“Hey, what took you so long?” He hugs me to him.
“There was a line,” I lie.
He nods and looks down at me. “Ready for more dance lessons?” He shows me his pearly whites.
“Actually, do you mind if we leave? I have to be up early tomorrow for the photo shoot.”
“Oh, sure. Are you okay?” He tilts his head and studies me.
I look away and nod. “Yeah, just tired.”
“Okay, let’s go.” I wave off to everyone and mumble a goodbye as I lead Finn out of Clarke’s.
I avoid any eyes on me, deciding it’s best not to see the woman’s face who was talking about my lack of worth when it comes to being with Finn. I shouldn’t let things like that bug me, but a part of me agrees with her. There’s a small piece of me that questions what Finn is doing with me, but then he holds me, kisses me, and I forget it all because he feels so right. Can something that feels right ultimately be wrong?
I’m quiet as Finn drives to my house, and I know he’s itching to ask me again if I’m okay. I jump out of his truck as soon as he stops the car in the driveway and head toward the door. His heavy steps are behind me.
“Abbie.” He places his hand over mine that’s holding the key in the keyhole on the door.
“Yes?” I look at him over my shoulder.
“What the hell happened?”
“Nothing, Finn. I’m just tired.”
“That’s bullshit.” He lifts his eyebrows.
“I don’t want to talk about it tonight. I need to be clear-minded for tomorrow’s shoot. Right now, I just want to sleep.”
“Are we okay?” The worry in his voice hits my heart, and I hold back a cry.
I nod. “Mmhmm…”
“Abbie,” his voice turns soft.
I turn around and look up at him. “I’m okay. I just… Can we talk about it after the shoot, please?” I beg. If we do this now, if I confront him about this woman and he tells me he knows who it is, I don’t know that I’ll be able to work professionally tomorrow.
“Sure. You still want me to go, right?”
“Yeah,” I nod. “If you want.” I grab a lock of hair between my fingers and inspect it.
“Of course, I want to.” He tips my chin up, forcing me to look at him. “Something is going on, and I don’t want to leave without knowing what it is, but I’ll respect your need to talk about this tomorrow. If you change your mind, call me. I’ll rush over if you need me,” he promises.
“Thank you,” I give him a small smile.
“I mean it,” he whispers before brushing his lips against mine. A small frown marks his lips, but he doesn’t push. “I hate leaving you like this.”
I don’t ask him to stay. I need some time alone.
“Okay, then.” Finn drops his hands to his side and nods. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
I unlock the door and walk into my house, pressing my back against the hard wooden door. Silent tears trail down my cheeks. It hurt to hear someone talking about me in that way. Even if I were some supermodel, I’m sure those words would sting. People don’t realize the damage words can cause. I can guarantee you that whoever was saying that would hate to hear someone talk about her like that.
Fucking kindness goes a long way.
I’ve never hated my hometown as much as I do at this moment. I’ve always stayed to myself, done what I want, and treated people nicely. I’ve lived here my entire life, and while I wasn’t prom queen or cheer captain, I’m still a fucking human with feelings.
I angrily wipe my cheeks with the heels of my hands and get ready for bed. I want to sleep away those words and be ready for tomorrow. I need to do what I love and what makes me feel like I have a place in this world.
Finn
I don’t know what the fuck happened to Abbie last night after she went to the bathroom. She returned a totally different person, the woman who hides in herself. My nerves were shot by the time we got to her house, but I didn’t want to screw up her photo shoot today. I wanted to make sure everything ran smoothly, so I’ll wait until we finish to figure out what happened, even if it eats at me.
I stop at Cup-O-Joe and grab two coffees plus Abbie’s favorite cheese Danish. Hoping she woke up feeling better, I head to her house excited about the shoot, but mostly to see my girl.
When I knock on her door, I hear shuffling inside. I chuckle as I imagine her running around getting ready.
“Hey, come in.” She opens the door wide and leaves me standing there as she packs her camera into a bag along with a bunch of other stuff I’m not familiar with.
