by R J Nolan
“Casey, stay here, please. I’ll make sure she’s okay.” She sprinted after Logan.
When Dale reached the end of the hall, she slid to a stop. The corridor ended in a T-junction. She glanced down each hallway. Logan was nowhere in sight. Damn it! Where could she have disappeared to so quickly? She walked partway along one hallway lined with locked office doors, then turned around and made her way down the other side of the junction to the elevators. She couldn’t picture Logan getting on an elevator in her agitated state.
Dale ground her teeth. She’d had her share of panic attacks early in her recovery. Think! Where would you go? She glanced around. The door to the stairway caught her eye. She rushed to the door but caught herself before she shoved it open. The last thing she wanted was to startle Logan. Dale eased the door open and peered into the landing. When she didn’t see Logan, she stepped forward and let the door shut behind her. Loud, fast breathing alerted her to Logan’s presence.
Logan was in the back corner, under the open stairway, bent over at the waist with her hands on her thighs. Her breath sawed in and out at a rapid pace.
She approached her slowly. “Logan. It’s Dale.”
There was no response.
Dale needed to stop Logan’s hyperventilation before she passed out. “Logan. Listen to me. I’m here now. You’re safe.” She kept her voice calm and soothing. “You need to slow down your breathing. Can you do that for me?” Carefully, so as not to make things worse, Dale lightly touched Logan’s back. When she didn’t flinch, Dale gently stroked her hand up and down. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
Logan looked up; her face was pale and beaded with sweat. She struggled to get her breathing under control. She brought her hands up and cupped them over her mouth for several breaths.
“That’s it. Nice and easy.” Dale let out a relieved sigh when Logan’s pulse began to slow and her respiratory rate dropped. “Good. Now take some slow, deep breaths.”
As soon as Logan had herself under control, she stepped away from Dale. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” Although she normally wouldn’t admit this to a coworker, if it helped Logan, she would. “Believe me, I’ve had my share of panic attacks.”
Logan’s eyes went wide. She hesitated for a moment. Finally she said, “I haven’t had one in a long time. I thought I’d gotten past them.”
“They can sneak up on you with the right trigger. It was the gifts, wasn’t it?”
Logan gulped and nodded.
Dale moved closer until their shoulders almost touched. She knew it was helpful to talk about the trigger event. Now, with Logan’s defenses down, might be the only chance she had to reach her. “Will you tell me about it?”
Logan stiffened and shook her head. A single step put her back against the wall.
Dale understood her reluctance, but she wanted so badly to be able to help Logan. Shoving her hands into her pockets, she stepped out from under the stairway. “Well, umm…I guess I should get back. Are you sure you’re okay to drive home?”
“I’m fine.” Logan dabbed the sweat from her face with her sleeve and then, acting as if nothing had happened, joined her on the stairway landing. “Would you tell Casey that I’ll come pick up Drake and get his stuff as soon as she gets home from work?”
“What? Why would you do that?”
“I made a deal that I’d help, but I just…I can’t. Especially today, so—”
“No. Casey wouldn’t want you to do something that hurts you. I don’t want you to either. You don’t need to pay Casey back for taking care of Drake. I know it’s only been a few days, but she’s completely taken with him. She has really missed having a dog around. And Drake still needs time to heal.”
“I didn’t keep my commitment.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “He can’t stay with her.”
The determination in Logan’s voice made it clear that Dale was fighting a losing battle trying to convince her. “If you’re bound and determined to help, we’ll come up with something else.” She racked her brain for an alternative. “How about New Year’s Eve? You’re off too, right?” Logan nodded. “We always have a party in the patients’ lounge in orthopedics. You can come help with that.”
While Dale wasn’t completely comfortable with involving Logan in the party, after her reaction today, she didn’t want to expose her to any more Christmas activities.
Clearly indecisive, Logan shuffled her feet.
“It’s still the holidays. You’re keeping your word.”
“All right. I can do that.”
“Great. I’ll let Casey know.” Although Dale knew she needed to get back and help Casey, she didn’t want to leave Logan. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about what happened?”
“No.” Logan’s voice took on the overly polite tone she’d used when they had first started working together. “There’s nothing to talk about. I’m over it now.”
That was clearly a lie, but Dale let it go. Logan had to choose to confide in her. It wasn’t something that could be forced.
Logan pulled open the stairwell door and motioned for Dale to precede her.
They walked together to the elevators.
“I’ll see you tonight, then.” Dale hoped for a quiet Christmas Eve. After the panic attack Logan had suffered, she didn’t need any more stress.
“Okay. I’ll see you at work.” Logan boarded the elevator.
Dale glanced at her watch. So far, Logan was a no-show. It had become a nightly custom to share coffee and a pastry in the conference room before the start of their shift. After the events at the VA that morning, concern for Logan had been at the forefront of her mind all day. Something Logan had said about her reaction to the gift giving nagged at her. “Especially today.” Dale knew all too well how anniversaries of traumatic events could be a powerful trigger.
Had Logan suffered another panic attack after leaving the VA? The thought of her suffering through another episode like that made Dale’s stomach burn. She pushed away her uneaten scone.
