by Nia Arthurs
My ‘breakup’ with Morgan leaves me reeling. The last thing I want is a farewell party, but that’s what I find myself doing later that night.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving.” Ashley pouts. “It feels so sudden.”
My fingers tremble as I play with the knot of my crop top. “I know. I should have told you sooner, but there was a lot going on…”
“With Morgan?” She wiggles her eyebrows.
McCarthy leans forward. “Something happened between you and Morgan?”
“Nothing important,” I whisper.
We slept together and, for a moment, we pretended it could be more, but it wasn’t. We were just giving in to a shallow, frivolous attraction. I was lonely and he was still wrapped up in Grace.
We were just convenient distractions. Now that we’re both clothed and not crazy with lust, the obstacles between us have risen to prominence.
I can see everything clearly now.
We’re still too different.
And I still don’t measure up.
You’re nothing like her. I hear Morgan’s heated voice in my head and my heart squeezes tightly. The pain washes over me again. It feels like I can barely breathe.
McCarthy rubs his chin. “What exactly happened? Morgan seemed upset when I saw him earlier. He also didn’t know about this little gathering…”
“Nothing.” Pavel meets my eyes over the table, his expression sober. “Nothing happened.”
Ashley laughs. “What do you mean? Kaz was throwing herself at him like crazy that night. I’m sure they went back to his place and—“
“That’s enough, Ash.”
She bats her thick eyelashes, her blue eyes filled with confusion.
Just then, our dishes arrive.
McCarthy smirks as the plate slides in front of him. “What is this?”
“Spaghetti meatloaf.” I hand him a fork. “I’m buying so I hope you like it.”
Ashley’s lips curl up in thinly-veiled disgust. “Why are we here again? I try to avoid work as much as possible.”
Nodding to the drinks on the table, I admit, “This is all I can afford.”
Everyone around the table turns sullen.
“I really wish I could buy you steak for everything you’ve done for me. Tonight is just a small token of my appreciation.” I glance at each of them. “I won’t forget you.” My gaze moves to Ashley. “Any of you.”
“You’re going to make me cry.” Her lips tremble and she wraps her arms around my neck, giving me a tight squeeze.
“It was nothing,” McCarthy grins, throwing his dreads over his shoulders. “It’s what we do.”
“What exactly do you guys do?” Ashley asks curiously, picking up her burger. "And what does it have to do with Kaz?”
Pavel and McCarthy exchange glances.
“They’re scientists,” I answer vaguely.
“You look like a scientist.” She points her fork at McCarthy.
A wrinkle forms between his eyebrows. “Should I be offended by that?”
“But you don’t.” Her fork beams in Pavel’s direction. “You look like a bouncer or like one of those celebrity bodyguards.”
He just grunts.
“I didn’t know you were into science,” Ashley says to me.
“We all have our secrets.”
She accepts that answer with a twitch of her lips and takes over the conversation. I’m grateful for her chattiness and stay in my own world, pushing my food around my plate with my fork.
I catch Pavel observing me in that quiet, thoughtful way of his and it only makes me feel more pathetic.
The night starts to drag and, after we’ve all eaten, I pay the bill, hug Ashley a long goodbye and leave.
Pavel catches my eye. “You riding with me, Little One?”
I nod slowly as a memory of the first time he took me home washes over me.
“Do you know why I became a scientist?” He glanced at me.
“Why?”
“To help people.”
“That’s noble of you.”
“Many years ago, I lost faith in myself. I was in the beginning stages of building that doorway and no one believed in what I was doing, so I gave up.”
“What changed?” I whispered.
“I met Morgan.” Pavel’s lips curled up. “That man believes in science more than anything. He built his fortune seeking answers to questions even the brightest minds couldn’t solve.”
“Hm…”
“Be careful.”
“Me? Why?”
“He is too stubborn to gamble and too calculated to take a risk no matter how great the reward.” Pavel stared through the window. “He will never jump with both feet and you will jump alone.”
“Are you talking English?” I grumbled.
“Little One,” Pavel gave me a tender look, “do not get hurt.”
At the time, I had no idea what he was saying to me. Looking back, I wish I’d heeded his warning. Maybe then, I wouldn’t have let my heart get so involved.
My feelings for Morgan accelerated faster than a speeding race car, but I was alone in my obsession. Through it all, he held on to reality and didn’t allow himself to get swept away.
I fouled up chasing a man who didn’t want me. Again.
My steps are heavy. My shoulders are slumped.
There aren’t any stars in the sky as we head out to the parking lot.
Pavel opens my door for me.
I turn to him. “You can save the lecture.”
“There was no lecture.”
“I’m sure you’re just burning to tell me something.”
He smirks. “Everything I could say you already know.”
“I slept with Morgan.”
His expression remains blank.
I arch an eyebrow. “He told you?”
“It was quite easy to sense.” He glances at me before turning his attention on the road. “You were both extremely drawn to each other and incapable of hiding it.”
“He’s still in love with his fiancée.” I sink into my seat, batting my eyes to keep the tears at bay.
