I sense what’s coming next. I feel it in my bones. And my groin. I’m engulfed from the inside out. He’s going to touch me there.
I want it.
I will it.
I silently beg for it.
Jamie’s hand abandons my hip and glides down the front of my thighs, inching toward the spot where I crave his touch most. Yes. Please. There. Don’t stop.
“Jamie.” The whispered word escapes my mouth softly. Faintly. Delicately. But his reaction to hearing his name on my lips isn’t.
His hands go for the backs of my thighs, and he lifts me so my legs wrap around him. I squeeze his shoulders tightly as he carries me across the room toward the bed.
“So fucking sexy.” His voice is gravelly. Masculine. Aroused.
He lowers me to the bed and together we fall with my legs locked around him. He pushes my hair off one shoulder, presses his lips to the exposed skin on my neck, and trails warm, wet kisses down my shoulder. “I can’t hold back. I’ve tried so fucking hard, but I can’t do it anymore.”
Can’t do it anymore? Does that mean he’s been fighting an attraction for me? Feelings? Maybe the same ones I’ve been having for him?
I want to say that I never wanted him to hold back. That I’ve been wanting this—him—so much. But I’m afraid to take that leap.
Jamie fists the hem of my dress and yanks it up so I’m exposed from the waist down. “Fuck, Ellison. I’d have lost my damn mind had I known you weren’t wearing knickers tonight.”
His palm glides over one of my cheeks and the tips of his fingers dig into my flesh. “Fuck. I shouldn’t be here. Shouldn’t be doing this.”
I’ve been fantasizing about Jamie and me—together this way—for months. Now that I’ve had a taste, there’s no way in hell I’ll let him talk himself out of it.
I grasp him tightly and hold on as though I’m on the edge of a cliff and could tumble off at any second. “You should one hundred percent be doing this.”
He presses our foreheads together. “I don’t have the right to touch you. You aren’t mine.”
He rolls away from me and I move with him. “Maybe not, but I can be.” I want to be.
He pries my arms off his shoulders and moves to sit on the edge of the bed. “No, Ellison, you can’t.”
What the fuck? “I don’t understand.”
“Putting my hands on you is wrong. It could hurt your chances for a good match if I taint you.”
Taint me?
Sin took Bleu’s virginity. I’m certain he gloated to his best friends about being the first and only man to ever have her. I hope that didn’t put unrealistic expectations about me in Jamie’s head. He will be sadly disappointed if he believes my purity remains intact.
“Jamie… I’m not a virgin and I haven’t been for a long time.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
His head drops and he laces his fingers together in a clasp over the back of his head. “You’re going to belong to one of my brothers.”
No. That’s not what I want.
“Fellowship men are possessive fuckers when it comes to their women. And females fall into three categories: fuck-worthy, claim-worthy, marriage-worthy. If we’re together—and anyone finds out—you’ll be tainted in his eyes.”
So the men can fuck around as much as they like but the women must remain pure? “That’s completely sexist.”
“It may be but it’s how things work. No one will come forward and make an offer for you if they know I’ve had you. I won’t seal your fate that way.” If only he understood how much I want my fate sealed that way. With him.
“Then make an offer for me.” I swallow hard before reaching for the hem of my dress and pulling it over my head. “Claim me, Jamie. Do it right now. Make me yours.”
“I can’t.”
I can’t. I’m stunned by how much those two words sting.
I scoot away and use my dress to cover my near-naked body.
Humiliated.
He twists and reaches for my arm but I jerk away from him as though I’ve been burned. Because I have been.
“I’m not saying no because I don’t want you.”
He knew he wasn’t going to claim me when he walked into my bedroom. He knew when he pushed me against the wall and kissed me the way every woman dreams of being kissed. He knew when he carried me to the bed.
He. Already. Knew.
“I don’t want to hear it. Just get out.”
“Please, Ellison. Don’t be that way.”
