“I don’t understand what’s going on,” I admitted. What was I missing?
He stepped toward me again. I retreated, which put my back against the door. He pressed one hand on the door, moving closer to me. I wasn’t afraid. I didn’t think he would hurt me. But I wanted to retreat because his nearness made my hormones go haywire. I was too annoyed and confused at Blake to let my desire for him cloud my thoughts or judgement.
“What’s going on is that I can’t stand the thought of Dylan Colby’s hands on you.”
Huh? “He hasn’t had his hands—”
“I saw him touch you, Bella. I saw the intention in his eyes.”
Why was this such a big deal to him? He couldn’t be jealous, could he? “You said I needed to find someone who was interested in me. He is.”
“I know, and I hate it.”
“Why?” He wasn’t making any sense. “You said you couldn’t—”
“I shouldn’t.” His gaze drifted from my eyes to my lips and then back again. “But I can’t seem to fucking help it.” Before I had to time to realize or react, he dove in, his lips consuming mine in a fiery blaze of frustrated heat.
10
Blake
I would have never have guessed I was a jealous man. I met Joanna in college and we were together until the day she died. I never had to compete for her. I also didn’t need to try to resist her or push her away. She was mine and I was hers from the start. So, these feelings of anger, frustration and yes, jealousy, around Bella caught me completely off guard, and I couldn’t manage them one second longer.
I hadn’t gone to her office to confront her about Dylan, but when I saw him touch her cheek and then her arm, my blood boiled. For days now, I had to endure the guilt and embarrassment of erotic dreams that sometimes came to fruition. I still hadn’t figured out how I was going to explain changing sheets so often to the housekeeper.
While I tried to avoid Bella, seeing her in the office always put me in a state of semi-arousal. How could I run a billion-dollar company with a constant hard-on?
All of it got worse when I saw how Lily took to Bella and how sweet Bella was with her. It was like Cupid was fucking with my heartstrings and my dick.
When I saw raw, masculine desire for Bella in Dylan’s eyes, I snapped. An intense possessiveness filled my body, even though I knew I had no right to feel it. Even though it made me feel like shit to betray the love I had for my wife.
And now, I was kissing Bella like my life depended on it. Thank fuck she was kissing me back. Then again, she could save me by pushing me away. Instead, she gripped my shirt and kissed me back, opening her mouth so I could taste her sweetness.
This was wrong, and yet, I couldn’t stop it. I had to have her. I swung her around and moved us toward my desk, my mouth still devouring hers.
“I have to touch you, Bella. Say I can touch you again.” Jesus, my balls felt like they were on fire, my need was all consuming.
“Yes.” Her fingers pulled at my tie. With my lips fused to hers, I pulled the top of her dress down and took her bra off so I could suck on those glorious tits. She gripped my head, holding me to her, as I licked and laved and sucked one and then the other. I lifted up the skirt of her dress and pushed her panties down, then set her on the edge of my desk.
I brushed my finger over her pussy. “You’re so wet. Wet for me, right Bella?”
“Yes. Just for you.”
Good. I didn’t want any of this to be from Dylan. I dropped to my knees, pushing her thighs open. Her pussy glistened with her wetness and my mouth watered anticipating her taste.
I looked up at her, loving the haze of desire I saw in her eyes. “Have you ever been eaten?”
She shook her head. “I’ve never had anything except what we did before.”
It was so wrong how fucking good that news was to me. I was the only man who fucked her and now the first to eat her. That made her mine. All mine. Only mine. I pushed those thoughts away because they were wrong and dangerous. Instead, I focused on the sweet pussy in front of me.
I used my fingers to open the lips and saw her hard, pink clit.
“Blake… if you don’t like it…”
“Oh, I’m going to love it.” I flicked my tongue over her clit. She let out a moan and her body jerked. “You like that?”
