“I can’t do this, Presley.”
Eyes wide and bewildered I instantly regret my choice of words, “Do what exactly?”
“Jax. I can’t hurt that little boy in there anymore. If we’re gonna be here, then Jax can come and go as he pleases, but I will not keep them apart, I can’t.”
“Robert, we had a plan.”
“To hell with the plan, Presley!” I raise my voice at her, something I hardly do, and by the way she flinches I know I’ve caught her off guard. “Look, he talked to me. He thinks he’s done something wrong and that we’re punishing him. He’s done nothing wrong. He’s hurting. He’s in pain. The same pain I felt when Mom and I left. It’s confusing and gut wrenching and heartbreaking, and it took me years to get over it. Years Pres, and even now, today, I realize, it still affects me. I can't do that to him.”
She places her hand on my bicep and grips hard. I know it wasn’t easy on her when I left either.
“So we’re either going to let this happen the way it’s supposed to happen, or we’re not coming back here in the off season. We’ll keep the house, we can visit for a few days here and there, but we won't live here until I retire. The choice is yours.”
Frantically she looks into my eyes, “Robert, that’s not fair to put this on me.”
“I’m sorry P, but I can’t do this. Not to him.”
She drops her hand and turns on her heals, making her way to the end of the porch, hands resting on the railing. Her chest raises with each deep inhalation, before she spins around to look at me, fire in her eyes and I’m not exactly sure which personality is about to spew from her lips. “Do you think this is easy on me? Cora asks for Jax all the time. She could care less about playing with the twins. I don’t know how to deal with this any more than you do, and how dare you put all of this on me! But…”
Even from where I’m standing I can see the moisture pool in her eyes and the softness of her features, so I make my way over to my wife. Her arms thread through mine as I pull my jacket around her body.
“But I do know our sweet girl is here because of Jax.”
She nestles her head into my neck, and my heart beats a little slower, “Then we’re going to let things work out naturally?”
She nods and squeezes me tighter. “Losing you was hard on me too, Robert. You just disappeared, and I didn’t know why.”
“Pres, you know I’m never leaving you. And just like me, Jax will never leave Cora. Sure, they’ll have their fights, and growing pains, and they might even hate each other at a point, but if they’re anything like us—
“Then they’re gonna be okay.
“She will love him with all that she has.”
Presley raises her head to look at me, her emerald green eyes drunk in love.
“And he will know that she is the part that makes him whole.” My lips brush against hers, tasting her, teasing her with each sip and languid pull, her knees go weak under my caress.
“And no meddling.”
She giggles and once again my heart races for this woman.
“Just make sure you tell that to Liv.”
And as if the devil knew we were talking about her, she sticks her head outside and interrupts our peace, “Come on you two! Dinner’s ready.”
Chapter Twenty
– Thanksgiving Evening –
The children are inside watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving while Presley, Liv, Trey, and myself relax outside around the fire pit just off the patio.
Jax and Cora are in my line of site, and for the first time in weeks I feel at ease with the whole situation. Jax sits on the floor with the girls, while Cora rests her head in his lap, and he plays with her hair. I can easily tell her eyelids are getting heavy and it’s only a matter of time before she’s asleep.
Jax hasn’t stopped smiling since our talk this afternoon and Cora has stayed by his side. It’s evident to any outsider that these two have something special between them. I’m lost in my own world until Presley pulls me from my thoughts.
“So we’re all in agreement. We allow things to happen as they may. No keeping them apart. We let them figure things out as they happen, and no meddling in whatever may or may not transpire.”
“Oh come on! Why is everyone looking at me?”
“Because meddle is your middle name, babe.”
“Right! And it’s a good thing too. Imagine had I not gotten involved, just where exactly would you two be?”
Liv swings her finger between Presley and me and I can't help but wrap my arm a little tighter around her waist as she settles against me even more.
“You made your point, Liv. But none of us have been in this position before and we’re going to have to figure it out together. We’re going to need to support each other and all major decisions have to be discussed.”
