by Rita Hestand
"I didn't have many clothes. We didn't have money for clothes, that's whey when the Hefner's gave him their kids leavin's he brought them to me. He didn't know what else to do. So, I took them, and wore them proudly. Later, after I taught myself to sew. I got pretty good at sewing although those first years were hard."
"You went to church?"
"When Mama first died, we did. For a while. That's where the lady came from that thought it indecent for me to be here with just my father. Not the church in town, over in Evansville. Every Sunday. That's why I called that preacher here, when he was dying. He knew him. But then one day we just didn't go any more. He never said why he quit. But I think the whole church must have given him a hard time about me.
"As I grew up, I had to alter my mother's dresses to fit me, that was a task. I didn't know how to sew, but dad showed me how to thread the needle and made a couple of stitches for me, then I tried. I taught myself how to sew. I ruined two or three of momma's dresses before I did learn. That's why I didn't go to town. I'd seen how others dressed when I was younger. I knew I didn't have the kind of things they had. It didn't bother me as long as I lived here. No one had to see me. The first couple of years those dresses looked haphazard. The hem wouldn't be straight, the collars never matched. Dad didn't say a word. He just encouraged me to keep at it. As I grew older, I realized that there was a lot of work to be done. Dad didn't seem to have the energy to do it or the will. So, I took up the plow, and fed the animals and before long, Dad gave it all up. I didn't know why, but now I look back on it, I reckon he was taken sick even back then. It was a dirty job. I mostly wore men clothes, because the work was hard and dirty. So, I never realized how out of touch I was with people until today again. I just don't fit in. I never have, and I guess I never will. I don't think I ever will."
"You could. They'd love to get to know you."
"I'm not so sure. Right now, they are just curious about me. As long as I did like they did, lived like they did. Maybe. The women were staring at me. They know how poor dad was. How little we had. But you know something, as bad as times got sometimes, he wouldn't go begging for help. We toughed it out. Sometimes we only had potatoes or beans. That was enough, he never complained. You know, he even taught me to cook."
"He was an unusual man. And you are like him, unusual, beautiful, and yet, so wise."
"Wise, me?"
"Very, you don't know how wise either."
"Sometimes, not having enough, but making do teaches you things no one else ever learns."
After a long silence, he sat beside her for a moment. "I stared too the first time I saw you. Couldn't believe Harmon had a fully-grown daughter and no one had said a word about you. In all the years, I knew him." He grinned.
"That lady, Martha, she knew I was here. He never brought her out here. She was nice. But the other women frowned when I was talking with her. Why?"
Cole bent his head, she really was naïve, not due to her own fault though. "Martha works at the saloon."
"So?"
"So, those other women think they are better people than her. You see, they think it's unseemly for a woman to be in a saloon, around all that drinking."
"How could that be, she was warm and nice and came right up to me. She talked of Dad in the nicest way, too. She never said one ill word. I liked her. She didn't cuss or smell like whiskey."
He chuckled softly. "You are quite a refreshing lady."
"Don't make fun." She cautioned.
He frowned, "I'm not, you are really delightful. And part of your charm is that you don't even know it."
"To all of them, I'm naïve and kind of dumb."
"There's a lot of things you haven't been exposed to Gabby. Maybe now, you can learn about them…" He said taking her hand in his. "Although, I've got to admit, there are things that shouldn't be learned too. You were right, Martha is a nice lady. And I think your Dad would have liked the fact that you took to her."
He took her hand and rubbed the top of it with his thumb. He didn't even realize he was doing it.
She jerked her hand from his and got up and walked about, not because she didn't like holding hands, but because his action created a friction in her and made her uneasy. "You think I'm a dummy. That I don't know about things….?"
"I think," he came close to her once again, "You know a lot about some things, and less about others…"
"Isn't that true of most people. I know my manners. I know how to chew with my mouth closed and not sass."
"Woe there, you sass me a lot."
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be intentionally rude. It's just I wanted you to understand that getting married wasn't my idea. And I know you didn't want to." She told him.
"It isn't you. It's getting married itself. I mean we were strangers. I'll admit, I'd never considered marriage to anyone."
"Dad always said you were marriage shy. But I didn't want to marry either."
"Why not?" He asked so simply. "Most women want to be married."
"Do they? That's like putting all the fillies in one corral and saying they are all the same." she spouted. She moved away from him again.
"You know it's funny. Dad was happy to be married. He loved my mother. I knew that. And that was how a marriage was supposed to be. He told me that. But you and I are strangers." She said walking alongside the beautiful creek side, listening to the music it made. She sat down on the grass in her gingham dress as it flowed around her. The green of her dress brought out the blue of her eyes. Watching a little tadpole jumping in the water, she smiled. "They laughed a lot, they included me too. We were a very happy family until she died. She was just beginning to teach me things, like cooking, canning, cleaning, washing. After she died, he said that was the way marriages were supposed to be. To love somebody so much you'd die for them."
"Well, that's true, Gabby. That's the way it is supposed to be."
