by Lucy Coleman
That’s stretching the truth a bit thin, but it might make Mum stop and think.
‘Oh, of course, honey. I hadn’t thought of that. He’s just desperate to find out how you are, because you’re not here and it’s a real shame. The one missing link. Jake has learnt a lot about life and people – and family, in particular – while he’s been away. You’ll find him changed, Lexie, I promise you.’
‘That’s great, Mum. But it’s going to have to wait until I get back. I’m fine. Things are fine and I’ll be home before you know it.’
‘As long as there’s nothing you need. I mean, you would say, wouldn’t you?’
‘Yes, Mum, I’d say. And things are going marvellously, actually. We have an amazing team and they’ve all stepped up.’
Mum’s intentions are good, I know that. What if she sees this as an opportunity for Jake to help me out? That thought is horrifying, given how things were left between us. Now Jake is back and encompassing everyone in his success. The fact that I’m trying to bridge a funding gap as the hole keeps getting bigger is something I don’t want thrust under his nose. He’s the last person I’d take help from, on principle. How do I tell her outright that I trusted him once, but I’ll never trust him ever again?
22
Hand on Heart
I insist on driving. If Ronan is paying for lunch, then it’s the least I can do.
Pushing back the passenger seat as far as it will go, he settles himself in and I suppress my laughter. He’s rather broad-shouldered and has long legs, but once he gets comfortable, he seems fine. Our shoulders knock from time to time whenever I drive over a bump in the road, but I love these little cars.
‘The steering wheel’s a bit small. Not sure I’d get on too well with that, but it’s zippy, I’ll give it that,’ Ronan comments.
‘This is my dream car,’ I reply. I’ve always longed to buy a cabriolet in two-tone, black on white; with the soft top rolled back it’s utter heaven.
It’s clear that Ronan is now the one who is struggling to keep a straight face. ‘Your dream car? I’m impressed. There are women who spend more on a handbag than the cost of a car like this,’ he jests.
‘I like what I like. It doesn’t have to cost the earth to make me happy. The one I drive at home isn’t as new as this, but Betty has seen me through a couple of good years. At some point I’m going to have to swap her in for a newer model, but she’s always been reliable. We’ve had some great little trips out on a Sunday with Maisie, and on our once-a-month girls’ day out.’
Even thinking about those jaunts puts the biggest smile on my face.
‘I totally get it. Big isn’t always best. Look at me, rattling around in that house all alone. It’s a waste, really. Mum’s trying to convince me to move back to the UK. She rang again last night for another of her little chats. She isn’t about to give up.’
I’m stunned. I can feel him watching me, but the traffic is building up and I daren’t take my eyes off the road. The satnav is heading towards an industrial zone and there are as many lorries as there are cars, all of them towering over us like hulking great metal monsters.
‘How do you feel about that?’ His voice looms up, sounding hesitant, and the tone tells me it’s a serious question.
My heart skips a beat. Ronan’s plans were firmly centred on Versailles and suddenly he really is contemplating a big upheaval. I gulp. Is he asking me what I think he’s asking me?
‘The question I want to ask is what do you think about it?’ I decide to turn the tables on him.
‘I think that I would miss Versailles and my grandmother’s house, but it could be amazing.’
‘Amazing,’ I repeat. That was the last thing I was expecting him to say and I’m temporarily thrown.
‘Like you think it would make my mother very happy?’ Now he sounds disappointed.
‘Yes, but it would make me very happy too, of course it would.’ My heart is literally leaping with joy at the thought and I say a silent thank you to Eve.
There’s no point in pretending that with each passing day I’m not conscious it’s one day closer to us having to say goodbye. But it’s a topic we’ve been avoiding and we both know that, because there isn’t a simple solution.
‘You’re serious about that? I mean, I’ve been worrying about how we were going to take this forward. And how I was going to cope on my own without you, after you fly back. Dreading it, actually.’
