by E. L. Todd
Awkward silence filled the room. I stared at him, unsure what to do. He stared back at me, his face unreadable. The look of hate wasn’t there like last time. But he didn’t seem happy to see me either. I knew the resentment still burned in his veins. Moments like this made me realize how impossible it was for us to get back together. Everything was working against us.
“Well…I’m going to head to the living room.” He picked up his beer and walked out.
I stood there and closed my eyes, feeling embarrassed even though I wasn’t sure why. I should have said something better and made him feel more comfortable. I wished I knew what he was thinking. I wished I could hold him…
After I made the margarita, I walked into the living room.
Cayson and Slade were sitting next to each other on the couch. Both of them were watching the TV, their beers in their hands. Conrad and Roland were whispering to one another.
I joined Trinity and Silke and tried not to look at Cayson. I didn’t want him to catch me staring at him. “Here you go.” I handed it to Silke.
She took a drink. “Shit, that’s strong.”
“You need something strong,” Trinity said.
Silke took another drink.
“So, what happened?” I whispered.
Silke told us everything that happened with Arsen, and the news shocked us.
“He’s in jail?” Trinity asked in shock.”
“Prison,” Silke said.
“Which is worse,” I added. “That’s insane.”
“Everyone keeps telling me this is for the best, but I can’t help feeling…like this,” Silke whispered.
I rubbed her back gently. “It’ll be okay, Silke. I know that sounds hard to believe, but it will.”
“Are you okay?” Silke countered. “You and Cayson are in the same room together. Isn’t that weird?”
“No,” I lied. “We’ll always be friends.”
“They’re getting back together,” Trinity said firmly. “I’ll make it happen.”
“I hope you do too,” Silke said. “It just doesn’t feel right without you being together.”
There was nothing I wanted more but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. The disappointment would kill me.
The guys watched the game then shouted when their team scored. Whenever the ref called an unfair foul, they were in an uproar. I stayed on the couch and tried not to look at Cayson. But that was pretty much impossible. When I did sneak a glance at him, he was watching me. I quickly looked away, embarrassed I’d been caught.
When the game was almost over, I went into the kitchen for a break. I was going to pour a glass of wine and enjoy the solitude for a moment. The pressure was almost too much. Being around Cayson and having to act like I wasn’t dying inside was practically impossible. I drank an entire glass standing there then refilled it.
“I’m behind you.” His deep voice made my spine shiver. He walked around and opened the refrigerator. “I didn’t want to startle you again.”
“Oh…” Without knowing what to do or say, I took a drink of my glass even though it was empty.
He didn’t seem to notice. He grabbed another beer then pulled the cap off with the bottle opener.
“Who’s winning?” I asked, trying to have a normal conversation.
“Weren’t you just watching the game?” he asked.
I was but I wasn’t paying attention. I was too nervous. It was weird having Cayson in my apartment. He’d been in California so long that I wasn’t used to the idea of him being here. “I meant to say, who do you want to win?” I drank my glass again then remembered it was empty. I gracefully played it off like I wasn’t an idiot and refilled it.
“Patriots,” he said. “I have money on it.”
“Betting Slade?” I asked. I didn’t look directly at him because I was afraid I would throw myself at him.
“Yeah. But he’s going to lose.”
“Keep it friendly,” I said.
“Speaking of Slade…” He drank his beer then put it down. “Want to know what number he pulled on me?”
For a second, we were back to normal. The conversation was natural and unforced. “What?” I asked, interested.
“When I came home the other day, Slade and Trinity were going at it on my couch.”
I laughed and almost spilled my wine. “What?”
“And then I stepped outside, you know, since my eyes had been burned. And Slade kept going until he was done.” He shook his head and laughed at the same time. “He has a lot of nerve.”
“How did he get into your apartment?”
“Broke the lock with that damn lighter of his.”
I laughed. “Oh my god, Trinity didn’t mention that to me.”
“Probably because she’s mortified. Slade acted like it wasn’t a big deal.”
“At least they didn’t do it on your sheets,” I said.
He laughed. “I tossed them just in case.”
“They really need to get their own place. When I was in California—” I stumbled when I realized what I said.
He picked up on the tension and looked down at his beer.
“They…did it in my apartment,” I finished. “So, I know how you feel.” I realized that was a horrible choice of words and regretted saying them.
He was quiet for a while, and his shoulders were tensed and coiled. His jaw was clenched tightly. I knew everything came back to him and made him angry all over again. Last time he was in my apartment he screamed at me like he never had before. We were both thinking about it.
“Conrad will be next,” I said to lighten the mood.
“I should get back to the game.” He walked out without looking at me.
I stayed by the counter and sighed, knowing Cayson and I were working against all odds.
***
When the last game was over and everyone started to leave, I felt sad. I wanted to spend more time with Cayson, to talk about something that made us both relaxed. Whenever we weren’t thinking about our breakup, we were back to normal. I wished he would stay but I knew he wouldn’t. And I didn’t know when I would see him again. I wanted to just ask him out for coffee or something, but he told me nothing would happen until he was ready. I guess I would have to wait.
