“Most jobs are insignificant,” Charles said quietly, “unless you’re saving lives or curing cancer. I had a lot of fun flying, and my daughter does too. But we weren’t changing the world. We just had fun doing what we got paid for.” He had a relaxed, practical point of view about things, and she liked that about him. She admired the fact that he volunteered for the OES now, and that he’d had the courage to come to San Francisco, knowing no one, to start a new life and his own business. While she had retreated behind her walls, his reaction to grief and losing his wife was to try something different. He was braver than she was. He owned a private security agency, providing protection for high-profile people, like her. He had kept the agency small and had select clients, and he enjoyed it.
The evening sped by, and the dinner was as good as he had promised. What she noticed most of all was how comfortable she was with him. He felt like an old friend instead of someone new. She didn’t have to tell him her whole history. He already knew most of it, and could sense the rest. He was intuitive about people, at ease with himself, and comfortable in his own skin. She realized as he drove her home that she had forgotten to tell him she didn’t want to date him. She laughed when she thought of it.
“What’s funny?” he asked as they stopped at a light.
“I was going to tell you that I didn’t want to go out with you, that I’m too old to start over, and too old for you.” She was smiling at him.
“And? You think that’s funny?” He didn’t look amused.
“I was having such a good time with you, I forgot to tell you.”
He laughed too then. “And now?”
“I’m still too old, but I had a really nice time. I like being with you.” He looked pleased when she said it.
“So do I. Shall we leave it at that and not make any major policy decisions just yet? And you’re not too old by the way. I don’t actually give a damn how old you are, if that’s okay with you. My wife was five years older than I am and it was never a problem for us. I don’t see what difference eight years makes. And you look great. So can we scratch that one off the list?”
She nodded with a grin. “Apparently.”
“Anything else you seriously object to? I think your recluse status is somewhat at risk. You went to the symphony two days ago, and out to dinner at a restaurant tonight. So that’s kind of a flimsy excuse. Let’s just take it easy and see where it goes. How does that sound?”
“Interesting,” she said with a mischievous look, and when they stopped at her gate, she took the remote out of her purse, opened the gate, and they drove in. When he stopped the car, he leaned over and kissed her. She was startled by how it made her feel, suddenly young again and as if there was hope for the future. She hadn’t felt that way in years. She had been so sure that the best of her life was behind her, and now she didn’t think so.
“I love being with you, Meredith,” he said softly.
“Me too,” she whispered. He kissed her again, and then a night security guard appeared and waited discreetly for them to get out of the car, and stayed in the courtyard. He had been less aware of her security right after the earthquake than he was now.
“I’m not sure how fast I’ll get used to how famous you are,” he said as he followed her into the house, and they said good night in the front hall. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he promised, and she knew he would. She wanted him to. That was the best part. He left then, and she went upstairs with a smile on her face, and as she did the years melted away, and the heavy burdens she had carried for so long. Suddenly she felt young again. She wondered if maybe Arthur was right after all. It was never too late. She realized that now.
Chapter 7
The night Meredith had dinner with Charles, Ava dropped in at Arthur’s house to return Peter’s manuscript to him, and tell him that she loved it. She thought the story gripping, and the characters insightful. She said she couldn’t put it down, and whenever she had to stop reading, she couldn’t wait to get back to it. He was thrilled to hear it.
“You’re the only person I’ve given it to,” he said, looking nervous. Arthur called down to him then as they stood inside the front door, and asked who it was.
“It’s Ava,” Peter called up to him, hoping he wouldn’t mind. She hadn’t called first to ask if she could come by.
“Tell her to come up,” he said in answer. She followed Peter up the stairs, and she went into the room Arthur used as an office, with his piano prominently in the room. It was the first room he had Peter and the cleaning team put back in order, and where he most liked to be. Ava greeted him warmly and apologized for dropping by unannounced. “You’re welcome anytime you want to,” he said warmly. She kissed his cheek and he noticed the exotic scent of her perfume. Even without seeing her, he was aware of the sensual quality about her, and Peter even more so. It was the way she spoke, the slightly husky timbre of her voice, the long silky hair that brushed his cheek, which Peter looked at longingly. He had the benefit of being able to see her enticing figure, which Arthur didn’t.
“Why don’t you two go into the living room and play, or wherever you want to.” Peter looked embarrassed when Arthur said it. He would have liked to take her to his bedroom, but didn’t dare.
They heard him practicing after that, and were surprised how fast the time went, as they sat there talking. It was two hours later when she glanced at her watch, and looked regretful.
“I’d better get back. Joel had a late meeting tonight. He’ll be home by now. He likes me to be home when he gets there.” He wasn’t unreasonable or overly possessive, but she was there for a reason and he never let her forget it. He lived with her because he enjoyed her company, and her body. He usually made love to her as soon as he walked in the door at night. She felt differently about it now than she had in the beginning. At first it had flattered her, and now she realized it was more about his needs than any deep feelings he had for her. She knew he stayed with women for about two years, and she was nearing her expiration date.
