It was also a little sad, her life had only really begun to turn a corner to the better in the final year and it was the same people who made that a possibility that she’d be leaving behind, as they went about their separate ways, not knowing if they would ever cross paths again.
Some might say that that was a somewhat cynical way of looking at things, but she had to be honest with herself, some people were destined to remain friends, some simply weren’t, regardless of how hard she might try.
Some people had the luck of finding everything they wanted at university, love, enlightenment, friendship, partying and more, she on the other hand found very little and she was only stepping into the world more confused and less enlightened, at least non-academically, than ever before.
Before long, she was back at home with an entire summer to look forward to and a world of opportunities just looming over the horizon and yet it felt more daunting than exciting.
What would her life be in the next few years, let alone ten years onwards? Would her degree serve her well? Would she find the person of her dreams, get married, perhaps have kids? Would her friends remain friends? Where would this grand and free ocean of opportunities take her?
As the job market favoured experience over qualifications more so than ever, she knew that her only way to stand a chance at making her three years at university and the expense she would be paying back worth the time, was to get some work experience under her belt and make a little cash on the side. That was at least how she ended up working at The Buccaneer, a dingy little bar and nightclub in London that went into administration not long after she left.
It didn’t come as a surprise that it had shut down either, there were literally always fights, the punters were rude, sexist and foul-mouthed and management there was shitty at the best of times, never mind the worst, but she’d be hard pressed attempting to find a moment she didn’t enjoy working there. It wasn’t the part time job her parents - particularly her mother - would have liked for her, but Rachel loved it and couldn’t imagine a thirty hours a week plus office job providing quite as much entertainment, laughter and memories. That and she was picking up a plethora of life skills and experiences she wouldn’t have otherwise.
The hustle and bustle of rowdy punters, the pint pulling, the mastering of different drink mixtures and experimenting a few herself with colleagues afterwards during shut-ins, the dancing on counters with those same colleagues when management weren’t around and the music was pumping, the madness that came with major sporting events, the drunken antics and oh so much more.
Suddenly the dire years of university were long behind her and her new path in life was slowly beginning to take shape. Who better to help her shape it than her colleagues and new friends, Jeremy and Terri.
Jeremy, a fun loving, but really ordinary looking guy, had had a massive crush on her during the course of their time working there, unbeknownst to her for the longest time. As it turns out, he had fallen head over heels in love with her the very first day she started working, but she discovered this because Terri, a badass tattooed punk rocker chick, with studs in her nose and gauges in her earlobes, blurted it out during a drunken shut-in exploit.
It was the first time a guy had ever had any real interest in her since that fateful first year of university and admittedly she revelled in the attention, probably more than she actually cared to admit, but whether she liked him like that or not was another question.
She could vividly recall her feelings swaying more towards Terri than Jeremy, she was so cool, she could handle full grown drunken guys by herself, play a guitar and tie knots with her tongue. Like, how awesome was that!
Wanting so badly to fit in and not scare her new friends off, she bottled it up and despite every molecule in her body telling her not to date Jeremy, Terri’s guilt tripping, coupled with her own ambitions to appear normal, led her right into a situation she’d eventually come to regret.
She and Jeremy dated for some time and he was the sweetest most delightful man anyone could hope to date, the sort of man her parents would approve of and sure enough, they did, it was just that… she didn’t have any feelings towards him and he wanted for her to love him so badly, she could tell by how hard he tried and she felt guilty, especially given that all the while, her infatuation for Terri would only continued to develop, no thanks to a number of situations that saw the two together alone and enjoying each other’s company, such as the time they both accidentally locked themselves in the cellar for an hour, or the time Terri got so ridiculously drunk that she called Rachel, who was off that day and demanded she join them for after work drinks, which concluded with Rachel, pretty far gone herself, holding her friend’s hair up as Terri emptied her guts in a public toilet and then the two passed out at Terri’s apartment.
Jeremy pushed towards developing their own relationship status to exclusive and for a while Rachel went along with it, convinced that she’d grow to love him back, determined not to rock the boat of three they had created for themselves.
Then little subject of sex came up and ruined the moment. She had up to this point held him off, content with making out, but not wanting to explore anything further, though what he saw was the yet at the end of that sentence.
When she had to lie to him, using sex after marriage as her final excuse and he was so sweet and understanding about it, it only served to make her sick to her stomach with guilt. How long was she going to keep this up? Here was the one guy she had come to like and trust and she was using him, behaving no better than… Sadina.
Now, faced with an altogether different dilemma of no longer lying to keep the facade up, but lying purely to protect him from the hurt she would inflict on him, it was breaking her apart. He was in love with her for fuck sake, but if she continued to string him along, she was denying him and herself the opportunity to find someone they really and truly cared about and who reciprocated.
After a long period of deliberating with herself over the idea of breaking up, she eventually conceded and decided to do just that.
