"Yes."
She cuddled against him, needing his strength. "When I first met Charles," she said softly, "I thought he was good. I thought he was everything I needed. The thing that's so frightening is that he made me believe it. There were no signs of the man he really was inside."
"Or there were signs you chose to ignore."
"No signs," she said firmly. "And that's what's so horrible. That's why nobody I tried to talk to after our marriage believed me, except my lawyer. None of them had any hint who the real Charles Cahill was."
Knowing that, Matthew realized, knowing that sometimes it was impossible to tell who a person really was, she had still trusted him. Matthew felt humbled by that—and frightened. It bespoke more than trust. He wasn't ready for more—might never be ready.
But he wasn't ready to give up what they'd found together, either.
"Are you going to stay the night?" he whispered into her hair.
"Do you still want me to?"
"I think you should. There's a frantic young woman wandering the countryside, and we don't know if she's armed."
"She did get a look at my face. If she wants revenge, she'll know where to go for it."
"And you got a look at her," he reminded her. "If she has even a milligram more brains than her boyfriends, she'll go home, pack her bags and get off the island."
"Then it's perfectly safe for me to go home."
"I didn't say that."
She melted closer to him. "And why not?"
"Because I'll come after you if you do and drag you back here."
She dropped her hands lightly on his shoulders. "I respond much better to gentle coaxing and warm embraces."
He rested his palms against her cheeks and leaned to touch his lips to her forehead. "That's my first plan. Dragging you back is just my backup."
She stroked her hands up his neck and settled more fully against him. One finger began a slow trail to his lips. "You can discard your backup immediately. I guarantee you won't need to worry about it."
"No?"
"Your mind is going to be on something much more relaxing, Matthew."
Then neither of their minds was on anything at all.
Chapter 11
IS JODY AN early riser?"
"She's not an anything. Sometimes she gets up at the crack of dawn. Sometimes she can't be dragged out of bed."
"I hate to bear the bad tidings, but it's almost the crack of dawn now."
Alexis curved her body into the warmth of Matthew's. "Why start the day with bad tidings?"
"Mmm. . ." He nuzzled her ear. "Is that how we started the day?"
They had started the day far differently. The night before they had fallen asleep in each other's arms, then, hours before sunrise, Alexis had awakened to Matthew's hands caressing her.
The sweetness of it, the tenderness of it, had almost been her undoing. She couldn't remember a time in her life when anyone had touched her that way. In her marriage, touching had been a fearful thing. Now it was pleasure filled and mind-altering. She couldn't imagine any day that had begun like this one being anything but wonderful.
Matthew had awakened not in the midst of a nightmare but in the midst of an erotic dream of Alexis. And, once fully awake, he had found the woman more exciting than the dream. He didn't dare question why she felt so right beside him. He couldn't look at his brash insistence that she share the bed he had slept in with Jeannie. He could only feel how right it was and push down all traces of guilt.
"I hate to say this, but I really should join Jody in her bed," Alexis said, moving just far enough away to see his eyes. "At least until the sun's up. Then I'll come downstairs, with her or without her."
"And you'll stay for breakfast?"
"Wouldn't miss it, but then I'll have to drive her to school."
"School." Matthew said the word as if he'd never thought of it.
"Yes, school. You know, that thing children do every day from eight thirty until three. That thing that makes them elated one minute and comatose the next."
Matthew was silent, and Alexis realized who he was thinking of. She wished she hadn't been so flippant. "Matthew." She put her hand against his cheek. "You must miss your son terribly."
She watched the old frozen expression cover his face. "Don't," she whispered, trying to stroke it away. "You can tell me you don't want to talk about him, but don't shut me out completely."
"I don't want to talk about my family. Not now, not ever."
"Can talking hurt as much as not talking?"
"That isn't your affair."
His words hurt, but she knew he was absolutely right. She had no rights to his past, and he had given her no rights to his future. She had only the present, and she was quickly spoiling that. "I'm sorry," she said, leaning forward to brush his lips with hers. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you."
