Less than a day after Debbie took Mimi to the hospital, she got an email on her phone. The time stamp said “4:44” and the “From” line said “Mimi.” It appeared to be a random advertisement. The subject line said, “Make it Happen!!” Debbie read a little bit of the body of the email, thinking how surreal it was to be thinking of Mimi and to get this email from “Mimi.” The email was just an advertisement for closets, so it didn’t seem connected, but Debbie had been asking for a sign, so she didn’t want to dismiss something that seemed such a strange coincidence. Debbie again took note of the time stamp. She had been working with angel numbers and felt the 4:44 was meaningful. She knew that the number four meant that the angels were with her, so already felt a powerful answer to her prayers for a sign from Mimi. But when she looked up what “444” meant she discovered that it was also a sign that she was where she was supposed to be and that she had the angels’ support and guidance on her journey. Knowing that the angels were with her—and specifically her angel dog Mimi—gave Debbie a great deal of comfort. It was exactly what she had been asking for.
Another story involving a beloved pet, and coincidentally another long-haired dachshund, was one I heard from a client who had gone to be with her niece during a painful transition. Her niece’s beloved pet, Shaye, had developed a large tumor that had been declared inoperable. The vet advised that it was best to put her to sleep. Both my client and her niece were extremely attached to this dog, as her niece had been living with my client for some time. The two of them had gone together to pick up Shaye when she was a new puppy, and all three had bonded. Shaye loved my client and her niece (and really no one else!) fiercely, and the feelings were mutual. The two decided that they wanted to take her to the family cabin in the mountains for burial. By the time they got there, it was late and dark and quite chilly, so they planned to bury her the next morning. My client burrowed under warm covers to sleep, taking her socks (they were brand new, the first time she’d worn this pair) and laying them on top of the covers in case she had to get up in the middle of the night. The next day, when she went to put on her socks, only one was there. Despite checking all the bedding and under the bed, the missing sock never turned up. Both she and her niece blame a certain dog spirit for absconding with the sock, and they can’t help but take it as a playful sign from the other side, since stealing socks was a favorite game of their beloved dog.
Things that are important to you are important to your loved ones on the other side as well. We take our memories with us, nothing is forgotten. At one of my shows, I was reading for a woman whose husband had passed away, and he was the spirit who showed up for her. He mentioned a number of small trinkets of his that he knew she had in what he referred to as “his” drawer in the dresser. She replied that she had just looked through that drawer of stuff that very week. He also said he would be present when her granddaughter got a car, to protect her. And he mentioned a special anniversary that was forthcoming. The woman confirmed that her daughter’s twenty-fifth anniversary was coming up in December, and they had just been talking about a party. Then her husband said that he would never forget the snowstorm. The woman confirmed that, on her daughter’s wedding day, there had been a major snowstorm. They thought they would have to cancel the whole wedding. Her husband had hired extra people to help shovel the parking lots at the church and at their home, just to get out of the house. They all still talk about that snowstorm to this day. Apparently her husband does, too!
There are many things we can do to connect with a loved one who has crossed. One thing to try is to hold onto some object that belonged to that person when they were living. That object will still contain the energy of the person it belonged to. (Some professional mediums use this tool—called “psychometry”—almost exclusively to connect with their clients’ deceased loved ones.) The object could be a piece of clothing or jewelry, a journal, or a pair of glasses. Something that they used over and over while living would be most powerful, but it could literally be anything they once touched.
When my grandmother died, all my older cousins on the Italian side basically ravaged her home for keepsakes. They took everything, from the dishes to the sewing machine. All the furniture, all her little objects. They left nothing; not even a button. Whatever they didn’t take home, they got rid of before I had the chance to visit and take a keepsake. The house was being sold, and while it was empty my brother Bobby was asked to house-sit to look after it. I was still feeling a little sorry for myself that I had never got a memento from the home, but I went to see it one last time while Bobby was there, because I thought at least I could take some photos. I had so many memories from that house, and so much history of my father’s side of the family had been made there. In fact, the home had been built by my grandparents.
My grandfather had added a second-floor apartment for my uncle and his wife, and that apartment had been the site of many gatherings and parties, a real social hub! You could get to the apartment from the outside, but since so much of the family was always going back and forth between my grandparents’ place and my uncle’s place, they also had a connecting door on the inside, accessed through my grandparents’ bedroom.
As I was taking pictures, I found myself looking at that door, my eyes coming to rest on the old-fashioned glass doorknob.
Suddenly it came to me, and I said, “Bobby! Do you have a screwdriver here?” I realized that every single person, relative or guest, who had ever been there had touched that knob and had left their energy on it. To this day, that humble glass doorknob is more valuable to me than any piece of jewelry or dishes or heirloom furniture. It connects me with my entire family on my father’s side.
