He’d been told that she was on assignment in Hawaii and assured that she’d been contacted about the accident, but Jonas couldn’t help worrying during the past forty-eight hours about whether or not she’d be able to fly across an ocean and then the country to arrive in time. Well, he was glad to see that attending her brother’s memorial service meant a little more to her than her precious career.
Now, that’s not fair, a quiet inner voice scolded. And he knew it was true. Robin Hampstead might be a career woman, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a decent human being. She must have loved her brother just as much as he had loved his sister, Sara. His nerves were frayed, his emotions in turmoil over this loss, and that was the only excuse he had to explain his mean and petty assessment of Robin’s late arrival.
When Jonas noticed that Reverend Walsh had gone silent, he turned away from his study of Robin and saw the minister motion him forward. Jonas felt his face flame with embarrassment. If he’d been paying attention instead of focusing his thoughts on Robin Hampstead, he’d have been prepared to speak rather than being taken off guard. He stood, checked the fastened button of his jacket and made his way to the podium.
~ ~ ~
The stained-glass window above the altar seemed to pulse with vibrant color. Robin had once written an article after visiting a centuries-old church in England that had been converted into a restaurant. In her research, she’d learned that stained-glass had a history of over a thousand years, and that metallic salts added during the manufacturing were what lent color to the glass. Gold, cobalt, viridian, scarlet. Losing herself in the beauty of it allowed her to forget the fiery grief burning in her chest, if only for a moment. Although this particular rendition was clearly abstract, various religious symbols popped out at the focused observer: a bare cross, a lamb, a pair of praying hands, a dove, an ichthus, a chalice…
Seeing Jonas Winslow cross the altar area, Robin almost groaned aloud. If he made some kind of wisecrack about Jeff and Sara, she’d just scream. Both times Robin had met Sara’s brother, the man had infuriated her with his constant jeering and critical remarks. Nothing was safe from his black humor.
Robin remembered that Jonas had made asinine comments about Sara and Jeff’s relationship at the wedding. Her job had been fodder for his jokes that same day. He’d even used Tony’s christening, an event that should have been serious and sacred, and he’d turned the day into material for his dark satire. That was also the day that Jonas had embarrassed her beyond rational thought.
“Today is a day of celebration...”
His voice broke into her dark musings, and she was so startled by his choice of words that her chin tipped upward and her eyes became glued to his face. She made a conscious effort to keep her mouth from dropping open. If this was his idea of a joke... She didn’t finish the thought when she realized that she wasn’t the only one surprised by his statement, for the room grew utterly quiet and still as everyone waited for him to continue.
“Sara and Jeff didn’t want us to mourn their passing,” he said. “They didn’t want us, their family and friends, to gather together for a sad and somber affair. They didn’t want a funeral.”
Robin watched Jonas inhale deeply, and she could tell that it took a great deal of control and effort for him to pull the corners of his mouth into a tiny smile.
“My precious sister and her husband,” he continued, “didn’t want us to feel miserable or brokenhearted by their passing. Of course... we will.” His voice quavered slightly as he added the aside. “But they wanted us…” He faltered, paused long enough to clear his throat, and when he began again, his words were stronger, as vibrant as the stained-glass above the altar behind him. “It was their wish that we celebrate today by recounting our memories of them.”
Robin closed her eyes. His suggestion was a beautiful one, she had to admit. The idea of celebrating her brother and sister-in-law through memories was sweet. Excruciatingly so.
“Sara and Jeff loved each and every one of us,” Jonas continued. “They knew we would all have a need to grieve for them. But it was important to them that we do it as joyously and... cheerfully as possible.”
Sitting there in the back of the church, Robin let herself become wrapped in the warm, comforting cocoon of Jonas’s tone. She’d forgotten how deep, how rich... how memorable his voice was. The acoustics in the high-ceilinged building amplified the melodic pitch and slight draw of his Southern accent. His words were inflected with an intense resonance that seemed to smooth across her mind, across her skin as if it were warm, liquid velvet.
