Graves and Golf Carts
A Divine Place supernatural cozy mystery, Book 3
Annabel Chase
Red Palm Press LLC
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter One
I stood with my feet firmly planted, poised for action. “I’ve been looking forward to this moment since I first saw you. It’s time to eliminate you from the face of this…”
“Now you hold on one Mount Olympus minute, Eloise Worthington. What do you think you’re doing?” My neighbor Gia—otherwise known as Addephagia, goddess of good cheer and floral patterns (okay, maybe not the latter)—appeared at the end of my driveway. She was a matronly woman with brown hair cut below her ears and a smile that could power a nuclear plant. Today’s ensemble was a dark green dress with a painted daisy design.
“I’m making improvements. What does it look like?” My hand hovered in mid-air, fat drops of black paint narrowly missing my shoes.
“I’m afraid you can’t do anything like this without HOA approval. You’ll have to file a request.” She checked her watch. “It’s early, but the office is usually open by now.”
I squinted at her, my human eyes too weak to withstand the Florida-like sun here in the supernatural afterlife. “I have to file a request to paint sugar skulls on the side of my own golf cart? Are you kidding?”
She chittered about rules and regulations and Hera’s iron fist to the point where I zoned out and wished I’d decided to paint my cart in the dead of night to avoid neighborly detection.
“So I just waltz over to the HOA office and file a paper?” I interrupted.
Gia nodded. “But you should know that your request will likely be denied.”
“Why? This thing is an eyesore. It has to go.” I pointed to the offensive image of a glitter rainbow on the side of my cart and accidentally splattered black paint. Oops.
Gia smiled at the design. “I find it delightful, personally. I know I would much rather see this from my front yard than…” She looked at me expectantly.
“Sugar skulls,” I repeated.
The goddess of good cheer frowned and I felt like I should earn some kind of bonus for making that happen. “I don’t know what those are.”
“You’d like them.”
“Skulls?” She seemed uncertain.
“I can decorate them with flowers.”
This revelation appeased her. “I would make sure to include an example of your proposed design. That might help in the decision-making process.”
“Good thinking.” I dropped the paintbrush on the tray and closed the lid on the container.
“Want me to come with you and show you how to fill out the request?” Gia offered. “I’m heading over to Bloom now, so it’s not out of the way. I need to be at the shop early for a delivery.”
“I’m sure I can manage, thanks. It’ll be an excuse to stop by my office and make sure no one stole any paperclips.”
“Maybe stop by Bloom afterward,” Gia said. “I can send you home with an arrangement for your bedroom. I have some wonderful tulips coming in that can brighten even the most dismal spaces.”
I crossed my arms. “Are you suggesting that my bedroom is a dismal place?” I mean, she wasn’t wrong. I spent more alone time in there than I’d like, along with my Siamese cat. Neither of us belonged in Divine Place—Mischief even more so because she wasn’t dead. She’d tracked me here from the human world after my untimely death. I’d already considered her an incredible feline companion before I died and her appearance here had been nothing short of miraculous.
Gia pressed her fingers to her pink lips, embarrassed by the implication. “Goodness me, no. I only meant that I know you’re still adjusting to the afterlife and flowers improve any situation, just like they did when you were alive.”
“I’m surprised they let us have flowers here. Shouldn’t purgatory involve more suffering?”
“Well, flowers don’t last very long here. I imagine in the heavenly realms they bloom forever and I’d never have to weed.” Gia’s expression grew dreamy.
I stared at the glitter rainbow on my golf cart, which definitely counted as suffering as far as I was concerned. “Do you think it’s because I didn’t flatten my cardboard boxes for recycling?”
“Pardon?”
“Destination purgatory. Maybe if I’d flattened those boxes.” I sighed. “Or maybe it’s because of that time I painted my house the same color as my neighbor’s.” I laughed at the memory. “Boy, was she mad.”
Gia looked at me askance. “Why would you do that?”
“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” I said. That was my defense and I was sticking to it, even in the afterlife. Never mind that my neighbor insisted on having her lawn crew come at the ungodly hour of eleven on Wednesdays. When I’d gently suggested that some people were still overcoming hangovers at that hour and could she please reschedule them to later in the day, she’d had the nerve to say that I should be at work. Apparently my employer agreed with her because I got fired not long after, but I digress.
“That’s true. I used to love when the maidens would copy my floral headdresses. I inspired so many fashion trends in my day.”
I bit my tongue. Gia was too nice for cheap shots. “This fashion trend has to go.” I pointed to the rainbow. “I didn’t like it when I was six and I certainly don’t like it now.”
“Maybe Hera will grant the request because you’ve been such an excellent marshal for the village. She does have her moments of benevolence.”
Those moments were of the blink-and-you-missed-it variety because I found Hera nothing short of terrifying and I wasn’t easy to intimidate. There’s a reason one of the goddess’s symbols was a cow and it had nothing to do with the noun.
