by Brenda Novak
Lorelei cleared her throat so her voice wouldn’t wobble. The fact that Reagan could be so understanding, could forgive her before she’d even asked, was so unexpected. It made her think of the unconditional love families often gave each other—something she’d always yearned for but never had. “Of course I do. More than anything. I used to lie awake for hours as a child, hoping that one day I’d learn what happened and why. But I owe Serenity a sincere apology,” she said. “And I owe you one, too.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” Reagan insisted. “And I know Serenity will feel the same. Just give her some time to cool off—and then let her know you’re sorry.”
9
reagan
REAGAN EXPECTED LORELEI’S daughter to appear at any moment. She doubted Lucy would sleep through the slamming of Serenity’s door. But all the travel, the change in altitude and playing so hard in the snow must’ve worn the little girl out because five minutes turned into ten, and she didn’t come down.
Lorelei had been pacing in the kitchen ever since Serenity left. “Should I go up and talk to her now?” she asked.
“Not yet.” Reagan had distanced herself from Lorelei at first. She didn’t need Lorelei’s judgment and condemnation coming down on her when she was already so angry with herself. But as she’d gazed at Lorelei, sitting across from her and Serenity with no baby pictures or other memorabilia, she’d felt such empathy.
She and Serenity had both had so much more than Lorelei, at least until Lorelei got married. And maybe after. Reagan had no idea what Lorelei and Mark’s financial picture had been like, but she could easily guess that if the marriage ended, Lorelei wouldn’t be too comfortable. Not if she didn’t have a good job to help cover the bills—and good jobs were difficult to come by after being out of the workforce for even a few years.
That Lorelei’s husband could do what he’d done, to someone who’d already been through so much, made Reagan angry. She’d always been high-spirited, and her mother had trained her to be a fighter, someone who’d dig in and, if she wanted something badly enough, keep slugging no matter what. She could never have survived her first few years at Edison & Curry without that rock-hard determination. The atmosphere had been competitive there from the start. Some of the people she’d worked with had done everything possible to undermine her, or get her to quit because they felt threatened by her.
She’d persevered, but she was used to being in the right. She could stand fast because she believed in herself and what she was hoping to achieve, which was why getting involved with Drew had thrown her for such a loop. While she’d met with obstacles before, her mother being the biggest at times, she’d never been pitted against herself. To be in the same boat as Mark—to be one of those people for whom she had no respect—made her wonder if she was really who she’d always aspired to be.
As much as she was tempted, she couldn’t completely condemn him. She refused to be that big a hypocrite.
“I feel so bad,” Lorelei said, pivoting once again at the counter.
“I know. But you’re going to get through this, just like you’ve gotten through everything else, okay?”
She sighed audibly. “If you say so.”
“What’re some of your earliest memories?” she asked as she picked up the photographs and other things to get them out of Lorelei’s sight.
“They all deal with foster homes. Parents who were briefly part of my life and then gone. Other children who passed through like ships sailing on the same ocean but going in different directions. It didn’t feel as though I could hang on to anything, to anyone, you know? Everyone seemed transient. Until Mark.”
Reagan winced at Lorelei’s words. “I’m sorry—on behalf of cheaters everywhere. I can’t believe I’m one of them. It’s humiliating.”
Instead of narrowing her eyes and pursing her lips, as she’d done in the car when this subject first came up, Lorelei’s expression revealed a hint of confusion and vulnerability. “Maybe you can help me understand why he did it,” she said. “I keep going around and around it in my head, trying to figure out what I did or didn’t do that made him want to cheat on me. But I can’t come up with anything, except letting Francine stay over so often. I wasn’t perfect, but I tried to be everything he could want in a woman. Our sex life was great—maybe not off the charts but certainly robust. Our house was always clean. I’m a good cook and had dinner waiting every night. I didn’t go out and spend a lot of money. I’m a caring mom. Isn’t that enough?”
Reagan hated seeing the tears in her eyes, hated knowing she was causing someone—a wife, like Lorelei—the same kind of pain. “I’m betting it had almost nothing to do with you.”
“How can that be? I’m the one who’s supposed to fulfill him. I’m the one he sleeps with at night, the mother of his child.”
Reagan slid her wineglass out of the way so she wouldn’t inadvertently knock it over. “Drew’s wife is probably a wonderful person, too, Lorelei. She didn’t deserve what happened to her any more than you did. I’ve met Sally. I liked her. And I have no doubt Drew cares about her. So why’d he get involved with me? It was just an inexplicable attraction—a few minutes of selfishness we couldn’t overcome.”
“You told me you love him.”
“I do.”
“Does he love you?”
“He said so.”
“Do you think it’s possible to love two people at once?”
“I do. Could that be why Mark did what he did? Is he also in love with Francine?”
Lorelei’s shoulders slumped as she considered the question. “It would make my decision easier if he was. Then I’d have to leave him. But he claims he’s not. He says he loves me, wants to keep our marriage together.”
“You don’t believe he’s sincere?”
