by Jade Royal
“Well I do. I think you’re beautiful.”
Vanessa blushed and tried to look away. I pulled her face toward me and kissed her deeply. “Beautiful.”
“Now that we’re past that.” Vanessa rushed.
“But we’re not.”
“What else is there to say?”
“Angelica, she’s your best friend’s daughter, isn’t she?” The tears welled up in her eyes and she tried to pull away. I stroked her arm trying to get her to talk to me. “Hey, I don’t bite unless you beg me to. I think I deserve a bit of an explanation.”
During the night, I’d done plenty of thinking, and that was the only conclusion that made sense. There was a small sigh from her and then she nodded. She was silent for a bit, and I waited her out. This was something I wasn’t going to back away from. It was now that she needed to start to trust me with her secrets, or I was very willing to walk away. For any relationship to work, especially one with any BDSM elements, it needed a great level of trust from both partners.
“When Danielle and I were younger, we always talked about all the places we would go with our children. We knew without a doubt that we’d be godmothers to one another’s kids. So, when I was sixteen, she came to me and told me that she was pregnant. Even at that age, I knew that she wasn’t ready for a child. It didn’t matter to me. If she was pregnant, I would be there to fulfil my role as godmother. I was supportive, and as the oldest, I tried to protect her from the world.”
“You became Angelica’s godmother at seventeen?” Damn that was young.
“Yup! The day that Danielle went into labor, I was in class. Her brother called to let me know that she was in labor. I couldn’t get a hold of my parents to leave school, so I skipped out on my own. When I got there, I was rushed back because she’d refused to push until I was by her side. I’d caught a taxi and had gotten there just after she’d arrived.”
“Wow. That’s... you stayed in the room the entire time? I couldn’t imagine.”
Vanessa smiled. “I cut the umbilical cord and held Angelica first. You couldn’t have paid me to leave her side. I even fed her first. Danielle was too tired to do things right after. She held Angelica while I fed her, but she was half asleep.”
“So, she bonded to the two of you.”
“She did. I think that I was more addicted to Angelica than Danielle was. I saved all my allowance to help buy everything that Angelica needed. When I lost Danielle, they wouldn’t let me keep Angelica. They said I was too young to take custody. I talked to my parents to try to see if they would take her until I turned eighteen, but they fought me. They believed that she would take away my youth. They put her into foster care, but I was there daily with her. My parents thought that the need to take care of her would fade, but it only grew. I started cutting school to go to her doctor appointments and to spend more time with her. That’s when my parents decided to take custody. I promised to take better care of myself and her. I took parenting classes, and when I graduated school, I took custody of her. She’s been mine ever since.”
“Brave.”
Vanessa smiled. “I kept my end of the deal. I treat her just like she’s mine. I promised to love her unconditionally in that courtroom that day. I know that Danielle heard me, and I honor my love for her through her daughter.”
“How long was she in foster care?”
“About two months. My family had been first on the list for custody, so it was easy to get guardianship.”
I kissed her lightly. “Does she know?”
“Who?” Vanessa frown and tapped her nose.
“Angelica. Does she know that Danielle is her biological mother?”
Vanessa shook her head slowly. “No. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to tell her that story.”
Vanessa had confided a lot in the past twenty-four hours, so I didn’t press. I wanted to know how Danielle died, but now just didn’t seem fitting.
“Thanks for telling me your story, Nessa girl.”
“No, thanks for listening.”
“Will you think about being my girl? We can discuss the details when you’re ready.”
Vanessa smiled. “Yes, I’ll think about it. Are you disappointed that I didn’t tell you?”
“Disappointment isn’t the right word. I just wish that you would have told me so that I could have been gentler. Made it more... special.”
“It was perfect.” Vanessa kissed my cheek and then my lips. “Thanks for understanding.”
“Welcome, girl” I nibbled her lip and she moaned in approval as she wrapped her arms around my neck. Mmm... Reward time.
Trigger Warning
Please be aware that the next chapter includes the description of a rape scene. If you choose to skip this chapter, the story line won’t be lost. Proceeding to the chapter after is an option.
Chapter 14: Danielle
Tony was running late, and the booming thunder alerted me to the hell raising storm that was approaching. I rocked my knees back and forth impatiently. Maybe this was a sign that we shouldn’t be seeing each other.
We’d snuck out to see each other a few times, but I didn’t want anyone to know. He was a jock and I didn’t want to get into his drama-filled world with the cheerleaders and other football players around all the time. He kept pressuring me to let him tell people, but I wasn’t ready. I didn’t like the spotlight, regardless of what people thought.
For some reason, I’d been born with charisma and everyone thought that I was beautiful. Maybe some people loved to revel in that, but not me. It attracted all kinds of people, including the weirdos. Guys always came on too strongly and the girls were always envious. They could have my looks because I wasn’t interested in the trouble it could cause.
I looked at my watch again, noting that Tony was over twenty minutes late. I wish that I had a phone. It would make things a lot easier. My foster parents didn’t allow it, so I was forced to go without. I sighed, wondering if I should just go.
