by A. m Madden
The minute we got into bed, I crushed my lips against hers, needing a physical connection. The kiss progressed into a slow, erotic one. My hand skated over her belly in a possessive hold of her and my baby. When a sexy moan slipped from her mouth into mine, I nearly lost my shit. Tempting me on all levels, she was half naked in only a pair of panties and my T-shirt. And it wasn’t only her body I wanted to love but also her soul. With each kiss, each touch, and each look, Jade Easton managed to turn my feelings into a living, breathing thing.
She now knew I loved her, and she loved me, but that “but” of hers still hung heavily in my mind. I needed to trust in our connection and hope whatever it was that held her back would work itself out eventually.
“I had a really good dream last night,” she said as I nuzzled the smooth skin below her ear.
“Tell me about it.”
“You and I were walking through Central Park. It was spring, and the trees were in bloom. Tons of people were out and about, some with their children. You were pushing a carriage, and the most adorable little boy with brown hair, green eyes, and dimples just like his daddy pointed to things while babbling in baby talk. Each thing he pointed to followed with you identifying the object. It was so vivid and so real.” She swallowed, but then a spontaneous smile spread over her lips. “Then it got really weird. You led me to the sea lion exhibit. Smack in front of it were velvet ropes surrounding an elegantly set table as a tuxedoed server complete with white gloves stood beside it. He lifted a silver cloche and revealed a steaming heap of mashed potatoes on a white china plate.”
I chuckled at the last part. “It sounds like a wonderful dream. And maybe it will be a little boy who looks like me or a little girl as gorgeous as you, but come next spring, God willing…that dream will be our reality.”
“Will it, though, Max?” The way she wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me so tightly forced the need to peel her arms away and search her eyes.
“Talk to me.” Here it was, the but that I stopped her from explaining before.
She lifted a shoulder toward her ear. “I don’t know. Being here in Miami, seeing this part of your life has been wonderful. But it also has made it harder to imagine what our relationship will be like after the baby comes.”
“We’ll figure it out,” I was quick to reply.
“What if we can’t, Max?” Her brown eyes now searched mine, and the doubt I saw in them both crushed me and scared me.
“You can move in with me,” I blurted out. As much as I couldn’t wait for our baby to arrive, I craved spending every possible moment alone with her.
“Wh…what?”
“I know it sounds quick, but really, is it? I hate being away from you at all, but when I am in New York, why shouldn’t we be together as much as possible? When I’m there, I don’t want to miss a thing you experience. I want to tuck you in at night, be the first thing you see when you open your eyes in the morning. Whenever I’m home, I want you with me.”
She stared at me wide-eyed. “And if you hadn’t said whenever I’m home or whenever I’m in New York, it could be something we’d consider down the road, Max. But that doesn’t change your absence.”
I wanted to say that could be solved if she took time off from her job. I wanted to plant the seed, hoping she’d agree it made perfect sense. I could support her and the baby. But I had no confidence she would agree and less confidence she wouldn’t fight me on it. So instead, I argued, “People have long distance relationships all the time.”
“Max…” she said with a resolute shake of her head. I could see her wheels turning, preparing an argument in true lawyer fashion.
Not wanting to ruin our last night together, I kissed her forehead softly. “You don’t have to answer me now. Take your time and think about it.”
While playing with her hair, she remained silent for a far too long until she suddenly looked up at me and said, “Max, I think I want to know.” At my lifted brow, she elaborated, “The sex of the baby.”
“Why now, all the sudden?”
“My dream. I want to know, and I wanted to be with you when I opened that envelope. Is that okay?” Before I could respond, she slipped off the bed and rummaged through her suitcase. She returned with the envelope Dr. Laramie had given us and held it out toward me. “But if you don’t want to, I’ll wait.”
I took the envelope and pulled her onto my lap. “Of course I want to.” We both stared down at the envelope until I asked, “Ready?”
She nodded quickly. “Ready.”
My fingers trembled as I peeled open the flap and pulled out the piece of paper containing the answer we wanted to know. Holding it so we both could read at the same time, I knew she saw the result by the tiny gasp that escaped her lips.
The image of Jade holding a boy with big brown eyes like hers practically brought me to my knees. Words failed me. I couldn’t get them past the lump lodged in my throat.
“A boy,” she said. “Just like in the dream…”
I moved my free hand to cup her face then stared into her eyes, into her soul. Her attention fell to my mouth as her tongue skimmed over her bottom lip. I couldn’t hold back any longer and brought my lips to hers for a slow, deep kiss.
She started trembling, and I pulled back just enough to see her.
There were always moments in your life you’d remember forever. Sitting there in my bed, with Jade in nothing but my T-shirt, I knew without a doubt I’d never forget the timorous look on her face.
Brad and Nate had decided to stay a few days longer, and I was glad they did. I welcomed the distraction and desperately needed someone to talk to. We had spent most of the day at the gym and were now having dinner at a trendy place around the corner from my apartment.