He relaxed a little. If she'd acted hurt or angry, he would have gotten out of the bed and left before she'd had a chance to leave herself. Instead she had shown him the ultimate respect: the right to his feelings. He was filled with a vague sense of guilt that she could be so adult and he could be so much the hurt child. Resolutely he pushed the thought away. Jeannie and Todd were off-limits. She would have to understand that now.
"What are your plans for the day?" he asked gruffly.
Alexis tried to act as if nothing had happened. "I'm afraid I've got an unpleasant job ahead of me when I get back from taking Jody into school."
"What's that?"
"I'm going to have to check the property and see if the poachers were there before they came over to the Chase."
He hadn't thought about that possibility, but he knew she was right. If the poachers had gone to her house first, he didn't want Alexis to find the evidence. He remembered the night in the grove and her agony then. He wanted no repeats. "I'll check while you're taking Jody into town."
"You don't have to—"
He silenced her with a finger over her lips. "I do. It's my fault you have to make that long trip, isn't it? If you were home you could just pack her onto the bus."
"Fault?" She smiled warmly. "Fault isn't the right word."
"No?"
"Try wonderful idea."
"I'll admit there's a certain ring to that."
His expression had softened considerably. Alexis brushed another kiss across his lips, then went to join her daughter in the other bedroom.
* * *
HOURS LATER, MATTHEW was standing in a grove of gum trees when an angry male voice sounded behind him. "And just what do you think you're doing?"
Matthew spun around, startled. He had parked his car on the road to Alexis's house and stopped to investigate the stand of trees where she had first seen the poachers. He had been so caught up in his investigation that he hadn't heard footsteps.
"I might ask you the same," he said, challenge a deadly light in his eyes.
"There are signs all over this land warning poachers to stay off it."
Matthew relaxed just a little. His first thought had been that the man was Charles. The accent was American, the man's expression cold and angry. But it made little sense that if Charles had discovered his ex-wife’s whereabouts he would be worried about poachers. If he had come, his purpose would be to torment her, not to ensure her safety. "I'm not a poacher."
"Then why are you here?"
"Just who are you to be asking me questions? This land doesn't belong to you."
"A friend of mine lives here."
"A friend of mine lives here."
The two men eyed each other cautiously, neither wanting to make a mistake, both hoping the other was telling the truth. Finally, Matthew stepped forward and extended his hand. Behind the anger, he had seen concern in the eyes of the other man. "Matthew Haley. I'm a ranger at the park down the road."
The man hesitated only briefly, then extended his own hand. "Gray Sheridan."
Alexis had told Matthew of the American who had helped her spirit Jody out
of the U.S. Matthew clasped the other man's hand in relief. "Did Alexis know you were coming? She didn't say anything about it to me."
"She didn't know." Gray hesitated, then he seemed to decide he could trust Matthew. "She never wants to put anyone to any trouble. I was afraid that if I told her, she'd think we were checking on her."
"Are you?"
"Yes."
Matthew realized Gray had said "we." "Who's with you?"
"My wife and baby."
Matthew heard the quiet pride in the words. He nodded. "She'll be glad to see you. She should be back before too long."
"Is she all right? We got here yesterday after lunch, and she hasn't been home. We've been worried."
"Worried" seemed a mild word for the depth of concern in Gray's voice. Matthew knew Gray was aware of Alexis's story, since he had helped Jody disappear. He knew what Gray had envisioned.
"She and Jody were with me," he said simply.
Gray's eyes narrowed. Matthew's meaning was plain. "And she's all right?"
"Better than she was a few days ago. We've caught the poachers." He realized Gray didn't know the story. "Let me drive you up to the house. I'll tell you about it on the way."