The first drops of rain fell just before the downpour. I squealed but I was a long way from where I needed to be so running wouldn’t do me justice. I’d have to track back through the wooded area in order to get to shelter.
My legs were freezing since Tony had asked me to wear a skirt today to school. He liked my legs and, though we didn’t talk to prevent suspicion, he’d watched from afar. He’d smiled my way twice. I pretended not to see, though he gave me goosebumps. Now I was regretting the decision and hustling to get back to the main street.
Halfway to my destination, I heard movement behind me. I turned to see nothing, but I increased my speed even more. Nobody should be out here in these woods alone, not even myself, but it was the quickest way to bus stop.
Just ahead of me, a guy stepped out onto the path I was on. I pretended not to notice him and kept moving but he yanked my arm as I was moving to pass him. I pulled away and that only seemed to anger his attempts. His face was covered with a mask and there was a hood over his head. I pushed at him and he pushed back, sending me backwards into tree.
Pain blasted through my head and I swayed on my feet. Dizzy. The trees spun in circles quickly and I held my head to make it stop. And it did when I faded into the darkness.
VIOLATED.
As I begin to feel again, the pain registered first. It was sharp and throbbed in my head and back. Then there was something else. Bile rose in my throat as I realized that the grunting wasn’t coming from a distance, but it was above me and the fullness I felt was from something foreign penetrating and withdrawing.
I froze. This had to be a nightmare. I refused to open my eyes and acknowledge that this was happening. The rain splashing my face was the truth telling me that this horror was real. I couldn’t hold back the tears, but I wouldn’t give him the power of hearing my cries. He was heavy, baring all his weight against me. I knew there was no way that I’d be able to get him off me. I prayed for this to be over quickly, but the sick bastard was savoring the moment.
Leaves crunched somewhere in the distance as he trembled above me. He withdrew, and relief flooded me just before the shame did. He didn’t touch me again and when I finally opened my eyes, I was alone. Mud covered my legs and, when I sat up, I ached all over.
Gingerly, I stood, but I couldn’t make myself move beyond the tree at my back. I cried silently, holding my mouth and preventing the sobs from echoing along the woods. Why had I waited the extra time? Was Tony behind this? Why would someone do this to me?
I pulled my panties up and the stickiness there made me sick to my stomach. Dry heaves turned into a full-blown vomiting marathon that I couldn’t seem to stop. Me. This was all my fault. If I hadn’t enticed whomever it was, this wouldn’t have happened. I pulled my skirt down, but my hips hurt. He’d held me there as he...
NO! I shook my head hard and bit down to prevent the words from forming. It never happened. I pulled my hood over my head and stood tall although I just wanted to shrink away into a hole. But, if he was watching, I didn’t want him to know that he’d broken my spirit. He had, but I couldn’t show him.
I stumbled down to the path I’d once walked. One foot in front of the other. I pushed forward and chanted “keep moving” as I moved along slowly. Everything hurt but I needed to get out of here. Darkness was creeping in quickly and I still had a long walk. There was no way that I was getting on the bus now. Not like this.
Isabella’s house was closer. I could get a hot shower there and clean clothes until the rain died down. Besides, it was safe there and I wouldn’t feel the pain.
Isabella answered the door and said nothing as she let me in. I knew I looked like crap and the rain hadn’t washed away all of the mud I was covered in. I walked past her, headed to her room, and grabbed some sweats before I went to shower.
I turned on the water and let the heat beat along my skin as I silently cried in a corner of the tub. Why me?
“Dani, you want something to eat before mom puts away the food?” Isabella yelled through the door.
“No!” I yelled back.
“I’ll bring you a plate to my room.”
What? I sighed in exhaust. I just wanted sleep. I didn’t want food. I needed to disappear forever, and eating wouldn’t help that. My stomach growled but I punched it to make it quiet. I continued hitting it until my eyes burned from the pain.
The water still ran dirty just like my skin and once I began washing, I couldn’t stop. I rubbed it raw all over, but the feeling of being filthy wouldn’t go away. I peeked out the shower looking for bleach or cleaner but found none in sight. I was still dirty. I could feel it on my skin and the soap wasn’t strong enough. I tried again with more soap and I clawed at my stinging skin.
“Dani?” Isabella called out to me. “Are you alright?”
I wanted to say no, but I couldn’t tell her. She’d know that it was my fault. Maybe she’d think I was a whore or that I was lying. No one expected me to be a virgin and now they wouldn’t have to. I needed to tell someone, but...
“Dani?”
“Yeah?” I wiped the tears from my face and washed away the suds from my skin.
“Are you coming out?”
“Yeah.” It was the only word that I could think of.
“I’ll be here when you do.”
“Yeah.”
I toweled off, but it burned my chafed skin badly. I put on the sweats that I stole from Isabella and put my hair into a ponytail. I looked at myself in the mirror, hating the person staring back at me. She was the reason. I was the reason. The small cuts on my face weren’t enough to destroy the beauty staring back and I hated that part even more.
“Why?” I whispered before my lips began to tremble.
I looked up toward the ceiling, pushing the tears back.
“No more crying.” I mouthed to my reflection. “You can’t cry because it’s all your fault.”