I furrow my eyebrows and close the door with the toe of my sneaker before looking back at a racing Abbie.
“Hi,” I say.
“Sorry. I overslept and didn’t pack this bag last night, which I should’ve. Now, I’m running behind.”
“It’s okay. We’re ahead of schedule.”
Abbie zips the backpack with all her equipment and looks at me. Her eyes are sunken, and her face is pale.
“Did you sleep okay?” I ask her, handing her a coffee cup.
“Yeah,” she nods. “Thanks.” She takes a sip of coffee, closing her eyes as she does. “What’s in the bag?” She tilts her head toward my hand.
“Gimme a kiss, and you’ll find out.”
She smiles and walks toward me. I place my coffee cup on the coffee table and cup her face. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she whispers. “Sorry, I was rushing.”
“It’s okay.” I touch my lips to hers, the bitterness of the coffee mixed with her minty breath greet me. I give her a soft kiss before pulling away. “Much better. I brought you a cheese Danish.”
“Really?” Her eyebrows shoot up.
“Yeah, I know how much you like them.”
“Thank you.” Her smile is genuine and wide. “I’ll eat it in the car. Ready to go?”
“Yeah.” I grab her backpack and follow her out of the house.
Grateful Abbie seems more herself today, I drive to the spot where we’ll meet Cindy and Maverick before making the short walk to the meadow.
“This is so good,” Abbie moans as she swallows a bite of the cheese Danish.
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” I place my hand on her thigh. Maybe she really was tired last night, and I was overreacting for no reason. Although, she did say we’d talk about it today. Doubt creeps in, wondering what is really going through her mind.
“Someone is here,” Abbie says as she sits taller. I park my truck next to a small sedan. Abbie is out and around my truck before I can reach for her backpack in the back seat.
“Hi, I’m Abbie.” I hear her say. “You must be Maverick. It’s nice to meet you. I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”
“It’s nice to meet you as well. I arrived a few minutes ago. I’m a little nervous, so I left my house before I’d go insane.”
I chuckle as I hear the guy talk.
“This is Finn. He’ll be helping me today.”
“Nice to meet you.” I reach my hand out to shake Maverick’s. He seems to be in his late twenties, tattoos down one arm.
The sound of crunching tires on gravel pulls our attention to the approaching car. A petite woman with short brown hair and a nose ring steps out of the car.
“Hi, Cindy,” Abbie says, walking toward her.
“She’s pretty,” Maverick comments under his breath.
I smile at him and slap his shoulder. “Just have fun.”
“Thanks, man.”
Abbie introduces Cindy and Maverick, each of them eyeing the other up and down. I observe in amusement. When I catch Abbie’s eyes, she’s smiling. I follow her lead, as she explains to Cindy and Maverick how the photo shoot will work. I know she went over the details with them in an e-mail as well.
As we begin walking, Cindy looks over at me with narrowed eyes. She looks away every time I lift my eyebrows. I shrug it off to curiosity about the person helping with the shoot a
nd keep walking, wanting to hold Abbie’s hand but not sure what the right protocol is since she’s working.
Once we get to the meadow, Abbie sets up her tripod and talks to Maverick and Cindy while I stay a few steps back, looking out at the valley.
“Hey, I think we’re okay for now, but I may need you to help me with the reflector depending on the light.” Abbie stands next to me.
“Perfect. You’re the boss. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”
“Thanks.” A small smile appears on her lips. I wink and look at Cindy and Maverick. Cindy seems to be touching up her makeup on a small mirror, and Maverick is looking around at the view.
“Here goes,” Abbie whispers.
I turn so I can face them, watching as she guides the two of them, encouraging them to be themselves. I hear the snap of the camera going off as Maverick smiles down at Cindy, who is looking at the mountains behind us.
“Okay, Maverick, hug Cindy from behind,” Abbie instructs.