Deciding to sit outside and enjoy the balmy evening, a few women gawked as the hostess led us to a table. Seeing three grown men who looked identical always stopped people in their tracks. Of course, Brad smiled back, winking at a pretty blonde just as Nate rolled his eyes.
When they both sat across from me, Brad studied my unshaven face through narrowed eyes. “What?”
“You look like shit, man,” he said with annoyance, like my appearance would hamper his perfection. “You’re bringing down our hotness factor.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been busy.”
The waiter came by to take our drink and dinner orders. A few minutes later, he deposited our beers.
“So, how does it feel to be a dad?” Nate asked before tipping his bottle to his lips.
“It’s kind of strange. I’m consumed with moments of panic, worried she’s not okay or needs something.”
“I suspect those moments will go on for the next twenty or so years,” Brad said with a smirk. “And soon you’ll have double the worry.”
“Yes, thank you for the reminder.”
He chuckled at my sarcastic eye roll. “How’s it going with Jade?”
“It’s complicated.”
“We couldn’t tell by your brooding or anything,” he admitted. “Your woman leaves, and you slip into Max the Mope.”
I glanced at Nate, who contributed a shrug. “You are in a mood,” he said.
“I miss her.”
Brad raised a fist to his mouth and barked out a pretend cough disguising the word, “Wuss.”
“What’s the problem?” Nate asked, narrowing his eyes and waiting me out.
Ignoring Brad, I focused on Nate to gain the advice I needed. “I know she loves me, and I love her, but I fear she’s so wrapped up in her head about my life here in Miami that it might ruin things between us.”
“You can’t blame her for that,” he was quick to defend.
“I’m not. I think I made a mistake by asking her to move in with me.”
Brad’s bottle remained suspended a few inches from his lips. “Why would you go and do that?”
“I hate being apart from her,” I admitted easily. “I really wanted to suggest she take some time off from the firm and be with me in New York and Miami.”
“Why would she take time off from work?” Nate was next to question with an incredulous look. I went on to explain how she lost the big account that would have made her partner because of time sensitivity and her due date.
“She’s pretty much out of the running and wants to move to another firm once the baby comes. It’d be the perfect opportunity for her to take time off, be with the baby, be with me. I’d support her while she figured things out.”
“Max to the rescue again,” Brad said with a smirk. “You want my advice?”
“No.” He flipped me the bird when I turned to Nate. “What do you think?”
“That your plan isn’t going to help her issues, Max. She needs to be comfortable with your situation as is. Your suggestion would only be a temporary fix, and in a few years, nothing would have changed in your dual life. So, then what?”
Then I’ll marry her, and our problem will be solved.
But if I voiced that, my pragmatic brother would think I had lost my mind…and my man-whore brother would think I lost my balls.
“You can’t fix everything, Max. If you love her and she loves you, you need to trust that and let her work things out on her own. I’ve seen way too many marriages implode because one of the parities tried to play the hero.” He drained his beer and placed the empty bottle on the table beside him. “I can tell by your expression you’re not loving my advice.”
“Yeah…I’m not loving your advice,” I concurred.
“Look, I can see what you two have. Having gotten to know her a little, I get it.” My brother paused before adding, “Even with Mia now in your life, Jade is supportive. If I could see it come through during such a fucked-up situation, it must be something pretty spectacular.” Brad continued to remain uncharacteristically quiet while I struggled to even respond. “Anyway, from where I see things, you guys will be just fine. Trust me, I have the right to claim that.” The surprise on my face caused him to chuckle. “What? I’m not always a cold-hearted bastard.”
“Most of the time, you are,” I touted.
“He’s right,” Brad piped up. “You lead a very sad life.”
“Screw you. I like my life. Every time I win a case and some poor sap is handing over half his assets, it reminds me how great my life is.”
“Lonely. You mean how lonely your life is.”
Nate scowled and folded his arms. “You’re one to talk.”
“I’m not lonely,” Brad countered. “In fact, just a few days ago, my two hot, sexy neighbors and I—”
“Spare the details,” Nate said, cutting Brad off with a palm in his face.
“Before you so rudely interrupted, all I was going to say was we had dinner,” Brad wisecracked, but the look on his face said they did much more than eat food together. Of the three of us, Brad’s moral compass malfunctioned somewhere between puberty and young adulthood.
Meanwhile, I felt no better than before we had this little heart-to-heart chat.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Max
A few days after Thanksgiving, I had gotten a surprise phone call from Jade’s sister, Sapphire. She and her mother were planning a baby shower and wanted to know my schedule to ensure I’d be there. When I gave her the one weekend that I could swing a trip back home, you could hear crickets filtering over the phone line.
“Okay, we’ll make it work,” she finally said before asking for my mother’s number and informing me that my only job was to get Jade there on time.
So now the shower weekend had arrived, and I’d be in New York for three days. During those seventy-two hours, besides Jade’s shower, I had to get all my personnel changes at the gym signed off on and implemented, and Jade and I would be celebrating our Christmas early, since I wouldn’t be here for the actual holiday.