“Perhaps.”
“You disagree?”
“Like I told you that night,” Pavel sighs, “Morgan is in love with science. He only knows how to charge and fight and search. He can’t accept what he can’t understand.” Pavel grunts. “But the way he was acting… I wondered if he felt differently with you.”
Hope starts creeping out of the ashes, but I shove it down. “It doesn’t matter anyway.”
“No?”
“I’m leaving.” I grip my engagement ring and roll it between my fingers. “That’s my choice.”
But, as confident as I act in front of Pavel, leaving is not a decision that brings me peace.
I toss and turn in the bed, Morgan filling my head. Memories of his touch sear my skin like a physical caress and I get up gasping and thirsty more than once during the night.
Eventually, I move to sleep in the couch.
The alarm goes off early the next morning. I get ready in the apartment, my normal routine feels more important since I’m doing it for the last time. My hair products are almost done so I just throw them in the trash after fixing my curls.
This is it.
I catch a cab and head to Morgan’s place. McCarthy and Pavel are waiting for me in the garage. I glance around the room, searching for Morgan.
“He’s not here,” Pavel says quietly. “And he’s not answering his phone.”
My heart burns.
McCarthy stammers, “B-but I’m sure he’ll show up eventually. This is his project, after-all.”
“Maybe.” But I know he won’t turn up. He won’t say good-bye. Just like Grace.
I’m dead to him.
With a sigh, I give Pavel a hug. “Goodbye.”
“Be well, Little One.”
“Shouldn’t we wait a little…?” McCarthy taps his phone and looks inquiringly at Pavel who shakes his head ‘no’. McCart
hy sighs. “Alright. Fire her up.”
Pavel slides behind his computer and smashes his fingers against the keys. A low buzzing sound fills the room and the tools on the workbench begin to shake.
McCarthy pulls on a pair of sturdy boots and rigs himself into a harness attached to a long rope. Every beat that passes, the shaking of the platform gets worse, giving me a flashback to the night I disappeared from my earth and landed on this one.
A loud shrieking blasts the air. The doorway holds steady, but a creepy purple glow spreads inside it, opening to a vortex of some kind.
“Is this supposed to happen?” I yell.
“Yes,” McCarthy says, trembling visibly. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he stares at the portal. “Why the hell isn’t Morgan here to do this?”
I pat his shoulder. “I’ll go in alone.”
“Absolutely not. We don’t know what’s on the other side.”
I glance at Pavel. “You said Morgan worked on the numbers?”
“Personally.”
I glance at the garage door, silently praying that Morgan will fill it, but he’s not there and it makes no sense to hold on to something that wasn’t meant to last forever.
Change what you can, accept what you can’t.
Loving him was never in the cards.
It’s time to go back to where I belong.
I squeeze McCarthy’s hand. “Thank you for everything.”
“Wait, Kaz…”
I start running, my heart pumping loudly in my ears and my sneakers thumping against the cold, hard floor.
Pavel shoots out of his seat. “Kaz, no!”
I ignore him. Focus on the swirling colors blasting to life in the middle of the portal.
McCarthy reaches out, but his hand falls just shy of me.
Pavel launches himself up the stairs, but it’s too late, I fling myself into the doorway and let the energy suck me inside.
30
Morgan
My phone dances all over the table, making a buzzing sound that earns me dark glares from everyone in the room.
“You gonna answer that?” My colleague asks with a frown. “It’s been ringing for a while.”
“It’s just McCarthy.”
“Must be important,” he mumbles.
I know it’s important.
Because it’s about Kaz.
She’s probably gone by now.
A familiar burning sears my chest and I try my best to ignore it. Try to block it out the way I did when Grace left me so she could die alone.
She wanted to go. There’s nothing I could have done to keep her with me.
The buzzing continues. I snatch the phone up to put it on silent, but a warning look from my colleague changes my mind. Gritting my teeth, I head into a private hallway.
I answer the call. “What?”
“Where are you?” McCarthy hisses.
“At the lab.” I glance over my shoulder and stare at the giant telescope in the center of the room.
My world changed the day I looked into that machine and saw the impossible. It was the day Kaz came to this world, though it took me a while to find her.
“The lab?” McCarthy’s angry tone yanks me back to the present. “Are you serious?”
“Did she… get there safely?”
“I don’t know.”
My eyes whip up. “What the hell do you mean you don’t know?”
“Because I didn’t go in with her.”
“Then Pavel—”
“She ran in. We couldn’t stop her.”
My shoulders tense. “She ran in?”
“Yes.”
“Didn’t you go after her?”
“I tried but…”
“But what?”
“The machine crashed, same as last time.”
“What?”
“You know getting that thing to work full-time was a long-shot. Even with the new equipment…”
“Damn it, McCarthy. She could be lost in there. How could you—?”
“How could I? I wasn’t supposed to go in the first place, Morgan.”
“Are you blaming me?”
“I’m just saying, maybe this wouldn’t have happened if you were here.”
My chest heaves. “Don’t.”