Maybe this will give you some ideas about the types of things you should consider when you are looking for an object to connect you with your loved one. For one young woman, it was the key her grandmother used to wind her clock every couple of days. For another client, her mother’s Bible was a treasured object that she knew contained energy because her mother read it every day. It could be a musical instrument that a loved one played—anything at all. Just give it some thought and you will know where your loved one’s energy can be found.
I can’t say it often enough—pay close attention for the small signs. It’s very unlikely that your loved one will rent a billboard in your neighborhood to send you a message eight feet high. If you are insisting on something flashy, you will likely be disappointed.
I got a letter from a woman in Denver who told me she had read my first book, Do Dead People Watch You Shower? She wrote to say how fabulous she thought it was, which I never get tired of hearing. She had bought the book because her father, whom she adored, had passed and she was feeling bereft. Thinking about him and where he was now got her interested in this subject; she hadn’t been before. She told me she was struck by what I had written, that the signs from our deceased loved ones are all around us. She said, “I started to try to relax, and as you instructed, to pay attention to simple things and not take them for granted.”
She told me that she was thoroughly a “daddy’s girl” and considered her father to be her actual soul mate. I certainly don’t mean this in a sexual relationship sense. I understood what she meant—that her father had been a great provider, protector, friend, and confidant. She went on to say that they always played Scrabble together, which she loved. Their games together were so much fun and they had so many great conversations. She told me a story about going to Walmart. “I missed him so much, Concetta, and I was thinking of him as I went about my shopping. When I got back to my car, there, lying on the ground by my car door, was one single Scrabble tile.” Remembering how I had said to pay attention to the small things, she bent down to pick it up, knowing with full assurance that it was a sign from her father. It was small, it was simple, it was sweet. It was enough. It meant the world to her.
I think a problem that a lot of folks have here on this side of the veil is that our lives are
just so busy, we can’t focus. We’re all dancing as fast as we can, and I believe that too much multitasking keeps us from quieting ourselves enough to notice our guidance. Prayer can be the most powerful tool for us, but when we are racing in all directions, we can’t even quiet our minds enough to pray with clear intention. If you need help from the other side and can possibly manage it, find a way to remove yourself from your daily chaos. Maybe there’s a room in your house that’s a bit out of the way from the general hubbub. Maybe you can slide into the pew of a church. Maybe you can go for a walk along some body of water—a stream, lake, or the ocean shore. Maybe there is a safe path in the woods nearby, where the only voices you hear are the voices of nature. Take deep breaths. If you are sitting, you may want to close your eyes. Open your heart and your mind. Quietly whisper what is troubling you, and then listen for any response.
You may hear an actual “voice” or thought in reply. This is completely possible, especially if this becomes a regular practice. But please don’t hold this as an expectation, certainly not immediately. More likely, you will want to let the other side know what you need, and then be prepared to pay attention. You might try suggesting to the other side something that you will be looking for. But try not to make it a demand, like a “giraffe in a pocket.” Be open to noticing anything that could symbolize your loved one’s intention.
Chapter 10
Sex, Ghosts, and Haunted Houses
I got a text from a client one day who was horrified because she thought she had been attacked in her sleep.
“I’m at a bed and breakfast with my family and I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a figure next to my bed!” She wrote. “It was holding me down and I couldn’t move. Call me ASAP.”
I called her and found out she was staying in a very haunted place that dated back to the Civil War. The home had also been a stop on the Underground Railroad. This place wasn’t just haunted, it was totally freaking haunted!
“In my experience, I’ve come across some energies who, for one reason or another, often because of fear, don’t choose to be with God by going into the light, so they stay stuck and cause trouble,” I said when we chatted on the phone. “You need to protect yourself before you go to sleep; imagine white light all around you. Also, there’s a reason people say their prayers before bed. It literally clears the room of negative energy.”
“This ghost was so scary,” she said. “I tried to scream and couldn’t make a sound, and I tried to move and this thing was physically pinning me down! Is that even possible?”
“Yes, it is,” I said. “If that ever happens again, you just have to say, ‘In the name of God, you must go!’ Because a spirit that isn’t in the light will leave right away when you bring in the big guns.”
I know this works because I’ve actually had to protect myself from getting sexually attacked by a ghost.
Eww, right? Let me explain…
When I was sleeping one night, I became aware of a really foul smell and felt like something heavy was on top of me. I sensed anger and aggression. Then, all of a sudden, I realized that whatever this thing was, it was trying to be intimate with me. I tried to push it off me, and I felt a cold, mean energy as something gripped both of my wrists and held them down.
What the heck is happening here? I’ve experienced that thing where you are having a bad dream and your body feels paralyzed and you can’t seem to wake up. This was not that.
I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t move. It was terrifying. That’s when I knew this was an energy that was not in the light and it was trying to get busy, if you know what I’m talking about. I looked next to me and saw John sound asleep, totally unaware that this was happening. Since I couldn’t speak, I knew I had to think of my prayers to get this energy off of me. (Always remember this: Your thoughts are just as powerful as your words.) So I visualized myself making the sign of the cross and I said to myself, “In the name of God, go!” My intention was strong, and before I could even finish the thought—poof—this thing was gone.
