by Lilly Wilder
Her words calm me down. She’s right. It’s these silly pregnancy hormones. The guys are wonderful. I couldn’t ask for better partners. I really couldn’t.
“You could have left one for me, you know,” Vanessa continues, joking as she always does, “but, noooooo. You had to take all three for yourself.”
We burst out into laughter. She has been my number one supporter through all this and she is the one I have to thank for having that conversation with our mother. I was afraid of it. I was a nervous wreck, but Vanessa assured me that it would be alright. It was hard finding the words to explain to my mother why I’ve chosen this unorthodox path and not one, but three partners. I guess I didn’t choose this. They chose me and when something so powerful grabs you, you don’t want to let go ever again. That was exactly what I said to her. In the end, I think it wasn’t what I said that made her understand. It was the look in my eyes. It was the sound of my voice when I spoke about them. She felt what was in my heart, what has always been there, what will always remain there, untouched, unchanged.
“There’s still a few left, you know,” I tell Vanessa, winking.
“Ah, no. I’m stuck with Marco,” Vanessa shrugs her shoulders. I only know Marco from her stories, but he sounds promising. I’m happy that she’s found someone who understands her, just like I have.
Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door to Theron’s shack. I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that this is my home, this is where I belong, this is where I feel truly myself, accepted as I am.
“Come in!” I shout, wondering if it’s one of the guys, but my mom’s head peers through.
“Are we decent?” she asks, smiling.
“As if you haven’t seen our tushies a million times before,” Vanessa chuckles. She then proceeds to get up, kisses our mom on the cheek and heads to the door. “I’ll give you a moment.”
My mom walks over to me and stops right in front of my belly. I didn’t want to tell them this over the phone. It was a surprise when they arrived. Vanessa was out of her mind about becoming an aunt. My mom was cautious. Her smile appeared almost instantly, but there was something behind it, like a lurking fear that something might go wrong. After all, this was an unusual situation and people tend to be wary of the unusual, especially if it is happening to them or someone close to them. I could understand my mother. I still can. I’m just asking for the same in return.
She looks at my reflection in the mirror. First, she locks her eyes with mine, then they travel down to my bulging belly. A veil of serenity washes over her and it’s still there when she speaks.
“Remember when you were getting ready to go?” she asks me and I’m not sure exactly what she’s referring to. “You were standing in front of your mirror, just like now, your suitcase on the bed. You were going. And, you are going now, too.”
“Mom, I’m not going anywhere,” I smile gently at her.
“Your path isn’t a physical one, my child,” she explains. “It's very important, nonetheless.”
She isn’t usually this cryptic when she’s talking. I wonder what Dex has been telling her.
“You and your sister are the only thing I value in this world,” she continues. “Now, there will be one more, little life I shall consider as important as you.”
She takes my hands in hers and brings them to her lips. I can feel them trembling as she places a softly, motherly kiss on my hands. I can’t hold back my tears and they are now streaming down my face.
“Why are you crying, sweet child?” she asks, wiping away my tears with her thumb.
“Nothing,” I snivel. “Pregnancy hormones.”
“The most beautiful thing to ever change your life,” she nods. She turns to go, but I pull her back. She looks at me, puzzled.
“Mom, I….” I start. It’s difficult. I don’t know how to start. “I know what I did is… people don’t do it like that. Girls don’t do it like that. I know. And, I also know it’s difficult to accept it, so I…” She interrupts me by shaking her head. Am I wrong?
“It’s never difficult to accept your child,” she whispers softly. “That’s what you are. My child. My love. My reason for living. You will see when your baby is born. You will love it no matter what. That is how I love you and your sister. You took a path that makes you happy. I see that. And, those men out there, that are waiting for you to come out so the ceremony can start, they love you. I can see that, too. That is precious in this world. Cherish it.”
The look on her face is one of approval, acceptance, understanding. I wrap my arms around her and we remain like that, hugging, for what seems to be a small eternity. Her hair smells like apple shampoo, the one she’s been buying her entire life, the one that has always provided a sense of comfort when she would hug me. Today, it didn’t fail to do the same.
“Come on, now,” she continues. “The men are waiting.”
About half an hour later, we are all standing by the lake, where Zarael and I met for the first time. The whole clan is here. My family is here, too. Only the closest and most special people. I don’t need anyone else. Everywhere I turn, there are flowers, blossoming all around us. The view looks like something from a fairy tale, where the princess finally gets to meet her prince. I dare imagine that it’s me. Dex, Theron and Zarael are standing beneath a large oak tree, in its shade, hidden from the sunlight. I almost gasp upon seeing them. They’re not wearing their usual leather jackets and boots and torn jeans. No. This time, it’s white shirts and dark blue pants. I wonder if my mom had anything to do with that. In any case, they are gorgeous. They all look stunning, whether they’re rocking their biker look or something like this.
I realize that there’s nothing left of that anxiety I was feeling back in the shack. My heart is filled with nothing but love. Love for my men. Love for my baby.
Epilogue
10 years later
I’m lying in a hammock on a warm, sunny afternoon. This rarely happens. The guys have all taken the kids for fishing and left me alone to enjoy some peace and quiet. I take a sip of coffee from my cup and close the anatomy book I’m holding. I put it on a small garden table nearby and lean back. A smile lingers on my face, as I look into the distance. The place has really changed in the last ten years. The shacks have grown and became full blown miniature houses. There is a picket fence and a green lawn. The garden is beautifully blossoming with flowers of all colors and I’ve got our daughter Maya to thank for that. Her and her green thumb. Phineas and Ares, our two sons aren’t allowed even close to the garden. Their war games are too damaging and poor little Maya always ends up crying. It breaks Theron’s heart to see her like that.