I said goodbye to everyone at the door. I gave Conrad a bunch of leftovers in the hope it would make him feel better. We all knew how much he cared about Beatrice. It was unfortunate they couldn’t work it out. We all liked her.
It struck me then that three people in the group were going through breakups. The collective atmosphere in the room was dreary. I hugged everyone as they left, but when Cayson was the last one to leave I didn’t touch him.
He looked at me, but his face was guarded. His eyes didn’t shine like they used to. Every time he looked at me, he seemed to be pained, like I might hurt him somehow. “Thanks for having me over,” he said politely.
“Yeah…anytime.” Literally, anytime.
He stared at me for a second longer before he walked out. “I’ll see you around.”
My heart filled with disappointment. “Yeah.”
Chapter Eight
Conrad
Beatrice never called me.
In the deep recesses of my heart, I hoped she would. I practically cried on her doorstep and begged her to take me back.
But she wouldn’t.
Even though I was miserable over the loss of her, I was also pissed off. I admit I wasn’t forthcoming about my past, but that shouldn’t matter with her. I treated Beatrice right the moment we met. I loved her for who she was, and I loved her even more because of her flaws.
Why couldn’t she work it out with me? She never said it, but I knew she loved me.
Theo and I were roommates now. We had a two-bedroom apartment in the city because we couldn’t afford our own places. Roland acted odd when I told him but I didn’t see what the problem was. I would have gotten a place with Roland but he was still living with his parents. What was I supposed to d
o? And Theo and I had gotten a lot closer over the past year. At that moment in time, he knew me better than anyone.
Alex was living with us temporarily until she found a job and a place to live. I didn’t mind having her around. Actually, I liked it. There was always food on the table, and she kept the place clean. And when they were in their bedroom, they stayed quiet. Hearing awkward sounds was what I was most concerned about.
But seeing them together rubbed me the wrong way sometimes. It was clear Theo loved Alex. I wasn’t sure if he already told her, but if he hadn’t, she must know. He looked at her the way I used to look at Beatrice. Anytime he was around her, his happiness couldn’t be contained. He kissed her like he loved her every single time. And when she wasn’t looking, he watched her. Even if a huge play was going on during the game, he would watch her clean the dishes instead.
I was jealous. I missed being happy like that. Then the anger would come back. I treated Beatrice like a queen and did everything I could to make her happy. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about waiting so long to make love, but I was more than patient with her. It irritated me that she could accuse me of not loving her with everything I had.
Theo and I were watching TV that night. Alex had already gone to bed so it was just he and I. He drank our beer then watched TV in the darkness.
Theo turned to me slightly. “You doing okay?” He never asked me about Beatrice.
“I’m fine,” I said with a shrug.
He let the silence stretch for a while. “You seriously can’t work it out?”
“You were there, Theo. You heard what she said.”
“Maybe you should try talking to her again…”
“I did,” I snapped. “I went to her apartment and poured my heart out to her. She still told me to leave.”
He twisted a strand of hair in her fingers. “How cold is she?”
“I told you a long time ago, she’s complicated.”
“You know, she’s not perfect either,” he snapped. “I get that she’s smart and beautiful, but that doesn’t make her better than you. You have a past that’s not…ideal…but what does it matter?”
“You’re telling me something I already know, Theo.”
He sighed in frustration. “Sorry, it just…annoys me.”
“I know how you feel,” he said quietly.
“I just—”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I left my beer on the table then left the couch. I headed to my room.
Theo didn’t stop me or speak.
When I was in my room, I lay on my side in bed. Beatrice’s face swam in my mind, and when it did, it brought pain. She accompanied every dream, and sometimes I thought they were real. When I woke, reality crushed me.
Every time my phone rang, I hoped it would be her.
It never was.
The idea of getting over her sounded impossible. She was the first woman who made me fall hard against my will. She was the first woman who made me a better man. She was the first one to capture my heart even though I did everything I could to defend it.
And now I was broken and weak.
And pathetic.
Chapter Nine
Theo
I was on the road when Alex called me.
“Hey, baby.” Any time I spoke to her I couldn’t stop smiling.
“Where are you?”
“Almost to Cambridge.”
“Uh, why? I woke up this morning and you were gone.”
“There’s something I need to take care of.”
“Oh. What?” she asked.
“I’ll explain when I get back.” I drove with one hand and kept my eyes out for cops. “I’ll talk to you when I get back.”
“Alright, drive safe.”
“Always.” I hung up and returned my phone to my pocket.
After I reached Cambridge, I headed to Beatrice’s apartment. I doubted she was there in the middle of the day, but I had to try. I parked my car then headed to her car. After I knocked, there was no answer.
I investigated the parking area and didn’t see her car anywhere. She was probably at work. I decided to sit down in front of her door and wait.