She glanced at him. "So, you understand then. You don't love me, and I don't love you. We aren't really married. Not that I expect it. I don't. What we have is well…nothing…"
He came closer, "Do you want there to be something?"
"Of course not. I do just fine here. Except…."
"Except what?" He asked bending to push a strand of her hair from her face. The action brought a flush to her cheeks.
She went back to the rock to sit down, the closer he got, the more nervous she became. "Look, I can take care of this place, by myself. I don't have any trouble with it. This is home to me. But…I got to thinking about something."
"Oh, what?" He smiled patiently.
"When dad went to town, he bought the supplies and stuff. He took care of that. He'd bring everything back in the wagon. He did it for years. I made the list of stuff we needed, but he always went and brought it back. Now he's gone. I thought nothing of it, before. But…I never went to town with him. I don't know where he bought the stuff. I haven't been to town in several years. I don't know who to talk to. I'm lost. What money we have, I've put away in a safe place here. So, I can pay for things, but I don't know where or how to purchase them. And knowing how people must think me ignorant, I still don't want to look as though I am. I guess I got an overdose of pride, you might say."
"No one that knew you would think you ignorant." He walked over to her and took her hands again, "Would you like me to get your supplies every week then?"
She started to object to that, but thinking on it, she knew she needed him for this. She hated needing anyone.
She considered it, then shook her head. "No, it's my responsibility now. I'll go. But maybe if you showed me where. I just don't know where to begin. I don't know if they pick it out for me or if I must. I don't know who to pay, or where."
He smiled. "I can do that. When do you need to go to town?"
"A couple of days."
"Fine, make out a list of what you need, and we'll go to town in a couple of days. I'm sure your father had an account there at the General Store and Feed, and you can either pay
cash or charge it to his name."
"Just this first time, then I can do it for myself. And I'll pay cash. I don't like being beholdin' to people. Dad and I never put our money in the bank, he didn't believe in them."
Cole frowned, "Well, I'm glad you told me, but don't be telling others. Someone finds that out, they are liable to come out here and rob you."
He hesitated, then nodded. "I understand about the banks, I keep some of mine in the bank, and some at the ranch to pay my hands with. I also understand about going to town to buy your supplies. But sometimes supplies can be heavy, like sacks of flour and sugar and meal. The owner of the store will load your wagon for you, as you are a woman, but when you get home, you'll need help putting it up."
"I'm sure I'll manage. I usually helped him unload them, I should be fine with that." She told him. "I wouldn't ask, but I don't know where to go, or who to talk to. And I don't want to look like a fool. I should have learned these things, but I didn't. I guess it was wrong of me to stay here all the time. I should have shared that time with Dad."
He squeezed her hand, "I don't mind, Gabby. And I think you were the perfect daughter to Harmon. He loved you very much, you know, just the way you are. Besides, he spent most his Saturdays in the saloon, and that was no place for a young girl."
"I don't like asking for help?" She told him her head going down.
"I know, I can tell." He grinned.
"I'm ashamed…" She cried, real tears and turned her head away from him.
He reached with a finger and curled it under her chin to turn her head around. "There's no need for shame Gabby. Everyone has to ask for help every now and then. In no time, you'll be invited to sewing parties and dances and you'll love it."
"Will you be there?"
"N-no, probably not." He grinned. Up until now, all his social time had been at the saloon. And he didn't want her coming in there, so he didn't tell her.
"Oh," she sighed heavily, and turned her head away again. It wasn't that she wanted him there, but she knew so few of the people, that she felt isolated in the crowds. She was getting used to him. But his answers told her she couldn't allow herself to get too close to this man. Even if he was her husband.
"Gabby, I got to admit, I'm worried about you living here alone." He told her suddenly, when he saw a tear run down her cheek and drip on the rock.
"I'm not a child. And I'll do just fine." She told him.
"How old are you?" He asked out of the blue.
"I reckon I'm about nineteen or twenty." She told him. "How old are you?"
"I'm twenty-six."
She suddenly held her head up high and met his gaze. "Well, if you can take me to the General Store the first time, I'll make out just fine after that. And I guess I should thank you."
"For what?"
"For making an old man happy. It meant a lot to him."
"I know it did. Look, you could live at my place, have your own room and I wouldn't bother you, but I could see to you." He told her as he came close now and she stood up. "It would actually be easier for me."
"This is my home, I'll stay here." She told him.
He quickly realized he was losing this battle and he dropped it. He'd find another time, and another way of handling it. Later.
***
Another tear slipped down her cheek. "Maybe you should see about getting one of those divorces…now." She said out of the blue.
He turned to look at her again. "I will not get a divorce Gabby!" His voice boomed at her. "This is a onetime thing for me. But I won't divorce you, get that through your pretty, little head. Unless, you happen to fall in love with some young man and want to marry him. Then I would grant you a divorce."
"Your stubborn, aren't you?" She grinned at him now.
He stared, and all the anger melted away with that grin. "I guess I am."
"So am I." She laughed. "Dad said before a young woman marries, she is courted, for some time, then they get engaged and married eventually. He said it usually takes some time, so they can get to know each other. It makes good sense."