Resolved, I opened the door and put my ruined clothes into the trash before climbing into Isabella’s bed and falling into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter 15: Vanessa
Once I was home, I showered and began to prepare dinner. I’d spent most of the day hanging out with Master J. We’d talked a lot since I’d been sore when we’d finally gotten up. Mama said that I didn’t need to rush home since she’d sent Angelica to school. I did want to be home when she got back, though.
I decided on pinchitos, paella, and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I loved to cook for my family, and I wished I had more time to do it. I made sure that I cooked at least every Friday for them, though. I usually created a nice spin on things by preparing both Spanish and American cuisine. I tried to keep as much of my Spanish culture around as possible for Mama and Angelica. Mama missed her roots, and I needed to make sure that Angelica was raised with all parts of her heritage.
Three hours later, dinner was nearly complete. Angelica was the first to come home. She ran in the front door telling me about how great her day was. She had a permission slip for a field trip to take her to the pumpkin patch in a month, which reminded me that it was time to go costume shopping for my princess. Halloween was approaching, and she had yet to give me a clue as to what she wanted to be. I knew the information would come soon. Princesses had to be very prepared for their big debut.
“What’s for dinner?” Angelica asked.
“Pinchitos, paella, and chocolate chip cookies.”
“Yay! Can we have dessert first?”
I chuckled. “Not tonight, mi hija. Go wash up for dinner. Nana should be home soon.”
Angelica ran off to clean up and I set the table. Mama walked in looking exhausted from her shift. She worked part time on Tuesdays, Fridays, and some Sundays to help out. I’d tried to convince her several times that she didn’t need to do it, but she needed to stay busy.
I began putting the food on the table and waited for my two favorite people to come settle down with me. Angelica ran into the room and sat down at the table.
“Mommy, are we still going to play mini-golf tomorrow?”
I froze and closed my eyes. I was facing the stove which was away from Angelica. Pain boiled into anger easily. Her calling me “Mommy” felt wrong and disrespectful to her memory. Danielle had been stolen from Angelica. I could handle most everything except for her calling me mommy. The entire room grew quiet, and I knew that Angelica had realized her error.
“I’m sorry, Nessa G. I wasn’t thinking.”
I turned around with as much control as I could. “You know better than to call me that, Angelica. Go to your room. You’ll eat your dinner in there.”
Angelica stared at me with tears building in her eyes. “I said I was sorry.”
“Go, Angelica!” I warned. The anger that coursed through me felt foreign. I couldn’t seem to get a handle on it as it mounted within.
Angelica ran into her room and slammed her door. I stormed after her and opened her door. “It’s not enough that you are being disobedient but slamming the door is very disrespectful! You do not slam doors. I am the adult, and you are the child. You will respect me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Angelica was crying into her pillow, and I turned away from the sight. I never liked to see her cry, but I wouldn’t go back on my word. The sight of Angelica’s head buried in the pillow tore at my heart, making me feel horrible, but I had to stand my ground. She was too young to understand now, but she would when she was older. I needed to give us space for us both to calm down. I closed her door and almost walked into my mother.
“Dinner is ready, Mamá.”
“You know that you are all that she has. You’re her mother. You’re all that she knows.”
“I will not have her disrespect Danielle by calling me her mother. Danielle’s life was taken from her; I won’t add insult to injury by having Angelica call me such things.”
“Vanessa, you need to think this through. You’re always calling her your daughter or your princess. She deserves the same rights. You don’t need to carry the burden of Danielle’s deat
h. Let that child call you what she wants. You’re her mother because you walk in those shoes. She only knows you!”
“Mamá, no! I won’t have it. Now, dinner is ready.”
“I’m not Angelica, and you won’t disrespect me either. You need to figure this madness out, once and for all. I’ll eat my dinner in my bedroom.”
I sighed. This wasn’t going the way that I planned it at all! I was supposed to eat dinner with my family at the table without an argument. But this had blown up into something much bigger, and I wanted no part of it. I fixed their plates and brought one to each of them. I brought Angelica milk and stopped by Mama’s room.
“Mamá, what would you like to drink?”
“Coffee and a glass of water.” I did as requested and headed back to eat dinner alone at the table.
As I was sitting there, my mind drifted to my best friend and how much I missed her. I wished that I could talk to her about Master J. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she would say about the things that I was doing with him. When I tried to visualize the two of us as adults, it was hard. I just kept seeing that teenage girl that was so full of life. She probably would have been the same, but unfortunately, I’d never know.
I thought about how Danielle and I used to do so many things together; clothing shopping, homework, not to mention just hanging out spending time with one another. When she lost her parents, they threatened to send her up north to live with relatives, but her brother Melvin wouldn’t have it. She lived with a foster family until he could gain custody.
Then, when Angelica was born, and the system tried to separate them, they moved in with him, his wife, and his three children. Even when he found out that she was pregnant at such a youthful age, he was supportive. Danielle always helped around the house when she lived with him. Both her sister-in-law and brother worked during the day. So, when they came home, the house was always clean. She told me that they always seemed grateful, and that’s why she had no problem making it happen. Danielle wasn’t an angel, but she honestly always tried to make people proud of her.
