The good castellan often used to send secretly to find out what I was up to. As it happened, on the last day in July I was full of great rejoicing, thinking to myself that it was the occasion of the great festival that is usually celebrated in Rome on the first day of August; and I was saying to myself:
‘All these years past I’ve kept this happy feast with worldly trivialities, but this year I shall observe it by pondering on the divine things of God.’
Then I added: ‘Oh, how much happier I am now than I was then!’
I was overheard saying this, and they reported my words to the castellan. In astonished fury, he said:
‘Oh, God! there he is thriving on misfortune; and while he triumphs I am suffering in the middle of so much comfort. And all by himself he’s bringing me to the grave. Go quickly and thrust him into the lowest dungeon – the one where the preacher Foiano206 was starved to death. Perhaps when he sees how wretched he is his cheerfulness will be knocked out of him.’
Straight away Captain Sandrino Monaldi came along to my cell, followed by about twenty of the castellan’s servants. They found me on my knees; and when they came in, without turning round I carried on with my prayers. I was adoring a figure of God the Father, surrounded by angels, and one of the risen Christ in His triumph, that I had drawn on the wall with a little piece of charcoal I had unearthed. It was then four months that I had been on my back, lying in bed with a broken leg. I had dreamed so many times that the angels came to heal me that after those four months my leg was as sound as if it had never been broken.
They came in, so cluttered up with weapons that one would have thought I was a fiery dragon. The captain said:
‘You know how many there are of us, and we made enough noise coming in, yet you don’t turn round.’
At these words I was well aware of the terrible harm they could inflict on me, but since I was steeled to misfortune I replied:
‘To this God who bears me up, to Him in heaven, I have turned my soul, and heart, and the power of my intellect: and I’ve turned to you exactly what belongs to you. You’re not worthy to look on what is good in me and you cannot touch it; so do to what belongs to you all in your power.’
The captain, who was frightened seeing that he had no idea what I meant to do, turned to four of his most stalwart guards and said: ‘Lay aside your arms.’
When they had done this, he added:
‘Now – on him quickly and hold him down. There are enough of us not to be frightened even if he were the devil himself. Hold him fast so that he doesn’t escape.’
They seized me and started handling me roughly; and then, expecting much worse than in fact happened, I lifted my eyes to Christ and said:
‘O just God, You have redeemed all our sins on Your high Cross: why then does my innocence have to pay the debts of someone I do not know? But may Your will be done.’
Meanwhile they bore me away by the light of a great burning torch. I thought they intended to throw me into what is called the Sammalò pit, a fearful place which has swallowed up a great many living men who have been hurtled down into a well in the foundations of the castle. But I was spared this; and so I reckoned I had made a good bargain when they threw me into the foul dungeon I mentioned above, where Foiano had died of hunger, and left me there without doing me any more harm.
When they had gone I began to sing the De profundis clamavi, a Miserere, and the In te domine speravi. I kept the feast of that first day of August with God, and the whole day my heart was bursting with faith and hope. The second day they moved me from that hole, taking me back to the cell where I had made those first sketches of the image of God. When I arrived there and found myself back with my drawings my eyes flooded with tears of delight and happiness. After that the castellan wanted to know day by day everything I said or did.
The Pope, who knew all the circumstances (the doctors, by the way, had already said there was no hope for the castellan) remarked:
‘Before my castellan dies I want him to put Benvenuto to death in whatever way he likes, so that he doesn’t die without having his revenge on the man who killed him.’
When Pier Luigi himself reported these words to the castellan, he said:
‘So the Pope gives Benvenuto to me and wants me to take my revenge? Forget the matter and leave it to me.’
So if the Pope was choked with bitterness towards me, it seemed at first as if the castellan hated me with even more malice. At this juncture that invisible spirit which had prevented me when I intended to kill myself came to me, still invisible but speaking distinctly, shook me and lifted me to my feet, and said:
‘Benvenuto, hurry now, hurry: turn to God and say your prayers, shout them out as loud as you can.’
At once I fell on my knees in terror and repeated many of my prayers in a loud voice. Then I said a Qui habitat in adjutorio; and then I conversed with God for a while. In an instant, the same voice as before said distinctly and clearly:
‘Go and rest now, and don’t be afraid any more.’
And what had happened was this: the castellan, having given brutal orders for my death, suddenly rescinded them, and said:
‘Isn’t he the same Benvenuto that I defended so eagerly and that I know for certain is innocent and has been wrongfully punished? Oh, how will God ever have mercy on me and my sins if I don’t forgive those who have done me great harm? Do I have to injure a worthy, innocent man, who has served and honoured me? There! instead of bringing him death, I bring him life and liberty; and I leave it in my testament that no one is to ask him for any of the great sum he would have to pay for his expenses here.’
The Pope heard what had happened and he was furious.