She glanced at her watch again and sighed. Only twenty minutes to the start of the shift. Logan wasn’t coming.
The door to the conference room banged open, startling her. Molly stuck her head in the doorway. “Sorry, I know you’re not technically on-shift yet but—”
Dale shoved her chair back. “What have we got?”
“High-rise apartment fire. A mass-casualty alert has been issued. First victims just rolled up, and more are on the way.”
“Have you seen Dr. Logan?”
“She’s already in the ambulance bay.”
So now Logan was avoiding her. Dale pushed away the hurt and focused on her job. “Let’s go.”
Fatigue weighted Dale’s step as she made her way to the couch in the staff lounge. This had been the worst Christmas Eve—ever. “Hey, Kim,” she greeted before flopping onto the opposite end of the couch. “How’re you holding up?”
Kim McKenna straightened from her slumped position and offered a halfhearted smile. “I think that’s my line.”
Dale scrubbed her hands over her face. “That was hellacious.” She eyed Kim, whose curly blond hair was tousled as if she had run her hands through it numerous times. Stress lines etched her face. “And you’re avoiding the question, Doctor.”
Kim dipped her head. “It’s always hard when a child…” Her voice caught.
“I know.” The victims of the fast-moving high-rise apartment fire had flooded a number of local ERs. At LA Metro alone, there had been three deaths—one of them a child. “Thanks for coming in, especially with it being Christmas Eve. I know you weren’t on call tonight.” Even if she had been, she wouldn’t have been called in. As a psychiatrist, Kim didn’t have a direct part in treating patients in this type of situation, but her help in consoling survivors and the families of the
victims and dealing with the chaos had been invaluable.
“You know I’m always glad to help.”
“Where’s your little one tonight?” Jess was also in the ER working because of the mass casualty alert. Dale couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been to leave Erin on such a special night.
A smile blossomed at the mention of her daughter, wiping away some of the stress from Kim’s face. “She’s with Jess’s sister, Sam. When Jess got the call, I decided to come with her and see if I could help out. Erin was asleep, so Sam volunteered for babysitting duty.” Kim laughed. “Although knowing Sam, I’ll probably find her and Erin sharing milk and cookies while they wait for Santa when we get home.”
“They better not be.”
Both women started at the sound of Jess’s voice. She strode across the room, leaned down, brushed back Kim’s hair, and cupped her cheek in her hand. “You doing okay?” Her voice was filled with tender concern.
Kim smiled up at her. “Better now.”
Dale sighed to herself. A fierce longing to have someone in her life to soothe her at times like this filled her.
Jess straightened, her face assuming the usual professional mask she wore. She turned to Dale. “The last serious burn victim was transferred.” Her jaw muscles clenched, and she looked away for a moment.
A sick feeling filled Dale’s stomach as she thought about the horrific burns on the little boy. He was one of the reasons she had needed to escape into the lounge.
“We’re waiting on the admission paperwork and beds for the last half a dozen victims,” Jess said.
“Thanks for all the help.” She glanced at her watch; it was just before five a.m. “Logan and I can handle the rest of the shift on our own. Go home and spend Christmas morning with your little girl.”
“Thanks.” Jess offered her hand to Kim and tugged her off the couch. “Let’s get out of here.”
“I need to check on Riley before we go so I can update Sam.”
Dale wondered why, then remembered. Riley was married to Jess’s sister, Sam. She envied the two sisters’ closeness. While not outright hostile, her brother had adopted his own don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy regarding her sexuality. As a result, they no longer shared the close involvement in each other’s lives they once had.
When they exited, she sank back against the couch. Her gaze lit on the Christmas tree in the corner. The festive decorations looked totally out of place in face of the suffering that had taken place tonight. Many of the families affected by the fire would never view Christmastime the same way again. Her thoughts turned to Logan. Dale looked again at all the decorations. For once, she agreed with Logan; she couldn’t stand the sight of them. She pushed off the couch and fled the room.
As Dale tugged her jacket on, she approached the nurses’ station. “Have you seen Dr. Logan?”
“She already signed out,” Paul said.
“Okay. Thanks.” Dale held back a sigh. She hadn’t gotten much more than an occasional glimpse of Logan during the whole shift. Worry nagged at Dale. After witnessing Logan’s panic attack, she had no doubt that something very traumatic had happened on Christmas to Logan or someone she loved. How would dealing with the death and terrible injuries over the last ten hours affect her?
Dale stopped next to the staff exit and pulled her phone out of her pocket. Placing a call to Logan, she waited impatiently for her to answer. Damn it. The call went straight to voice mail.
She shoved open the door and stepped out into the bright morning sunshine. Although she had changed out of her scrubs, the smell of smoke permeated her skin and the cloying stench of burned flesh clogged her nose and throat.
She needed to clear her mind and body of the horrors of last night, and she knew just the place to do that.
CHAPTER 24
After a quick stop at her apartment to shower, Dale headed for Point Dume. She hoped that the early hour and it being Christmas morning would keep the tourists at bay. The one factor on her side was that the area she favored, Pirate’s Cove, was small and difficult to reach. Most people opted for the larger and much easier to access state beach on the other side of the promontory.