Little by little, they become more comfortable with each other. Their chemistry begins to show as Maverick says something that makes Cindy laugh. Neither Abbie nor I hear it, but it breaks the ice between the two. Suddenly, they go from awkward strangers to a couple.
I hold the reflector when Abbie asks, doing the best I can with her guidance. I’ve never used any of this equipment, and it’s fascinating. It’s even better to watch Abbie’s confidence as she works behind the camera, capturing what I’m sure are amazing pictures.
Abbie goes wrapping up, saying she wants to take a few in the forested area on the way back to the cars. Maverick and Cindy talk and get to know each other as we walk. Abbie snaps a few candid photos of their backs as they go ahead in front of us.
“It’s been fun,” I whisper.
“Yeah, I’ve taken some great shots. It looks like they’re hitting it off, too.”
“Yeah. So what does the photographer’s assistant have to do to win the photographer?” I joke.
Abbie smiles and shakes her head. Before she can respond, the couple in front of us turn around.
“Is this okay?” Cindy asks.
“Perfect.” Abbie gets back to work as I watch her. It’s such a turn-on to see her this way—confident, free, and happy.
We finish and make it back to the cars. From the looks of it, Maverick and Cindy will be continuing their day together. Abbie thanks them and talks out some final details before walking toward me.
“Oh my God,” Cindy calls out. “I just realized where I know you from.” She’s pointing at me. Why do I feel like this is not going to work in my favor? “You went out with my roommate, Claire. You disappeared after two dates with no explanation.”
Fuck.
I look at Abbie, who stopped walking to look at Cindy. When her eyes meet mine, the same look from last night clouds over them. I don’t even know how to respond to Cindy, not that she cares. She’s already jumping into her car to follow Maverick wherever they’re going. I never thought I’d be regretting my past decisions for not keeping my dick in my pants.
“Abbie.”
“Let’s go.” She shakes her head, walking around the truck to the passenger side.
“It’s—”
“I want to go home, Finn,” she interrupts me.
I bite my tongue despite wanting to explain and drive. The feeling in my gut does nothing to calm me. It feels like everything is spiraling out of control. When I get to her house, I jump out of the truck and follow her. I’m not leaving without a conversation this time.
“What’s going on? Shit, I know I made mistakes in the past. I know I wasn’t always the nice guy, but we promised to not let the past interfere in our relationship.”
Abbie closes her eyes and rubs her forehead. “How long until I stop running into people who have fucked you or know someone who has?”
Her question catches me by surprise, making me flinch. “What?”
She shakes her head. “I know you’ve been with a lot of women, but I feel like everywhere I turn someone is talking about us, about you. Some woman is comparing me to her, wondering what the hell you’re doing with someone like me.”
“What are you talking about?” I take a few steps toward her, my eyebrows pinched together. Where is she getting this from? “Abbie, who is telling you this?”
“Yesterday, when I walked into the bathroom, two women were talking through the stalls about you and me. Questioning how you could be with me because I’m a nerd. The one woman said it’s probably to feed some part of your ego that wants to see if you could fuck your sister’s best friend. When her friend asked her if she had spoken to you, I left before I could hear the answer to that question. Obviously, they didn’t know I was in there.”
“I haven’t spoken to any other woman while I’ve been with you. I think I’ve made it crystal clear that I only want to be with you. I like you.” Hell, I’m pretty sure I love her. My hands tear through my hair.
“I’ll never measure up,” she shakes her head.
“What are you talking about? You’re the best woman I’ve ever been with. They should all wish they were like you.” I reach for her hand, but Abbie feels completely emotionally detached.
“I can’t compete.” Her voice is flat and resigned.
“There is no competition.” I sigh and shake my head. “I can’t make you see yourself the way I do. I can’t make you believe you’re good enough for me if you don’t believe it. I’ve never wanted to settle down for anyone before. You make me want things I never dreamed of.” I scrub a hand down my face, frustration growing inside of me.
