by Jewel E. Ann
After my cookie and hot tea, I found a comfy chair in the lodge by the fireplace and drifted off to sleep. Sue had our kids while I took a nap—a rare, yet glorious opportunity.
“Ma’am?”
I peeled open one eye, unsure of how long I’d been asleep—but it felt like quite a while. An hour or two? A man I vaguely recognized from Graham’s security detail stood above me, lips pressed into a firm line.
“Ma’am, I need you to come with me.”
“Where? Why?” I sat up straight.
“There’s been an accident.”
Sitting up straighter, I combed my fingers through my hair. “What do you mean accident?” I stood, leaning to the side to see past him, looking for Graham, Ronin, or Lila.
“I’m not at liberty to go into detail. I apologize. Governor Porter asked me to escort you to the hospital.”
Sliding my phone out of my pocket, I tried to call Ronin, but he didn’t answer. Then I tried Lila. It went straight to voicemail. And while I didn’t expect to reach Graham, I tried him anyway as I followed the man out to an SUV and climbed in the back as he held the door open for me.
“Evelyn …” Graham answered. “Did Barry find you? You … you need to get here.” That voice wasn’t my Graham Cracker’s, my best friend’s husband, and it definitely wasn’t the governor’s. The voice was too tortured, too broken, too insecure.
“Graham, what’s going on? You’re scaring me. Where’s Lila and Ronin?” I gripped my phone tighter as I gazed out the window at the busy late afternoon traffic on the streets of Aspen.
“She …” his voice cracked.
She.
Lila.
“Graham!”
“She got off course. I … I don’t know how. And she fell … Jesus, Evelyn … it’s like she fell off the side of the fucking mountain. It was so far.”
Biting my lips together, I swallowed hard as everything outside of the window blurred behind my tears. “Is she …?” I couldn’t say it.
“I don’t know. They’re working on her. She wasn’t breathing. Ronin did everything he could. They airlifted her out, and he went with her, straddling her, compressing her chest over and over. God … what if she doesn’t …”
The line went dead. I let my phone fall to my lap, feeling numb—frozen. Maybe it was a nightmare. Maybe I was still asleep at the lodge, and the man who resembled one of Graham’s security guards was an illusion. After all, Graham didn’t sound like himself. It had to be a nightmare, so I rubbed my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest, pinching the skin on my arm.
Nothing changed.
I was still in the same vehicle, staring at the back of the man who, in spite of my heart not wanting it to be true, was real.
Everything was real.
Reality fucking sucked.
The burly, buzz-haired blond in a black suit drove me to the hospital and escorted me to a waiting room on the fourth floor.
“Graham.”
He looked up from his hunched over position in the chair, slightly hidden by the two other security guys who stood with their backs to him. Graham didn’t look like an heir to one of the wealthiest families or the governor. Stripped of his tailored suit and a solid portion of his dignity, he looked almost unrecognizable to me.
Dark jeans with wrinkles like the anguish on his face.
Black snow boots.
Charcoal thermal shirt, half untucked.
Dark, sweaty hair that looked like his hands had tortured it a million times.
But the anguish on his face was most unrecognizable.
My friend was a pillar of strength and confidence, just like my husband—only Graham always had an aura of arrogance. That was gone. The only aura he possessed in that moment was one of devastation.
“Graham.” I shoved my way between the two security guards, dropping to my knees and hugging Graham’s defeated body.
He embraced me in a way he’d never embraced me before. It was desperate, fragile, and heartbreaking. “She’s in surgery.”
I nodded, gripping his shirt. We held each other together.
“Where’s Ronin?”
“They’re running tests on him.”
“What?” I released Graham, scrambling to my feet.
He grabbed my hands. “Something happened.”
“What does that mean?” I tried to pull away, to go find someone who could take me to my husband.
“He stopped breathing.”
I jerked my hand from his grip and cupped it at my mouth. “W-what?”