“I guess there’s only one way to find out,” I said.
“Let me know how it goes.” Gia disappeared through the row of shrubbery between our driveways and I contemplated driving the cart into the heart of the village. If I walked, it would take longer and I ran the risk of heat stroke. On the other hand, if I drove the golf cart, I might die all over again from embarrassment.
I opted to walk.
The air wasn’t heavily humid this early in the morning, so I figured I’d make it without hyperventilating. I grabbed a bottled water from the fridge and told Mischief I’d be back in about an hour. The cat flicked her ears in acknowledgement and watched for birds out the window.
I walked along the sidewalk, noting the uniformity of the houses on Hamilton Street. This block was worse than my street in Chipping Cheddar, Maryland when it came to homogeneity. Whereas my old neighbors only had a social pact, the houses here seemed to be required to conform—which was strange given the variety of supernaturals that lived in Divine Place. Only the ‘elite’ supernaturals like major gods and goddesses had grand houses with views of the lake or the golf course. The minor deities like Gia were allowed to live in Zone 1, but without the frills of their more famous relations. The rest of the supernaturals like vampires, werewolves, and witches lived in Zone 2. I’d managed to snag a Zone 1 house purely because of timing and the fact that the HOA didn’t know what else to do with me since I wasn’t supposed to be here.
I entered the lobby of the HOA building and went straight to
the front desk to request a form. I decided to take it to my office and complete it there so that I could draw my sample sugar skulls without rushing or they’d end up looking like decaying jellybeans.
My ‘office’ was a former janitor’s closet and my desk was a former ping pong table no longer deemed fit for that purpose. Hera, Madam President of the HOA, had appointed me to the new position of marshal after her ex-husband Zeus ended up obliterated on a cricket field. I solved that crime and then another. Villagers seemed concerned that my arrival coincided with an uptick in obliterations. Most of the time, villagers only left here when they ascended to a better place or descended to a worse place. I had no idea how many iterations of the afterlife existed, only that I ended up in the wrong one for reasons that no one could answer.
I pushed open the creaky door to my office and blanched in surprise. “Cole?”
The demigod rested on his knees, fiddling with the leg of an overturned chair. I never dreamed that I’d wish to be a chair, but here I was imagining it.
“Well, there goes my surprise,” he said.
“What? The fact that two of us can fit in my sandbox of an office?”
He grinned and flipped the chair to an upright position. “No, the fact that I brought you a chair so you don’t need to sit on a bucket or a stack of boxes anymore.”
I gaped at the elegant chair with its black iron frame and white cushions. “You brought this for me?”
“I saw it in a shop window and thought it would be perfect because it’s narrow and doesn’t have arms that take up more space.” He pushed out his elbows in a demonstration of limited space.
“This is so sweet of you. I don’t know what to say.”
“A simple thanks will do.”
“Thanks.” My insides dissolved into mush as I gazed at the scorching hot demigod. I knew he was only doing this because he served as my deputy and we had to share the space, but it was a kind gesture all the same.
“No new case, huh?” he asked.
“Don’t sound so disappointed.”
He motioned to the chair. “Care to give it a test drive? I tightened up the legs so they shouldn’t wobble.”
Unlike mine, which were definitely bordering on jelly right now. “Sure.”
He lifted the chair with those powerful arms and placed it on the other side of the ping pong table. “Let’s see how official you look.”
I hurried around the desk and settled into the chair like a queen ascending to the throne. The cushion was soft and comfortable. “All I need now is a scepter and I’m golden.”
Cole reached for a ping pong paddle and handed it to me. “This is the closest you’re going to get, I’m afraid.”
I aimed the paddle at him. “I hereby dub thee Sir Cole of Staples.”
He leaned forward so that I could tap his head with the edge of the paddle. “Next I shall honor my oath and go the ends of the realm to procure you additional manila folders, Your Majesty.”
I smiled and put the paddle on the desk. “I like this game. Can we make everyone in the village play?”
Cole chuckled. “If you can convince Hera to bow down, then you deserve to wear a real crown.”
“Forget Hera. It’s Jules I’d have to persuade.” The intimidating vampire would be more likely to gut me with a bottle opener from her bar than to bend the knee.
Cole noticed the form I’d set on the desk. “You’re applying for a variance?”
“For my golf cart.”
“On the basis that you’d rather have a scooter like mine?”
“On the basis that it’s ugly and I need to give it a facelift.”
He leaned against the desk. “There’s a new Thai place opening in Zone 2 tonight. Want to check it out with me?”
Cole was inviting me to dinner? My stomach twisted in knots so tight I could have dipped them in mustard and cheese sauce—and now I was hungry. “Um, that sounds great, but I have plans. Raincheck?”
His brow lifted almost imperceptibly. “With Mitzi?”
“No, this guy Aidan.” I paused. “Technically he’s a merman.”