It shouldn’t surprise me that Pres is taking the lead on this. After all, this is what she’s used to in a way and it is our daughter, the youngest out of the two of them.
“Well, I move to discuss the first big issue…I don’t want them dating until after Cora turns twenty. Presley and I want Jax to grow up and experience life the way he should, but we also want that for Cora. We want her to figure out who she is on her own. We don’t want her trying to be who she thinks she should be, just because of a boy. Presley stood on her own and now look at her. No offense, Liv.”
“None taken.”
“We want you both to know that this has nothing to do with Jax. We have nothing against him.”
“It’s fine, Robert. Liv and I won’t fight you on this issue. We agree that a friendship is fine, but dating, even as they get older, the age gap is just too big.”
I can feel Presley breathe a sigh of relief and the back door opens revealing a tired-looking Jackson.
“Cora’s asleep.” Presley and I glance at each other, she always falls asleep easily with Jax, she struggles with her parents. “Mommy, I know what I want to ask Santa for.”
“Oh yea? What’s that?”
“I want a guitar. My music teacher says I’m getting really good.”
“Well, when we go ride the Polar Express, you can drop your letter to Santa in the mailbox. I think that’s an excellent gift idea, bud.”
“Are you and Daddy coming inside soon? I’m tired and ready for bed.”
Liv nods and sends Jax in to get his pajamas on as we say our good nights and goodbyes.
“Liv, call me when you get tickets for the train. I think Cora is old enough to ride now and who knows, we might actually get a good Santa picture this year.”
I chuckle as the last two Santa experiences flash across my memory. Both were horrible and I’m still not convinced she isn’t scared by the whole ordeal. It wasn’t any better on Presley either.
“I’ll just come over tomorrow and we can plan the whole day.”
We make our way inside and I watch as Presley picks Cora up off the floor. Her tiny arms anchoring around her neck, but never fully waking up. Jax brings over one of his blankets and drapes it over her back before kissing her goodnight.
I’ve got eighteen years to prepare myself to let her go, but something tells me that doesn’t matter. Jackson or not, she’s my baby girl. Our little miracle child.
* * *
– A Week Before Christmas –
I’ve been working really hard on my gift for Cora, and my music teacher is really proud of me. I’m starting to worry though because mommy said I could mail my letter when we rode the Polar Express, but time’s a ticking and Mommy seems to be losing her mind more and more every day.
If I don’t get my guitar for Christmas, then I won't be able to give Cora her gift and months of practice will have been for nothing.
I make my way into the kitchen, and even though I know I shouldn’t whine this close to Christmas, I can’t help myself. “Mommy, I still need to mail my letter to Santa. When are we going to ride the Polar Express?
“What? I’m sorry Jax. Do you know where I put the recipe of
the Santa cookies?” Mommy rummages through drawers and shakes out the many of cookbooks she has looking for a tiny index card.
Honestly, I don’t know why she is worried about the recipe anyway. She never follows it and the cookies always come out tasting yucky. Poor Santa. Hopefully, he knows Mommy tries.
“Jax, do me a favor and open the box on the table.”
I look over to see what she could possibly be talking about, but all I see is a big box wrapped in reindeer paper with candy canes.
“Mommy, there’s only a Christmas present on the table.”
She stops hunting around the kitchen and makes her way over to the table. “A present, huh?” Mommy has lost her mind. The box has a big red bow and a gift tag on it. “Well, what does the tag say? Who’s it from?”
“I…ho…hope…theeessse…fit. Love, Saannta. P.S. See you…soooon.
“Mommy!” I shriek out in disbelief, “Mommy! It’s from Santa! Santa came early!”
Mommy is laughing and the pitter patter of the twin’s feet quickly approach behind me at the mention of Santa. “Well, open it buddy. Let’s see what he brought.”