Damn it! That’s our turning, by the look of it, and this is a conversation we so need to have, but without any distractions.
‘What was the name of the place again?’ I ask, slightly irked that the journey isn’t a longer one.
Ronan pulls out his phone. ‘Les Images. Unit 56. There’s a big white roller shutter, which I assume is a loading bay, next to the service unit. There’s a sign over the door but it’s not huge.’
It’s a massive complex and it isn’t easy to cruise around slowly with a steady stream of lorries turning and exiting the various car-parking and delivery areas.
‘Do you think we’re in the right place?’ I query, slowing the car as this is a dead end and I’m looking for somewhere to turn around. ‘Oh, there it is!’
Tucked into the corner, the sign doesn’t exactly jump out at you, but I guess they’re unlikely to attract passing trade. This is for the specialist commercial market only. Annoyingly the car park is full and there are two vans queuing, totally blocking the entry.
‘I’ll grab the kit and jump out here. I can head inside and get the paperwork done while you try to find somewhere to park. It shouldn’t take long, so don’t worry too much if you can’t find a spot. Hopefully we’ll soon be able to escape the chaos.’
Ronan is right; I’m still cruising up and down the road when he appears, waving to attract my attention.
‘What did they say?’ I ask as he settles himself into the seat next to me.
‘The guy fiddled with it and just said he’d be in touch later this morning. He knows Elliot, so that’s good. I impressed upon him that it’s rather urgent.’
‘Thanks. Right, where’s this wonderful place you’ve found?’
Ronan taps his phone.
‘Okay. Retrace your steps and you have no choice but to turn left to get back out onto the main road. Then straight up to the roundabout and take the fourth exit. It’s not far, but it’s in the opposite direction.’
It’s a relief to be driving away from the queues streaming into central Paris. Ronan continues to give me directions and eventually I pull into a car park in front of what looks like a modern version of an old wooden lodge. It stands on solid concrete pillars and its beautiful cladding helps it to blend in among the trees. As I follow the arrows and drive further into the sizeable grounds, there in front of us is a glorious old water mill.
‘That’s incredible,’ I remark.
‘I knew you’d like it.’ Ronan looks pleased with himself.
‘Why the frown?’
‘It’s lovely here. I just found myself thinking about my brother, for some obscure reason.’
Ronan looks at me quizzically.
‘It’s difficult.’ I sigh.
‘Well, we have at least an hour before lunch to walk and talk. You can tell me all about it. If I’m going to end up moving back to the UK, then you’ll need to let me in on what happened, sooner rather than later.’
‘There’s not a lot to tell,’ I reply as I manoeuvre the car into a parking bay.
There is no way I’m going to risk spoiling a relaxing day out by having this conversation and I’m pretty sure Ronan will pick that up from my tone of voice.
‘I get the message. Come on, I don’t want to put you in a bad mood.’ His grin is a forgiving one.
We head towards the reception and Ronan confirms our lunch reservation. The woman behind the desk is very welcoming and hands us a map, leaning over it and talking very fast as she points out various landmarks. Ronan thanks her and checks his watch as he holds the door ope
n for me.
‘We’ll take the river walk. It’s the blue track here,’ he adds, stabbing his finger on the map. ‘We need to cross that bridge up ahead.’
Stepping off the gravelled path and onto the soft grass, it’s satisfyingly springy beneath our feet. There’s a gentle swoosh of cars driving at speed along the busy road, but the further we walk, the less noticeable it becomes. The sound of water flowing over rocks and the birdsong from the tall trees either side of the river ahead begin to take over.
I take in a deep breath, savouring the sweet air. After the unpleasant fumes from idling traffic, the contrast couldn’t be greater. A huge swathe of beech hedging, sporting the tiny, fluttery bright foliage of a new year’s growth, lines the approach to the hand-hewn wooden bridge. The span extends about forty feet, but it’s only three feet wide. We stop in the middle of it to lean on the handrail.