“Yes.” Her fingers threaded through my hair, pulling me to her pussy. Good, because I was going to devour her. I flicked her clit again and then focused on her entrance, teasing it by licking her and then thrusting in with my tongue. She writhed and moaned, and I felt like a fucking god the way she responded. She didn’t hold back. There was no hesitation. She put her trust in me, and I needed to make sure I earned it by giving her the best orgasm of her life.
I pushed her legs wider, and feasted on her, pushing her up and up until she cried out and her sweet juices gushed onto my tongue. I rose, watching her as she panted and worked to catch her breath.
“You all right?”
She gave me a stunning smile. “Yes. That was fantastic.” She looked down at my pants. How my dick hadn’t busted the zipper, I didn’t know. She rubbed a hand over my cock. I stepped back and she frowned. “I want a turn.”
“I want to fuck you, Bella? Can I?” I reached over to my desk drawer. Rummaging through it, I found a box of condoms left over from when Joanna and I would have sex in the office. She’d gone off the pill when she was diagnosed with cancer, so we used condoms until she was too sick to work or have sex. Hopefully, they hadn’t expired.
I held up a strip of condoms. “This time I’ll do it right. I promise.”
“Was the last time wrong? Because I liked it the last time.”
I set the condom on the desk next to her creamy pale thigh. Then I held her face in my hands. “I could have done it better.”
The truth was, the first time, I’d wanted to make it good for her and take care because she was a virgin. But my need overwhelmed me, and I’d been a bit rough and too quick. Not this time. This time, I’d take my time and make sure I didn’t hurt her or finish too quickly. At least I’d try, because my blood was hot and my dick throbbed with a need that was fucking hard to rein in.
I undid my pants, pushing them down while she finished unbuttoning my shirt.
“You have so many muscles. I didn’t know.” She ran her hands over my chest.
“I have this too.” I sheathed my dick and settled it between her thighs.
Her eyes flashed with heat, telling me she wanted this.
“Lay back, Bella.”
I had cleared my desk, so she could lay back comfortably. I stepped between her thighs and set my dick on her belly.
“I want him in me.” She reached down and rubbed him.
“Soon enough.” I took my dick and rubbed her clit with it, watching her face as it contorted in pleasure, her lips as they rounded as she moaned. “Squeeze your tits.”
She did as I asked and the sight of her pinching her nipples sent my dick into overdrive.
“Now, Bella.” I pressed my tip to her entrance.
“Yes.” She hissed, tilting her hips to meet me.
I gritted my teeth as I took my time, moving in and out, inch by slow inch until finally, I was buried inside her. Her tight pussy walls gripped my cock, and I was in fucking heaven. I could probably come just from that. No thrusting. Just her pussy squeezing and sucking on my cock.
“You’re so tight, Bella. It’s so fucking good.”
“I’m so full… I can feel every inch of you.” She arched her back, exposing her lovely neck, pressing her round tits upwards.
I leaned forward, sucking her nipple. Her pussy contracted hard, and little stars burst behind my eyes, forcing a groan from me and my instincts kicked in. I withdrew and pressed back in, determined to take my time.
“Yes. Oh yes, Blake,” she said when I pushed in again. Her hips rocked, and I moved with her, letting her set the pace. Her face contorted into frustration. “Blake… more…”
“What do you need, Bella?”
Her head rolled side to side, as she groaned. “More… faster…”
I’d never been with a virgin before. The few girlfriends I had before Joanna, had had at least one other sexual experience before me. Joanna had a boyfriend in high school and one before me in college. So being with Bella was a new experience. It was fascinating to watch as she discovered what she enjoyed and sought the words to tell me what she needed.
I picked up the pace, thrusting faster with more force, trying to rein in my need to pound away to my own orgasm.
“Ohhhhhh.” She panted, and her pussy squeezed my dick in tighter and longer contractions.
I groaned as tension in my balls coiled tighter and tighter. I was going to come at any moment.
“Come on my dick, Bella… I want to watch you come.”