“She was waiting for you,” he mumbles. “Kaz didn’t say it, but she kept staring at the door, hoping you’d show.”
I try to swallow but there’s a painful lump.
“Why weren’t you here?”
“I couldn’t… I couldn’t watch her leave.”
“She was going home. It’s what we’ve been working on for weeks. We did something good. The project—”
“She wasn’t a project to me, McCarthy,” I snap.
A beat passes and then he croaks, “That Ashley girl was right.”
“What?”
“You did have a relationship with Kaz.”
I suck in a deep breath, clipping my mouth shut.
“Did you screw around with her?”
“McCarthy…”
“Because if you did, that would mean you’re even more of a bastard than I thought.”
“McCarthy!”
“If you played with her and then left her hanging when it counted, Morgan, I swear to God—”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. It was better if I kept my distance.”
“Better for who? For you or for Kaz?”
“Both of us.”
“Does that lie make you feel better? Well, here’s the cold hard truth, Morgan. You turned your back on her before she could turn her back on you.” McCarthy curses. “Damn it. Kaz deserved better than that.”
“Kaz chose her world,” I bite out. “She chose her past over me.”
“And you got to diss her one last time. Congratulations.”
“That’s enough.”
He breathes heavily. “I just thought you should know that she’s gone.”
“McCarthy—”
Click.
The line goes dead. I dig my fingers into the device, crunching the cold glass against my skin. My mind whirls with chaos and I try to make sense of McCarthy’s words.
Why would Kaz dive into the portal alone?
Why would she…
It doesn’t make any sense.
Urgency speeds my pulse and sends my heart rate spiraling to a dangerous level. I return to the lab, ignoring the looks my colleagues shoot my way. Grabbing my car keys off the desk, I dash to the parking lot.
Slapping my thumb on the steering wheel, I push the speed limit the entire way home.
There’s a delivery truck parked in front of my house.
When I try to enter through the gate, a man stops me. “Mr. Bacher?”
“What?”
“We’re here to deliver your furniture.”
Damn. I’d forgotten that the stuff Kaz and I had ordered were supposed to arrive today.
Gesturing to the house, I mutter, “Just drop them anywhere.”
“Sir?”
Rushing past him, I barge into the workshop.
Pavel stands when I enter, a stricken look on his face.
“We need to reopen this thing,” I bark, heading straight to the computer and hunkering over the screen.
“Morgan…”
“We need to make sure she’s okay.”
“Morgan…”
I type out an equation, but my vision gets hazy and soon all the numbers blur together. “This is my fault. I need to fix it. I need to—”
Pavel grabs my shoulder and whirls me around. “She’s gone.”
I glare at him. “How could you let this happen?”
“I believe that she’s okay.”
“You believe?” I spit the words out. “Do you have any damn proof, Pavel?”
“She did it because she trusted you.”
I blink rapidly.
“When I told her that you ran the numbers last night, she went for it.” He squeezes my shoulder. “That’s ho
w much faith she had. In you.”
I brush him off. “You should have taken her there.”
“No, Morgan.” Pavel gathers his satchel. “It should have been you.” He walks away with a disappointed shake of his head.
I roar in frustration. Wild emotions tear through my chest like a tornado, uprooting everything in its path. I can hardly breathe and I have to bend over the table, gripping it tight just to remain upright.
Sharp pain pulses from my stomach, threatening to bring me to my knees. I limp into the house, heading to the cupboard to find the pills that Doc prescribed for the pain.
As I plod forward, I bump into a couch. It’s the sleek, grey one I picked out with Kaz. I remember how she’d fallen into it and curled her legs up. She’d patted the seat next to her. “Come sit, Morgan.” We cuddled, pretending we were watching a movie as we looked out over the store.
I shake my head to dispel the memory and move ahead only to bump into a lamp. Her smile had stretched over her face as she’d gestured to it in the store. “That’s gorgeous, Morgan. Your house is so bright. It needs something small but warm.”
“Just like you,” I’d said.
A gasp of pain tears past my lips.
Another step.
My legs shake, refusing to obey me. I grip the back of my new sofa as I fall to the ground. A group of industrial boots surround me as I cling to consciousness.
“Sir! Someone call the ambulance!”
“I’m fine.” I struggle to sit up. “I just need my pills.”
The delivery guy who met me outside stares at me with wide eyes. “Are you sure?”
I nod.
He sends one of his men to get my pills and I drag myself up to the grey couch. Struggling to catch my breath, I take the medicine and wait for it to kick in.
Workers keep dragging in the stuff Kaz and I bought. They work quietly, taking out Grace’s stuff one-by-one until everything’s replaced, neat and clean.
Grace’s presence is officially gone.
But Kaz is here now.
She’s everywhere.
Each piece of furniture has her stamp on it, has her scent, her laughter. She’d curled into my soul and warmed me up, but now that she's gone, it feels like I’m trapped in an ice box.
What the hell have I done?
Reaching into my pocket, I pull out my phone and dial Doc.
He answers on the second ring, “Morgan.”
“Where is she?”