“I’ve never trusted words. Actions are the only way to determine what someone is truly thinking and feeling, and his actions suggest the opposite.”
“I hate to say this, because I don’t want you to get the impression I’m minimizing what I did, or what Mark’s done, but it’s possible he just made a mistake. That he was confronted with something that...that got the best of him for a short time. That’s what happened to me.”
“How short a time? That’s the question. Was it only one encounter? More?”
Reagan felt so bad for Lorelei. As strange as it was to think of anyone as a sibling—after growing up with no siblings at all—she had two sisters now and wanted to connect with them in a meaningful way, even though they’d lost all their childhood years and it was much harder and more awkward now. “Has he said?”
“He claims it was an isolated incident, but now that I know the truth I can point to other things—comments, times when neither of them was available—that indicate it’s been going on for some time. A month, at least.”
“So he’s still lying.”
“I think so.”
Once again, Reagan suppressed the urge to get angry with Mark. “What does she say?”
“I haven’t spoken to Francine. I don’t want to speak to her. This is all too fresh. And if it has been going on for a while, I have to wonder if the only reason Mark told me is because of the baby.”
To Reagan’s mind, that didn’t make him seem too contrite. “He would have no reason to lie about who he wants to be with, though,” she said, trying to remain positive.
“I guess not,” Lorelei agreed. “But he could always change his mind. That’s the problem. It’s not just the baby that’s making it hard for me to forgive him. I’ll wonder from here on out, especially once the baby is born, if he’d rather be with Francine and his other child. I don’t know if I can live with that constantly hanging over my head. It’s soul-crushing. I had to put up with that sort of thing my entire childhood—feeling as though, if I wasn’t the greatest kid ever, my foster parents would take me back and exchange me for a better c
hild. I can’t face that as an adult.”
Despite the irony of the impulse given what she’d done recently, Reagan wanted to slug Mark. “I don’t blame you.”
“And yet I have to do what’s best for Lucy. If he’s really as sorry as he says, I don’t want to rip our marriage apart. Before all of this happened, we were happy. At least, I thought we were.”
Once again, Reagan tried to come up with a way to make the situation less upsetting. “Is there any chance the baby could be someone else’s?”
She shook her head. “From what he’s told me, there isn’t. Once the baby’s born, we’ll get a paternity test before we start paying child support, of course. But when Francine and her husband Allen split up six months ago, he moved to Arizona, where he’s from. I doubt she’s been with anyone else. As her best friend, I think she would’ve told me.”
“How does Mark explain what happened? What kinds of words does he use?”
“He says it didn’t mean anything to him. That being a father can be a heavy responsibility, and coming home to the same woman every night can seem confining. He was bored with his life and intrigued by having a ‘different’ experience—and she was there to provide it.”
“Bored?” This came from out in the living room.
They both looked over to see Serenity returning to the kitchen, and Lorelei immediately approached her. “I’m sorry,” she said.
Serenity waved her words away. “I overreacted earlier. It’s not a big deal. Let’s just forget it.”
“I can’t. What I did was completely uncalled for. I don’t even know why I picked that fight. I was just...angry and wanting to strike out.”
“I can understand why. Once I got upstairs and started to calm down I realized how much what we were doing here—” she gestured at what was left of the memorabilia Reagan hadn’t yet packed away “—must’ve stung. I’m sure it was a trigger for you. Like I said, let’s just forget it.”
Lorelei’s troubled expression didn’t ease. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather Lucy and I left?”
“And go back to Mark early?” Serenity said. “No! It’s bad enough that he said he was bored with his life. Even if there’s some way he could spin that to make it sympathetic, why didn’t he wear a damn condom when he was with your best friend?”
Reagan caught her breath at the mention of birth control. If she was pregnant, everyone would say the same thing—they would marvel at her stupidity and carelessness.
She was tempted to explain how an accident could occur, wanted to say that maybe the encounter was completely unexpected and happened too fast. But she was afraid that would reveal too much about her own situation.
“Claims he did,” Lorelei said. “He doesn’t know how she wound up pregnant. But that’s another reason I think they’ve been together more than once. I don’t see it as very likely that she got pregnant the first time they had sex, not if they were using a condom.”
Reminded of her encounter with Drew, Reagan’s stomach muscles tightened. Once was all it took, especially without birth control—which was what frightened her.
“Did she supply it?” Serenity asked drily, intimating that Francine might’ve wanted to sabotage Lorelei’s marriage by getting pregnant.
Lorelei grimaced. “I don’t know. Those were details I didn’t want to hear so I didn’t ask.”
“Well, I heard what you said to Reagan as I was coming down the stairs, and I’ll be honest. I don’t like what he’s had to say so far. There’s been nothing to make me believe he’s truly repentant.”
Reagan jumped back into the conversation before it could seem strange that she’d fallen silent for so long. “I agree. I feel like absolute shit for doing what I did. Where’s his contrition?”
“His explanation sounds like he’s only thinking of himself and not accepting any responsibility for what he did,” Serenity agreed.
“So I should leave him.”