“We’ve enjoyed some beautiful music sung by the choir,” he said. “These songs were some of Jeff and Sara’s very favorites.” This time his smile was fond and didn’t have to be forced. “I know that from now until the end of my life I will remember them both whenever I hear these melodies.” He looked toward the front pews. “Several of Sara’s friends have asked me if they can speak. They have some readings and poetry they would like to share. And some of Jeff’s friends and co-workers would like to relate some of their thoughts, as well.”
As soon as the first person stepped up to the dais to speak, the weird feeling began. Robin listened to the lyrical psalms, the beautiful poetry, but the thoughts and feelings these people expressed forced her to notice a strange emptiness inside her. She was surprised by the number of people who rose from the pews and went to the stand behind the microphone, and soon Robin realized that this wasn’t part of the planned service. These men and women didn’t want to wait until after the memorial service to express the love they felt for Jeff and Sara. These people wanted to be included in this most intimate memorial tribute.
One by one, friends of Sara and Jeff verbalized their fondest memories of the deceased couple. Some of these recollections were sad, many of them had everyone chuckling, some were ironic, but all of the stories were poignant. And with each remembrance, Robin found herself learning something new about her brother and his wife. With each small tale, Robin discovered how little she knew about Jeff and Sara.
Her chin trembled as the huge, desolate void inside her yawned wide. The church didn’t seem big enough to hold her and the vast hollowness that quickly swallowed her up. Suddenly the room seemed as though it were closing in on her. She felt the need to flee. But at the same time, she was desperate to stay. As the affectionate, soul-stirring reminiscences flowed, Robin wanted so badly to pluck them from the air and clutch them to her, have them as her very own. But that was impossible.
She pressed her fingers against her lips, trying to hold back the lonely sobs that threatened to choke her. No, she couldn’t have these memories. They belonged to other people…people who knew Jeff and Sara. Her mind whirled with sadness and confusion as yet another story about her brother was recounted, and the ever-widening chasm rived and splintered until she thought she’d fall into its black, bottomless depths.
Instinct screamed at her; if she couldn’t snatch up some of these wonderful memories to fill this emptiness expanding inside her, then she needed to somehow avoid them. Hide from them. Run from them.
Her gaze darted around the room, and as she saw that there was actually a line of people now forming at the front of the church, she fought the urge to press her hands over her ears. Again, instinct urged her to flee. Gathering her purse, Robin surrendered to impulse and made her escape.
~ ~ ~
Later that same afternoon, Robin entered the building that housed the offices of the family court. Before she’d left Hawaii, she’d been informed by Lynn that there was to be a meeting with a court clerk. Robin had tried to call the lawyer who had sent her the letter and she’d tried to call Sara’s parents, but the storm had knocked out all reception. Then she’d been overwhelmed with trying to get herself back to the mainland so she wouldn’t miss the memorial service.
Robin had spent the last two hours sitting in a small coffeehouse frantically trying to ignore the vacant feeling inside her. She’d focused her thoughts on Tony, a
nd she’d reaffirmed her conclusion that she was probably the worst person to raise the baby.
Yes, she could ask the magazine to give her a job where travel wasn’t expected. But her job was the least of her reasons for feeling inadequate to be Tony’s guardian. She knew nothing about children. Nothing. And even worse than that, Robin had come to understand the stark reality that she knew nothing about her nephew’s parents. She wouldn’t be able to tell the child anything about his mom and dad. Handing over full rights to Sara’s parents was the best thing for her to do for her brother’s son.
Pulling open the glass door, she went inside. Her heels clicked a steady, hollow rhythm on the tiled hallway floor that emphasized what was swirling in her gut. She spied a sign for the ladies’ room and followed the arrow.
The air had that sweet, bubblegum smell of just-scrubbed public restrooms. She looked in the mirror over the sink and shook her head. The light spring rain had drenched her to the skin. Her usually bright red hair was darkened to auburn. Pulling a comb from her purse, she ran it through her curls, but they seemed to spring back with a life of their own and she gave up.
