by Karla Luna
She swallowed hard and continued to stare me down. It made me slightly uncomfortable. But I already said too much, telling her what I thought about her choices and decisions, so why not continue with my ranting?
“Evelyn, don’t you see why I’ve kept my distance? It’s because things like these happen. Why do you have to go off and do these things when…”
“Because I want to be free!”
I flinched a bit when she snapped at me, earning us more stares from people. But I guess they were too drunk and high to pay attention to what we were really talking about. “Haven’t you realized yet how fucking fucked up this world is? I have my urges and I want to escape the real world, even for just a little while. Understand?!”
“Oh, I understand perfectly. Yeah, go on ahead then. Go back to Davne and make out. Go and do whatever it is bad boys and bad girls do. Sleep together and hurt people.” I tightly closed my eyes after I took in her hurt expression.
Then suddenly, I couldn’t breathe, as an image of Davne beating me up came to mind.
Don’t tell me this was happening again. Please, please, not again.
“Zavier, are you okay?”
I heard the gentle voice off in the distance, as I felt my knees hit the floor. I grabbed on to my hair and breathed heavily. I heard my heart thumping rapidly against my chest, a few screaming voices, and the music slowly fading away.
I tried to speak, telling her that I was completely fine, even though I obviously wasn’t, but my voice was caught somewhere deep inside my throat.
“No, you’re not. Oh my god…” I then felt warm hands on my cheeks, helping me tilt my head up since it felt so heavy right now. “Stay with me, please. Do you hear me, Zavier? Stay with me!”
“What’s going on?” I heard Jesse ask, also seemingly from a distance, right before he swore. “Everybody, get the fuck out of the way and let him breathe!” Now I only heard his voice, plus a whole lot of mumbling. “Dammit, you’ll be all right, buddy.” Mumbling. “It’s just a panic attack, we gotta get him out of here.” More mumbling. “He needs to calm down and hold his breath for about three seconds. But when he freaks out like this, he can’t hold his breath properly, which obviously isn’t …”
His voice was then cut off.
But that’s exactly when I felt soft, gentle lips pressed up against my own…
15: Takes One To Know One
•Evelyn•
I kept my lips lingered on Zavier’s for just a few more seconds than was necessary, savoring the feel of his soft, sweet lips before I fully pulled away and looked at him to see if he was completely okay now.
He was still frozen up, almost like a statue that I feared he might’ve just died on me while I was kissing him.
But then, he started to breathe slowly as he opened his eyes to look right at me, his brown irises gleaming in shock. His cheeks were their usual rosy red, while he struggled to say a few words.
Before he could even say anything though, I just hugged him tight to me and kissed his shoulder. “Gosh, you’re okay. You’re okay...”
I looked up at Ethan, seeing him pale yet relieved. Then I took a look at Jesse, who blew out a deep breath and looked around the crowded place while scratching his head. It was clear that these two really loved Zavier as a brother, and they would hate to see him gone.
I didn’t know if it was just an exaggeration, but it really seemed that if we hadn’t helped him breathe properly, he would’ve actually died on us, right then and there. I knew now that something was definitely wrong with him. He had some sort of condition that made him react to things in that particular way, or in this case, react to Davne that way.
He was afraid. He was so deathly afraid that he actually found it hard to breathe.
I lightly put my fingers to my lips, still feeling his soft, plump lips pressed against my own. I wanted to kiss him some more, fully kiss him. But this was just to help him. I hadn’t intended to kiss him, it just happened. He needed to hold his breath somehow, and it seemed impossible for him do so at that moment. I didn’t know what else do to. I was panicking myself. I felt that if I didn’t help him soon, it’d be too late and I’d be blaming myself for it.
Gosh, this was all crazy. And I was just about to kiss Davne not even five minutes ago, but I ended up kissing Zavier instead.
Shaking my head to push away all the crazy thoughts, I tightened my arms around him, but made sure he could still breathe properly. I felt the rapid beating of his heart through his clothes and his breathing was still hitching a bit. He even slightly coughed a few times, but I knew he was fine. He was going to be completely fine because we were right there with him.
We drove back home in silence, Zavier having said nothing after the little kiss. He took the passenger seat and rolled the windows down as well. I sat behind him, catching his eye a few times on the side mirrors, which caused him to blush and or shyly look down. I liked how he nervously lifted up his glasses every time, or how his floppy hair flowed perfectly with the wind.
He was most likely still processing the whole thing while also trying to calm himself down.
Great, I stole his first kiss, and he was angry with me.
This may sound mean, but I doubt Joss would’ve been his very first kiss. I still would’ve stolen it if he was actually close to doing it with her.
Looking back at the window once we finally got back home, my thoughts immediately drifted off to Stormy.
Once we all went in though, we didn’t tell her exactly where we were, and she didn’t ask. She tended to let us keep our privacy and I respected that. But sometimes I wondered if she really was helping me out, because even Zavier seemed way more worried about me than she was.
“Goodness,” she said, as she took a look at Zavier. Somehow he had gotten as pale as a ghost again, and started to breathe faster while holding on to one of the couches. “Please don’t tell me this was Davne.”
