Henry nodded. “She’s my pride and joy. She’s such a smart, capable, good woman. Like her mother.”
I nodded and couldn’t help the feelings of unworthiness. I didn’t deserve either of them.
“Well, let me take this shot.”
“Mine is in the woods.” I pointed to the trees lining the fairway.
“Let’s hope your next nine holes are better than the last, eh?” Henry laughed.
“yeah yeah.” But the next nine weren’t any better. I couldn’t concentrate as thoughts of Leah and fears that I’d lose my good friend kept distracting me.
And now, I had a massive woody as I watched Leah in her hot red dress and sexy red lips that I wanted wrapped around my dick. She gave her father a kiss and then put her hand on my shoulder. For a moment, I worried she was going to out me. That she’d tell her father what I’d done to her.
“I’m sorry about golf. Perhaps you can win back your losses in cribbage,” she’d said.
Relief washed through me until I realized she could see my erection. I tried to hide it under the table, but there was no way she didn’t see her effect on me.
For the next few hours, I drank beer and played cribbage with Henry. I lost at that too. How could I concentrate knowing Leah was clubbing in sinfully sexy red dress? There was no doubt she’d attract male attention. She would be hit on all night. Would she take them up on their offer of a drink? Would she go home with one? Would Niall be there? Fuck, I was a mess.
When I left Henry with an agreement to play an afternoon nine holes tomorrow, I considered checking every club in Manhattan to find her. There were too many clubs to do that, but that’s not what stopped me. What stopped me was feeling like a fucking mooning idiot.
Instead, I went home determined to watch porn so I could have a different image in my brain than Leah as I jerked off.
Once home, I poured a glass of scotch, and sat on the couch overlooking the city. If Valerie was watching me, she was laughing her tight ass off. She’d always thought I was too emotionally vulnerable.
“What we have is better than love and romantic mush,” she said one night after we tested a vibrating cock ring with clit stimulator.
“Oh?” She rolled off me and immediately went to her tablet to increase the order of the device. Apparently, she liked it, but didn’t bother to ask me if I did. Not that I hadn’t gotten off, but as cock rings went, it was only so-so.
“The only thing we can count on this world is money and sex. We’re going to be rolling in both.”
I’d known she wasn’t big on romance or sentiment when I married her, but I hadn’t realized until then that her feelings for me probably couldn’t even be called affection. She liked my big dick and business smarts. I’d been okay with that because at first, I’d believed her. I’m not sure when that had changed. I hadn’t met another woman to make me change my mind. Perhaps it meant that I needed more. Perhaps I needed love.
I snorted and downed my drink. I might have wanted love, but Valerie was right. It was better to focus on the tangible; money and orgasms. Even as I told myself that, the imagine of Leah, with her pretty eyes and sweet smile, filled my brain.
Henry’s comment about her came back to me, “She doesn’t think it’s normal for a man not to have someone to love or to love them back. She’s a bit of a romantic that way.” I wished she’d waited for a man like that to take her virginity. I’d handled that all wrong and her first time would now be remembered as being angry and painful.
“You’re such an asshole, Cox.” I regretted hurting her, but I had to hold on to the reality of the type of man I was. I couldn’t let myself wonder if she could love a man like me or that I could love her the way she deserved.
I rose from the couch and poured another glass of scotch. I took it with me to my bedroom, setting it on my bedside table as I got undressed and considered whether to watch a porn movie or stream porn on my laptop.
A knock on my door interrupted my porn debate. Swearing, I put my robe on and went to my front door. I couldn’t imagine who’d be at my place at nearly eleven at night. How did they even get in the building and up to my door without the doorman calling me?
I opened the door, and immediately my dick came to life. Leah stood looking so pretty, so wanton, and I knew I was truly fucked.
“What are you doing here? How’d you even get in?”
“I told the doorman I was your intern.”