“They brought him back. Then he seemed fine. So now they’re running tests to figure out what happened.”
“W-was he injured too? With Lila?”
Graham stared at me, more like through me, completely unblinking.
“Graham!”
His gaze jumped to mine. “N-no …” He shook his head, a complete shell of his normal self, dazed and confused. “He wasn’t injured.”
I pulled my other hand away from him and shouldered my way between the two men again to find a nurse or anyone who could give me more information on Ronin.
“Can you help me find my husband?”
The nurse behind the counter glanced up from the computer. “What’s his name?”
“Ronin Alexander. He came in with my friend after a skiing accident. He’s ski patrol. He was trying to save her, but her husband said Ronin stopped breathing.” The words tumbled from my mouth without pause, leaving me breathless.
“I ordered some tests. We’ll have him in a room shortly.” A dark-haired woman turned to face me.
I homed in on her lab coat. Dr. Christine Allyn, M.D.
“Is he okay? Why did he stop breathing? Was he injured? Did he have a stroke or heart attack?”
Cancer. Brain tumor. Fatal infection.
Something wasn’t right with Ronin. I knew it in my gut since that first trip to the hospital. But that was years earlier. Surely if it were something like cancer or an infection, he would have gotten much worse. It didn’t make sense. Was he hiding something from me or downplaying what he perceived to be a random health crises that quickly passed without any apparent cause or explanation?
“He’s stable at the moment. We haven’t yet determined the cause of the incident, but we’re working on it.”
His. Heart. Stopped. Beating.
How was that an incident? A flat tire or tripping over uneven terrain on a sidewalk was an incident.
“What about Lila Porter? Has there been an update on her?”
The doctor narrowed her eyes. “I’m sorry. We’re not at liberty to disclose any information about her outside of her family.”
“Give her an update,” Graham’s monotone voice crept up behind me.
“Of course, sir.” Dr. Allyn nodded before returning her attention to me. “They’re working to stop internal bleeding and repair fractures in her leg. I don’t anticipate her being out of surgery for several more hours.”
My mind liked to visit places it didn’t belong, like trying to imagine how I would ever survive if I lost my husband, my best friend, and my mom in the span of a year.
Death.
Why did I go there? I guess internal bleeding and resuscitation opened the door to think the worst. While I didn’t always try to think the worst, I tried to prepare for it.
“If she doesn’t make it,” Graham whispered behind me.
I whipped around, grabbing his shirt in my fists. His security guys took a warning step toward me, but I ignored them. “Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that.”
I thought it because one couldn’t control their thoughts. But I never would have said the words aloud. That was in my realm of control. Putting those words out there for the world to hear made them too real.
“You’d be it, Evelyn. You’d be the only person I have left.” Graham didn’t cry, but I saw his unshed tears. I heard the weight of them heavy in his voice.
His only person? How could that be? He was the governor! Rich beyond words.
And surrounded by family. Arguing these points would have played into his notion that Lila wasn’t going to make it. I couldn’t do that.
And … I needed to find my husband.
Releasing Graham’s shirt, I turned back toward Dr. Allyn. “I want to know the second my husband is in a room.”
She returned an easy nod and kind smile. “Absolutely.”
Graham shadowed me as I paced the space between the desk and waiting room.
“A truce …” I shook my head. “An olive branch. I just wanted to make things right between all of us. How did it end like this? And …” I stopped, looking up at Graham. “How did she get off the run? Where were you and Ronin? I … I just don’t understand.”
His eyebrows knitted together. “We turned left after we got off the lift. Lila went right. By the time Ronin noticed she wasn’t behind us, it was too late. The run was closed.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It. Was. Closed. I … I don’t know why she ignored the signs … the fencing … but she did.” He sighed slowly and heavily. “She’s always said that rules were made to be broken.”
On a tiny headshake, I averted my gaze to the side. “After we got our first tattoos…” I twisted my wrist and ran my thumb over the carbon atom “…we vowed to break rules that held us back from really living.” Biting my upper lip, I grunted. “I’m going to have a serious talk with her when she gets out of surgery. It’s time to rethink that vow.”