“Oh God, Blake.” Her entire body was writhing as I moved in and out of her. Knowing I didn’t have much time, I pressed my thumb to her clit.
She screamed out my name and her entire body contracted, arching off my desk as her pussy clamped down on my cock so hard, it was a wonder it didn’t bite it off.
“Oh fuck, Bella…” Those stars I saw earlier became supernovas as my orgasm slammed into me like a nuclear blast. I plunged in and ground against her pussy as the first shock wave radiated through me. Then I did it again, and again. When I thought I might be done, her pussy contracted hard, and all of a sudden I was coming for a second time.
I didn’t know how long it was, but finally, completely spent, I withdrew. I wasn’t sure how my legs were still holding me up because my entire body felt like a wet noodle. Not wanting to chance anything, I took off the filled condom, tied it off, and threw it into the trash.
I ran my hands up her thighs. “You okay?”
Her eyes were closed, but a very satisfied smile grew on her lips. “Oh yeah.”
I laughed. There was something compelling about Bella’s innocence. Not her sexual innocence, although I’d be a liar if I said that wasn’t exciting. But the way she let her feelings show. She’d been truly baffled by my response to seeing her with Dylan. And right now, she didn’t have any hesitation or guard up, even though she knew I wasn’t a man worth pinning her hopes and dreams on.
It was that thought that took the wind out of my sails. I’d just had sex on the desk in my office. The office I’d built with Joanna. The office I had sex with Joanna in.
Again, guilt and self-loathing filled my gut. But this time, I fought it. I loved my wife, but she was gone. I was committed to fulfilling the dream she and I had for this company, but that didn’t mean I had to live my life as a hermit, did it?
Bella sat up, and she must have seen the tug-of-war playing in my mind. Her eyes, a minute ago filled with happiness and hazy with sex, were now sad.
She pulled up the top of her dress, slipping her arms inside the sleeves. She hopped off the edge of my desk, put her skirt back in place, and then picked up her panties up off the floor.
I pulled my pants up and then reached for her. “Bella.”
She put her hands on my chest, but not the way she had before when she wanted to touch me. This time it felt like she was pushing me away. “I know. This was a mistake—”
“No.” I put my finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to mine. I blew out a breath. “I won’t deny that I’m struggling or that this was another moment when my libido got away from me.”
Her brows pulled together and she looked at me as I tried to explain myself. If only I knew what I wanted to say. All I knew was that I didn’t want her to think that what just happened was bad. Or that I regretted it. Because I didn’t. I knew it shouldn’t happen again, but God help me, I wanted it to.
“But—”
At my “but” she started to pull back and I let her.
“Bella. I want you. I can’t stop wanting you. That’s the truth.”
Her blue eyes turned up to mine, but this time I saw a guarded look in them. Good. She needed to learn that the world was a cruel place, especially for the heart.
“I don’t want to fight it anymore. What hasn’t changed is that I can’t give you what you want or deserve. There won’t be a happily ever after with me.”
She swallowed. “So, what are you saying?”
I was a total fucking asshole. “I’m saying I’d like to be with you, but it won’t lead anywhere.”
Her face was blank, which made me feel worse. Was she offended by my offer of an affair? Was she interested? Did she even understand what I was saying?
She looked down.
“I know this is wrong on so many levels, the first of which is that it’s not fair to you. I know I’m a bastard to even suggest it. I won’t blame you if you say no. I’m not worth it, Bella.”
If she was smart, she’d tell me no and walk out. But how I wanted her to say yes. Even after just having her, all I could think about was wanting to eat her again. Maybe I’d fuck her on my desk again, but this time I’d take her from behind. I was crazy with a lust for her that I couldn’t control.
But right now, I could only watch and wait to see if she was willing to accept my terms. Was she willing to have a no-strings affair, or would she tell me to go to hell.
11
Bella
The right answer was to refuse him. My mother didn’t raise me to be a mistress, especially to my boss. I may not know what advice she’d give on getting over a man, but I was certain she’d say that I shouldn’t sign up to be a mistress.