She looked gaunt, the shadows beneath her eyes a tell-tale sign of lack of sleep, and she reached up to try to pinch some color into her cheeks. She regretted not staying for the gathering after the memorial service to see Sara’s parents and Tony. She hadn’t seen the three of them at the ceremony, but she’d figured that they were sitting somewhere up front out of her view. But she’d see them in just a few minutes, and she hoped her pale-as-a-ghost complexion wouldn’t frighten the baby.
The office was easy to find. She’d taken the stairs to the second floor, found the correct door and knocked.
“Come in,” a muffled voice called.
Robin opened the door and smiled at the young woman who sat behind the gray metal desk.
“Hi.” The woman’s voice was as perky as her smile. She stood and offered her hand. “I’m Alice McCarthy. Call me Alice.”
Robin introduced herself and then said, “I hope I’m in the right place.”
“Oh, yes,” Alice told her. “I was just looking over the file. You’re a little early. Have a seat.”
Robin perched herself on the very edge of the chair cushion. “I’m glad I’m early.” She settled her purse on her lap. “I’m glad I have the chance to explain what I’ve planned to do about my nephew.” She paused only an instant before continuing. “You see, I think it would be best if I were to sign over all rights to Sara’s parents. I think they’ll make excellent guardians for Tony.”
The bewildered frown on Alice’s face didn’t even register with Robin, so intent was she on justifying her actions.
“You see,” she repeated, clenching her hands on top of her purse, “I know so little about children. I travel ninety percent of the time. And my job takes me all over the world.” She tried to swallow and realized how cottony her mouth felt. “I want you to understand that it’s not that I don’t love Tony, it’s just that...” She felt wretched inside. “I’ve never had anyone depend on me before.”
The truth was she’d never wanted anyone to depend on her. The very idea scared her witless.
Robin searched the face of the young court clerk and prayed for a little understanding. Several seconds ticked by and Robin wished Alice would say something, anything.
“Well,” the young woman began slowly, “I’m a little confused about what you want to do.”
Before anything more could be said the door to the office opened.
Alice stood and smiled at the man who entered the room. “You must be Mr. Winslow,” she said. “I’m Alice McCarthy. Call me Alice.”
Jonas’s appearance took Robin completely off guard. What was he doing here? Surely he hadn’t been named co-guardian too. But where were Sara’s parents? And where was the baby? How could Jeff and Sara have chosen him to…
“Yes. I’m Jonas Winslow. I’m here about the guardianship of my nephew, Tony Hampstead.”
Robin forced herself to raise her gaze to his face. The open door was angled so that it hid most of him, but she saw a tiny slice of his profile. It seemed that he wasn’t yet aware of her presence, and Robin was relieved by that fact. She could use another moment to take a couple of deep breaths.
“Well, come in, Mr. Winslow,” Alice said.
“Call me Jonas. Mr. Winslow is my dad.” He chuckled.
Unwittingly Robin’s hand went up to smooth her damp curls. If Jonas Winslow, a man who trivialized every aspect of life, was named as one of the co-guardians, that changed everything in her mind. She couldn’t possibly let this snide, disrespectful man raise her nephew. She couldn’t possibly agree to that. What could her brother have been thinking?
“Have a seat, Jonas,” Alice said, beckoning him inside. “As you can see, Ms. Hampstead has already arrived. Since we’re all here, we might as well discuss the situation.”
“We’re all here?” Jonas parroted.
There was surprise in his green gaze. And as he peered around the door at her, his eyes widened. Good, Robin thought. That pretty much put them on even ground.
“But...” His voice trailed and a frown planted itself firmly between his brows. He turned his full attention to stepping into the room and closing the door, an act that seemed to take more time than it should have.
When he looked at her again, concern was obvious in his expression and it caused the air in the room to become so filled with tension that it was hard for her to draw a breath. She could feel herself becoming flustered.
She would not allow him to make her feel embarrassed and awkward. Not this time.
Tipping up her chin, she said, “I’ve never seen you at a loss for words, Jonas.”