At the house, Gray hesitated, as if he were embarrassed. "When Alexis and Jody didn't come home last night, we decided to stay here and wait for them. We have a hotel room in Kingscote, but—"
"She'll be glad that you stayed here, but sorry she missed you. You didn't hear any gunshots last night, did you? Didn't see anyone prowling around the grounds?"
"I didn't, and I would have. I kept my eye on things."
"I'm glad. Apparently the poachers passed her by this time."
"She didn't need that worry."
"No, she didn't. She's a brave woman. I tried to get her to leave, but she refused."
"She's braver than you may know."
"I do know." Matthew gave Gray a reassuring nod. "She's told me her story and your part in it. I'm glad you were there to help her when she needed it."
"And I'm glad you're here now."
"Gray?" A lovely woman with long dark hair falling over her shoulders to her waist stepped out to the porch. "Is everything all right?"
"Julianna, meet Matthew Haley." Julianna descended the steps and held out her hand. "Matthew's a friend of Alexis's," he explained.
"Are she and Jody all right?"
"They're fine," Matthew reassured her. "And she should be back anytime."
Julianna looked relieved. "Jody, too?"
"Jody's in school," Matthew explained. "She won't be home until late this afternoon."
Julianna looked disappointed, but the unmistakable wail of a baby in the house interrupted any more questions she might have had. "I've got to feed Colly. She's just not going to wait another minute. Won't you come in, Matthew?" She hesitated. "Not that it's really my house to invite you into."
Matthew gave her a warm smile. "Alexis will be pleased to come home to all of us, I'm sure."
Inside, he followed Gray to the kitchen, while Julianna went down the hall to get their daughter. "How old's the baby?"
"Almost six months. She's gorgeous."
"Must take after her mother."
"I'm told she favors me."
"I think she was more wet than hungry." Julianna came into the room carrying a rosy cheeked, chubby infant with just the faintest trace of golden hair. She held the baby out to Gray. "Here, Pops, hold her for me, would you?"
"How wet is she?" he asked, tilting his head in assessment.
"I changed her."
Gray held out his arms. "Of course I was going to offer to do it myself."
"Sure you were." Julianna gave her husband a smile that made Matthew feel distinctly like an outsider. "We know how much you love changing diapers."
"A man's got to do what a man's got to do."
Colly cooed and batted the air, as if she were trying to reach her father's face. Matthew had a sudden vision of a dark-haired baby boy who had often done the same. He looked away, and the banter continued without him.
"I nursed her not more than two hours ago. I think I'll see if she wants some applesauce."
"She's going to weigh more than I do if you keep stuffing her with food."
"I'll have you know that she's perfect. And if she's hungry, she's going to eat." Julianna blew Gray a kiss. "The apples and grinder are in the car. I'll be back in a minute."
"Apples and grinder?" Matthew asked, trying to push away his feelings.
"She makes Colly's baby food, even bakes whole-wheat teething biscuits for her. This is a very healthy baby."
Matthew forced a laugh. "This must be your first child."
Gray was quiet for a moment; then he shook his head. "No. We had another daughter, but she died. Colly means more to us because of Ellie's death. We don't take a minute with her for granted."
Matthew knew how much Gray hadn't said. He knew the grief, the despair, the simple words had covered. He knew them well. "And you found the courage to try again?"
"I'm glad we did."
Matthew wondered if he would ever find that kind of courage. He wanted to ask what they would have done if they had lost this child, too, or would do if they lost her still. But he didn't want to know, because suddenly it called his own courage into question.
"Nice, healthy apples. I got them from an old man in Penneshaw with an orchard. He promised me his trees had never been sprayed." Julianna came back into the kitchen and held out two apples which, if the small brown spots on them were any indication, were testimony to the orchard man's honesty.
"I think I heard a car out on the road as I was coming back in," Julianna went on. "I hope it's Alexis."
"I'll go see." Matthew pushed his chair away from the table. Suddenly the love and courage in the kitchen were too much to bear.