***
When I heard footsteps down the stairs, I opened my eyes. Someone was coming. I stayed in my place and watched Beatrice reach the top stair. She wore jeans and a blue cardigan. A gold necklace was around her throat. Since she was pulling out her keys from her purse, she didn’t notice me.
I slowly rose to my feet.
When she spotted me, she yelped and dropped her keys. “God, Theo. You scared the crap out of me.”
“Sorry.” I put my hands in my pockets. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She grabbed her keys then stepped back. “Why are you here?”
“Why do you think?”
She crossed her arms over her chest.
“I just thought you should know that you made a big mistake leaving Conrad.”
She didn’t react in any way.
“He’s one of the best guys I know, and the fact you’re throwing him away over something that has nothing to do with you is just stupid. I’m not sure why you think you’re so much better than he is, because you aren’t. And just so you know, any guy who is remotely attractive has been around one way or another. Men aren’t perfect and neither are you.”
“Listen—”
“No, you listen,” I snapped. “I’m not much better than Conrad, and Alex understands that. She knows I care about her and I’m never going to treat her like that. If I were, I wouldn’t have stuck around this long.
“And neither would Conrad. He’s been there for you every single day. How could you possibly doubt how he feels for you?”
“Theo—”
“I came here to talk, not listen.”
Her eyes flashed in annoyance but she closed her mouth.
“I came here to tell you something that Conrad never mentioned.”
Her eyes narrowed in interest.
“You didn’t get into Harvard on your own merit. When you were rejected, Conrad pulled a few strings and got you in. Even though he wanted you to go to New York so he could be with you and his friends at the same time, he made sure you got what you want. Would he do that if he wasn’t head-over-heels in love with you?”
Her lips parted and surprise came into her eyes.
“You really think Harvard forgot to admit you then changed their minds later?” I asked incredulously. “Conrad arranged for them to admit one more student for the year—you.” I felt my arms shake after I finished my speech. The fact she was hurting my friend really pissed me off. He didn’t deserve that. “Just thought you should know.” I turned around and walked off, letting her process my words.
Chapter Ten
Skye
I wore a gray dress with a black blazer. My shoes were black and shiny, and I wore my best jewelry. On my wrist was the bracelet Cayson gave me. Wearing it reminded me of what we had. Even though it was painful, I never wanted to forget.
Then I headed to my first day of work.
I was nervous. I knew everyone would judge me the moment they saw me. Some must be worried about me joining the company. Would I drive it to the ground or would I make it better? Would they resent me for taking a job I didn’t necessarily earn? I tried not to think about.
I used my key card to get into the building then took the elevator to the top floor. I wore my glasses because I thought it would make me look older. Cayson used to say I looked like a sexy nerd when I wore them. The memory made me sad. When he left my apartment, it wasn’t a good parting. It made me worried that we would never find our way back to each other.
When the doors opened, I walked inside, trying to look authoritative but friendly at the same time. Like they all knew who I was, they stared at me as I passed.
The company was designed with pristine granite and tile. Every inch was sparking clean, and the place had the scent of apples. The lighting was dim like a hotel, making it comfo
rtable and not to intimidating.
I reached the lobby where my dad’s secretary was. He was a young man that looked fresh out of college.
“Hello, Ms. Preston.” He stood up and shook my hand.
“It’s nice to see you, Jeremy.” I was glad his name came to me when I saw his face.
“Excited for your first day?”
“Very.”
Jeremy glanced through the windows to my dad’s office. “He’s with a client right now. He’ll be with you in just a second.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “I’ll take a seat.”
“Would you like something to drink?”
“No, thank you.” I sat down and crossed my legs.
People walked past me with folders and papers. Everyone seemed to be heading somewhere, but at a leisurely pace. When I glanced at Uncle Mike’s office, he was on the phone. I patiently waited and refrained from pulling out my phone.
“Thank you for your time, Mr. Preston,” a man in a suit said when he stepped out of the office.
“Of course. Anytime.” Dad shook his head and wore a smile.
“We need to hit the turf soon,” he said. “And bring your wife. She’s got a good swing.”
“Who do you think taught her to putt?” Dad asked.
He laughed then clapped him on the shoulder. “I’ll see you later, Sean.”
“Bye, Bob.”
Bob walked passed me without looking at me.
Dad put his hands in his pockets and turned to me. “Hello, Ms. Preston.”
I remembered the professionalism he wanted. I stood up. “Hello, Mr. Preston.”
He opened his office door. “Let’s get to work.”
“Of course.”
We walked inside then we both sat behind his desk.
“We’re going to go through a lot today,” Dad said without preamble. “I suggest you pay attention and take notes. We’ll take lunch at one.”
“Okay.” I pulled out my notebook.
“Let’s begin.”
***
By lunchtime, my brain was friend. I couldn’t believe my dad did so many things in such a short amount of time. How did he even have time to take a lunch every day? That was beyond me.