I enjoy the sounds of the forest around. It’s the same as the first time I came here. A little frightening when you hear it at first, but it grows on you very quickly. It becomes your second nature.
“Moooooooooooooom!” I hear a thundering noise coming from the woods and I know that my peaceful afternoon is finished.
I get up and walk the little path to meet them. A few moments later, I see a little curly headed thing running up to me. She is holding her right shoulder with her left hand. She looks a little flushed, her cheeks red, but it doesn’t look like she’s crying. Behind her, Theron is trying to keep up.
She finally approaches me and I open my arms for a hug, but she stops before I can wrap my arms around her.
“Mom, look!” she tells me, all important, removing her hand from her shoulder.
“What am I looking at, baby?” I ask her, noticing a red spot.
“She got bit by a - “
“I want to tell the story,” she interrupts Theron and we both silently chuckle. Maya is pretty stubborn for a girl, or maybe especially for a girl and we know better than to mess with her. Even the boys know that.
“Go ahead, baby,” I urge her softly. “What happened?”
“Phin and Ares were fishing with Daddy Dex and Daddy Zar and meanwhile Daddy Tee and I w
ent to pick flowers and we went a little too far away and there was a beehive on a tree, but we thought the bees weren’t home, so we went under the tree because I saw beautiful flowers, you know, those purple and yellow ones that you like, mommy, so we wanted to pick you some of those flowers, but then, an angry bee came and started buzzing around, like this, buzz, buzz, buzz and I tried to tell it to go away, I said shoo, shoo, bee, go away, but it wouldn’t go away and then it just flew on my shoulder and it bit me!” She tells me in her little 5-year-old language, showing her wounded shoulder right before my eyes, so I can take a better look.
“Oh, I see,” I nod importantly. “This is serious business.”
“See?” she turns to Theron. “I told you.”
“Yes, she told me that I can’t take a look at it, because I’m not qualified. Can you imagine? She actually used that word. And, only mommy can take a look because mommy is a doctor,” Theron explains, shaking his head with a smile.
“Well, of course,” I emphasize my words dramatically, for good measure. “Mommy is a doctor. Mommy knows what to do. Come here, baby.”
I pick her up, regretting my decision, as she’s gotten pretty heavy, but luckily, I just need to take her a few steps back to the house. We go in and I put her on a little chair. As she sits, she sways her little legs, which can’t reach the floor. She looks like a happy child should. Her cheeks are flushed with the sun and fresh clean air. Her knees are a little scraped from all the running. There is dirt underneath her little fingernails and yellow residue from the flowers she was picking. Carefree and happy. That’s how I always want her to be.
Her shoulder doesn’t look bad. Looks like the stinger is out, luckily, so it’s all about just cleaning the spot and putting some cream on it. Theron could have done this, of course, but Maya is a bit stubborn about certain things, so it’s easier just to let her have her way when it’s something not that important. I take a cotton swab and dab the spot gently. She doesn’t even wink.
“You know, mommy, I didn’t cry,” she tells me importantly. I can see the look of pride on that little face and it almost makes me cry. The guys tell me she is all me. Outside and inside. But I can’t imagine ever being this brave, this vocal about what I want and need. I was simply fortunate enough to extract the best out of the worst situation. That is how I ended up here in the first place and I have these three loving men to thank for giving me everything I ever wanted, but never believed that I actually deserved it.
“I didn’t even think you did. You’re way too brave for that,” I nod, putting the cotton swab away. I turn to the side, as I wipe a little stray tear. Maya doesn’t see it, but Theron does. Then, I put a little bit of cream on it. “There. This should make it feel better. If it stings or hurts, just tell me, OK?”
“OK, mommy,” she jumps down from the chair and wraps her arms around me. “You’re the best mommy, ever.”
At that moment, I realize that being a doctor is great. The guys kept their promise and I enrolled in university, taking most of my classes online. The ones I couldn’t take online, I went to the city and stayed there at Vanessa’s place, returning here for the weekends. It was a little tough, but we survived and we’re closer for it. They helped make my dream come true, while pregnant, while having and raising kids and I couldn’t have asked for better partners. So, yes, being a doctor is a great thing. It has fulfilled me in a way that I knew it would. But, being a mom to three marvelous kids - that is something no profession can stand up to. Being a mom is what makes me wake up with a smile and it also makes me close my eyes with a soft breath of love and tenderness. I’m truly blessed and only now do I know exactly what my mom was talking about that afternoon when I vowed myself to my partners and my child. There’s nothing like it. There’s nothing that can be compared to it.
“I love you, baby,” I whisper into Maya’s soft hair, pressing her close to me.
“Alright, let’s go pick another bouquet for mommy, Daddy Tee,” she turns to Theron, who has been standing by the door all this time, opting not to interfere.
“You go on ahead, angel, I’m coming,” he tells her, ruffling her hair a little.
Maya runs out, as Theron pulls me closer to him, his hands on my waist. He’s smiling mischievously and I know what he’s thinking.
“You know that Dean and the guys are babysitting tonight,” he grins. “Romantic dinner for four?”
“As long as I don’t have to cook, I’m all for it,” I giggle and he presses a sweet kiss on my lips. He tastes like summer and honey.
“You just have to show up with your beautiful self and leave the rest to us,” he winks at me, then turns to go. “Now, if you will excuse me, I’ve got a date with a sweet girl who wants to pick flowers.”
“Enjoy,” I smile, waving at him.
I have no idea how I got this lucky. Maybe, luck had nothing to do with it. Maybe, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, but someone was watching out for me. And, they still are. My men. My bear shifters. My partners. My protectors.
*****
THE END
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