by Clive Barker
Klein was beckoning her, but she stayed in her bower of fake blossoms, seeing how eager he was to watch the drama he'd engineered unfold. He, Luis, and Duncan were merely spectators. The scene they'd come to watch was the Judgment of Paris, with Vanessa, Simone, and herself cast as the Goddesses, and Gentle as the hero obliged to choose between them. It was grotesque, and she was determined to keep herself from the tableau, instead wandering up to the far end of the garden while the banter continued on the lawn. Close to the wall she came upon a strange sight. A clearing had been made in the artificial jungle, and a small rosebush—real, but far less sumptuous than the fakery surrounding it—had been planted there. As she was puzzling over this, Luis appeared at her side with a glass of champagne.
“One of his cats,” Luis said. “Gloriana. She was killed by a car in March. He was devastated. Couldn't sleep. Wouldn't even talk to anybody. I thought he was going to kill himself.”
“He's a strange one,” Jude said, casting a glance back at Klein, who had his arm around Gentle's shoulder and was laughing uproariously. “He pretends everything's a game—”
“That's because he feels everything too much,” Luis replied.
“I doubt that,” she said.
“I've been in business with him twenty-one, twenty-two years. We have fights. We make up. We have fights again. He's a good man, believe me. But so afraid of feeling, he must make it all a joke. You're not English, huh?”
“No, I'm English.”
“Then you understand this,” he said. “You also have the little graves, hidden away.” He laughed.
“Thousands,” she said, watching Gentle step back into the house. “Would you excuse me a moment?” she said, and headed back down the garden with Luis in pursuit.
Kletn made a move to intercept her, but she simply handed him her empty glass and went inside. Gentle was in the kitchen, rooting through the refrigerator, peeling the lids off bowls and peering into them.
“So much for invisibility,” Jude said.
“Would you have preferred it if I hadn't come?”
“Meaning that if I'd asked you'd have stayed away?”
He grinned as he found something that suited his palate. “Meaning,” he said, “that the rest of them don't have a prayer. I came because I knew you'd be here.”
He plunged his first and middle fingers into the ramekin he'd brought out and laid a dollop of chocolate mousse on his tongue.
“Want some?” he said.
She hadn't, until she saw the abandon with which he was devouring the stuff. His appetite was contagious. She scooped a fingerful herself. It was sweet and creamy.
“Good?” he said.
“Sinful,” she replied. “What made you change your mind?”
“About what?”
“About hiding yourself away.”
“Life's too short,” he said, taking his laden fingers to his mouth again. “Besides, I just said: I knew you'd be here.”
“You're a mind reader now?”
“I'm flourishing,” he said, his grin more chocolate than teeth. The sophisticate she'd seen step out into the garden minutes before was here a guzzling boy.
“You've got chocolate all around your mouth,” she said.
“Do you want to kiss it off?” he replied.
“Yes,” she said, seeing no purpose misrepresenting her feeling. Secrets had done them too much harm in the past.
“Then why are we still here?” he said.
“Klein'Il never forgive us if we leave. The party's in your honor.”
“They can talk about us when we've gone,” he said, setting down the ramekin and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “In fact, they'd probably prefer that. I say we go now, before we're spotted. We're wasting time making conversation—”
"—when we could be making love.”
“I thought I was the mind reader,” he said.
As they opened the front door they heard Klein calling them from the back, and Jude felt a pang of guilt, until she remembered the proprietorial look she'd caught on Klein's face when Gentle had first“appeared and he'd known that he had the cast gathered for a fine farce. Guilt turned to irritation, and she slammed the front door hard to make sure he heard.
As soon as they got back to the flat Jude threw open the windows to let the breeze, which was still balmy though the night had long since fallen, come and go. News from the streets outside came with it, of course, but nothing momentous: the inevitable sirens; chatter from the pavement; jazz from the club down the block. With the windows wide, she sat down on the bed beside Gentle. It was time for them to speak without any other agenda but the truth.