Dale breathed a sigh of relief as she pulled into the parking area. There were only two vehicles in the tiny lot. Her heart picked up speed at the sight of a blue Subaru Forester like the one Logan drove. Was Logan here? She cursed herself for not paying attention to Logan’s license plate previously. Shaking her head, she pushed away the longing to be with Logan. Even if Logan had gone to the beach, what was the likelihood that she would have picked this beach, almost an hour away from the RV park, instead of one of the much closer ones?
Standing at the top of the stairway that led down to the secluded cove, she gazed down at the steep descent. The stairs were always a challenge, even when she wasn’t tired, as she was now. Taking a firm grip on the railing, she started down.
Dale scanned the cove as she worked her way down the stairway. There was no one in sight on the small sheltered patch of sand. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she opened her leather jacket and drew in a breath, letting the crisp ocean air fill her lungs and wash away the lingering stench of last night’s suffering and death. She stopped to massage her cramped thigh before rounding the outcropping and moving onto the beach.
That was when she spotted the person sitting against the cliff wall where she had planned to spend the morning, in a natural alcove protected from the wind.
Damn! So much for solitude. As she started to walk away, her thoughts went back to the vehicle in the parking lot. Could it be Logan’s? She tried to convince herself it was just wishful thinking. She peered at the person, who faced away from her, preventing her from making out if it was a man or a woman. A long-forgotten memory arose of another encounter on this very beach with a woman and her huge dog. I’ll be dammed. Logan and Drake.
It seemed fate had thrown them together from the very start. The significance was too much for Dale to ignore. While she was loath to intrude on someone’s privacy, she couldn’t make herself walk away; she had to know.
Striding forward until she was a few feet from the person, she stopped. “Logan?”
The person’s head jerked up.
Seeing Logan’s tear-streaked face broke her heart. She closed the distance between them in a flash and squatted down next to Logan, cursing her prosthetic that kept her from kneeling easily.
Haunted, red-rimmed eyes filled with the pain of her secrets met Dale’s gaze.
She dropped onto the sand next to Logan. Cupping Logan’s face in her hand, she stroked her thumb across her cheek.
Logan leaned into the touch. “How did you find me?”
“I didn’t. This is the place I come when I need to clear my head. I’ve always been drawn to the sight and sound of the ocean.”
“Me too. I just had to get away. Last night was…” She swallowed heavily. “Those families will never think of Christmas the same way again. Especially the teenager that started the fire; she’ll never forgive herself for her brother’s death.”
“It was an accident; she didn’t do it intentionally.”
Logan stiffened and pulled back. “It doesn’t matter. She’ll never be free of the guilt.”
That’s when it dawned on her that Logan might be speaking from personal experience. “Tell me about that Christmas.”
Logan didn’t even pretend to not know what Dale was asking about. Fresh tears welled in her eyes, and a tremor shook her body. “My sister died on Christmas Eve.”
Oh, Logan. Repressed tears stung Dale’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
Logan shook her head roughly. “No. That’s not right. She was murdered on Christmas Eve.” She spat the words out as if they were too bitter to keep inside anymore. “Emily was unloading Christmas packages from her trunk when some bastard stabbed her to death—over some fucking gifts.
” Logan’s voice caught, but she forged on. “When they found her, torn-open boxes were scattered all around her, covered in her blood.”
Logan’s pain and anguish struck Dale like a physical blow. “I’m sorry.” It was so inadequate, but she didn’t know what else to say. She wrapped her arms around Logan and pulled her close.
Logan resisted for a moment, then gut-wrenching sobs shook her frame and she collapsed against Dale.
Holding her close, Dale pressed her cheek to the top of Logan’s head and murmured soothingly until the storm had passed. When Logan started to pull away, Dale tightened her arms around her. “No. Don’t. Please.” After hearing what Logan had suffered, she needed the comfort as much as Logan did.
Logan relaxed against her and wrapped her arms around Dale’s waist.
Dale wasn’t sure how long she’d sat holding her. When Logan shifted uncomfortably, she reluctantly released her. Only then did she become aware of her own tears.
Logan gently brushed Dale’s tears away.
Dale draped her arm across Logan’s shoulders and leaned back against the cliff wall.
Logan settled against her.
In companionable silence, they watched the waves, two wounded souls drawn together by their shared pain.
Over the last hour, dark clouds had moved in, and the temperature had dropped, but Dale was loath to disturb Logan where she rested against her side. And despite the cold seeping through her jeans and making her leg ache, she wasn’t eager to let go of Logan.
A sudden change in the wind blew an icy gust into their little alcove. They both gasped. A misty rain followed on the heels of the wind.
Dale gave Logan’s shoulders a brief squeeze. “I guess we should go.” She climbed awkwardly to her feet. Brushing sand from her clothes, she tried to surreptitiously rub some circulation back into her leg.
Logan dusted the sand from her own clothes.
Aware of Logan’s watchful gaze, Dale struggled not to limp as they made their way back to the steps. Challenging to start with, the ascent was going to be treacherous in the rain.
