him. A job, an apartment, and a car. More than he thought he could ever have when he left his hometown of Sherman seven years ago or when he left John two years later.
But was he happy?
No. He had control of his life, though, which was something he couldn’t have said five years ago.
Kane did have one thing right. Matt was a fantasy. A safe haven where he could pin his affections. Maybe it was time to stop hiding behind the safety of yearning for the unattainable. Put an end to the loneliness.
Face his fears. Starting tonight.
***
Matt
Matt couldn’t go to his apartment to relax after he picked up Jimmy from daycare, because he’d promised his mom he’d bring the baby to her place for a family dinner tonight. She was making her “famous lasagna,” which she thought was his favorite meal. Marinara sauce gave him terrible heartburn, but he didn’t have the heart to tell her.
Groaning, he unbuckled his son from the car seat in front of her house and carried him toward his childhood home. All he wanted was a shower and to go to bed, but it would have to wait.
His mother waited on the front porch, her arms open to take the little boy. “My baby! Come see Gi-Gi.” She hugged Jimmy close, and he squirmed to get down on the floor. Laughing, she obliged as soon as they stepped inside. “It does my heart good to see my two favorite boys.”
Turning to Matt, she patted his cheek. “You look tired, baby. Why don’t you sit down? Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”
He dropped to the sofa with a grunt and watched his son totter around the living room before laying down on his stomach in front of the TV and promptly falling asleep. It was tempting to close his eyes and follow suit.
But it would be rude.
“How
was your day, Mama?”
“Fine. Just fine.” Her voice had almost a singsong quality when she was in a good mood. She filled up two plates with food and set them on the table. “I spent most of the day with Mrs. Kennedy. The lady loves to talk. It’s a shame her kids don’t come visit her more often. She gets so lonely.”
She talked more about the elderly residents she attended during the day as he settled down with her at the dinette to eat. She waited until the meal had nearly ended before the conversation turned south. “When is the last time you talked to Patty?”
He chewed slowly, considering his words. Ultimately, he was too tired to soften them much. “Last night, when she called me out of the blue to take Jimmy.”
His mother tutted. “You need to work things out with her.”
“We’re not having this conversation again, Mom.” Standing, he shook his head to silence her inevitable argument.
“I invited her over here.”
He froze, his mouth open slightly. “What?”
“You heard me. Now sit back down.” She shook her head as he ignored her command. “Patty Hayes is family. And family helps family. I raised you better than to turn your back on yours the way your father did.”
It always came back to this. “It’s not the same, and you know it. I am always there for my son, and I always will be.”
“And for Patty?” she pressed.
“Patty is not my wife, Mom.” He balled his fists. “It’s never going to happen.”
She slapped her hand on the table. “And that is the problem.”
“You don’t get a vote.” He stepped back, knocking the chair behind him to the ground with a harsh clatter. Forcing a deep breath, he bent over and picked it up.
His mother looked like he’d slapped her.
He laced his fingers, searching for calm. “Mama, Patty and I tried, but we weren’t ever really a couple. It’s not like you and Dad.”
She raised her eyebrow. “So, you just tripped on the way to the comic-book store, and your dick fell inside her?”