I got angry just by the name. This was all because of him... he was the damn cause of this.
“Here, honey,” Stormy told Zavier, as she grabbed on to his shoulders and led him up to his room. All the while, Jesse, Ethan, and I sat down patiently in the living room, waiting for Stormy to come back so that she could explain a few more things to me. I had a feeling she needed to, and was actually going to tell me a few unknown secrets about Zavier.
When she came back, she deeply sighed and took a seat right next to me. “I know, an explanation is what you are waiting for, isn’t it?” she asked, looking directly at me.
I just continued to stare at her after she said those words, slightly knitting my eyebrows in worry and concern, but most of all, curiosity. I was waiting for her to tell me everything already, or at least why Zavier had that kind of reaction when Davne was around. I mean, I knew most people would freak out, but his reaction wasn’t normal at all. He couldn’t breathe and he was practically on his deathbed for fuck’s sake.
“What’s wrong with him, Stormy?” I asked, though it barely came out as a whisper since I feared it’d be too loud and that he’d hear all the way upstairs. I was sure he was resting though, and I hoped he was. He really needed to get some serious rest, if even for a little while.
“He has a Panic Disorder.” My heart skipped a beat by the time those words left her mouth. No. No, no... “Since that Davne Carnrode…”
“Conrad,” Jesse corrected as he threw his head back on the couch.
Stormy just gave him a quick glance with a hard look before turning back to face me. “Whatever. He hurt my boy, the only boy I have. I hate that kid just as much as Zavier did because of what he did. And yes…” she paused to take a deep breath, “… he is the reason.”
“T-the reason?” I shyly asked her.
“Yes. The panic attacks started happening around the time of Davne’s harsh bullying. Of course, Zavier got cured when Davne was thrown in jail, or juvie, as they say. But now... oh, now that he’s back, it was bound to come back."
I gulped.
I knew that by ‘it’, she meant the panic attacks. I knew how terrible they were for people who had them. At the Orphanage, I saw people having them all the time, but I never knew how to help them even when I wanted to. That was why I was so scared with Zavier. I was glad – and very lucky – that Jesse and Ethan were there to tell me what to do.
“No rehab worked for Zavier, even when I tried to help him.” Stormy frowned, and it almost seemed as if she wanted to cry, too. “Only medication and pills worked for a bit, but he stopped taking them.”
Suddenly, I stood up from my seat. I had heard enough of this. Dammit, I felt enraged.
“Why... why didn’t anyone tell me this?” I asked, my voice rising after each word left my mouth.
“He doesn’t like anybody knowing, sweetie,” Stormy simply stated. She rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand as if trying to dry invisible tears. “He feels terrible about it, but says it’s no big deal.”
“Well, this is a big deal! This is definitely something big!” I couldn't hold in my anger and I felt slightly guilty for snapping at her like that. But if I was supposed to live here with Zavier, then I needed to know these things, in case I was alone with him and he started to have a panic attack. I wasn’t a damn professional. I didn’t know anything about this stuff! But hopefully now, I’d be able to help instead of being useless to him.
“Calm down, please,” Stormy told me as she sniffed, already on the verge of tears. “I still have his medication and all of that stuff, just please... please let me ask a favor of you.”
All I did was continue to stare down at her. Then I took my seat and pressed my lips together into a thin line, waiting for her to continue.
“Take care of him. I know it may sound childish to babysit him, but Jesse, Ethan,” she paused to stare at the two boys with concerned faces. It was clear they cared just as much for their best friend. “You boys know why I need you to look out for him.” She then turned to me. “Davne is most likely on the radar since he’s on parole, but still. And Evelyn, I need you to just keep Davne away from him, somehow.”
I honestly didn’t know what she meant.
But wait... Davne seemed really intrigued by my behavior and looks, and I doubted he would listen to me if I told him to leave me alone. And since I’d most likely always be with or around Zavier, that would mean keeping Davne away from Zavier was going to be really hard!
But nevertheless, I nodded at Stormy. “Okay,” I barely whispered.
Contemplating whether or not to go into his room was annoying the hell out of me. The door was open, and even if it weren’t, we all knew I still would’ve unlocked it and walked right in (ahem, even if he was changing…) *wink wink*
Sighing deeply, I decided to slowly open the door, making it creak as I took a peek inside.
Zavier was lying down on his bed, facing the wall with his hands neatly placed on his stomach. The blankets were draped over his body, placed just under his arms as he slowly breathed in and out.
“Zavier?” He didn’t turn to look at me, but I knew he was wide awake. “Are you okay?”
“Of course I am,” he responded all too seriously, and I was taken aback a little. But then, he turned to face me and sweetly smiled. “You saved me.” And even as he said it, I knew he clearly remembered our kiss since he majorly flushed.
I chuckled and put a strand of hair behind my ear. “Nah, I didn’t. I don’t ‘save people,’ Zavier.”
“But you did. It just goes to show that even a person like you can have a good heart and actually like to help people.”
“Now, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” That caused him to chuckle a little. “Even though I’m a delinquent, that doesn’t mean I don’t care about people.”
