by Eve R. Hart
“Half, then?” he came back with, brow raised as if he was waiting for me to agree.
“Over the counter ibuprofen. And that is my final say. I’ll take the strong stuff if I feel I need them, okay?”
“Fine,” he grumbled, then was moving off the bed. “Where do you keep it?”
“Bathroom, above the sink.”
He was off and I was left to pick at the muffin he’d been thoughtful enough to get for me.
There was that smile again, the one I just couldn’t seem to contain today.
“For the record,” Cade said as he came back into the room and handed me two ibuprofen as he stretched out on the bed beside me. “I thought you were cute last night.”
“Yeah, real cute,” I said with a huge roll of my eyes. I tilted my head back, tossed the pills in, then swallowed them down with a long sip of coffee. It was a miracle that the whole thing went smoothly. “The amount of things I told you that no one should ever know is so embarrassing.”
“You still think I’m sexy?” he asked with the tiniest upturn happening in the corner of his mouth. I was so caught off guard that I inhaled in shock. And of course, I somehow managed to inhale a few little muffin crumbs that seemed to come out of nowhere.
I didn’t expect this side of him.
He was flirting. Oh, yes. So blatantly that even I didn’t miss it.
Oh, God.
He was flirting.
With me.
And now he was right beside me, leaning up on one arm, his eyes on my…
Lips.
He was looking at my lips.
It was that look. You know the one. The one I’d always wished to see from someone I was into. Where it looked like their eyes had glazed over and all that was going through their head is how they wanted to kiss you.
So, yes.
Cade was giving me that frozen-in-place lingering look as he imagined how my lips would feel pressed against his.
I might have done that a time or two to him last night when we’d been really close.
I wished I didn’t have this achy pain all over my body. Or the throbbing on the side of my face. I wished there wasn’t anything that could dampen this mood or limit the possibilities of where it could go next.
His thumb came up and then he was brushing it over my bottom lip. I almost closed my eyes but I didn’t want to miss him coming in.
“Got it,” he whispered as he pulled back his thumb to reveal a piece of muffin crumb.
Well, I think that took the cake of my humiliating moments.
Here I was thinking he wanted to kiss me and he was simply in a trance over a crumb.
“Now I can kiss you,” he said causing me to blink back into focus. There was this smile on his face that told me he was loving this. I, however, was not.
Well, not until he leaned in and I threw caution to the wind and met him halfway.
My battered body wasn’t happy about the move but I didn’t care.
It was just a few pecks at first. His lips felt smooth and plush pressing against my own. I felt these little tingles all over my body and I knew kissing Cade would be on a whole different level. It wasn’t simply just the kiss, it was everything about this moment.
He let out a little moan of approval in the back of his throat. Then I felt his tongue, velvety and soft, gliding over my bottom lip. There wasn’t a demand with the lick, it was more like he wanted to taste me. I was about to open up for him and give him anything he wanted when he pulled his tongue back. Then he was giving me little pecks again.
“More,” I whispered as he pulled back.
I kept my eyes closed because if this happened to be a dream, I definitely didn’t want to wake up.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said with a little chuckle.
“Don’t feel any pain. More kissing, it’s better than the painkillers.”
He chuckled once again, but it died quickly when he started kissing me again.
This time, my lips parted for him and he took full advantage of the opening. His hand cupped my face and I felt him shift like he was trying to get closer to me.
Somehow my hand had found its way to his chest.
His shirt was soft and I could feel the hardness of his defined muscles underneath.
His scruff tickled at first, but now it started to burn as he pushed harder against my mouth. It wasn’t a bad burn, that was for sure.
I found myself liking it and it was the first time that I realized I’d never kissed anyone that had any facial hair. It had never been a thing to me. I mean, not like I’d had a lot of make-out sessions in my life.
Three.
Just in case you might be wondering, I’d kissed a total of three guys. And that very sad number included Cade.
His tongue rolled over mine, again and again, the movements slow and it was almost like his plan was to torture me.
My dick was throbbing and trapped. I just needed to give it one good tug to relieve the pressure. Or maybe ten. But I didn’t want him to stop kissing me, so I did my best to ignore it.
I wanted more. So much more.
But then there was the voice in the back of my head telling me that it wouldn’t be a good idea. Not only was my body not in a condition to enjoy anything else, but I also didn’t know Cade all that well. It felt like I did, but I had to be smart about this. The last thing I needed was to get myself into another Perry-type situation.
He’s not like Perry.
Yes, brain, I felt that too, but I couldn’t deny that I was a bit gun-shy after the whole getting tricked, taken advantage of, and beaten up thing.
As if he sensed the internal war I had going on, he pulled back and slowly ended the kiss.
“Fuck, Theon,” he breathed out. He sounded as shocked as I felt. There was no hiding the shy smile that crept up on my face or the fact that my cheeks were nearly as red as a tomato. “That was so much better than I imagined.”
“We could do it some more,” I suggested.
His head fell back and he let out a loud laugh.