‘The river runs directly under the lodge,’ Ronan points out.
The lodge is four storeys high, and every bedroom facing this way has a balcony overlooking the river. It’s a huge building, easily spanning the width of the water and extending well beyond the edges of the banks.
‘This is obviously a very popular place,’ I reflect, noting how full the car park is from this viewpoint. It’s only Thursday too, which is a good sign as it isn’t just full of long-weekenders.
‘I asked George to recommend somewhere a bit special.’
I turn to look at him.
‘You’ve talked to George in the last couple of days?’ I ask, rather nervously. I hope George hasn’t mentioned that he’s been in touch with me directly.
Ronan gives a wry smile. ‘I ring him every now and again to remind him I’m around. I wanted him to know that I’m pressing ahead with the final book in the series. He didn’t say anything, and I left it at that. He’s had his chance and it’s George’s decision not to talk to me. But this restaurant was a good suggestion and I’m grateful to him.’
‘Your research here is coming to an end, then?’
He nods. ‘It is, I think. The first draft is almost done, but it needs a good tidy up as it’s not going to be as anecdotal as the first two in the series. I found myself focusing on the effects of the two big storms in 1990 and 1999. It’s an interesting story, because the first storm did a lot of damage, but the second storm was so devastating that it shut the park for a week. It was a battlefield of fallen trees, but it also left others unsafe. While the damage to the buildings was significant, having to close the park suddenly made everyone sit up. Once word got out about the full extent of the damage, everyone was in uproar. Making it safe was going to cost money, and a considerable amount.’
‘But money has always been an issue, going way back. So, what changed?’
‘When the first photographs began appearing in the papers they were received with shock and horror. The state had drafted in the military and the work began to make the park safe. Donations started to come in, not just from the established friends of Versailles and patrons, but from around the world. It was soon clear that it wasn’t going to be enough. More men were needed, more equipment, and the costs were spiralling. So, the decision was made to let it go on record. Giving the press free access was an unprecedented step, but it worked.
‘Continued coverage around the world attracted more wealthy patrons, people who are prepared to dig deep to support a cause they feel is worthy. For the first time in the history of the palace, I do believe the park and gardens became the focus of Versailles. And there ends my story.’ He sounds content and I’m pleased for him.
‘So, it is a cause for celebration, then.’
‘I suppose it is, in a way. But today isn’t about work, it’s about us. The restaurant is located in the old mill. The first floor is a bar and café, the second floor is where we’re going to eat. Stunning views, according to George.’
As we stand shoulder to shoulder, our gaze is drawn beyond the mill, towards the foamy white water heralding the point at which it flows beneath the huge waterwheel.
‘This must have been amazing when it was working. What type of mill is it?’
Ronan indicates for us to begin walking again.
‘Grain. According to the map most of the area over there, extending for miles, is mainly farmland and pasture. There’s a campsite here too, and individual log cabins in a forest.’
As we stroll along the riverbank together, I can’t recall ever feeling as thrilled as I do right now about the future and what’s to come.
‘I’m so happy that Eve approves of us.’
Ronan draws to a halt, his eyes searching mine.
‘She’s relieved to think I’m in safe hands,’ he declares. ‘She took me to one side and told me how lucky I am and that I shouldn’t drag my feet.’
He catches up my hands in his, lovingly, and I can see he’s in a happy place. Gone is the edginess that was dampening his spirits a little and it’s a release. He can stop worrying about her and focus on his own life.
‘We both have loose ends to tie up before we can be together, don’t we?’ Ronan doesn’t sound concerned, but accepting of the fact.
‘Everything is going to be a first as we move forward. That’s heady stuff but we’ll work it out, somehow.’ I stand on tiptoe to plant my lips on his and he lets out a soft groan.
My whole being is buzzing at the thought of having Ronan in my life permanently and what it will mean. Yes, it’s a little scary stepping into the unknown, but it’s also exciting.