Sarcasm tinged her tone, and it acted like a good douse of water on a small camp fire, diffusing the strain that had sprung up so suddenly. His lips curled slightly into a crooked smile. A sexy, slightly crooked smile, she thought not for the first time in her life. And not for the first time in her life, she felt her stomach tilt at the sight of it. She swallowed hard. She would not become rattled by his good looks.
“Hello, Robin,” he said.
“Jonas.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.” He reached out and touched her shoulder.
Robin had to look away even as she nodded. “And I’m sorry for yours,” she murmured.
“I’d like to offer you both my deepest condolences,” Alice said. “I’m glad to see that you two do know each other. I was a little worried when I was assigned the case.”
“Oh, we know each other,” Jonas assured her.
“Well, that’s good.” The court clerk motioned to the chair. “Sit, sit,” she told him. “Let’s talk. We have lots to go over, and Ms. Hampstead was just telling me how she was thinking of signing over all rights…”
“B-but wait,” Robin stammered in a rush. “That was before...” Her heart thudded. “That was when I thought...” How could she say this without being rude? She tried again. “That was…”
“Before I showed up?” One of Jonas’s dark brows rose with his question.
Somehow, having him finish her thought made it sound even worse than her saying the words herself. But he’d captured her idea exactly.
His mouth curled into that smile again and she felt her insides grow warm and... funny.
“I’ll be honest,” he said. “I’m more than a little surprised to see you here.”
“Oh?” The word curled tightly with the sharp, upward spin of her tone. “And why is that? If you don’t mind my asking, that is.” Immediately she wanted to kick herself for rising to his bait.
Alice straightened the documents she held and tapped them on her desk. “Now, let’s calm down, please,” she said, her attempt to sound authoritarian falling flat.
“Yes, Robin,” Jonas agreed wholeheartedly. “Can’t you see the girl wants to speak?”
“The woman wants to speak.” Robin folded her arms across her chest. What riled her most was
the fact that she couldn’t figure out with whom she was more angry; Jonas or herself! Why did his smug tone infuriate her so? Why did she let him get under her skin every time they met? And why did he have to do it when she was sitting here looking like a drowned rat?
That final sobering query made her stop and blink. What the hell did it matter what she looked like? Why did she care what he thought? The questions burned through her brain. Why was she so angry, anyway? All the man had done was voice her own thoughts for her. She couldn’t figure out why she was so incensed. Couldn’t come up with a logical reason. Well, logic be damned! All she knew was that she was thoroughly ticked.
“Surprised to see me,” she muttered under her breath, unable to let go of the irritation no matter how irrational it seemed. “And who was it you were expecting? I’m Jeff’s only sister, you know. I’m all the family he had.”
He turned his cool, green-eyed gaze on her. “Let me get this straight. You’re Jeff’s only relative, yet you’re ready to give up guardianship of his son.” His snort was out and out rude. “What? Would a baby cramp the career woman’s style?”
“My job…”
“Please stop!” Alice’s expression took on a plaintive quality. “Don’t argue. This is my first case. Ever. And I really want to do a good job.”
Although the whiny court clerk nudged at his attention, Jonas couldn’t take his eyes from Robin’s face. There were faint half-moons under her deep-set, chocolate brown eyes. She looked tired. He’d noticed at the memorial service. And now she was obviously angry. So why had he harassed her? He had certainly intended to be compassionate when he finally came face-to-face with her at the church, but she’d been nowhere to be found. He sighed. The woman just had a way of rubbing him the wrong way.
Discovering Sara had named Robin the other co-guardian took him aback. He’d been expecting his sister’s best friend, Amy. He’d even talked to Amy this morning, told her that he’d meet her here at family court. She was to bring Tony with her. She hadn’t refuted anything he’d said, she’d simply agreed to everything. He thought back on their conversation, trying to remember their exact words. Of course they had both been in a rush, he with getting ready for the service, she with getting breakfast for Tony and her own children. Hell, he’d been racing around, nonstop, ever since he’d gotten the tragic news. But naturally he’d assumed that Amy was the other guardian. She knew Tony and the baby was comfortable with her. Then to find Robin Hampstead sitting here... No wonder he’d been taken by surprise.
Sweet and Sassy Baby Love Page 89