“If she gets out,” Graham corrected me.
If …
“Mrs. Alexander?”
I turned toward Dr. Allyn.
“Your husband is in a room. You can see him now.”
“Want me to come with you?” Graham asked.
“Not yet. I need a minute alone with him.”
He grabbed the back of my head and kissed the top of it. “Okay.”
As I entered Ronin’s room, he forced a lopsided smile. “Evie …”
“What the hell, Roe?” I took his hand and kissed his face all over before nuzzling my nose into his neck just to feel his warmth, a reminder that his heart was beating, moving blood, facilitating breaths, loving me …
“How’s Lila?”
I sat on the edge of his bed, keeping a firm hold of his hand. “Still in surgery. What happened to you? What did they find out? Ronin …” My words broke as I lifted his hand to my lips. “Y-you stopped b-breathing.” I couldn’t stop my emotions.
“Shh …” He pulled our linked hands to his chest.
I rested my cheek next to him, counting every heartbeat.
“My heart paused for a few seconds. That’s all.”
“Don’t …” I squeaked out as more tears flowed from tired eyes. “Don’t downplay this. Someone has to explain this to me. What aren’t you telling me?”
“Am I interrupting?” Another doctor peeked her head around the corner, tucking her ebony hair behind her ear, revealing her perfect brown skin and kind eyes. “I’m Dr. Waters.” She held out her hand to me.
“Evelyn.” I released Ronin’s hand and shook Dr. Waters’ hand. “Please tell me you know what’s wrong with Ronin.”
She returned a slight grimace, hugging her tablet to her chest. “I don’t yet. Everything came back within normal range. We’re going to keep running tests and go over a thorough medical history, Ronin. We’ll continue to monitor your heart. If we don’t see anything abnormal, you can go home in a day or so. However, I’d like you to wear a heart monitor over the next few weeks. At this point, we don’t know what caused your heart to stop beating.”
“How can you not know?” I stood, raising my voice because we weren’t talking about a mysterious rash or a high fever.
He. Stopped. Breathing!
“Evelyn.” Ronin grabbed my wrist. “It’s not her fault.”
Dr. Waters rubbed her lips together, waiting for the right time to speak, or maybe she was searching for the right words to say.
“If this were your husband, your father, a son, or a best friend, wouldn’t you need to know? Wouldn’t you stop at nothing to figure out why this happened? How am I supposed to take him home with no idea if or when his heart could stop again? We have two children. They can’t watch their father die!”
She mirrored the anguish I felt—which was probably plastered to my face. I appreciated that, but it solved nothing. I had family and friends to offer sympathy. Dr. Waters needed to give me more. She needed to give me answers and solutions.
“This could be Long Q-T syndrome, a disorder with your heart’s electrical system. It’s rare, but clearly not impossible. Medications can cause this, but since you’re not taking any medications, I want to look into congenital Long Q-T syndrome. Do you know if anyone in your family has had this condition?”
Ronin shook his head. “Not that I know of.”
“Well, that’s something we’ll want you to confirm. In the meantime, I want to schedule an exercise stress test, and as I said earlier, have you wear an ambulatory monitor. If there’s a family history, it’s possible we can treat this with gene therapy. Again, more information about your health history and your family’s will help.”
“I’m calling your mom.” I reached for my phone.
Ronin narrowed his eyes, not looking at me or Dr. Waters. “Okay,” he mumbled.
“Why do you look confused? Or are you in pain?” I rested my hand on his arm.
After a few more quick headshakes, he gave me a barely detectable smile. “It’s nothing. Call my mom. They’ll happily help with my family health history.”
“I want to go over your health history again with you to make sure we’re not missing something.” Dr. Waters took a seat on a stool next to Ronin’s bed.
“I’ll go out in the hallway to call your mom.” I pointed toward the door.