I tear the wrapping off the box while fighting back the mangy monsters. The lid goes sailing behind me, while the torn paper drapes over crying gremlins. I look in the box and feel as if my efforts have all been for nothing as I stare at the pile of clothes. Clothes. Since when does Santa bring clothes? I pull the pieces out one by one and notice they’re all the same. Red and white striped pajama looking things, each with a tag and someone’s name attached to them along with a gold ticket of some sort. I pull one off and hand it to Mommy who reads it aloud to me.
“Make sure to bring this gold ticket for your train ride today. I hope you have a great time at the North Pole.”
“Today!” I exclaim as I yank my pajama top from one of the twins. “Like today, today?”
“Sure looks that way, buddy. Now go get changed. We will need to leave soon. Aunt Presley and Uncle Robert will be over shortly.”
“And Cora?”
“Of course Cora. Now go or we’ll be late.”
Quickly I sprint up the stairs with my new pajamas in hand and move like the Flash then bounding down the stairs in a matter of seconds and make my way out to the car to wait on the rest of the slow pokes to get their butts in gear.
I’ve got important Christmas business to attend to.
* * *
Once we finally arrived at the train station, I’m excited to show Cora everything there is to do. First on my list, though, is to mail my letter to Santa. Every man needs to know his priorities, and keep them in line, especially when there is a sweet green-eyed little girl counting on you. Santa’s letter was priority number one.
We walk through the evergreen gates with snow falling down around us. I know it’s not real snow, but it’s just to make everything seem magical. Cora’s giggle tickles the air as she twirls around, raising her hands above her head, trying to catch the snowflakes made out of soap bubbles.
“Wook Mommy, swow!”
Aunt Presley laughs. I don’t understand how Cora doesn’t realize it’s not like the snow she gets at her other house. This snow isn’t cold.
“It’s something like that, sweetheart.”
Cora runs over to a patch of “clean” snow that hasn’t melted yet, grabs a little handful, and before anyone can stop her, puts it in her mouth.
A horrendous expression crosses her face as she tries to spit it out through her tears and shaking hands. I can’t help but laugh at her misfortune, even if she is my special girl, she’s also my silly little girl who does what she wants when she wants too.
“Eww. It twaste wike bubbles.”
Big fat tears fall from her eyes as Aunt Presley picks her up and Uncle Robert gives her some water. “Silly Cora. This isn’t real snow. It’s pretend snow.”
“I dwon’t wike it!” Her voice cracks again as Aunt Presley tries to sooth her, but she wiggles out of her arms. “I want Wax.”
My little heart swells with pride as she chooses me over her Mommy. I take her hand and the first thing we do is visit the North Pole Post Office. I put my letter in the mailbox and then help Cora write hers.
Cora tells me what to write and Aunty Presley helps me spell the words.
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is a new baby doll. Do not bring a real baby. If you do, I will send it back. I also want pretty pink ballerina shoes. Mommy and Daddy lie, I have been a good girl.
Love,
Cora Ann West
P.S. My house has the good cookies, not Jax’s.
I think it’s kinda funny even Cora knows Mommy isn’t a good cook and maybe I should warn her about future babies. How she might get two instead of one. Babies should not be Buy One get One Free.
After Cora puts her letter in the mail, we ride the merry-go-round and then go visit the reindeer in the big red barn.
Only Comet, Blitzen, Dasher and Vixen where there. The barn elf said the other reindeer were out on flying lessons. I taught Cora to sing “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” and we sang it until Mommy asked Daddy to get her a drink and then gave me ‘the look’.
Soon it was time to get in line for our train ride. We had to wait a really long time, and my feet got tired of standing, so I sat down and Cora sat in my lap. Emma and Becca sit next to us and Uncle Robert gets us some popcorn to snack on while we watched a funny-looking cartoon.