Pulling him aside, her heart in her throat, she came out with it all, admitting that she had no romantic feelings towards him, that it was no fault of his own, that she wore a mask to hide her insecurities and the words spilling from her lips sounded to her as jarringly cliché as it could get, it’s not you, it’s me. She admitted that she loved him, but only as a friend, that he was perfect in every way and she didn’t deserve someone like him in her life.
In a strange turn of events, she wept as she spilled her heart out to him and he remained unnervingly calm throughout the ordeal. Then once she was done, he thanked her for telling him and without a shred of hesitation, suggested that it must have been really hard on her to conceal feelings like that and then find the strength to tell the truth.
His words knocked the wind out of her, to be confronted with that level of consideration was beyond all she could comprehend. She could deal with anger and jealousy; she had become accustomed to that, but this? She didn’t know how to deal with this, so impulsively she ran away.
Everything became really awkward after that, much to the bemusement of Terri who was sensing the tension and no fault of Jeremy’s, she just couldn’t look him in the eye and in an environment where they had to work closely together to achieve anything, was the greatest torture.
Rachel eventually explained everything to Terri, leaving out the part about her sexuality and Terri’s response? Laughter, bold hearty hysterics. Rachel shouldn’t have expected anything else from her, Terri thrived on drama, but perhaps telling her was also for the best, because if there was anything that Terri was good at, it was repairing things and that was precisely what she endeavoured to do.
Working her magic, she got them talking and laughing openly again, this time completely as friends and without any deception. Terri, not one to apologise for anything, admitted that matchmaking probably wasn’t her forte and she’d keep her nose out of it from there on out. Jeremy did express
disappointment in hindsight that Rachel didn’t trust him capable enough to deal with crappy news like a break-up, but he appreciated the consideration all the same.
Naturally, he wasn’t exactly fond of the idea of being friendzoned - the infamous friendzone, a word she loathed -, but he accepted it because it was her.
Not entirely sure how to deal with an ex coming to terms with her newfound identity, Jeremy was understandably a little awkward about it, but he endeavoured to help Rachel accept who she was and find love in the process and for the first time in her life, she had someone who knew who she really was and wanted to be a support network. It felt so… wholesome.
Probing, Jeremy discovered her crush on Terri and meaning no malice by it whatsoever, he burst her bubble, by revealing that Terri was completely straight, no doubt about it.
Disappointing though that news was, it at least gave her a sense of closure and now she could start simply regarding Terri as just her friend. Nothing escaped Terri’s sensitive ears though and of course she found out. Her reaction, albeit slightly embarrassing with Terri initially poking fun at her expense, gloating about how she wasn’t surprised Rachel fancied her and how it made so much sense now why she and Jeremy had split, was relieving to say the least. It was the remaining piece of the puzzle towards building an indestructible bond with these two and now that Terri knew the deal, she too made it her prerogative to help Rachel come to terms with herself and find the person she was meant to be with.
It began with a gay club after work, Terri’s suggestion, a scene that was worlds apart from anything Rachel was accustomed to.
Whilst Jeremy looked out of his depth, Terri seemed perfectly climatised; lapping up all the attention she was getting despite not being gay. And there they were, Terri on the dance floor, tipsy and getting free drinks left, right and center, whilst Rachel and Jeremy sat awkwardly in a corner turning down anyone who even showed the slightest bit of attention to them.
Rachel felt ridiculous, why was she, the only actually gay one in their trio, so uncomfortable? Was it the pressure of being thrown into the deep end before she had even learned to swim? Maybe that Jeremy and Terri being passing visitors, whilst it was she who had to take the plunge, made her feel overwhelmed. Of course this was scary beyond belief, she wasn’t used to this, she had come from the most prudish family in the world and the closest she had ever gotten to… this, was probably Sadina, a person she loathed. Everyone was so forward, so touchy feely, so sexually charged and she didn’t know how to deal with it.
After that night was a resounding failure, it became clear that one, she needed to take this step by step, not rush to the finish line and two, boost her confidence by challenging herself to do things in settings she was more comfortable with. This began with regular clubs and bars they often went to, Terri being her totally awesome wingwoman and lesbo radar, this then progressed onto small LGBTQIA meetups and then finally dating apps, her profile set up with the help of her friends who probably got more gratification out of it than she did.
She came across a few weirdos, quickly realising that just because she was gay now, didn’t mean she was weirdo-free.
She was gay now; she had to keep telling herself that because it felt so weird to mentally accept and weirder still to actually say.
It wasn’t all bad though, as for every weirdo she met, there were some incredibly down to Earth women, some who had been lesbians as far back as they could remember, others like her who had only recently come out of the closet. Learning about their journeys gave her a tremendous sense of ease and the boost of confidence she needed.
Her first official lesbian relationship was with a young woman named Trisha Heist, a black woman with plenty of lesbian experience and not stereotypically lesbian in her appearance, if that made sense. One might even deduce that she was straight from the offset, compared to many of the other women Rachel had encountered.