I closed my eyes at the reminder that I was the clichéd older business man sleeping with his intern. I opened my eyes again. “Are you okay? Is something wrong?” Leah had never come to me before with a problem, but then we’d never been lovers before.
She nodded toward my dick, which was now peering out of my robe. “Has he been like that since earlier this evening?”
Anger and annoyance swirled in my gut. “Are you here to toy with me, Leah? Now that you’ve been thorough fucked, have you become a tease?”
Hurt flashed in her eyes. “You think I’m some kind of slut?”
“I think you get off on my response to you. I get an erection, okay.” I opened my robe so she could see the full Monty. “There. Congratulations. Maybe for once you can consider, though, that I don’t want this. I don’t want to risk my company or my friendship with Henry for a fuck.”
She jerked back as if I slapped her. Guilt flooded me, but God help me, I couldn’t afford what it would cost me to have her. And not just my business and Henry’s friendship, but something told me it could cost me my soul as well.
12
Leah
I wasn’t surprised that Sebastian pushed me away, but I was shocked at how he said it. There was anger, but also frustration and fear. And he was right. I was pushing him to do things he didn’t want to do, even if his body did. I guess I figured that I could wear him down. That if he really wanted me, he’d eventually give in.
He also wasn’t wrong that I had a certain pride over his reaction to me. It wasn’t just that he’d get hard, but also the storm of desire that would brew in his dark eyes when he saw me. It made me feel beautiful and powerful.
But now I realized that it was mean to keep pushing when he’d been clear from the first day he used his dildo on me, he didn’t want this. He didn’t want to want me. His company and his friendship with my father were more important than me. It was time to face facts.
I swallowed. “I’m sorry, Sebastian.” The heat of humiliation grew as I realized I had been throwing myself at him like a foolish schoolgirl. “I didn’t realize—”
“Yes, you did, Leah.” He didn’t let off. “Don’t pull the naïve innocent girl with me. You know your assets and you like to use them. You especially liked using them against me by letting Niall take risqué pictures of you and grind you on at the party.”
I shook my head even though he wasn’t totally wrong. I had wanted to make him jealous of Niall. “No. Not against you. I… like you… I want you.” I didn’t want to tell him that I cared for him because I was sure that would close him up faster than my trying to seduce him.
“Well stop.” He closed his robe.
I didn’t realize tears were falling on my face until his demeanor changed.
“Fuck Leah, don’t cry.” He scrapped a hand over his face. “Don’t you see? I can’t afford you.”
“I understand. Your business and my father are more important.”
“Shit, don’t say it like that.” He opened his door. “Come in. I’ll get you a drink.”
I hesitated because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what he might say. But I wasn’t ready to walk out into the New York night crying either.
I stepped inside his apartment and then followed him to the living area. He had a wonderfully large window overlooking the city. I was drawn to it, the way the lights reflected in it and in the room.
“I’ve got wine, scotch, and more scotch.”
“Water.”
He nodded at the couch. “Have a seat.”
I perched
on the edge of the cushion, not wanting to get too comfortable. He came back a minute later with a glass of water.
He remained standing as he looked down on me. “All I seem to do is hurt you, Leah. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why you chose me or why you’d still want me.”
“You sell yourself short.” I sipped the water, hoping it would dislodge the lump in my throat. I was embarrassed feeling like a silly school girl.
“I am what I am.”
I looked up at him wondering if he really believed that. I could see that he did, but it also didn’t sit right with him. Like he wished he could be different.
“I see more.”
His eyes closed and I couldn’t tell if he savored my words or was bothered by them. Perhaps a bit of both.
“I’m not naïve, Sebastian, but I suppose my inexperience blinded me to the reality that this was all just sex to you.”
His jaw tensed.
“And I can see that it torments you. You see me as a school girl intern, daughter of your friend, and a potential sexual misconduct case.”
He turned away.
“I knew this. The signs were there. I mean, you’ve never kissed me. I’m inexperienced, but even I know that must mean something, right?”