But I didn’t say no. It wasn’t because I was still reeling from the two spectacular orgasms that had me considering his proposal. It was just what he said, “I can’t seem to stop wanting you. That is the truth.”
I was an idiot to think those words meant something. After all, he also said he couldn’t give me any more than a no-strings attached affair. And yet, the fact that Mr.-total-emotional-control admitted to wanting me to the point of jealousy over Dylan meant something. Didn’t it? No, it wasn't love, but there was something there.
Blake wasn’t a man to be vulnerable. And he wasn’t a man to put his needs first. His devotion to his wife and his daughter came first, and then came his work realizing their goals for the company. His needs came last. He’d denied them for so long and there was something about me that made his will crumble. It was flattering, even intoxicating that he couldn’t help his desire for me. And maybe, given time, his physical needs too would lead him to want me to meet his emotional needs.
Or I was deluding myself. In fact, I probably was, which showed just how much I wanted him. Either way, I couldn’t turn him down.
Whether or not his feelings for me would change over time, I couldn’t know. But I did know that he was a man who deserved to indulge in his own needs, and I could give that to him. It was dangerous for me. But he was clear where he stood now. As long as I kept that in mind, I could protect my heart.
Somewhere in heaven, my mother was probably groaning or screaming for me to walk away. But stupid or not, I was as powerless against him as he seemed to be with me.
I must have taken too long with my answer because he stepped back and turned away. “Never mind. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No.” I reached out for his arm, waiting until he turned back to me. “I just needed to think for a moment.”
“Of course, you did. What I asked you for was crazy. Offensive. I’m too old for you.”
I smiled. “It’s not crazy. I’m a willing participant in all this. And you’re not too old. You need to stop saying that.”
“Well how about this: if you say yes, no one can know and I won’t share you with anyone else.”
The fact that no one could know about us was something I already understood. I wouldn’t want people at work to know either, and I knew he wouldn’t want his daughter or his in-laws to know. However, the no-sharing part baffled me. “Sharing?”
“It’s a ridiculous request, but I don’t want to share you.”
&nbs
p; “Who would you share me with?”
His brows furrowed and he looked at me like I’d grown a third eye. “Dylan.”
“What? I was a virgin until last weekend, and you think I’m already sleeping with him?”
“Fuck.” He pressed his hand to his forehead. “No. I’m sorry. I can’t seem to do this without offending you.” He took a deep breath. “I’m saying that you want more than I can give you so it would make sense that you would continue to look for a relationship even if you’re spending time with me. But I’m an asshole and don’t want to share you.”
“It’s not like that between me and Dylan.”
He pursed his lips like he didn’t believe me.
I had to admit that things with Dylan could have gone in that direction, but it hadn’t. “We’ve only talked at work. And texted. We’ve never been on a date,” I explained.
“He’ll ask you.” He turned away again and sank into his desk chair. “Fuck it. You should choose him. He’s closer to your age, probably doesn’t have as much baggage either. There’s a chance that he’s the one that can give you what you want.”
I felt annoyed that he was unable to stick to what he wanted. It showed that his interest in me was simply sex. When he was aroused, he couldn’t resist me, but once he’d had an orgasm, he could push me away.
“Maybe he is,” I said.
Blake’s eyes flashed with jealous heat, which was what I hoped for.
“But he’s not what I want,” I finished.
He shook his head. “You shouldn’t want me.”
“And you don’t think you should want me either, and yet here we are.” I watched him for a moment as he stared back at me. “Blake, as it turns out, I can’t stop wanting you either. It seems the only answer is to go with it.”
“I’ll end up hurting you.”
“You don’t know that. I might hurt you.”
He scrubbed his hands over his face. “You deserve—”
“Just because I want to have what you and your wife had someday, doesn’t mean I want it now. I’m still young. I have time.”
Beautiful Mistakes: Contemporary Romance Boxset Books 1-4 Page 47