Trisha was cute, flirtatious and sweet, but Rachel wasn’t aware of her virgin-stealer alias until she herself admitted to it one tipsy night. Rachel wasn’t initially comfortable with the premise of being used for Trisha’s gain and secret fetish or whatnot, so she almost called it off right then and there, but Terri and Jeremy saw opportunity. Trisha could be her sexual tutor in all things gay sex. It made a lot of sense, what was it worth getting with someone she did care about and ruining something that could have been for lack of experience?
Despite panicking about what a lesbian relationship would be like, it blew her mind more than she could possibly comprehend. The make out sessions, the steamy kinky fondling in public spaces, the naughty texts and finally the night she had been anticipating for oh so long, a night she had fretted about forever, but turned out to be the greatest night of her entire life.
Trisha was a master with her lips, fingers and tongue, her naked body was mesmerising and if Rachel had still had any reservations about her decision to accept her sexual orientation as a lesbian, they had all but gone now. Here she was at the prime of her life exploring new realms she never imagined or thought possible.
Like a flower pollinated, she bloomed with colours she wouldn’t have known she had and her life suddenly became something of an open gate, leading to an entire world out there of things she had yet to learn about. That right there was ultimate bliss.
The relationship with Trisha didn’t last long, after all, she was only ever interested in ripe fruits, but that didn’t matter, Rachel’s doors had been opened and now nothing seemed impossible anymore.
Once again, she challenged the mountain that was the gay club, this time only taking Terri along with her and compared to the previous time she had faced this obstacle, she was met with resounding success. She could happily tick this one off the list.
Next, coming out to her parents… yikes!
CHAPTER 7 - EDWARD & CHRISTINE
10:58am - 5 Days until outbreak
. . .
. . .
As the crew readied themselves for departure, passengers were now more than settled in; even stragglers had had their chance to embark in the last hours leading to departure.
With all passengers accounted for, settled in and the ship ready for departure, a twenty minute safety briefing required all staff and embarked passengers to participate before the ship could leave port. Leading the briefing for Christine, Edward and Martha, was Faye herself.
Finally, the horns of the ship sounded, alerting all to impending departure and the vast anchors raised, lumbering the ship to the dock no more and signalling the beginning of what would be a glorious fourteen day voyage away from dreary Southampton, across the Atlantic and over to the luscious heat of the tropics.
The ship pulled away from the docks, a magnificent 371 meter long, 73 meter high and 227,141 tonne feat of modern engineering, the second largest ship in the world.
From the highest point it was difficult to not feel on top of the world and looking down at cheering spectators, ship enthusiasts and those cheering on the first departure of a ship now known worldwide for its sheer size, didn't exactly diminish that feeling.
The lucky ones able to board and sail upon a ship like this for the first time were probably amongst the most envied people in the world right now; beside ordinary passengers were celebrities, politicians and more.
With tickets selling out like water in the Sahara, it was with tremendous luck and patience that Christine was even able to get her hands on any and for a hefty price tag, of which she dare not disclose; she expected nothing but an exceptional experience.
It was said that the cooks here were Michelin star, the personal trainers were second to none, the masseuses were unparalleled, the onboard mall was the grandest and most exquisite to be found on a ship, the theatre was comparable to the interior of the Royal Albert Hall, albeit smaller in scale, the dining hall breathtaking and if the cabins, or in their case suites, were anything to go by, more jaw dropping awaited them, things mentioned not even in the leaflet and on the website.
The bar, formerly occupied by only the couple, had drawn quite a number of newcomers in the past hour; no longer quiet and personal an experience, the couple found themselves shifting further and further away from the bar to allow for others to order their drinks, but being the first there did grant them the additional perk of being able to pick from the best seats and table available and so, as anyone would, they picked a table perched right next to the railings looking down over the side of the ship.
There wasn’t a great deal to see from this side of the ship other than the sheer size of the port itself, boasting an extensive history of what was once a thriving industry of shipping imports and exports, all the way back to 1843 to be exact. Switching to the present day and it had become the busiest cruise terminal and second largest container port in the UK. The port was hardly a glamorous view, but its history alone demanded awe.
“What’s up?” Edward enquired, noticing the vacant searching expression on Christine’s face.
The gentle breeze caressing her cheeks and her mind captured by the thoughts of days in her life gone by, she returned her attention to him.
“Oh nothing, just thinking about how much we needed this getaway”.
“You do too much thinking, isn’t this supposed to be your chance to forget about everything?”
“Ooh, look at you, weren’t you the one in panic fits before we got on?”
“Well we’re on now, there’s nothing I can do about it and besides, I have a drink in my hand, a fantastic view and thoughts of sun, sea and sand ahead, so I guess all inhibitions are out of the window”.
“That was fast”.
“Doesn’t take much, you know me, I’m a man of simplicities”.
“No need to remind me, I know that all too well”. She sighed. “I wish my mother would see it that way”.
“Your mother is… difficult, but I’m sure with time, she too will come around”.
Cryptophobia | Book 2 | Hell & High Water [Fear The Unknown] Page 6
