by Mariam Gates
Exhale and release all of the air slowly.
Repeat. (If you don’t feel any effects yet, try three more).
THREE-PART BREATH
This is a great breath for regulating a full exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide in the body. It is also very calming.
Sit comfortably, and start by placing your hand at your belly with your thumb just underneath your belly button.
As you inhale, imagine bringing the breath all the way to your palm, and fill your lower abdomen.
As you exhale, release all of the breath.
Now bring your other hand just above your belly button.
Notice on the next inhale how you can move the bottom hand and then the top hand as you fill with breath. Exhale completely.
Take the bottom hand and bring it to your chest.
Feel on the next inhale how the breath moves into the lower abdomen, up through the torso, and into the upper chest. Exhale completely.
That is three-part breathing, and it is a great cure for nervous upper chest breathing that does not support your system to operate at its best.
RECLINING ABDOMINAL BREATHING
This is a very relaxing breath. Doing this for even sixty seconds can leave you feeling calmer and lighter.
Lie down on your back.
Rest one hand on your abdomen.
Breathe naturally.
On your next inhale, feel your whole torso fill with breath all the way down into your stomach so that your hand rises.
As you exhale, release all of the air. You should feel your hand move down.
Inhale, bringing the breath all the way into the hand and feeling it rise.
Exhale, releasing all of the air and feeling your hand sink down as your abdomen relaxes.
Try placing one hand on your chest as you breathe.
You should feel more movement in the hand on your stomach; that is what moves if you are taking full breaths.
AWARENESS OF THE BREATH
Inhale, and follow the breath in through your nose as it fills to expand your torso. Think to yourself: When I breathe in, I know I am breathing in.
Exhale, and follow the release of breath out through your nose. Think to yourself: When I breathe out, I know I am breathing out.
That’s it. That is using the breath as an anchor to the present moment, and it is available anytime.
Why think I know I am breathing in and I know I am breathing out? Isn’t that incredibly obvious? Well, yes and no. Are you present when you breathe? Saying it to yourself is a way to practice paying attention to what is happening in this moment, now.
OCEAN BREATH
In yoga specifically, practitioners often use “ujjayi” breath, or “ocean sounding breath,” to calm and focus in the poses. It can also help to clear your nasal passages. It is great for any time, but takes a little practice. (This breath is also sometimes called “Darth Vader Breath” for reasons that will be obvious as you try it.)
Begin practicing this breath by imagining you have a mirror in front of you. Cup your hand and hold it near your mouth.
Inhale, and as you exhale, fog the mirror.
Try that two times.
Now imagine that there is a mirror in the back of your throat.
On your next inhale, with your mouth open, fog the mirror at the back of your throat. (You will start to hear the beginning of that “ocean sound.”)
Try that two times.
Next, try making the fogging breath but with your mouth closed. It can seem a little odd at first, but after a bit you will get the hang of it.
Inhale.
Exhale.
FINGER BREATH
This is a useful exercise at times when you feel overwhelmed or frustrated and want to settle down. Notice if you feel impatient going through each breath. Just pay attention to that feeling—see how long it lasts as you focus on your breathing.
Clench one hand into a fist.
Squeeze it tight.
Now, take one deep breath in and one long breath out, and release your thumb from the fist.
Next, take one deep breath in and one long breath out, and release your index finger.
Take one deep breath in and one long breath out, and release your middle finger.
Take another deep breath in and another long breath out, and release your ring finger.
Finally, take one last deep breath in and one last long breath out, and release your pinkie.
REJUVENATING “WAKE UP” BREATH
This energizing breath works in seconds to make you feel awake! This breath involves three quick inhalations through your nose and a long exhalation through your mouth. It is very effective. Start slowly to get a sense of matching the breath and the movement, and then speed it up when you’re ready.
Stand tall, with your feet hip-width apart, arms by your sides.
Let your knees gently bend.
For your first inhale, bring your arms straight out in front of you, parallel to the earth.
Then inhale again as you bring your hands out to the sides.
Take your third inhale while swinging your arms up over your head.
Exhale and let your arms swing down as you bend your knees and fold forward with a long haaaa sound.
Repeat.
DANDELION BREATH
This breath is just like making a wish on a dandelion.
Cup your hand in front of your mouth.
Inhale through the nose.
Blow out through the mouth as if you could scatter all the dandelion seeds with one big gust.
Imagine that with this breath you are blowing away something that is making you tense.
Once or twice is great for releasing tension with the dandelion breath. If you feel light-headed, stop and breathe naturally.