Meanwhile I carried on with my usual prayers and with writing my poem. I started experiencing the happiest, most delightful dreams imaginable, every night: and it seemed that all the time I had near me that invisible being I had so often heard, and still heard. I asked him for no other favour except that he would take me where I could see the sun. I said earnestly that this was the only desire I had, and that if I could only once set eyes on the sun then I would die happy. All the torments I had suffered in that prison, all of them had become dear and pleasing to me, and I was no longer troubled by them. But the hangers-on of the castellan, who had been waiting for him to do what he had said he would and hang me from the battlement I had climbed down from, couldn’t tolerate it when they saw that he had completely changed his mind, and they kept trying by various means to frighten the life out of me.
However, as I said, I was so used to all those things that I was no longer frightened of anything: all I wanted was to have a dream in which I might see the sphere of the sun. So I carried on with my great prayers, directing them fervently towards Christ, and I never left off saying:
‘O true Son of God! I implore You by Your birth, by Your death on the Cross, and Your glorious resurrection, make me worthy to see the sun, even if only in a dream. But if You deign to let me see it, with these mortal eyes, then I promise to come and visit You in Your Holy Sepulchre.’
These great prayers to God and this vow I made on the second of October, in the year 1539. Next morning, the third of October, I woke on the edge of daybreak about an hour before the sun was up; and rising from my squalid corner I put on a scrap of clothing I had, since it was getting chilly, and then standing up I started praying more fervently than I had ever done before. I besought Christ to grant me at least the grace to know by divine inspiration for what sin I was doing such great penance; and, seeing that His Divine Majesty had not seen fit to make me worthy to see the sun, even in a dream, I begged Him by all His might and power to deign to let me know what was the reason for this punishment.
When I had said this I was seized by that invisible force and carried away as if by a wind: I was taken to a room where that invisible companion of mine became visible and appeared in the form of a young man with light down on his cheeks. His face was marvellously beautiful, but austere rather than sensua
l, and as he showed me into the room he said:
‘These men that you see, they are all those who have ever been born and then suffered death.’
I asked him why he had brought me there, and he replied, ‘Come with me, and you will soon understand.’
I found myself dressed in a coat of mail, with a dagger in my hand; and he led me like this through that great hall, showing me all those people wandering here and there in their infinite thousands. He led me on and then went before me through a little door into a place like a narrow street, and when he drew me after him I found myself unarmed and dressed in a white garment, with my head uncovered: and I was standing on his right hand. When I saw what had happened I was filled with wonder; I was unable to recognize the street, but on raising my eyes I saw that the sunlight was striking on to a wall, like the front of a house, above my head.
Then I said: ‘My friend, what must I do to ascend so high that I can see the sphere of the sun itself?’
He showed me a great flight of stairs on my right hand and he answered: ‘Go there by yourself.’
With this, I moved away from him and climbed those great stairs, facing the way I had come: little by little I began to feel the nearness of the sun. I quickened my step; and so went up and up, until the whole sphere of the sun was revealed to me. The strength of his rays made me instinctively close my eyes; but when I realized my error I opened them fully, stared fixedly at the sun, and cried:
‘The sun – the sun that I have so much desired! I never want to see anything else again, even if your rays blind me.’
I remained with my eyes intent on him; and after I had been there for a short while all of a sudden I saw the force of those tremendous rays cast itself on to the left side of the sun; the sun remained clear, without his rays, and I stared at him with great contentment, astonished at the way the rays had been taken away. I began to ponder on the divine grace that had been granted me that morning by God; I cried out: ‘What splendid power! What glorious virtue! How much greater is the privilege You have granted me than what I expected!’
Without his rays the sun appeared just like a bath of the purest liquid gold. While I stood there contemplating this great vision the middle of the sun began to swell out and the bulge increased till, in an instant, it took the form of Christ on the Cross, made out of the very stuff of the sun: He was of such entrancing beauty and so gracious in His appearance that human imagination cannot reach to a thousandth part of what I saw.
As I contemplated this I cried aloud: ‘A miracle! A miracle! O God, O merciful God! O infinite power! What marvels You have permitted me to behold this day!’
While I was staring and saying these words the figure of Christ moved towards that part of the sun where the rays had gone; the middle of the sun swelled up again, as it had done before, and as the swelling grew larger it suddenly took the shape of a most beautiful Madonna, seated on high with her Son in her arms, full of grace and appearing to smile. On either side were two angels of such great beauty that it is beyond imagining. I also saw, on the right hand of the sun, a man robed like a priest; he turned his back to me and kept his face looking towards the Madonna and Christ. All these things I saw, truly, clearly, and vividly; and all the time, in a loud voice, I praised the glory of God in my thankfulness. This wonderful vision remained before my eyes for just over an eighth of an hour, and then it departed. I was carried back to my wretched pit.