“Jesus.” He turned and walked to the window. He looked down at his drink, downed it, and stared into the night. “You tie me in knots, Leah.”
I swallowed. “I’m sorry for that.” I stood, realizing that it was time to cut my losses. I’d gotten what I’d wanted from him. It had cost me my dignity, but it had cost him too. Perhaps I was a foolish school girl.
He let out a long sigh. “This is why you should have found someone else. Someone who’d have shown you tenderness. You deserve to be kissed and savored. I’m having a difficult time knowing your first time was the opposite of that.”
I set my glass on the coffee table and walked to stand next to him at the window. “I don’t regret anything.” Was it all I’d hoped it would be? The pleasure exceeded my expectations. But he was right that there wasn’t affection or tenderness. “I feel bad that I’ve put you in a difficult position. That it torments you. I’ll respect your wishes and stay out of your way.” I started to turn away.
“Kissing is too intimate.”
His words stopped me. I didn’t say anything. Instead I waited to see if he elaborated.
He turned his head to look at me. His eyes were stormy, a visual representation of the torment I put him through.
I gave him a warm smile and started to walk away. His arm reached out across my belly to stop me. I looked up into his dark eyes again, wondering what he was doing.
“Ah fuck it.” He pulled me to him, and his lips swooped down, capturing mine in a sizzling, explosive kiss. I gripped his robe labels mostly to keep from flying off into oblivion as his lips crushed mine. When his tongue sought entrance to my mouth, I willingly let him in. He tasted dark, dangerous, intoxicating, although that might have been the scotch.
I groaned, pressing closer to him, desperate to hold on for as long as possible. Who knew how long this would last before he came to his senses? But then the world was moving. He picked me up, and carried me, never breaking the kiss.
He bumped into something, and with one hand still wrapped around me, he took one sleeve of his robe off, switched me in his arms and took the other side off, letting the robe drop.
He finally set me on my feet, although I’m not sure how I was standing, my legs felt like jelly. He undid the back of my halter dress, pulling it down.
Only then did he break the kiss, as he dropped down and sucked my sensitive nipple into his mouth. I cried out as pleasure speared through my body, and I gripped his head to hold him there. Good god what he could do with his mouth.
With his other hand, he pushed the rest of my dress down. It pooled around my feet. He dragged his tongue down across my belly, hooking his fingers in my panties and yanking them down.
He pushed me back on the bed, pulling the panties from my legs, he tossed them aside, then quickly settled between my thighs, and devoured my pussy with his mouth. Immediately I was writhing and moaning in pleasure. He sent me flying into an orgasm that had my whole body feeling like it was on fire.
He moved up my body, and again he was kissing me. His mouth was wet as I tasted myself on him. His large body pressed me into the mattress. I heard the side drawer open, and I marveled out how he could multitask while kissing.
He rolled off me, and in quick work had a condom package opened and his hard length sheathed. Then he was on me again, his dick pressing at my entrance.
He levered back on his knees and pushed my knees up to my chest. He widened his thighs, and gripping my hips, he pulled me down until they were flush his, his dick laying on my stomach.
His dark eyes watched me intently, as he took his cock and slapped my belly with it, and then he pressed the head to my pussy.
“Yes…” My hips rose, wanting to feel him fill me again.
He took his time, his slow pace belying the fierce need I saw in his eyes. He inched in, slow but sure. It felt divine the way his cock fit inside me. I felt each hard ridge of his dick as it went deeper and deeper until finally, he hit the limit and then held still.
“Fuck.” It was the first thing he’d said since kissing me. His eyes were wild, but he didn’t move, as my body adjusted to his size.
He leaned forward, his large hands massaging my tits, and pinching my nipples. Instinctively, my body rocked around his cock.
“Yes, Sebastian… more…”
He shifted, laying his body over mine and sucking my nipple into his mouth. White hot electricity shot to my pussy. He ground his hips against mine, and tilted his pelvis, hitting my clit and I exploded again in a violent orgasm.