PAUSE AND HOLD
Extending your inhale and exhale is a natural way to slow down and make sure you are giving your mind and body all of the oxygen needed. It is extremely relaxing.
Breathe normally for a moment as you prepare.
On your next breath, see if you can keep slowly inhaling for a count of four.
1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4
On the exhale, follow that same, slow count.
1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4
Repeat three more times.
LION’S BREATH
This breath is a great way to release anger or any other intense emotion. It is also very energizing.
Sit on your knees or in your chair.
Stick your tongue way out and lean forward, hands on knees.
Now take a deep breath in and then let it out forcefully, leaning forward, tongue out.
Say “Aahhhhhhh.”
Repeat two more times.
CHAPTER FOUR
Mindful Meditation
Sitting still and letting your thoughts come and go while you stay present for a period of time is another way to practice mindfulness. It is another way to train the mind to be here now. You practice paying attention when you are already still and quiet, so that you are better at being present (or noticing when you’re not) during the busier, more chaotic moments in your day.
Watching your thoughts is a weird concept. Usually you don’t think much about what is going on inside your head; it just happens and you respond. Scientists claim that a person has about 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day. As you have seen, a lot of those are on a kind of auto-loop—worried or frustrated thoughts about the same things over and over, planning the same things over and over, etc. There is necessary, helpful thinking, and there is a whole lot of thinking that probably does not serve you.
You can react to your thoughts like a dog chasing its tail with no end,
or you can learn to let thoughts move through and to note them without becoming lost in them. They can seem very real, but still they are just thoughts. The more you practice meditating, the better you get at watching them come and go.
Seated meditation is a skill that requires honing. In soccer or volleyball you might do passing or serving drills; you work on one specific skill so you are better at it during the game. Well, sitting quietly and noticing your thoughts is the skill in this case; everything else in your life is game time.
Researchers at Harvard University found that meditating has a positive effect on the brain even when subjects are not meditating. People who regularly spend time in meditation show increased brain capacity for memory, empathy, focus, and the ability to “turn down” distractions.
In meditation, you sit still and notice as your thoughts come in, and then you let them move on through without holding on to them. It is like being on a train platform, with your thoughts arriving and departing the station all day long. When you are sitting still in meditation, you are working on letting them depart without you. You will find that often you get on one of the “thought trains” without realizing it and you’re speeding along to a new destination. Then, gently you notice and return to the platform. Your thoughts will continue to arrive; you are practicing hopping on fewer of them.
Try It
Being Still with Skill (Three-Minute Meditation)
Set a timer for three minutes.
For all of the Try It and Tool Kit exercises in this chapter, read the instructions in advance so that you can then close your eyes while you try them.
Find a comfortable way to sit. You are upright, but not tense and rigid. Not trying too hard, but also not trying too little.
Close your eyes and notice your breathing. Don’t try to change anything about it, just breathe naturally in and out.
Now start to lengthen your inhale and your exhale. And as the next breath comes in, count 1 in your mind. On the exhale, count 2.
For the next breath in, count 3. On the exhale, count 4. Pay attention to taking a long breath in and letting a long breath out.
Keep counting each breath until you get to 10. Then repeat the count.
If your mind wanders before you get to 10, simply notice that it happened and begin again at 1. (It is more accurate to say when your mind wanders.)
Getting to 10 is not the goal; bringing your attention back to the breath is. That is the practice.
When you hear the timer, slowly open your eyes.
It is perfectly fine if you only noticed once during the three minutes that your thoughts were wandering. Some people never notice, so doing it even once is great. To stay in seated meditation definitely requires patience and a calm and kind acceptance of whatever is happening. It takes a lot of practice.
Any discussion of seated meditation has to include talking about being uncomfortable. It is normal to be physically uncomfortable, particularly if you try it for longer periods. It is also normal to be uncomfortable with your thoughts.
Physical Discomfort
While sitting in meditation you are trying to find a balance of effort and ease. You want to sit in a way that requires some effort (perhaps not leaning back against a couch, for example) but also allows a feeling of ease throughout your body. You want to be in your body in a way that is similar to the calm and awake approach of mindfulness and the firm but relaxed approach of yoga. Imagine (or actually take) a piece of paper and crumple it up in your hand. Really squeeze it tight. If you held it like that for a while, the pointy parts of the paper would press into your palm and it would become uncomfortable. Then imagine (or try) putting no effort into it so that the crumpled piece of paper just falls to the floor. What you want to find is the right amount of effort in which you are not holding too tight or too loose. You are holding your body the way you hold that piece of paper. You are not letting it fall, but also not crushing it tight. That is the amount of effort you want to bring into your whole body as you sit. Even if it is just for one minute.