Neither Ling nor Victor answered their phones, so I left a quick message to let them know something happened, Ronin was okay (even though I wasn’t convinced of that), and I needed them to call me back.
“How’s he doing?” Graham caught me just before I walked back into Ronin’s room.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean … fine, except for that minor detail that his heart stopped. And they don’t know why. Any news on Lila?”
Graham rubbed the back of his neck, dropping his chin to his chest. “Not yet. I demanded an update as soon as possible, but I have yet to hear from one of her doctors.”
“Well, you’re the governor and a Porter, so if they haven’t taken the time to give you an update, it must mean they’re busy keeping our girl alive. Right?”
“Yeah …” he murmured.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“Where are your kids?” Graham whispered around midnight as we waited for them to let us see Lila. She made it through a long surgery, and they were moving her to the ICU.
Ronin fell asleep a little before ten with me in his arms, facing Graham in the chair by the window. I couldn’t fall asleep, not with my hand on Ronin’s wrist keeping track of his pulse and my eyes on the heart monitor.
“You’re going to be a terrible father if this is how long it takes you to think about the kids,” I murmured softly to keep from waking Ronin.
“Not my kids.”
“Sue is staying with our kids. Do you think you’ll ever have kids to worry about?”
He leaned his head back, lacing his fingers tighter on his chest. “When I didn’t know if Lila and Ronin would make it, I thought I would be helping you raise Franz and Anya.”
I opened my mouth. Nothing came out. Where were the words to respond to him? Why did he say that? It made me mad, and at the same time it tipped my world on its side. Lila and Ronin weren’t dying. To be honest, I was shocked that Graham knew my kids’ names besides “buddy” and “princess.”
“I haven’t called my parents yet. I was scared to tell them about the accident until Lila came out of surgery. And now I just … I feel like it’s too late. I should wait until morning,” I said.
Graham lifted his head and o
pened his eyes, giving me a contemplative look. Of course, I didn’t have a response to his statement because it was ludicrous. He would help me raise my kids? How? As my friend? As their replacement father? As my new husband? It made me hurt all over. Any thought that involved a life without my husband and my best friend made everything inside of me ache. Maybe it was his way of showing his support. That was what friends did … they supported each other.
“Wait until morning. No need to wake them in the middle of the night. She’s out of surgery, and Ronin is sleeping. My parents aren’t coming until morning. Just … wait.”
I slid out of Ronin’s arms and sat on the edge of the bed. Running my hands through my messy hair, a soft chuckle escaped. “That’s so messed up. I … I feel sorry for you. For Lila. The reason I haven’t called my parents is because my mom is dying. I don’t want to expedite her death by making her worry about Lila and Ronin until I know for certain there is, in fact, a grave reason to worry. But your parents … they could have been here within an hour of you telling them. This is their daughter-in-law. You are their son. They should want to be here for both of you.”
“Not everyone has your life, Evelyn.”
I lifted my gaze to meet Graham’s somber expression. “Do you envy my life, Graham? I mean … my dad needed a new kidney, and my mom might not be alive in a year. We live paycheck to paycheck. My Jeep needs new tires, and my washing machine is ready to give out.”
“But if you called your parents right now … they’d be in their car on their way here,” he said.
There it was … Graham Porter had so much, but he didn’t have the things money couldn’t buy. He was right. My life was infinitely better. That made me sad for Lila. She deserved a family like mine. I wanted Graham and her to make the family they both didn’t have, but undoubtedly deserved.
“You can be so much better than your parents, but you’ll never have that chance if you don’t make your own family.”
“You can see your wife now,” a nurse whispered from the entrance to Ronin’s room.
I turned toward Ronin, smiling at his peaceful face, his soft brown skin, and his long, dark lashes resting on his cheeks. I had the best life. Ronin’s heart just needed to remember that and keep beating for me, Franz, and Anya. Before following Graham, I kissed Ronin on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