Outside, he stood on the porch and waited. A minute later he spotted the red sheen of Alexis's wagon through the scrub that bordered the road. He was waiting to open her door when she got there.
"Hi, I didn't expect you to be waiting." Alexis smiled her pleasure as she got out. "Is someone with you?" She nodded toward Gray's rental car.
"Someone you'll be glad to see, I think."
"Someone I know?"
"Just go and see." He held her back as she started to move around him. "I've got to leave now. I'm due back at the Chase." It was true, although he could have been late with no repercussions. He didn't want to go back into the house to say goodbye to Julianna and Gray, though. He didn't want to think about courage and intimacy. He just wanted to go home. "Will you tell your friends goodbye for me?"
She was more puzzled than before. "Friends?"
"Will you?"
She was confused, but she nodded. "Certainly." When he started to walk away with no goodbye, she reached out and touched his arm. "Have a good day, Matthew. And thank you for last night."
He met her eyes. "My pleasure."
Her laugh was low and throaty. "Well, I hope it was your pleasure. It was certainly mine."
He wished he could laugh with her, but he couldn't. Even a smile was too much to manage. He lifted his hand and touched her cheek with his fingers. Then he turned and left her standing beside the car.
* * *
ALEXIS SAT IN her living room, the pleasant weight of a sleeping baby against her breast. Her hand rested on Colly's head, and from time to time she stroked the soft golden down that covered it. She had forgotten the pure pleasure of holding an infant. Her memories of Jody's early years were colored by fear. Now she just let herself enjoy.
"Colleen Jody Sheridan." She said the name with a lump in her throat. "Jody will be so pleased."
"Well, she's responsible for Colly's birth, in a way," Julianna said, a lump in her throat, too. "She helped me realize what I was missing by being so frightened. When I think that I could still be alone, without Gray and without Colly..."
Alexis knew about Julianna’s lonely years, the decade after she had run from Gray f
ollowing their daughter's death. She was only glad that the two people been given another chance. "I can't wait for Jody to see Colly," she said.
Julianna frowned. "Well, there's a problem. Gray and I have to leave early tomorrow morning, so we won't have much time with her, I'm afraid. We're heading to Coober Pedy to see Dillon and Kelsey, then over to Cairns. A boutique there is having a showing of my new line on Friday."
"Island wear in Australia?" Julianna was a successful fashion designer whose collections featured Hawaiian motifs. "When we were in New Zealand staying with Paige and Adam, I heard you'd been to Australia to get something started, but I didn't know it had worked out."
"Australia's an island, after all," Julianna teased. "But actually, my things are already selling quite well in Brisbane. So maybe you'll see more of us."
"That would be such a pleasure," Alexis said warmly. "I just wish Jody and I could come to Hawaii to visit you."
"Perhaps you can," Gray said from the doorway.
Alexis looked up and smiled sadly. "I don't think so. I'm afraid Honolulu's too full of tourists. I can't risk being seen by someone who might recognize me."
"Ron thinks you may be able to take that risk before too long." Gray came to sit beside her on the sofa. "That's one of the reasons we're here."
"Ron asked you to come?"
"No, we were coming anyway. But I let Ron know, and he asked me to talk to you."
"I think I'll put Colly on Jody's bed for her nap," Julianna said, rising to lift her daughter from Alexis's arms. "You two can finish this without me."
Gray watched her go. "I might as well tell you that Julianna knows about this, but she thinks Ron and I are being premature. She may be right, Alexis, but you'll have to be the one to decide."
"Decide what?"
"Decide if you want to come out of hiding."
Alexis stared at him, her mind whirling.
Gray sensed her turmoil. "I'll start at the beginning. Ron says he wrote telling you that Cahill might be marrying, and that he was about to get a major promotion."
"He did."
"Cahill and his bride-to-be set the date about two weeks ago. It's going to be a huge society affair in January. The promotion's in his pocket, and the man has a lot to lose if he keeps after you."
Out of the Ashes Page 15