“I didn't think we'd end up this way,” she said. “Here. Together.”
“Are you glad we have?”
“Yes, I'm glad,” she said, after a pause. “It feels right.”
“Good,” he replied. “It feels perfectly natural to me too.”
He slid around the back of her and, threading his hands through her hair, began to work his fingers against her scalp. She sighed.
“You like that?” he asked.
“I like that."“Do you want to tell me how you feel?”
“About what?”
“About me. About us.”
“I told you, it feels right.”
“That's all?”
“No.”
“What else?”
She closed her eyes, the persuasive fingers almost easing the words out of her. “I'm glad you're here because I think we can learn from one another. Maybe even love each other again. How does that sound?”
“Fine by me,” he said softly.
“And what about you? What's in your head?”
“That I'd forgotten how strange this Dominion is. That I need your help to make me strong. That I'm afraid I may act strangely sometimes, make mistakes, and I want you to love me enough to forgive me if I do. Will you?”
“You know I will,” she said.
“I want you to share my visions, Judith. I want you to see what's shining in me and not be afraid of it.”
“I'm not afraid.”
“That's good to hear,” he said. “That's so very good.” He leaned towards her, putting his mouth close to her ear. “We make the rules from now on,” he whispered. “And the world follows. Yes? There's no law but us. What we want. What we feel. We'll let that consume us, and the fire'H spread. You'll see.”
He kissed the ear into which he'd poured these seductions, then her cheek, and finally her mouth. She started to kiss him back, fervently, putting her hands around his head as he had hers, kneading the flesh from which his hair sprang and feeling its motion against his skull. He had his hands on the neck of her blouse, but he didn't bother to unbutton it. Instead he tore it open, not in a frenzy but rhythmically, rent after rent, like a ritual of uncovering. As soon as her breasts were bare his mouth was on them. Her skin was hot, but his tongue was hotter, painting her with spiral tracks of spittle, then closing his mouth around her nipples until they were harder than the tongue that teased them. His hands were reducing her skirt to tatters in the same efficient way he'd torn open her blouse. She let herself drop back onto the bed, with the rags of blouse and skirt beneath her. He looked down at her, laying his palm at her crotch, which was still protected from his touch by the thin fabric of her underwear.
“How many men have had this?” he asked her, the question murmured without inflection. His head was silhouetted against the pale billows at the window, and she could not read his expression. “How many?” he said, moving the ball of his hand in a circular motion. From any other source but this the question would have offended or even enraged her. But she liked his curiosity.
“A few.”
He ran his fingers down into the space between her legs and worked his middle fingers under the fabric to touch her other hole. “And this?” he said, pushing at the place.
She was less comfortable with this inquiry, verbal or digital, but he insisted. “Tell me,” he said. “Who
's been in here?”
“Just one,” she said.
“Godolphin?” he replied.
“Yes.”
He removed his finger and rose from the bed. “A family enthusiasm,” he remarked.
“Where are you going?”
“Just closing the curtains,” he said. “The dark's better for what we're going to do.” He drew the drapes without closing the window. “Are you wearing any jewelry?” he asked her.
“Just my earrings.”
“Take them off,” he said.
“Can't we have a little light?”
“It's too bright as it is,” he replied, though she could barely see him. He was watching her as he undressed, that much she knew. He saw her slide her earrings from the holes in her lobes and then take off her underwear. By the time she was completely naked so was he.
“I don't want a little part of you,” he said, approaching the bottom of the bed. “I want all of you, every last piece, and I want you to want all of me.”
“I do,” she said.
“I hope you mean that.”
“How can I prove it?”
His gray form seemed to darken as she spoke, receding into the shadows of the room. He'd said he'd be invisible, and now he was. Though she felt his hand graze her ankle, and looked down the bed to find him, he was beyond the grasp of her eye. But pleasure flowed from his touch nevertheless.