Just before the cartoon ends, the loud whistle of the train blast through the air and we all quickly stand to see the black locomotive pulling into the station with steam billowing out of the smokestack. It had gold accents just like the movie and seemed to be a kajillion feet tall. It was the most magnificent thing I’d ever seen but watching Cora’s reaction to it was mesmerizing. She pulled on my arm with one hand and pointed with her other, jumping up and down as if she had jumping beans in her slippers.
“Wax! Wax! Pwolar Espress! Pwolar Espress!”
Cora and I had watched the movie every day since Thanksgiving, it was currently her favorite movie, along with Buddy the Elf.
Mommy and Daddy let me sit with Uncle Robert and Aunt Presley; it’s my job to help them get a good Santa picture with her.
We climbed on board and soon the conductor walks the aisle punching our tickets, just like the movie. Cora holds hers out just like a big girl and smiles and giggles when her ticket is handed back to her.
Next, an elf came by to pass out chocolate chip cookies and Santa’s Frosty Milk. If you asked me, it just tasted like regular chocolate milk, but this was special for Cora and I didn’t want to ruin the moment for her.
Recently, I was beginning to question the existence of Santa Claus. Some of the kids in my class said that Santa wasn’t real and that it was just the mommies and daddies who put the Christmas presents under the tree on Christmas Eve.
I asked Mommy about it, and she said that if you don’t believe in Santa, then all you get for Christmas is underwear. Presently, I still believe in Santa.
About halfway through our journey the train begins to slow down and comes to a stop at a place the cookie elf called the Reindeer Barn. The sound of large footsteps rattled the train car and a booming Ho Ho, Ho trickles its way down the aisle. Cora’s eyes light up and she quickly climbs onto Uncle Robert’s lap, cowering into his chest.
My legs swing in anticipation and as soon as Santa makes his way to our seats, I give him the biggest hug, trying to show Cora there’s nothing to be afraid of. Aunt Presley takes my picture and I’m able to coax my sweet girl into taking a picture as well. She made the funniest face, but Aunt Presley was just happy she wasn’t screaming like she had in the past.
In the picture my cheeks are as red and full as tomatoes while Cora wears a scowl and gives Santa a side-eyed accusatory glance. I hope she gets her ballet slippers after that.
Once the train makes its way back to the station, I meet up with Mommy and Daddy again and we all say our goodbyes. Cora was e
xtremely fussy since she didn’t get her nap, and the minute I started walking away from her she starts screaming my name. I hate to see my sweet baby hurt. This visit has been rough on her.
“Wax! I want my Wax!”
Aunt Presley tries to calm her down, but finally Mommy decides that it’s just best for everyone that I ride home with Uncle Robert.
I climb into the backseat of the truck, and buckle in next to Cora’s seat, talking low and in a hushed tone. “Shhh baby girl. I’m here, sweet girl.” I stroke her hair and she instantly quiets down.
Aunt Presley turns in her seat and looks back at the two of us. “Jax, I don’t know what we’re gonna do without you.”
She gives me a sad smile before facing front again, she and Uncle Robert share the same sad look, and as happy as today was, I was suddenly heartbroken. Soon she would be gone, and it would be almost Halloween before I saw her again.
Chapter Twenty-One
– Four Years Later –
The last time I saw Cora, she was twirling around in a pink tutu and ballet slippers as I played “Twinkle Twinkle” on my new guitar.
We both got what we wanted that year for Christmas, and it was the last time that I was one hundred percent happy.
I remember that afternoon, Aunt Presley got a phone call from Grandma Tina and then they were gone. Mom said that Cora’s Grandpa was sick, and that they had to go back to Montana right away.
The following fall Aunt Presley was having a baby, and she wasn’t allowed to travel and the fall after that, Uncle Robert got traded to the Toronto Blue Jays and instead of coming down to Texas, they went to spend the off season in Montana. Mom said it was because they didn’t want Grandma Tina to be lonely and Gramps was getting old and needed help on the ranch.
We tried to visit a few times, but the timing never seemed to work out just right. The last time we tried, there was a blizzard and canceled our flight. By the time the airport reopened, school was starting two days later.
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