It was then that I realized there was something hard and stiff under my fingers. My eyes dropped to his chest as I traced the edges of what he had concealed under his shirt. It didn’t take me long to figure out what it was. As I tried to grip his dog tags through his shirt, I shifted my eyes back to his.
The spell we were under was suddenly broken.
And the pain that I saw in his gaze caused my heart to ache.
When I thought about it, it made sense. His rugged posture. His stern face. Even his clothes. And not to mention the fact that he kind of stuck out like a sore thumb, though I imagined he didn’t when it came to certain situations.
“I was the only one that survived,” he said softly. I didn’t like the way his voice sounded sad and the look on his face screamed broken. “I should be dead.”
He truly believed that. I would have even said he wished for it by the turmoil swirling in his eyes.
“I’m glad you’re not,” I whispered, only partially aware that I’d spoken those words and not just thought them.
His hand slid down my face and landed on my chest. It was like he was trying to tell me something as he pressed his palm over my heart. I felt his warmth instantly.
My mind became dizzy and I was freaking out a little that his touch could do that to me.
“Theon,” he said and I suddenly felt like I needed to jump out of my skin.
Something wasn’t right.
I couldn’t sit anymore.
But I knew I needed to move around as little as possible even though all I wanted to do was jump around all of a sudden.
“Theon?” Cade’s voice called again.
“What?!” I yelled but I wasn’t angry, so I had no idea why I’d done that.
“Your heart is racing,” he said and now he was sitting up and looking at me with panicked eyes.
“Yeah,” I said, still a little too loudly. “I just got done making out with a hot guy. Of course, i
t’s racing. What? Isn’t yours? Do I not have the same effect on you? Let’s go again, I can do better.”
And before I even realized what I was doing, I leaned in and tried to plant one on him.
Oh, no.
It hit me at the same time I felt Cade’s hands on my shoulders as he tried to hold me still.
“Um, Cade… was that decaf?” I asked as I felt the sweat start to bead up on my forehead.
“Shit. No. You drink decaf?!”
“Yeah, but it’s no big deal.” I tried to wave the whole thing off. “We should go for a walk. Do you walk?”
“Let me guess, you don’t do so well with caffeine, either?”
“About as well as I handle painkillers,” I told him honestly and let out a dry laugh.
Was it too much to ask for one thing to go right when I was with Cade?!
15
Cade
“We should kiss more,” Theon said with excitement dancing in his eyes, and it was really hard to hold back the laugh. “No, ignore me. Just give me a minute, I’ll be fine. So, how do you feel about that walk?”
“Baby,” I said and didn’t hate the way the word kept slipping so easily from my mouth. “Breathe. Let’s talk. You need to relax. Come here.”
I rested back on the bed and held my arm open for him. It was obvious he needed to move. Hell, it actually looked like his skin was buzzing. But I knew he needed to rest in order for his body to heal. So, I did the only thing I could think of at the moment, and opened my arms for him to relax in.
His shy smile was the best fucking thing. Then he was scooting closer to me and resting his head on my shoulder.
I could feel him vibrating against me and this time I knew it wasn’t from my touch.
I tried hard to think of a safe subject but was failing at coming up with one.
His hand went to my dog tags again and a moment later, he was pulling the chain free from under my shirt so he could rub it between his fingers.
And because I felt safe, I opened up to him.
I hadn’t meant to and I knew it was the worst thing to talk about considering he didn’t know a damn thing about me. It could have been that I’d hoped to scare him off. That would have been for the best anyway.
“I was in the Army. My unit had been sent on a mission,” I started. My throat felt tight and clogged. “We received intel that there were hostages being held in this building. There wasn’t much around it and I couldn’t even tell you what it had originally been for. But we knew there had been a group of American civilians staying in a village not far from the location of the building. Nothing had been reported, but there had been some chatter that they were missing, possibly even taken by force. We had to assume that they were being held there.”
It should have been simple. I’d done enough rescue missions before that this certainly wasn’t anything new to me. But everything had gone terribly wrong from the moment we stepped foot inside that building.
“We didn’t see anything when we did surveillance.” I shook my head. Even to this day, I tried to look at it from every angle to see if there was something we missed. “I thought it was safe, but it wasn’t.”
I felt his lips against my chest as he placed a light kiss there.
“It was an ambush. They were waiting for us in a concrete and steel room. We had no idea what we were walking into.”
“Were the Americans there?” Theon asked softly.
I nodded, unable to speak for a long moment.
“A group of insurgents had taken them hostage, along with two families from the village that had taken the Americans in.”
He must have sensed that it didn’t end well for them because he didn’t ask the next question I was sure was on his mind.
“They opened fire,” I said. The darkness was creeping in around my vision and I knew my head was doing its damnedest to throw me back there. “There were so many of them. We were outnumbered. There was a wall of men we had to go through in order to get to the hostages, but it didn’t matter…”
“Why?” he urged me on.
“Because two of the men were behind it all, working their way through the hostages. Slitting their throats one at a time.”