“I want this,” he said as he caressed her foot. “And this.” Now her shin and thigh. “And this”—her sex—“as much as the rest, but no more. And this, and these.” Belly, breasts. His touch was on them all, so he had to be very close to her now, but still invisible, “And this sweet throat, and this wonderful head,” Now the hands slid away again, down her arms. “And these" he said, “to the ends of your fingers.”
The touch was back at her foot again, but everywhere his hands had been—which was to say her entire body—trembled with anticipation at the touch coming again. She raised her head from the pillow a second time in the hope of glimpsing her lover.
“Lie back,” he told her.
“I want to see you.”
“I'm here,” he said, his eyes stealing a gleam from somewhere as he spoke: two bright dots in a space that, had she not known it was bounded, could have been limitless. After his words, there was only his breath. She couldn't help but let the rhythm of her own inhalations and exhalations fall hi with his, a lulling regularity which steadily slowed.
After a time, he raised her foot to his mouth and licked the sole from heel to toe in one motion. Then his breath again, cooling the fluid he'd bathed her with, and slowing still further as it came and went, until her system seemed to teeter on termination at the end of each breath, only to be coaxed back into life again as she inhaled. This was the substance of every moment, she realized: the body—never certain if the next lungful would be its last—hovering for a tiny time between cessation and continuance. And in that space out of time, between a breath expelled and another drawn, the miraculous was easy, because neither flesh nor reason had laid their edicts there. She felt his mouth open wide enough to encompass her toes and then, impossible as it was, slide her foot into his throat.
He's going to swallow me, she thought, and the notion conjured once again the book she'd found in Estabrook's study, with its sequence of lovers enclosed in a circle of consumption: a devouring so prodigious it had ended with mutual eclipse. She felt no unease at the prospect. This wasn't the business of the visible world, where fear got fat because there was so much to win and lose. This was a place for lovers, where there was only ever gain.
She felt him draw her other leg up to his head and immerse it in the same heat; then felt him take hold of her hips and use them as purchase to impale himself upon her, inch by inch. Perhaps he'd become vast: his maw monstrous, his throat a tunnel; or perhaps she was pliant as silk, and he was drawing her into him like a magician threading fake flowers into a wand. She reached up towards him in the darkness, to feel the miracle, but her fingers couldn't interpret what buzzed beneath them. Was this her flesh or his? Ankle or cheek? There was no way of knowing. Nor, in truth, any need to know. All she wanted now was to do as the lovers in the book had done and match his devouring with her own.
She reached for the edge of the bed and turned herself half over, bringing him down beside her. Now, though her eyes were besotted by darkness, she saw the outline of his body, folded into the shadows of her own. There was nothing changed about his anatomy. Though he was consuming her, his body was in no way distorted. He lay beside her like a sleeper. She reached out to touch him a second time, not expecting to make sense of his body now but finding she could. This was his thigh; this his shin; this his ankle and foot. As she ran her palm across his flesh a delicate wave of change came with it, and his substance seemed to soften beneath her touch. The scent of his sweat was appetizing. It, quickened the juices in her throat and belly. She drew her head towards his feet and touched her lips to the substance of him. Then she was feeding; spreading her hunger around him like a mouth and closing her mind on his glistening skin. He shuddered as she took him in, and she felt the thrill of his pleasure as her own. He had already consumed her to the hips, but she quickly matched his appetite, taking his legs down into her, swallowing both his prick and the belly it lay hard against. She loved the excess of this, and its absurdity, their bodies defying physics and physique, or else making fresh proofs of both as the configuration closed upon itself. Was anything ever so easy and yet so impossible, besides love? And what was this, if not that paradox laid on a sheet? He had slowed his swallows to allow her to catch up, and now, in tandem, they closed the loop of their consumption, until their bodies were figments, and they were mouth to mouth.