At once I began to shout out aloud:
‘God in His greatness has made me worthy to set eyes on His glory; on things perhaps never seen before by mortal eyes. So this proves my freedom, and my happiness, and my favour with God: while you, you villains, you shall always be villains, unhappy and in disgrace with God. Listen to this: I know for certain that on All Saints’ Day – the very day that I was born into the world in the year 1500, the first day in November, four hours after nightfall – on that day coming you’ll be forced to lead me from this gloomy cell; and you’ll not be able to do otherwise, because I’ve seen it with my own eyes on the very throne of God. That priest who was turned towards God and who had his back to me, that was St Peter, and he was pleading for me, ashamed that such brutal injustices should be done to Christians in his house. Tell anyone you like – no one has the power to do me further harm: and tell that lord who is keeping me here that if he gives me either some wax or paper, and the means to express the glory of God that I have seen, I shall make only too clear what he may now be doubtful of.’
Although his doctors believed there wasn’t a scrap of hope, the castellan remained with a sound mind, and the mad fantasies that used to trouble him every year had left him. His only concern now was over the state of his soul; his conscience was gnawing at him, and he was convinced that I had suffered and was suffering a great injustice. He sent the Pope information about the wonderful things I spoke of, and the Pope – like a man who believed in nothing, neither in God nor in anything else – sent back word that I must be mad, and that he was to do all he could to cure himself. When the castellan received this reply he sent to comfort me, and had me given writing materials, some wax and some little instruments for working on wax. His kind message was brought by one of his servants who was fond of me. This man was quite the opposite to that collection of villains who would have liked to see me dead.
I took the paper and wax and set to work: and while I was at it I wrote this sonnet, dedicated to the castellan.
If I, my lord, could only prove to you
That light eternal God Himself has shown
To me, in this base world, why then you’d own
That to my princely words all credit’s due.
And if the Pastor of Christ’s Church but knew
The vision of God’s glory I have seen –
These wonders, never shown to anyone
Before the dark world’s griefs are lost to view –
Then would the holy doors of justice move,
And impious Fury bound in chains would fall,
Shrieking to Heaven at her bitter loss.
If only I had light! My art would prove
An image of divinity, and then would fall
Away the heavy burden of my cross.
Next day when the castellan’s servant – the one who was fond of me – came in with my food, I gave him this sonnet written out: without telling those other vicious servants, who hated me, he handed it to the castellan. The castellan would have been only too glad to set me free, since he believed that the great wrong that had been done me was the chief cause of his own death. He took the sonnet, read it through more than once, and then said:
‘These are neither the words nor the ideas of a madman: rather, it’s the work of a good, worthy man.’
Straight away he ordered his secretary to take it to the Pope, to deliver it into the Pope’s own hands, and to beg him for my release. While his secretary was carrying the sonnet to the Pope, the castellan sent me lights, both for day and night, and also provided me with every comfort the place needed. As a result my general health, which had been at a very low ebb, began to improve.
The Pope read the sonnet several times; then he sent word to the castellan that he would very soon be doing something that would please him. And the Pope would certainly have let me go; but Signor Pier Luigi, his son, kept me there by force, almost against his father’s wishes. The death of the castellan was drawing near: and in the meantime I had been drawing and modelling a representation of that marvellous miracle. On the morning of All Saints’ Day he sent his nephew, Pier Ugolini, to show me some jewels. Immediately I saw them I cried:
‘This is the pledge of my liberation.’
At this the young man, who was rather dull-witted, said:
‘Never rely on that, Benvenuto.’
I replied: ‘Take your jewels away. I’m so badly treated here that the only light I see is what’s in this gloomy hole, and it’s not good enough for me to make out the quality of the jewels. But as for my leaving this prison, before th
e day is over you’ll be coming to release me: this must be so and you can do nothing to stop it.’
Then he left, leaving me locked in again. He was away for more than two whole hours. And then he came back without an armed escort, but with two boys who were to give me a helping hand. I was led into the large apartment I had had before (that is, in 1538),207 and I was given every comfort I desired.
A few days later the castellan, who was under the impression that I had been set free, stricken down by his terrible illness departed this life. His place was taken by his brother, Antonio Ugolini, who had given the dead castellan to understand that I had been released.
As far as I could make out this Antonio had been ordered by the Pope to let me stay confined in my spacious rooms until he told him what to do with me. Meanwhile, Durante of Brescia, whom I’ve already mentioned, plotted with that soldier – the one who had been a chemist in Prato – to mix with my food some substance of a poisonous nature, with a deadly but not instant effect: it was to take effect at the end of four or five months. They were planning together to put some powdered diamond into my food. This, although not at all poisonous itself, is so incredibly hard that when pounded it still retains its sharp edges. The diamond isn’t like other stones, which lose their sharp edges and become almost rounded, for it keeps its sharpness even when powdered. As a result of this, when it enters the stomach along with one’s food, in the process of digestion the diamond becomes embedded in the lining of the stomach and in the bowels. Then, little by little, as fresh food comes in and presses it forward, before very long the diamond pierces one’s inside; and the result is death. On the other hand, if any other kind of stone or glass is mixed up with one’s food it hasn’t the power to adhere, and so it passes out with the food.
The Autobiography of Benvenuto Cellini Page 29