“Oh fuck… fuck…” He levered up on his hands and began to pump, harder and faster into me as he chanted “fuck” over and over.
My pussy was spasming taking my breath away with its intensity, as wave after wave of pleasure coursed through my body. I gripped his back, holding on so I didn’t come apart into a million pieces.
He threw his head back, and roared a long, “Fuuuuucccckkk,” as he slammed his cock deep inside until it couldn’t go any deeper. He ground against my hips as he groaned and panted and then did it again. And again, until finally he collapsed on me.
I loved the feel of his skin against my skin and his weight pressing me into the mattress. This is what I’d imagined sex was like. Which wasn’t to say I hadn’t enjoyed all the things he’d done to me before. But this, his laying on top of me, was what I’d wanted. Intimacy. I savored it because I was certain it would be gone shortly.
He reached between us and then rolled off me, his fingers holding the condom in place as he slipped out of me. He then sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and stood.
“Let me take care of this.” He walked through another door I took to be the bathroom.
I lay there, wanting to savor the moment longer, yet knowing he was likely going to make me leave like he had the last times. Yes, he’d kissed me. Yes, this time seemed a little different. But the fact that he hadn’t said much, told me he was still detached emotionally. He’d said as much when he told me he didn’t want trouble at work or with my father. I supposed it was a compliment that he was still unable to resist me.
He came out of the bathroom and stood by the bed. I turned to my side and took in his body. Since this could be the last time I saw him, I wanted to take in my fill. I raked my eyes over his strong, sculpted chest I knew he earned by running and rowing. His hips were lean, his legs strong, and even when not aroused, his dick was impressive.
“Keep looking at me like that, and you’ll wake him up.”
I smiled. “You have a sexy body, Sebastian.”
He smirked. “You hungry?”
I sighed, as I realized he wasn’t going to lay down with me. Perhaps lounging in bed was too intimate. “A little.”
He p
icked up his robe and handed to me. At least he wasn’t giving me my dress and kicking me out. Then he went to his closet and pulled out another robe. “Let’s get something to eat. I think you’re going to need it.”
That piqued my interest. “I am?” I put my arms through the sleeves of his robe, liking the soft feel of it on my skin, and scent of him.
“I’ve got more to teach you, if you want to learn.”
I nodded. There was no doubt I wanted him to touch me more. I only wished he viewed it differently. I didn’t want a teacher. I wanted him to touch me because he cared about me.
13
Sebastian
Two things had become clear to me: One, I couldn’t resist her. I craved her like an addict craved his next hit. Two, right now, I was a man, and she was a woman. Not a boss to intern. Not a friend of her fathers. At least that was what I told myself when I decided to make the most of this Saturday night by consuming her luscious body.
I’d broken one of my rules; no kissing and a part of me believed it was a mistake, but it was hard to regret it because she tasted fucking delicious. Her mouth was warm, her tongue soft, just like the rest of her. I’d broken that rule, but I’d resisted the cuddling, even though she’d looked so warm and inviting in my bed.
I headed out to the kitchen with Leah following me. “Want some wine?”
“Sure.” She walked over to the large window in my living area. “This is a great window and view of the park.”
“I like it.” I poured her a glass of wine and brought it to her and then went into the kitchen to fix us a plate of cheese and fruit. As I worked, my conscious started to get the best of me but this time it didn’t have to do with my company or Henry. It had to do with hurting Leah. I was a selfish bastard by continuing to indulge my insatiable need for her. She deserved more than I’d ever be able to give her. She was a woman that should be worshiped and loved. I didn’t have it in me to be that man.
I carried the plate of food and my own glass of wine out into the living area and set it on the coffee table. I sat on the couch and watched her for a moment. She was so beautiful, and yet so much more. Valerie had stunning looks, but all her beauty was on the outside. Deep down she was just as selfish as I was. I supposed that was what made us a great team.
Beautiful Mistakes: Contemporary Romance Boxset Books 1-4 Page 25