Something from outside—a shout in the street, a sour saxophone chord—threw her back into the plausible world again, and she saw the root from which their invention had flowered. It was a commonplace conjunction: her legs crossed around his hips, his erection high inside her. She couldn't see his face, but she knew he wasn't here in this fugitive place with her. He was still dreaming their devouring. She panicked, wanted to regain the vision but not knowing how. She tightened her grip on his body and, in so doing, inspired his hips to motion. He began to move in her, breathing oh so slowly against her face. She forgot her panic and let her rhythm once again slow until it matched his. The solid world dissolved as she did so, and she returned to the place from which she'd been called to find that the loop was tightening by the moment, his mind enveloping her head as she enveloped his, like layers of an impossible onion, each one smaller than the layer it concealed: an enigma that could only exist where substance collapsed into the very mind which begged its being.
This bliss could not be sustained indefinitely, however. Before long it began once more to lose its purity, tainted by further sounds from the outside world, and this time she sensed that he was also relinquishing his hold on the delirium. Perhaps, as they learned to be lovers again, they'd find a way to sustain the state for longer: spend nights and days, perhaps, lost in the precious space between a breath expelled and another drawn. But for now she would have to be content with the ecstasy they'd had. Reluctantly, she let the tropic night in which they'd devoured each other be subsumed into a simpler darkness, and,'without quite knowing where consciousness began and ended, she fell asleep.
When she awoke she was alone in the bed. That disappointment apart, she felt both lively and light. What they'd shared was a commodity more marketable than a cure for the common cold: a high without a hangover. She sat up, reaching for a sheet to drape around her, but before she could stand she heard his voice in the predawn gloom. He was standing by the window, with a fold of curtain clipped between middle and forefinger, his eye to the chink he'd opened.
“It's time for me to get working,” he said softly.
“It's still early,” she said.
“The sun's almost up,” he replied. “I can't waste time.”
He let the curta
in drop and crossed to the bed. She sat up and put her arms around his torso. She wanted to spend time with him, luxuriating in the calm she felt, but his instinct was healthier. They both had work to do.
“I'd rather stay here than return to the studio,” he said. “Would you mind?”
“Not at all,” she replied. “In fact, I'd like you to stay.”
“I'll be coming and going at odd hours.”
“As long as you find your way back into bed once in a while,” she said.
“I'll be with you,” he said, running his hand down from her neck to rub her belly. “From now on, I'll be with you night and day.”
10
Though Jude's memory of the night before was vivid, she had no recollection of either herself or Gentle taking the telephone off the hook, and it wasn't until nine-thirty the following morning, when she decided to call Clem, that she realized that one of them had done so. She replaced the receiver, only to have the telephone ring seconds later. At the other end of the line was a voice she'd almost given up expecting to hear again: Oscar. At first she thought he was breathless, but after a few stumbling sentences she realized his pantings were barely suppressed sobs.
“Where have you been, my darling? I've rung and rung since I got your note. I thought you were dead.”
“The phone was off the hook, that's all. Where are you?”
“At the house. Will you come? Please. I need you here!” He spoke with escalating panic, as though she were punctuating his appeals with refusals. “We don't have much time.”
“Of course I'll come,” she told him.
“Now,” he insisted. “You've got to come now.”
She told him she'd be on his doorstep within the hour, and he replied that she'd find him waiting. Putting off her call to Clem and putting on a little makeup, she headed out. Though it wasn't yet midmorning the sun was blazing hot, and as she drove she remembered the monologue that she and Gentle had been treated to on their ride back from the estate. Monsoons and heat waves all through the summer, the doomsayer had predicted; and how he'd relished his prophecies! She'd thought his enthusiasm grotesque at the time, a petty mind indulging in apocalyptic fantasies. But now, after the extraordinary night she'd had with Gentle, she found herself wondering how these bright streets might be made to experience the miracles of the previous midnight: sluiced of vehicles by an almighty rain, then softened in the blaze of sun, so that solid matter flowed like warm treacle and a city divided into public places and private, into wealthy ghettoes and gutters, became a continuum. Was this what Gentle had meant when he'd talked about her sharing his vision? If so, she was ready for more.