I focused on Theon’s soft touch. His movements as he rubbed my dog tag between his fingers. The rise and fall of his chest against my side. His breath washing over my neck. It helped to ground me and instead of questioning why his presence made me feel that way, I held onto it.
I’d never be able to forget the whole scene. Even now, I could see the quick flashes from the muzzles of their AKs as they fired on us. The brief glances I got between the rapid-fire. Even the horrified screams that rang out above it all.
Those screams, they stuck out in my mind all the time. They were in my ears, echoing as if I were back in that building. Even in a crowded room, I could hear them. I couldn’t ever run from them. Not that I deserved to forget them.
“You don’t have to tell me, Cade,” Theon said softly, pulling me out of my memories. “If it’s too much, I understand.”
Clearing my throat, I pushed on.
“Those men… they knew they wouldn’t make it out of there alive. Their plan was that none of us did.”
“But you did,” Theon stated and though there was a soft, hopeful ring in his tone, it wasn’t even close to how I felt about it.
“Yeah,” I said thickly. “We tried to take cover but it was useless. One by one, I watched my brothers fall. Then I got hit.”
My hand moved over my abdomen until my palm rested over the cluster of scars. Even through the layer of cotton, I could feel them burning.
I felt Theon’s hand there just next to mine. It was like he knew. I guess it wasn’t all that hard to tell what was going on. But still, he was there, comforting me without using words. Another part of me crumbled. There weren’t tears in my eyes, but I still felt the sting of guilt and sadness.
“I was on the ground,” I said. The need to get it all out was too strong. “I continued to fire, you know, because I wasn’t going to give up until my body gave out. I just kept thinking that if I could take them out then maybe I could save at least one person.”
Theon’s hand slipped further south, and a moment later, I felt his cool fingers against my skin. Blindly, he sought out the scars I was trying to cover. He didn’t care that my hand was in the way, he simply pushed until I was forced to move it.
My skin felt like it was on fire. A burning that only his cool touch could calm. The moment he lightly traced the marred skin, I let out a long, shaky breath. I wasn’t fixed, the nightmare was too real, but there was a part of me that felt calm and settled. A feeling I hadn’t had in a long time.
“My eyes became too heavy and I couldn’t keep them open. I tried…” I let out a hard breath. “Fuck, I tried so hard.”
“I know you did, Cade,” Theon told me, but his voice felt like it was too far away.
“I don’t know what happened next. I just remember this feeling of my body moving. I thought I was dead, but it must have been one of my brothers trying to drag me to safety. But then,” I paused, my head shaking slightly, “there was this heavy weight suffocating me. If felt like someone had thrown a huge sandbag over me, but I knew that wasn’t right.”
That was the last thing I remembered. All the sounds faded from the background and there had been this dead silence that filled my ears. I hadn’t been able to move, not even when it felt like I couldn’t breathe.
“I don’t know what happened after that,” I said. “I woke up in a hospital bed. I later learned that a team had been sent in when we never responded to check-in. Somehow, I had managed to stay alive all that time and once I was stable enough, they transported me to Germany. I don’t remember any of it. I just knew that when I woke up, everyone else was gone.”
Theon held on to me but didn’t ask any questions. I felt drained, yet somehow, a little lighter too.
I still believed that I should have been dead along with my br
others.
But right now, I was pretty damn glad that I wasn’t.
Now, if I could only find a way to tell Theon the whole truth about me.
16
Theon
We fell asleep together after he finished releasing his demons. I wasn’t sure how I’d been able to close my eyes and nap with the caffeine still buzzing through my veins, but I had.
I ached for him. Ached in ways I never thought I could for another person.
You’re falling for him, my mind shouted at me.
I didn’t think it was possible, but I was. It was quite possibly another dumb situation and I might end up finding myself completely messed up when it all came crashing down. Because it would, that I was certain of. Nothing good in my life had ever worked out.
You have Reed.
And, yeah, I did. So far, he’d been there like he said he would be. He called me often and it wasn’t only to check up on me. When we would talk on the phone, he’d ask me questions. He seemed really interested in the answers too. It had taken us a while to get to know one another, but I felt like I was close to him now. Well, as close as I could let myself get to someone. There were things I didn’t talk about. Things I didn’t want him— or anyone— to know. Things I was ashamed of even if I had no control over them. And when it came to my mom, I did my best to brush that under the rug. Talking about her still felt strange. And even more so with Reed knowing that I was obviously a result of an affair.
God, everything was so screwed up.
I still couldn’t believe that Reed wanted me in his life. I had to be this constant reminder that his perfect world maybe hadn’t been so perfect.
Cade shifted beside me and I could tell by the way his body became tense that he was coming out of his peaceful slumber.
His eyes opened, and then I felt the intensity of his gaze on mine. Our faces weren’t even an inch apart now. I was breathing in his breath and it should have felt strange, but it didn’t. I loved it. That thought alone told me I was completely out of my mind.