He had opened new horizons to her, and had been very generous. He made up for the salary she had lost when he asked her to give up her job. He wanted her to be fully available to him, and he didn’t want to be sleeping with one of his employees, or not for long anyway, so he didn’t want her to work for him.
Joel had always told her that marriage wasn’t an option, and he wasn’t a “long-term guy,” as he put it. He had learned that lesson once, and been burned. Ever since his divorce, he liked to “keep things fresh,” and move on before the relationship got too demanding or maudlin or boring. She wasn’t with him for the money, it had been exciting and fun to be with him, he was handsome and sexy, and she liked the difference in their ages. He was a grown-up, and not some young kid who would jerk her around. He never did, and lived up to his promises. But in the past year she had begun to feel like a body he thought he had bought and paid for. He didn’t want anything too exotic, but he acted like he owned her. And there was always the unspoken message that she was disposable.
She had thought of leaving him, but it was never the right time. They were always about to go on a fantastic trip, or he was in the middle of a complicated deal and she didn’t think it was fair to leave him then, or it was a holiday like his birthday or Christmas. And what would she do when she left him? She lived in a gorgeous house with him, hadn’t worked for two years, which would be hard to explain. He had promised her a reference saying that she had been his personal assistant when they separated, but people knew about their arrangement. She met all his business contacts when there were social aspects involved, and she held up her end of the deal too. She looked fantastic, and every man was envious of him. She supported Joel in everything he did, she appreciated everything he did for her, and she had an easy, sunny disposition. He had even said to her more than once that if he was still a marrying man, he would marry her, but he wasn’t.
He preferred his bac
helor life with a revolving door of women like her. He knew that if he married her, he would always feel that he had missed something, and eventually his own curiosity would get the best of him, and he would cheat on her, and then it would all come tumbling down around his ears again, and he’d be giving her a house and paying spousal support and they’d end up hating each other, just like his parents and his ex-wife. He never wanted to go through that again. In his mind, it ruined everything. Ava didn’t think he cheated on her, but she didn’t know for sure. If he did, he did it carefully. She thought she loved him at first, but now she wasn’t sure. It was an arrangement that worked for both of them, or had. But at twenty-nine, she was coming to a fork in the road. She wanted marriage and babies one day, and a home of her own.
Joel wasn’t the man she wanted to be with forever, and now she knew it more than ever. From the moment she’d met Peter, her heart had been engaged. He was ten years younger than Joel, but he seemed like a boy in comparison. His dream was to be a successful novelist one day, and in the meantime, he eked a living out of mediocre jobs. Peter fully realized that his writing wasn’t going to be lucrative for several years, or maybe ever. He could barely support himself now, and couldn’t have supported her, and she didn’t care. She wanted to be with him every moment of the day. She dreamed of him at night, and she could hardly breathe when he walked into the room. She thought Peter was the most beautiful, sexiest man she’d ever seen. The only thing she didn’t know was what they could do about it. He needed the job with Arthur so he could continue to write, but he’d made almost no money on his writing so far, except some freelance articles in obscure literary magazines. His real career hadn’t even begun yet, and hers as a model had been on hold for almost two years, and she wasn’t a graphic designer yet. They had some lean years ahead of them if they tried to make a life of it.
Neither of them had an apartment. He lived in a tiny room in Arthur’s attic. They had talked about it, and Peter was sure that Arthur wouldn’t let her live there with him. She didn’t know whether to wait until Joel ended their relationship sometime in the next year, which seemed inevitable, or to throw caution to the winds, leave him, have Peter leave his safe haven with Arthur, find an apartment together and try to get better jobs than they’d both had previously. Peter felt an allegiance to Arthur now. He really liked him and didn’t want to let him down. When she’d gotten involved with Joel, she was twenty-seven, but two years later, she didn’t want to make a mistake.
Peter kissed her, and held her tight afterward. He had tears in his eyes when he whispered to her, “What are we going to do? I hate your going back to him.” They hadn’t made love at Meredith’s, because she didn’t want to sleep with two men at the same time. She was in love with Peter, but she lived with Joel. It had been bearable and even fun most of the time until the earthquake, but since then, everything had changed. It worked when she saw Peter every day, but every night in bed with Joel, she ached for Peter and fantasized about him. Now she couldn’t bear to be away from him, two houses down on the same street. And he was going crazy, thinking about her. “Maybe I should give Arthur notice,” he said miserably. He had come to love him almost as a father, and he knew Arthur needed him, or someone who really cared about him, to make his life easier. But he wanted to be with Ava. He could see himself marrying her one day, if another guy with a Ferrari didn’t see her first.
“We’ll figure it out,” she said, trying to calm him. They had known each other for a month, and it already felt like a lifetime to both of them. He hated her being with Joel, but he was well aware that materially he had nothing to offer her. He was literally a starving writer, living in a garret. It was picturesque in a novel, but not in real life.
He walked her down the stairs, and she left a few minutes later, after they lingered for a few more minutes. He walked up the stairs to Arthur’s study to check on him. Arthur was reading some papers in Braille at his desk, and looked up when he heard Peter walk into the room. He had intensely acute hearing, despite his age, which helped him compensate for his blindness. He joked about it at times, and said thank God he wasn’t Beethoven, who was deaf. In some ways it was easier since he had been sighted as a young person, so he knew what things looked like.