“Oh.” He pushed his firm butt off the makeshift desk and made his way to the door. “Another time then.”
I gave him a hopeful look. “Are you asking me on a date?”
“No,” he said quickly. “I thought we could nail down some procedures now that we’re officially a team.”
“So you want to nail me…with procedures. Sure. Sounds fun.” And disappointing.
He lingered in the doorway, like there was something more on his mind. “I’ll see you later then.”
“Later sounds good. Thanks for the chair.” As I bounced up and down to demonstrate its comfort, one of the legs popped off and I plunged to the floor. “I’m okay,” I yelled, but when I pulled myself to my knees, I realized he was already gone.
Chapter Two
After filing my form with the HOA, I returned home to take advantage of the sunshine before the inevitable afternoon downpour. I reclined on a lounge chair in my backyard with music blasting and a cold margarita in my hand.
“Now this is starting to feel more like Heaven,” I murmured.
“You and I have very different opinions on what constitutes an ideal afterlife.”
I lifted my sunglasses to see Jules hovering over me. The vampire wore one of her trademark leather catsuits—this one in a deep crimson that made her look like a bottle of blood. I was surprised she didn’t get hunger pangs every time she caught a glimpse of herself.
“What brings you all the way to Zone 1?” I asked, returning my sunglasses to their necessary position. I swore the blinding sun had to be part of the purgatory package.
“I had to renew my liquor license with the HOA.” She pulled a chair closer to mine and dropped into it as though she carried the weight of the world on her toned shoulders. In truth, she could probably take over for Atlas when he needed a pee break. “Why is your skin glistening?”
“I slathered myself with baby oil. It’s something I did as a teenager that was apparently extremely damaging, according to my dermatologist.” I felt judged by Dr. Larsen every time I went to an appointment for choices I made thirty years ago. If I had a time machine, I’d hop in and tell seventeen-year-old Eloise to wear sunscreen—and to buy stock in Apple and Amazon. “Now that I’m dead, it doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I’ve always been dead. Well, undead.”
“Didn’t you ever have to worry about skin cancer?” I asked.
“Vampires don’t get cancer.”
“Sheesh. No wrinkles. No cancer. A rocking bod. Talk about all the luck.”
“And why are you doing this? Just because you can?”
“That, and I have a date with Aidan, the merguy I met at the lake.”
“Merguy?”
“I decided I like it better than merman.”
“Sure. Go ahead and rename an entire species because you think it sounds better.”
I smiled. “I think I just did.”
Jules observed me. “Huh,” she said.
I raised my sunglasses again to look at her. “What does that mean?”
Jules averted her gaze. “Nothing. I just didn’t realize you were into fins.”
“I don’t know if I am. I haven’t been out with him yet.”
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“I don’t know. He said he wanted to surprise me.”
Jules snorted. “Which is code for he doesn’t plan ahead.”
“Hey, I can’t judge him for that. I’m the same.”
“What are you going to wear?”
“I don’t know yet. That would require planning ahead. I thought I’d spend a couple hours this afternoon watching reruns of America’s Top Model and parading around the bedroom in various outfits until one seemed right.”
She gave me the once-over. “Do yourself a favor and don’t wear yellow. You look like a lemon. Makes my face sour just looking at you.”
I fro
wned. “I think that’s just your natural expression, Jules.” A soft mewing sound from the flowerbed caught my attention. The sound was far too quiet to be Mischief.
“I smell a cat,” Jules said.
On cue, a black cat emerged from between two rose bushes and meowed as though in distress. I immediately recognized Daisy, Mitzi’s cat.
“Is that yours?” Jules asked.
“No.” I groaned in exasperation. “Daisy, please don’t tell me Mitzi fell down a well. I don’t have time for a project.” It wouldn’t surprise me. The witch was clumsy for someone with magical powers.
The cat scurried to the chair and tapped me with her paw. Ugh, there was definitely trouble brewing. I swallowed the last gulp of my margarita as consolation for vacating my comfortable chair.
“Where are you going?” Jules asked.
“I don’t know, but I need to follow the cat.” I rose to my feet and slipped a tasteful cover-up over my yellow swimsuit.
Jules scrutinized me. “Is this a human thing? I thought you were only submissive to dogs.”
“We’re basically submissive to any animal that can vomit on our pillow.” I glanced over my shoulder at her. “Are you coming?”
The vampire dragged herself reluctantly to her feet. “I guess. I don’t need to be at the bar until later.”
“You don’t have to come, although there’s a possibility that whatever is wrong could be entertaining. Just sayin’.”
The prospect of witnessing someone else’s humiliation did the trick. Jules and I climbed into my golf cart and followed Daisy to the heart of the village. The vampire made disappointing grunting sounds along the way, annoyed to be seen in the sparkling golf cart.
“Listen, I know it’s not cool, but I’ll be painting over the rainbow as soon as I get HOA approval.” I turned quickly to keep up with the fleet-footed cat.
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