I was excited to see Jade, but leaving Mia crushed me. Since her birth, I’d seen her every day for the past three weeks. The first days of a baby’s life could be very intimidating. What I hadn’t been prepared for was the bonding that occurred with my daughter despite my insecurities over being a father.
My own father had set the bar pretty damn high. He was an amazing dad to the three of us, and I had no confidence I could live up to that role.
Granted, a baby didn’t care if you struggled to fasten a diaper or worried that burp wasn’t coming. They just existed and depended on you to do so, all while staring in your eyes and melting your heart. But at what age would Mia realize I wasn’t there for her every day? When would it hit my daughter’s conscience that her father had to split his time, and when it did, would she resent me?
As much as I struggled with disappointing my daughter, I looked forward to spending the same quality time with my son. I already cleared my schedule the entire month of March, planning to spend every minute of it with Jade and the baby. Would Mia realize I wasn’t there?
And once April came, when both my kids would have my heart, I had no fucking clue how I was going to navigate my life.
In a perfect world, I’d be moving Jade into my Miami apartment next month, she and my son would live in Florida, and I would make a quick trip back north every six or so months, avoiding winter.
But everyone knew there was no such thing as a perfect world.
I traveled straight from the airport to my apartment. The frigid temperatures and annoying holiday traffic made being back oh so fun. Amy needed their apartment for baby shower prep, so I had to make up a story about an important delivery I expected to get Jade to stay at my place while I flew home. Once I landed, I feigned annoyance when she confirmed the delivery I lied about never came.
It was after eleven p.m. by the time I got home, finding Jade asleep on my couch, wearing a tight yellow T-shirt that molded over that sexy belly and light gray sweatpants. Her hair was pulled up, and a few wispy layers fell loose to frame her face.
When I leaned down to kiss her cheek, I could smell the vanilla that I knew came from the lotion she used, mixed with the scent of citrus that I knew came from the body wash in my shower.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled sleepily. “Hi.”
“Sorry, it’s so late.”
“No worries. I had a nice nap, and I’m feeling very relaxed.” I held her face and kissed her softly. That didn’t last long when our mouths immediately jumped into their familiar reaction. Her fingers gripped my wrists in a desperate hold until she pulled away with a smile, breaking our connection. “You must be exhausted.”
“No, I’m good.” No sooner had I lifted her enough to settle on the couch with her head on my lap when her cell buzzed with a text, and then a second buzz, a third, a fourth, and finally a fifth. “Someone is trying to reach you.”
Jade reached for her phone and groaned as she read what appeared on her phone. “Amy.”
“Everything okay?”
She flipped it to reveal the five texts.
Amy: Is your man home yet?
Amy: I’m crashing at Will’s.
I knew this was a lie.
Amy: I hope you’re riding that fine man.
Amy: Multiple times.
Amy: Make up for lost time.
“She’s too much,” Jade said.
“If you ask me, she’s brilliant.” After she resumed her position on my lap, I ran my fingers through her ponytail. Reaching for her hand, I entwined our fingers and rested them on her belly. “And we owe her for signing you up for that contest and my brother for rigging it.”
“Yeah, let’s not tell them that, though.”
“Amy and Brad may have connected us, but it was most definitely the universe that had you crashing into my life that night.”
“Oh yeah. Was getting pregnant because of f
aulty condoms part of the universe’s grand plan, too?” she teased. Then she suddenly sucked in a quick breath while sliding our hands across her belly and repositioning mine beneath hers.
“What’s wrong?”
“The baby kicked. I’ve felt flutters before, but this was a definite kick.” Sure enough, a subtle nudge pressed against my palm. “See? Did you feel that?”
“I did!” It was amazing, profound.
The way Jade’s eyes shimmered with emotion and her smile lit up her face stole my breath. Just before our lips touched, she gasped, and another tiny nudge once again hit the center of my palm.
“This is amazing.” I spread both palms over her bump, waiting anxiously for it to happen again and knowing I’d never forget this moment.
While I busily kept moving my hands over her belly to capture another kick, she said, “I had another very vivid dream.”
“Was this one a sex dream?” I asked before giving her a wink. At her eye roll, I chuckled. “Okay, tell me about this new dream.”
“We were in your apartment having dinner. Through the monitor, we heard the baby crying.” I loved that she subconsciously had us in my apartment having dinner. “You kissed me and said, ‘Sounds like Michael’s up,’ before walking down the hall.”
Since we hadn’t discussed names yet, hearing her offering to name him after my father caused my throat to tighten with emotion. I immediately envisioned my father grinning at me, my mother tearing up, and it warmed my heart. “Michael, huh?”
“Yeah. I guess now that we know we’re having a boy something is telling me to name him after your dad. I kind of like it.” While my eyes shimmered with emotion, hers sparkled with excitement. “What do you think?”
“I think I love you so much.” I took yet another opportunity to lean closer and kiss her soft parted lips. “That would mean so much to me. Thank you. We can use your dad’s name as his middle if you want.”
“I love that idea.” Her lids slowly closed and reopened with a sense of calm. “He will, too.”