“Everything all right?” Peter asked when he checked on him. Arthur could hear the sadness in his voice, despite the cheerful tone he used to cover it. He knew that he was troubled, and he could guess why, as he had said to Meredith.
“Come in, son,” he invited him to come in and sit down. “I’m fine, but what about you? What’s happening with you two?” They both knew he meant Ava. It was the only subject on Peter’s mind at the moment, and superseded even his unfinished novel. He had figured out the ending since he’d met her, and had told her about it, but hadn’t written it yet.
“Nothing,” Peter responded to his question, as his voice sank to a lower register, which Arthur heard too. “It’s an impossible situation. It’s complicated for her too. I have nothing to offer her, and she has an ideal situation with Joel.”
“Is she in love with him?” Arthur got right to the heart of the matter.
Peter hesitated. “She says she isn’t. We’re in love with each other, but it’s not going to get us anywhere. I can’t, in good conscience, encourage her to leave him. He can do everything for her that I can’t and never will. I’ll probably never make what he does.”
“He doesn’t love her,” Arthur said with certainty.
“How do you know that?” Peter was intrigued. Arthur had an uncanny instinct for people that transcended vision.
“I can hear it. He has fun with her. She’s probably interchangeable to him, and one day she’ll be disposable, maybe sooner than she thinks. He’s the kind of man who believes that women are toys to play with. She’s not in love with him, I can hear that too. She was probably foolish to get tangled up with him, and impressed and dazzled. That doesn’t last long. What the two of you have are possibilities, hopes, dreams. It deserves to be explored if you can figure out a decent way to do it. I’m not looking to get myself shot by an angry, jealous lover, but if you need to spend time with her, and want her to stay here from time to time, do it. I trust you to handle it, and still keep your ears open for me. You can have her here whenever you want to.” Peter’s face lit up like a child’s on Christmas, and Arthur didn’t need to see it to know it. “I hope she’s a smart girl and handles it sensibly. We don’t need a lot of drama around here.” But what he wanted to do was give them an opportunity. And he didn’t want to lose Peter. It was the wisest thing for him to do, so Peter didn’t bolt and run in his enamored state, just so he could spend the night with her. She had to deal with her situation with Joel soon. “I hope she cleans it up in a reasonable time. It’s not smart to let situations like this linger. They have the potential to get nasty and then it’s like lighting a match to dynamite.”
“I don’t think she’ll do that. I have faith in her.”
“Good. I trust your judgment, unless she proves otherwise. And remember, the Ferrari is not what matters here. You’re a good man, Peter, and an honorable one. She’d be lucky to have you.”
“Thank you,” Peter said, both touched and jubilant. He couldn’t wait to tell Ava that Arthur was willing to let her spend the night with him, if they could figure out her end of it.
* * *
—
Ava only had a short distance to go from Arthur’s house to Joel’s, and her mind was full of Peter as she walked. She had no idea what to do about Joel, and had been tormenting herself about it for weeks. At least at Meredith’s, they saw each other constantly, but now that they had moved back into their respective houses, her heart was down the block with Peter at Arthur’s, and her body belonged to Joel. She could tell he had just come in, and was putting some papers on his desk. The house was a shambles, with the repairs just starting and dust everywhere.
“Where we
re you?” he asked as he looked up at her, when she walked into the room. He was in a good mood. He’d had a few drinks at the meeting. On the whole, he was an even-tempered, good-natured person, who liked to have a good time, which was why he was opposed to marriage now. He hated drama and dissension and heartache in his life. He’d had enough of that to last a lifetime with his ex-wife. He had given her a fortune when they divorced. He was glad they’d never had children. He had decided children weren’t for him. He had no desire to leave another generation behind for posterity. He lived in the moment, and wanted no part of the headaches his friends had with teenagers, or crying babies at night.
“I dropped something off to Meredith,” Ava lied to him, and hated herself the moment the words were out of her mouth. She had never done that before. She had always been truthful in their relationship, and her confusion over Peter was slowly turning her into someone different, a person she’d never been before, to protect what she felt for Peter and hide it from Joel. “How did your meeting go?” She was always interested in his business, and impressed by how creative he was in his field. He was a genius in the Internet world.
“It went great.” He smiled at her. “We’re buying three new Internet companies and absorbing them to wipe out the competition. Everyone’s happy with the deal. We’re going to London and Berlin next week by the way, and New York on the way back.” He always told her, he didn’t ask her. She had no voice in the matter, and followed him everywhere, and he let her shop to her heart’s content. She didn’t take undue advantage of it. It was one of the perks of being with him. She knew that one of these days she’d have to give that up. Hearing about their trip made her heart race, and all she wanted was to find an excuse not to go. It would give her time to be with Peter, and maybe figure things out.
“I don’t think that’s smart, with the construction going on here. I think one of us needs to be here, to keep an eye on them, or they’ll never finish,” she said.
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