Try It
Effort and Ease
Right now, find the seated position that is best for you. You can either sit on the floor or on a chair. You will be less likely to fall asleep if you can engage your body in this simple way:
Imagine there is a string attached to the top of your head, pulling you toward the ceiling and lengthening your spine. Gently roll your shoulders back so your chest feels open and not constricted in any way. You are using your muscles to be upright, but you are not tense. Imagine that crumpled piece of paper. Find that middle point.
You want your hips above your knees for maximum comfort, so if you are on the floor it may make sense to sit on a cushion or pillow (or several). You may also need to put a blanket or cushion under your calves to make your knees feel more comfortable. A chair is also a great option and limits knee strain.
If you are physically uncomfortable while meditating, it is fine to shift a leg or find a new way to sit. It is common have a foot fall asleep. Just figure out what works for you.
Now, see how well this position works for you. Follow the steps of the three-minute meditation on page 106.
Mental Discomfort
For most people, getting still and paying attention to what they are thinking doesn’t initially feel so great. At first it can actually be the opposite of relaxing to be aware of your thoughts. Most likely you will notice a lot of the regular habits of the mind (negative, stuck, and distracted) come up quickly. You may find that you are rehashing something frustrating that happened with your brother earlier in the day. Or that you are feeling nervous about a math test that is coming later in the week. You may find that you’ve just redecorated your room in your mind or created a packing list for your camping trip.
The good news is that this is kind of the point. You get better at noticing those patterns of discomfort and distraction in your thinking, and then they don’t have so much power over you. When you are on auto-pilot, those thoughts run the show from the background. Without awareness, you react to thoughts and feelings you may not even realize you’re having. This is where meditation is so helpful. You get to see those habits and patterns very clearly.
You are working on new habits and behaviors. When you are in a class, for example, you have learned how to act. If something funny happens while you’re taking a test, you don’t burst out laughing; if you are hungry, you don’t rush out to get food before the bell rings. In meditation, you are learning this same kind of impulse control and delayed gratification to manage how you react to your own thoughts. But instead of following a teacher’s rules, you are making choices that impact how you yourself feel.
So, if it feels uncomfortable to pay attention to what you are thinking without just reacting, you are actually right where you should be. It is challenging for everyone, and it does get easier with practice. It can be hard to tell the difference between mentally working out a solution to an issue and just repetitive worry. Even short amounts of time spent being quiet help you feel the difference.
But sitting still even for three to five minutes may feel boring or irritating at the beginning. You may find yourself wondering “what’s the point?” Again, you are not alone. This is probably the most common response to meditation early on. It feels so counterintuitive to “do nothing.” We always think we should be doing, and yet being has many proven benefits. Studies show that time spent in meditation supports the brain’s functioning in the way that sleep does for the rest of the body. It improves your ability to think creatively, have a positive attitude, and even multitask effectively.
Naming Thoughts
Meditation is not a tool for stopping your thoughts. Instead, it is a way to develop a better understanding of the way your mind works. The skill you are developing in meditation is the ability to “come back” when you realize your mind has gone a million miles away. When you are meditat
ing for even short periods, it can be very helpful to use the tool of naming, or labeling, thoughts. Imagine you are on the side of a river, watching boats go by. (This is similar to the image of the trains in the station.) The boats are your thoughts, and as they pass, you name them. You see them for what they are, label them, and let them go. The boat of planning, the boat of worry, the boat of boredom, the boat of doubt, etc.
You are not making a big deal about any of them. You are just seeing them for what they are—thoughts—and letting them move on by. Many of them may just be labeled THINKING. Don’t worry about getting the labels right; just noticing each new thought is the idea.
“This isn’t working.” (Doubt)
“I have to call Noah.” (Planning)
“I think I left my shirt at Ella’s.” (Worry)
At times, you will get on one of the boats for a while. That is fine. Whenever you realize you are drifting away in a thought, just name it and let it continue on down the river. (It doesn’t matter whether you use boats, trains, clouds, or just words in your mind. Choose an image that works for you.)
Try it
Naming Thoughts
Set your timer for two minutes and get into a comfortable seat. Close your eyes. (Remember your balance of effort and ease and the crumpled paper.)
Take a deep breath in and let a long breath out.