With the warmth from the sun overhead taking the edge off the playful breeze, this is one of those moments in life. A memory I will recall and look back on fondly, knowing that the man in my life wants me as much as I want him.
‘I wish I could fly back with you. I have no idea how long it will take to sort everything out. I’m a little nervous about meeting your family, to be honest.’ His frown shows me he’s serious.
‘Hey, there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve kept it simple, but they know me so well and it’s more about what I haven’t told them, than what I have actually decided to share. I’ve told them you’re special and you are. It will be easier when they can see us together and really get to know you.’
‘I understand.’ Ronan scoops me into his arms, giving me a lingering hug.
‘Planning a new future takes time. I simply have to be patient, but it isn’t going to be easy.’ He gazes over my shoulder.
‘Look, we have company!’ Ronan releases me, pointing to a swan on the river in front of us. It glides easily, head erect and proud as it scans around attentively. ‘See that little island in the middle of the river? Just to the right of that bush there’s what looks like a pile of moss, old leaves and twigs. If you look closely, I think that’s a nest. Yes, look, his partner is looking after their clutch of eggs. It won’t be long before they have a bevy of cygnets.’
‘That’s so lovely to see. It’s peaceful here; not too commercial considering it’s also a campsite.’
‘There’s another bridge further down and what looks like an information board. Come on, let’s wander down and take a peek.’ Ronan yanks on my hand playfully. ‘This is perfect, isn’t it?’
‘Simply perfect,’ I repeat, but really what I’m thinking is that he’s perfect.
I love his natural sense of curiosity and how inspired he is by the things around him.
‘This looks interesting,’ Ronan says as I try to slow the thoughts tumbling through my mind.
The river diverts to the other side of the mill, the main part heading off to the right and a smaller, shallower arm wending its way beneath a stone bridge. We stop to read the story and discover that a hefty grant a few years ago allowed the site to be developed in sympathy with the surroundings.
‘It sort of restores your faith in human nature, doesn’t it?’
‘Money makes the world go around, I suppose, but it’s wonderful when organisations can work together. This is a beautiful spot and it hasn’t been spoilt.’
Ronan turns to look at me, leaning against the trunk of an old oak tree.
‘France is in my blood; it always will be. But spending time with you has made me realise that the only thing that really matters is being together, Lexie.’
I had assumed he’d been walking along just taking in the view, but clearly his mind is still preoccupied too. The look on his face makes me draw closer to him and he throws open his arms, pulling me into a tight embrace.
My days here are numbered and now it’s beginning to hang over us, ominously.
‘I feel that way too, Ronan,’ I half whisper. ‘A part of me wants to stay here forever, even though I know that’s not possible. No matter how hard it’s going to be to leave you, I simply don’t have a choice in the matter. Aside from my work commitments, I have to be close to my family as we’ve always been there for each other. Well, most of us have.’
‘Come on, let’s head inside for a pre-lunch drink and you can tell me the whole story. It’s time I found out what I’m about to get myself into, don’t you think?’
Although I was hoping to avoid this conversation today, I can’t put it off any longer. Or pretend that what’s in my past hasn’t given rise to trust issues.
Ronan stoops, his lips softly touching mine, and I’m confident that we have a real shot at this. For two people with complicated lives and backgrounds, it’s going to be a test. And, yes, making a commitment is scary, admittedly, but this feels right and nothing is going to get in our way. As I told Maisie, one day someone will come along who will be a keeper, and now that time has come for me, at last!
I sip my half a glass of white wine slowly, in between downing probably the sweetest-tasting water that I’ve ever sampled, which is drawn from the local well.
‘Is this amazing, or what?’ Ronan enthuses.
We both plumped for the palourdes au gratin, which turns out to be baked clams in garlic butter and breadcrumbs.
‘These are deliciously sweet, offset by the richness of the garlic.’ I find myself reaching for my wine glass, then decide that I don’t want to overpower the flavours in my mouth.