Is he kidding me? Don’t be what way? Pissed off? Damn right, I’m pissed off. “You knew you had no intention of claiming me, yet you kissed and touched me as if you did. I guess I should say thanks for not fucking me and then breaking the news.”
“At least let me explain.”
“What’s the point in explaining? Don’t want me? Can’t have me? No matter the reason, the outcome is still the same. I end up with someone who isn’t you.”
“You think it’s not going to kill me to see you with someone else? One of my own Fellowship brothers? To know he’s touching you… and more? Agony, Ellison. It’s going to be agony.”
Nothing is etched in stone. Not yet. “Do something about it before it’s too late.”
“You don’t understand how The Fellowship works. It isn’t that simple. You’re the sister-in-law of the Fellowship leader. You’re going to be new to the brotherhood and also high profile, making you a huge target. That means you have to be claimed by someone who can protect you.”
“You can protect me.” I have complete faith in his ability. A man who handled a gun like he was born with it in his hand raised me. I see that same second nature in Jamie.
“Medical school takes me away from home a lot. I wouldn’t be there to keep you safe.”
Temporary problem. He’s almost finished with his training. He could claim me now, and we could get married after he graduates.
I know it’s crazy to want to marry a man I’ve only known for nine months, and not even dated during that time, but I feel I know him. I’ve seen his kind heart. His gentle hands. The love he has for friends and family. He is a good man. I’ve never known anyone like him, except for my dad.
I’m in love with him. I would want him even if the circumstances were different.
“Once I take my place as the full-time Fellowship physician, I’m going to be called away in the middle of the night for hours at a time. I won’t always be home to protect you. You need someone who will be around to make sure you’re safe.” Does this mean he has thought about us?
This can’t be happening. He finally admits he wants this—us—after all this time and then immediately pulls away from me.
“I can protect myself when you’re called out on emergency. My dad was an FBI agent. He taught me well how to use a gun.” Maybe I can’t wrestle someone to the ground and choke the life out of them like Bleu, but I can handle any gun you put in my hand. Bleu’s not the only badass in the family.
“You’re going to need a man who will be with you at all times.”
It isn’t possible for any man to be with me constantly, especially a man in The Fellowship. “Sin doesn’t stay by Bleu’s side all the time.”
“Sin is our superior. Bleu and the babies have round-the-clock armed guards willing to give up their lives in place of their leader’s family.”
“It’s a firm no? You won’t even consider the possibility of being together?”
“I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you… so it’s a firm no.”
A dagger to the heart would be less painful that hearing him tell me we’ll never be together.
I understand Jamie wanting to keep me safe, but it doesn’t stop the ache in my chest.
Or this feeling of rejection.
The tears pooling in my eyes threaten to spill down my cheeks so I turn my head. I don’t want him to see me cry.
“Shite. Don’t do that, Ellison. I can’t bear it.”
&n
bsp; “Then you should probably leave.” Because there’s about to be some ugly-cry face.
He moves toward me—to do what, I’m not sure—but I’m the one pushing him away this time. “Don’t.”
“I wouldn’t hurt you for anything in the world. I swear I’m doing this for your own good.”
“You’ll never convince me anything about this is good.”
Five minutes ago I thought I was getting everything I wanted. I thought my future was no longer bleak. I thought I was finally going to be happy. And now… my heart is breaking in two.
I know because the ache in my chest is excruciating.
Chapter 1
Jamie Breckenridge
Six Weeks Later
I knock against the open door of Sin’s home office when he doesn’t take notice of me standing in the entryway. “Working on the weekend, aye?”
“Hell, yeah. Henderson’s case goes to court Monday and the prick has worked me into a corner with his fuck-ups. Evidence is solid. It’s going to be impossible to get him out of this shite. He’ll do time.”
“That’s too bad.” Douglas Henderson has a wife and two young children at home, one a bairn less than a year old.