Reagan was afraid to go that far. “If you do split up, does he have a good job? You once mentioned—in a text or something—that he works for a defense contractor, but I have no idea how much that pays.”
“He’s a propulsion engineer for an aerospace company. He has a good salary.”
“Then you’ll get enough child support?” Serenity cut in.
“Who knows? If we divorce he’ll also have another family to support.”
Serenity picked up the wineglasses and started to wash them. “He’ll have to support the new baby either way. It’s not worth staying with him if you’re going to be unhappy.”
“I’m not convinced I’ll be any happier if I leave him,” Lorelei said with a frown. “That might only make my life worse—because anything that hurts Lucy hurts me.”
A knock sounded at the front door.
When Serenity looked as though she couldn’t imagine who it could be, Lorelei said, “I bet that’s your neighbor, bringing back the shovel. I saw him clearing the walks earlier when I was out with Lucy.”
“Oh, right. Of course. Thank God I’ve showered,” Serenity muttered and, after setting the wet glasses on a dish towel, went to the door, leaving Reagan alone with Lorelei.
“I know you’re sorry for what you said to Serenity—”
“I am,” Lorelei broke in, but Reagan lifted a hand, indicating that she wanted to finish.
“But I owe you an apology. I feel terrible that, like Mark, I’ve given you a reason to distrust me.”
Lorelei seemed taken aback by her apology. “That’s really nice. Especially because I believe you.”
As they exchanged a smile, Reagan felt better than she had in over a week. Maybe everything was going to hell back home, but Lorelei’s response gave her hope that she might have the chance to redeem herself in her new sister’s eyes. As unpracticed a sibling as she was, she might still get the hang of it.
When Serenity came back into the kitchen, she had a funny look on her face—one that suggested she was both surprised and amused.
“Was it him?” Lorelei asked. “Was he bringing back the shovel?”
“Yeah. I left it by the front door, in case he needs it again.”
“So...what’s up?”
“He wanted to clear our walks, too, but by the time he finished his, he was too exhausted.” She smiled. “He obviously comes from warmer weather. If you’re not used to snow and haven’t done a lot of shoveling, you think it’s going to be much easier than it is. Just with what he’s done so far, he’ll probably be too sore to walk tomorrow. But he feels guilty about not being Superman and helping out the ladies next door so he’s invited us over for dinner.”
“All of us?” Lorelei asked. “Or is this a date?”
“It’s not a date. I told him I had my two sisters and my niece staying with me, and he said to bring you.”
“Is he over there alone?” Reagan asked.
“He was expecting his brothers to arrive today, so he made a huge pot of chili before he started to shovel. But something came up and now they won’t be able to get here for a few days.”
Reagan hadn’t seen the neighbor, but from the way her two sisters were acting, he had to be more than mildly handsome. “You mean he needs our help eating all that chili.”
Serenity winked at her. “Exactly. I didn’t tell him I’m a vegetarian. I’ll just eat the corn bread and anything else that doesn’t have meat.”
“So you agreed?” Lorelei asked.
“I did.” She gave them both a mock scowl. “We’re neighbors. I didn’t want to be rude.”
Reagan gestured at what was left of the memorabilia. “Should we talk about this later?”
“There’s no reason we have to stop,” Serenity replied. “We have a couple of hours before we’re supposed to go over. Dinner isn’t until six.”
“Actually, I’d like to take a little nap myself before Lucy wa
kes up.”
Lorelei could probably use the break. After that little blow-up and then the reconciliation, they all could. “We’re here for a week,” Reagan said. “Can’t we talk about it later, after Lucy’s in bed for the night?”
Lorelei’s face filled with relief. “That’s what I was thinking.”
“Of course,” Serenity said. She was the hard-nosed investigator, the most eager to find answers so that she could right her world, but Reagan was glad she could leave it alone, for now.
Once Lorelei left the kitchen, Reagan exchanged an uncertain glance with Serenity. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine. She’s been through a lot. I shouldn’t have been so sensitive.”
“You’ve been through a lot, too.”
“But, like she said, I’ve also had a lot to be grateful for. She had it rough when she was a kid, and now she’s married to a bastard.”
Reagan sighed. “I was trying to give Mark the benefit of the doubt, for obvious reasons, but...”
“But he’s using her insecurities against her. He’s got complete control because she obviously cares more about their child than he does. That’s why I couldn’t stay mad at her. She’s going through hell. I can’t blame her for acting out a little.”
Considering what she’d heard, Reagan had to agree. “Yeah, I got that impression, too. But we’re defensive of her, which makes us prone to assume the worst. We have to be careful. We could be wrong about Mark.”
Serenity pursed her lips as she weighed Reagan’s response. “I guess that’s true.”
10
lorelei
NOT ONLY WAS the neighbor tall and broad-shouldered, he had thick sandy-colored hair and beautiful amber eyes. They reminded Lorelei of Jason Momoa’s eyes in Aquaman. He was so handsome he made her feel...frumpy. After all, she was the only married sister, the only one with a child and she was twenty pounds heavier than Serenity or Reagan.