So yes, there are dark energies that, unfortunately, really want to take you down. But, at the opposite end of the spectrum, there are spirits who come into your space to make you feel loved, and that can be a very intimate experience.
John and I had only been married about two years, and we were living in an old Colonial-style house that he had renovated in West Orange, New Jersey. He’d redone the kitchen and bathrooms, and had turned an old attic into a master bedroom suite. I was sleeping one night with John next to me, and I woke up in the middle of the night to the sensation that I was having sex. I knew it wasn’t John because we only have sex when we are awake! (And, at the time, we were trying to get me pregnant, so there was a lot of sex to be had.) But this was different. I felt the pressure of someone on top of me, and every other sensation you feel when you’re being intimate. I felt love, tenderness, gentleness, but I knew this was not John.
Am I being kissed by a ghost?
At first I was a little freaked-out, but this ghost was so sweet and so loving and gentle. There was so much love in whatever was happening that I really thought it was a dream. My conscious mind said, “You’d better wake up for this one!”
Is it wrong that I’m enjoying this?
I finally woke up and I couldn’t see a face. I just felt the pressure of someone—a male energy—on top of me and caressing me very tenderly. I realized it wasn’t necessarily the act that was so incredible; it was the love that came over me during the act. It was euphoric in a way that just wasn’t human. It was that feeling when you’re so in love you don’t care if they kiss you, hold your hand, or hand you a ballpoint pen, you just want to be in their presence. If I had to describe it in just a couple of words, I’d say the feeling was like an “intense kindness.”
Who is this? They feel so familiar…
I figured that I must have known this spirit in another lifetime. There is no way I could have felt so engulfed in bliss without having been this spirit’s lover in a past life. Whether I was his wife, or girlfriend, or both, this ghost was no stranger to me. I never would have believed it was possible had I not experienced it for myself. When I tried to focus on a face or maybe get an impression of his name, this energy just sort of lifted up and I could no longer feel it on me.
I don’t know who you are, but if you’re not busy tomorrow, could you please come back?
That’s not really cheating, is it?
I never forgot that encounter. As I’ve had time to process it all, I think the mysterious Casanova came to me so that I could feel how a deep love between souls truly never dies, even when we travel over different lifetimes—a truly eternal love. It also helped me counsel my clients. I’ve had many people who have told me similar stories, where they wonder if they’re dreaming that their loved one was in bed with them—they felt so cared for and safe while they’re sleeping, complete with kissing and all the rest of it.
I tell these clients that, whether they were married for two minutes, twenty years, or not married at all, a spirit might make their presence known in the bedroom. I now know that love can be transferred to us in very intimate ways while we are sleeping.
One story I’ll never forget came from a lady who had lost her husband of nearly fifty years.
“I’m useless without him,” she said, her heart heavy with grief, when she sat down in my office.
Immediately, I saw a man next to her from the other side. He said he was her husband, and he talked about their wedding song.
“Our wedding anniversary would have been next week,” she said, wiping a tear.
“He’s saying to tell you that it wasn’t your imagination, and that you weren’t dreaming. Do you know what he’s talking about?” I asked.
She shared that when it was her birthday recently, all day, she was so sad that he wasn’t with her to celebrate.
“When I went to bed that nigh
t, I was so upset,” she said. “In the middle of the night, I woke up and felt someone lying next to me in bed. I got this feeling it was my husband, and that he was holding my hand.”
She said they had been married so long that they were at a point where sex was not important anymore.
“But just to have him there and have him hold me again felt as good as it did when I first met him in my twenties,” she said. “I so wanted to believe that it was him. So when I came to this reading, I said, ‘If you were really visiting me, honey, please tell me so through Concetta.’ And now that you said all this, I know it was true.”
One of the craziest ghost stories I’ve heard was not from one of my clients. It was something I read on the New York Post’s infamous Page Six, where I myself have appeared a couple of times. It was a story about a thirty-year-old woman from England who says she’s had sex with at least twenty ghosts, and now…wait for it…she’s engaged to a poltergeist. I’m not sure this was a wise move, as poltergeists are notoriously destructive. I have too many tchotchkes and other breakables in my home to get involved with one of those, but she seems smitten. I had to laugh when I read her saying, “There was no going down on one knee—he doesn’t have knees…”
Well, right.
She describes her lover as an “incredible energy” and mentions being able to hear his voice, describing it as “deep, sexy, and real.” I giggled again (or maybe I rolled my eyes) when she confessed to “doing it” in the bathroom of the airplane on the way home from Australia, where she’d met the spirit, making the two of them members of the Metaphysical Mile-High Club.
She did not describe any of the kind of crazy activity I associate with a poltergeist, and I hope for her sake he’s a quiet one. She does say that her orgasms with this spirit were way better than what she’d had with her previous (still in human form) fiancé!
I Kissed a Ghost (and I Liked It) Page 12