"Do you want a divorce, Gabby?" He asked her, his face lined with frustration.
"Do people in town know we are married?"
He bowed his head. "My men know, I don't have control over their mouths, but it's not generally known, no."
She turned away not to stare into his eyes, "Then unless you want to bed a woman, I see no reason for a divorce."
"Bed a woman?" That stopped him in his tracks.
"You know, like in the bible. Sleeping with another woman is grounds for divorce, even with God."
Adultery? God, he hadn't even thought of that.
He stood stunned that she was so well versed in this subject. He'd never considered that having a woman from the saloon might not be decent now. But she was right, it would be adultery, grounds for divorce. He couldn't argue with her there. And he studied on that for a long moment, because that would be the first change that this so-called marriage would create.
He hadn't realized that. He never dreamed she knew a thing about it, but he had underestimated her, again.
They walked back to the place and he stayed until almost everyone was gone. She started picking up the food that was left and put it away. He made himself a quick sandwich and watched her. "There's enough food here for half the town. You want to take some home to your boys?" She asked.
"I guess I could take some of it. If we can pack it up."
"Alright. You can take it in my wagon if you like and bring it back when you take me to town."
"You won't need it before then?"
"No."
His boys had gone home, and it was just the two of them again.
Finally, as he got ready to leave, he took her by the arms and gazed into her eyes, "If you don't come to live with me, I'll have to be making trips over here all the time to see if you are alright. Those men could come back any time."
"You don't have to do that. I'll be fine. I've practically lived alone anyway all this time." She said not looking directly at him. "And I know how to use a rifle."
"If word gets out that you are living here alone, it could be dangerous for you. Not to mention how the women will gossip about us being married and living separately."
"In what way?" She asked innocently.
"Never mind, good grief you are frustrating." He fumed.
"Oh?" It suddenly dawned on her.
"Yeah, Oh. Until today not many knew much about you. But that changed today. You are a beautiful young woman and living alone could be dangerous for you."
Suddenly she stood very still and stared into his face, "I don't mean to be frustrating. I don't mean to cause you an ounce of worry. You did something for Dad that I can't repay. So, I don't mean to cause you any problems. I don't mean to be stubborn, hard-headed, or rude. Look, the fact is, I've lived here all my life, and never had one worry. An occasional wolf, the Indians aren't hostile any longer, so what is to bother me?"
"Those men for one. Wild animals for another. Besides, your father was here before!" He insisted. Then without warning he took her in his arms, "It isn't the Indians you have to worry about, it's the white man." And then he kissed her. He meant to be rough and demanding but the way her lips responded to his, he forgot the rough, and merely kissed her with such a passion she was dumbstruck.
When he came up for air, he gazed into her surprised eyes. "I'll be back in two days…"
"I'll be ready with my list," she murmured.
She made no reference to his kiss, although he could tell it affected her in some way. He just wasn't sure what way.
He backed off, still whirling from the kiss they shared. He'd never imagined that kissing her would be such a pleasure. Of all the things, she knew how to do, he figured that was probably the least of her talents. But he was wrong. And it pleased the hell out of him.
He swallowed hard.
"See ya."
"See ya."
Chapter Six
; Two days later Cole got up early and got the wagon ready. The smell of hay wafted the air as he threw open the barn doors. Horses neighed softly at his entrance. His barn was good sized, with six stalls and all filled with good riding horses, harnessing two of the horses to the wagon, some of his men saw him and asked, "What's up boss?"
"Got to go into town, be back late. Check the fence line in the north pasture, if all is well, we'll move the cattle there for now."
"Yes sir." They smiled. "In case we need it, do we have any barbed wire left?"
"There should be enough for repairs, if not, one of you go on into town and get what we'll need, put it on my bill."
As he walked off, he heard one of them say, "He's going to see that little red-head."
"Ain't that the lady he married?" Another cowboy asked.
"Well, I hadn't thought about it. He did say he was getting married. Wonder why she don't live here?"
"Kind of funny ain't it?"
"I'll say."
"But I won't be asking any questions. He's a good boss and I don't want to lose my job."
"Neither will I."
What did they know? They had no idea the circumstances and he wouldn’t be explaining her to them. Still until he told them something, there could be a lot of speculation on their parts. But what could he tell them? It was a strange situation.
He needed to talk to Gabby about this.
In the short amount of time he knew her, she baffled him to no end. She was well versed in some things, things most people had no idea about. But there were some things she was quite touchy about, not that she didn't have good reason to be. The way she was raised it was a wonder she could read and write.
The talk about divorce had thrown him a curve he hadn't expected. She only wanted a divorce if he slept with another lady. That was interesting, to say the least. He certainly hadn't given this marriage thing enough thought. Evidently, she'd been thinking on it heavily. What was he going to do about Polly? In all honesty, he couldn't sleep with her again. He was a married man. Everyone in town knew he frequently went upstairs with Polly. And that was another thing, what if someone told Gabby?