“Fucking hardhead. He was told exactly what to do and how to do it, but he thought his way would be better. When are these wankers going to learn there’s a reason they’re given specific instructions?”
Sin motions with his hand for me to enter. “I need some good news. Come in and tell me about this epiphany.”
I’m not sure it’s fair to call it an epiphany. A scheme is probably a more fitting label.
“The siege has been on my mind a lot lately.” Almost constantly the last six weeks. But not for the reason it should be. I can’t stop thinking about the event that’s going to take place when it’s over.
Thane hasn’t been well, so our takeover of The Order has been postponed. Can’t go to war when your leader isn’t in top shape. I’m not happy my uncle has been ill but I’m grateful for the delay. The siege brings us closer to a final victory over our enemy, which is excellent for The Fellowship, but not good for the thing I want most in this world.
Time to set my plan into motion.
“No matter how well The Fellowship prepares, there are going to be gunshot wounds and lacerations to treat during the siege. It’s crucial I have a safe and suitable location away from the public eye to triage and treat our brothers. I’m going to need plenty of supplies, medication, and equipment. I think it’s time we consider setting up a place for me to practice. Not just for the takeover. A permanent location where I can treat the brothers. A Fellowship infirmary.”
Sin chuckles. “Already tired of suturing and digging for bullets by flashlight? I thought you liked the challenge, mate.”
I’ve stitched more patients on my sofa than any doctor should have to. Even a Fellowship physician. “It’s been a real joy but I’ve had my fair share. It would be good to perform medical procedures like I’m living in the twenty-first century.”
“Fair enough. Do you have a place in mind?” He didn’t shoot me down. So far, so good.
“I was thinking a detached house would be ideal. I could live there full-time, so I’d be available when needed.” I hope Sin doesn’t suggest a warehouse or commercial building.
“Makes sense. I like it.” Sin fetches his phone from his pocket. “Can you look at properties in the morning if Ani can work you in?”
Thank fuck he’s going along with my idea. “The morning will be fine as long as you make it after ten. I have plans.”
“Like sneaking out the door before some Fellowship lass wakes and wants you to stay and spoon?”
I wish. Except the woman I’d love to hold all morning isn’t a Fellowship lass. At least not yet. “I bet you do your fair share of spooning.”
“Believe me. I try. But one of the bairns puts an end to it every time. Never fails.”
Sinclair Breckenridge is getting cockblocked. Fucking hilarious. “What do you expect out of a six-month-old and three-month-old twins?”
I still can’t believe Sin let Bleu talk him into adopting an orphaned newborn when she was only a couple months away from giving birth to their twins. Three babies. Their life is crazy but I guess they somehow make it work.
“I knew it was going to be hard with three wee ones, but I thought the gods of shagging might have mercy on me from time to time.” Sin smiles as he points to the photo of his children on the desk. “See those three? They’re cute little buggers, but damn, they don’t sleep. At least not at the same time.”
“The gods of shagging aren’t treating me any better. My plans don’t include spooning with a lass in the morning. I’m having breakfast with Mum, Evanna, and Westlyn.”
“Not the kind of female company you prefer in the morning, aye?”
“Hell, no. Mum is driving me insane.”
My mum has been clingy since Dad died. I knew he was dictator of the family, but I had no idea how much he controlled my mother’s behavior until he was no longer around to bark orders.
“Torrie needs a diversion.”
“Agreed.” Mum’s growing more difficult to tolerate every day. “I’m open to suggestions.”
“A grandchild would do wonders for her.”
A grandchild? “You’d better be finding husbands for my sisters.”
“I wasn’t talking about them. It’s time you find your Mrs. Breckenridge and start working on a family.” Sin chuckles as he thumbs the screen of his phone and then brings it up to his ear. “Good mornin’, Ani. This is Sinclair Breckenridge.”
Fuck. I’m still trying to figure out how to get the girl I want. Without her, I’m not sure there will ever be a Mrs. Breckenridge or babies for me.