“How many more women will call me out, rub my face in the fact that they’ve dated you? I don’t know if I can handle it. I don’t know if I can handle the whispers and mean words from people here. How long until you’re done with me and forget about me? Until you move on to the next woman like you always do?” She blinks rapidly, but I’m stuck on her words.
“Wow.” I shake my head, locking my jaw. “Is that really what you think? If you think all I am is some asshole who fucks any woman in his path, then I guess nothing I do or say will change your mind. I’ve done everything I can to prove to you that I’m in this, that I care. Clearly, you have less faith in me than I thought.” My blood boils, anger rising. I barely register the tears rolling down Abbie’s face as I stalk through the front door and slam it behind me.
Fuck this. I don’t need someone throwing my past in my face. She knew what I was like before we started dating. I never hid that from her. I can’t control what people say or think, and we shouldn’t give a rat’s ass either. We were happy. We were so fucking happy, but if she doesn’t want to be with me, then that’s fucking peachy.
Abbie
I fall asleep crying, and I wake up crying. It’s been a week from hell. I’ve ignored the world. When my mom’s called, I’ve sent her to voicemail. When Faith’s sent me text messages, I didn’t bother opening them. I want to wake up when this hole in my chest is closed. When everything that’s happened is a blurry memory that I can’t grasp. Instead, I continue to relive it.
The fight Finn and I had was bad. We both said things we shouldn’t have. I know he’s more than a manwhore. I know he cares. But he wasn’t wrong. If I can’t see why he’d want to be with me, then this will always be a problem. I need to stop comparing myself to other women, but… There’s no but.
I went and messed up the best relationship I’ve ever been in because of what other people think. I don’t want to believe that Finn will eventually get bored and move on, leaving me heartbroken.
I can’t think about this right now. I have two photo shoots today with no desire to do either, but grateful for the distraction and the money. I don’t think living in Finn’s house would be the wisest decision after everything that’s happened. If I need to find a new place, it’s going to cost me. Or, I see myself moving back in with my parents and sisters.
I drag my body out of bed and into the shower. No amount of scrubbing
I do will wash away the sadness from this past week. We were both so angry, and I was doubting Finn when I shouldn’t. When all I want is to be with him, feel him holding me. I didn’t even get a final kiss.
Tears stream down my face as I think about how much he brought into my life—laughter, joy, love, fun. He helped me break out of my shell, think less, and act more.
I wipe the steam off the bathroom mirror and stare at myself. I’ll need a gallon of concealer to cover up the puffiness in my eyes and the red blotches all over my face. Anyone who sees me will know I’ve been crying. I can’t help but wonder if people have already heard about our breakup. It seems that in any small-town, the wind carries news to everyone’s ears.
I check my phone when I walk back to my room in hopes that Finn has called or written to me. I don’t know why I think he will. I’m the one who fucked up. He probably wants nothing to do with me, and I don’t blame him.
After doing my best to cover up any tell-tale signs of heartache, I head out to meet the couple I’m doing an engagement shoot for. Just one more thing to rub in that I don’t have Finn by my side anymore.
I want to be better for him, though. I want to believe in myself the way he does. I want to trust, but also send everyone to hell who tries to offer their opinions. Is it worth living a miserable life because others want you to? At what point do you give everyone the proverbial middle finger?
Right now, I want to tell all those people who have an opinion about my relationship with Finn to fuck off, and if given a chance, I may do just that. But ultimately, I was the one who let them get away with it. I let them affect me to the point of no return. And now I’m paying for it.
As punishment, I get to photograph a loving couple and hold back my emotions. This week can’t get any worse.
…
After running from the engagement shoot to the high school football field to take senior pictures for one of the football players, I drop on the couch and sigh, scrubbing the heels of my hands over my eyes. I’ve been holding in my emotions all day, acting strong for my clients and anyone who may be around. Inside, I was dying. Every time the couple smiled at each other, kissed, stared into each other’s eyes, a piece of my heart cracked further. It was torture.
You Make It Easy: A best friend's brother romance (Love in Everton Book 5) Page 17