“You...” He swallowed hard, lightly closing his eyelids as if to take away an image he just saw in his mind. Then, in a broken whisper that had my heart aching, he said, “y-you were with him...” By ‘him’ he obviously meant Davne.
I never forgot his face when he saw us together and how angry he got. The guilt was coming back again. He saw us together and that was what triggered it all. I didn’t want him freaking out again so I tried my best to change the subject.
“I... it was nothing,” I reassured him, coming closer and brushing his hair back from his forehead with my fingers. I had the sudden urge to kiss his forehead, but I stopped myself. I think I needed another drink.
“Seems like people really can panic… at the disco though,” I suddenly said, with a smirk playing at my lips, as he playfully rolled his eyes and laughed warm-heartedly.
“Really, a band reference?”
“Hey, perfect time to use it.” I shrugged and pouted. “Your mother told me, by the way.”
He sighed and closed his eyes again for just a few seconds. “I hate it. Every time I have an attack, it feels like... like I’m about to die and…”
“Don’t.” He closed his mouth once he heard my firm tone. “Don’t think about it. Just keep on resting and it’ll all be well. I just wanted to check up on you, so now…” I was just about to leave, when his hand caught my wrist to stop me from going. I turned to him and could’ve sworn I saw his adorable brown irises wet with tears, looking sorrowful. I knew what that look meant. He needed someone. He needed someone really, really badly.
“Stay. I can’t... I can’t handle this. Not on my own right now. Please…”
“Okay,” I quickly said with a smile. “I’ll stay.” Taking a deep breath as he quickly let go of my wrist, I took a look around his awesome room to try and at least entertain the both of us. “Want bedtime stories?” That made him grin like a fool, but actually it simply looked beautiful on him. “We can read you...” I playfully gasped as I took out a random book from his shelf. It was a manga, from what I heard. “One Piece! Or...” I took out another random book. “Scott Pilgrim?” I raised both eyebrows almost seductively, and he laughed. My heart fluttered at the warm sound. I loved making him happy like this.
“Sure... those are some of my favorites. They’re really funny.”
“Well then, let’s get to reading!” I excitedly yelled, as I hopped on his bed and lay down next to him.
I opened up the Scott Pilgrim book first, feeling his eyes on me as he warmly chuckled when I rested my head on his chest.
His heart was beating so fast, telling me that he was nervous as usual, but he went with the flow instead.
“Chapter One...”
And then, we were off to another world as I read and he followed along. But I found myself unable to concentrate when I felt him slightly playing with my hair.
Goddamn, how good it felt.
At hearing my phone vibrate in my pocket, I jumped awake and sat up on the bed. I groaned and took in my surroundings.
It was a little dark except for the small lamp on Zavier’s…
Wait.
Turning my head to the right, I saw Zavier sleeping soundly at the far side of the bed. His glasses were now on the nightstand, but his hair was slightly covering his forehead and eyebrows.
Soon, I found myself putting my hand on his forehead. I moved his hair away to see his sweet, innocent and endearing face as he softly and slowly breathed in and out.
Whoa! Endearing? Where did that word come from? I never used something like that to describe someone before… it felt odd.
Shaking my head and pulling my hand away as if his warm, smooth skin had somehow burned me, I got off the bed as quietly as I could. Then, I exited and walked over to my room, jumping on my bed.
I realized then that my phone still kept on vibrating, meaning someone was still calling me, and that they weren’t planning on stopping anytime soon.
It was a little past midnight, so who the hell was calling me now?
Wondering if it might’ve been Drake or the other guys secretly trying to get ahold of me, I just pressed the answer button, and instantly regretting it when I heard a familiar, venomous, and husky voice on the other line.
“H
ey bunny, about time you answered.”
God, please do me the honor of killing me right at this moment.
“What the hell?!” I grumbled, hearing him chuckle as I put my fingers on my forehead. I was suddenly feeling a headache coming on. “How the hell did you get my phone number?” And why was I stupid enough to answer, actually thinking it was Drake?
“Oh, I have my ways,” was his respond. I just scoffed. Typical. Bad boys always had ‘their ways.’
See, the way I got people’s phone numbers was by threatening the people closest to them. But I would only need numbers when on drug dealing duty, or something very serious.
I didn’t do it for the fucking fun of annoying someone that you knew didn’t like you – like this guy for example.
“Of course you do,” I said with a scowl on my face, my tone serious and hard.
“Hey, you think we would’ve had sex already if we actually got to kiss back there?” Ugh. Seriously? He had to bring that up? That was the very last thing I wanted to talk about before going back to sleep. Should I just hang up on this douche?
I was about to reply with a comeback, saying I had kissed Zavier instead and that he was way better than Davne could’ve been. But for some reason, I responded with something else. I didn’t have time for his shit. “We weren’t about to kiss. Okay?” I even faked a smile, knowing very well he couldn’t see, but it played well with my façade.
All he did was laugh, and I imagined him throwing his head back. Man, every time he laughed, I wanted to punch his stupid face in – mostly, because his laugh sounded really deep and attractive. Yes, sue me for finding him extremely good-looking yet irritating.