The next few minutes consist of listening to my leader work his magic with the real estate agent to secure an appointment, which she clearly didn’t have available when Sin initially phoned. I don’t think there’s a woman he can’t charm.
“Done. She’s working you in at eleven o’clock tomorrow.”
“Does your wife know how you use your wiles on other women?”
I hear a feminine giggle behind me before Bleu comes into the office. “His wife certainly does know. What poor woman has he charmed with his cunning craft this time?”
“Ani, our real estate agent. Dr. Breckenridge needs a place he can convert into an emergency room for treating the brothers. He has already tired of treating patients on a sofa.”
“A place to treat the injured after the siege.” Bleu sighs as she sits on the corner of Sin’s desk. “As much as I hate the thought, it’s a realistic and wise one. There’s going to be a need for such a place. It’s a clever suggestion. The Fellowship is lucky to have you anticipating these kinds of needs.”
I’m actually really happy Bleu came to the office when she did. My leader’s wife may be more help than she realizes. “I’m anticipating other needs as well. A converted and stocked ER will be worthless to me if I don’t have extra hands to help. I learned that all too well the last time we had a shootout with The Order.”
It was a damn mess. I was completely unprepared for the catastrophe of treating the injured in my flat with minimal supplies and equipment.
“It’s a good argument. Jamie’s only one person. No matter how skilled he is, he can’t be expected to do it alone. There will be multiple cases to treat at the same time so he’s going to need help.” Looks like I have the boss’s wife on my side. That can’t hurt.
“What about Lowry’s daughter? Dad granted her permission to go to nursing school last year as her contribution.”
She’s not the one I want. “Adaira volunteered to become a nurse so she could get close to me. It’s all about being claimed. The lass has zero interest in working.”
I’m a bastard for throwing Adaira under the bus, but Sin will ruin my plan if he chooses her to help me.
“Then I guess she’ll be no help.” The tightness in my chest relaxes.
&n
bsp; “The Fellowship has a very capable nurse with an extensive background in emergency and trauma. She even has some OR skills. A much better option than an inexperienced nursing student.”
Thank you, Bleu Breckenridge. Sin’s incredibly clever wife is making this too damn easy for me.
Is she purposely helping me? She and her sister are close. I can’t imagine Ellison not telling her what happened between us the night I drove her home from the babies’ consecration.
“All true. Ellison has a lot of hands-on experience. More than me, actually. The lass knows her gunshot wounds and how to care for them. She practically stood over my shoulder and told me how to treat Leith. Her knowledge and experience would be a true asset to the brotherhood.”
“Helping Jamie at the infirmary could be Elli’s contribution,” Bleu suggests.
“Ellison’s help at the infirmary would be short-lived. I have no doubt her mate will want her to stop working once he makes his claim on her official.”
I’m so fucking tired of hearing—and thinking—about Ellison’s claiming.
“True. Her husband won’t like her working there, but she isn’t married yet. Until that time comes, my sister can put her skills to good use for the brotherhood. She misses nursing. I’m sure she’d love to get back in on some excitement and gore.”
“Working so closely with The Fellowship is going to put Ellison in danger. She won’t be flying under the radar anymore. She’ll need immediate protection if she agrees to do this.”
Sin isn’t talking about assigning a guard to watch over her. Fuck. Everything will be ruined if a brother claims her now.
“Ellison can move into the infirmary as well. She’ll be safe there with me. It makes sense for her to live there anyway since I’ll need her to be available at all times.”
Sin is my best mate and leader. He’s highly intelligent and has a sixth sense for sniffing out bullshit. Can he see I’m on edge? Detect my deceit? Smell my fear?
“Ellison living with you could make for a problem with someone coming forward to claim her.” Sin’s right.
As long as Ellison is unclaimed, she’ll remain under Sin’s protection—the safest place for her. And out of the bed of one of my brother’s. I can’t say I’m sorry about that.
Complete Sin Box Set Page 71
