I was forbidden from entering bath time (which I pretended to not be hurt by, but it did hurt to be excluded). I wasn’t allowed to do bath time because Alex didn’t like it when I washed him—he said I got angry.
I was only allowed to help when he peed the bed.
And he was right, I did get angry. But that anger had burned brightest several weeks ago. Mark got angry, too. Anyone who saw the bruises on Alex’s body or the cigarette burns would have been angry.
Mark just hid it better, I guess.
Mark and Alex did their usual bathtime tradition that night and it worked like a charm to cheer him up. I hovered out in the hallway and listened to my two guys splashing and laughing and joking. I peeked at them through the crack in the door that gave me a view of the mirror. There was such a jealousy in me at that moment—it shouldn’t have been there, but it was.
So every night I had to put up with listening to Alex laugh as they played make believe in their bubble bath.
Sigh. Get over yourself, Chris.
I moved away from the door, tidied up Alex’s bedroom, sat on his bed and assessed the transformed room. Once upon a time, this room had been Mark’s guest room. It became my room over those initial months of our courtship when I wasn’t really flirting, but we were kind of dating. Looking back on it, I can finally admit that we dated—in our own way.
Then I moved into the master and this room reverted to a guest room.
Now it was Alex’s.
I almost cried. I didn’t know where it came from, but looking back on my life over the past few years, and how it was so different because Mark was in it... I keenly felt the difference that night, sitting in that room by myself. I could see the man that Mark would have been if he hadn’t met me, and also who I would have been if I hadn’t met him. That vision left me in a melancholy mood.
Alex rocketed into the bedroom wearing his bedtime clothes and a wide smile. “Chris,” he said breathlessly. “Will you read to me?”
“Sure, buddy. What do you want to try?”
“I don’t know. These are all your books right?”
“Right.”
“Pick out your favorite.”
So I chose Alice in Wonderland, which wasn’t my favorite, but the weirdness might appeal to a kid about his age. “Wow, this is your favorite?” Alex asked. “It’s old.”
The book had a couple loose sheets. “All those books were my favorite,” I explained. “Some of them are for older kids, but I think we can read most of them together. Would you like to do that?”
“Yeah.”
He sat on his bed next to me. I turned on the lamp. We were surrounded by green. Alex was against my body and looking at the words.
“No pictures,” he said.
“There are a couple. Do you want to read a picture book?”
“No. I want to read this.” He was already blinking and looked like he was ready to fall asleep.
I started to read. Mark was at the door. I nodded to the side, indicating that he could join us, but he shook his head and disappeared down the hall, leaving me to read the book.
I read the first chapter.
“Are you tired, buddy?”
“No.” He blinked.
“Why don’t we get ready for bed?”
“I’m not tired.” He blinked without emotion.
“You know where my bed is, don’t you?”
He nodded against my body.
“Why don’t I show you, so you’ll know if you get up in the night.”
I held his hand and walked him to our bedroom.
“See, and our door will be open. And we’ll have a nightlight in the hallway. If you need to use the bathroom, just come and get us.”
I guided Alex back to the bedroom and tucked him under his sheets.
“Love you, Chris.”
“Love you, buddy.” I kissed his forehead and ran my hand over his blankets. “See ya in the morning.”
I quietly tiptoed out of the room. So many toys. No doubt the kid was going to get spoiled. What am I saying? He lived with Mark—of course he was going to be spoiled! I couldn’t even pretend to care. What wouldn’t I do to hear that laugh again, to give him a few moments of joy and let him live a long, healthy childhood? He had already put on weight and regained so much energy.
The kid was on the mend.
And he was mine to take care of—he was my kid.
LATER THAT NIGHT, MARK was his usual, dunce-like self.
“I know you probably aren’t up to it, but I’m horny as fuck right now.”
“Alex could wake up any minute. Let’s put it off for a few days,” I replied.
“Today is Wednesday.”
We can skip one Wednesday fuck day.
Time to nip this in the bud. “This is a different kind of Wednesday from all the others... extenuating circumstances.”
“We don’t need to fuck, just suck my dick. Come on, babe. I’m so horny tonight.”
I understood where he was coming from; my emotions were also running hot. My little family was finally all under the same roof... paperwork completed... officially official... it did feel like a special moment. Mark wanted to commemorate the night, so I guess I could give him some head.
What will it hurt?
I’d never grown to like sucking dick, certainly not in the way Mark loved it. Mark’s dick was okay, but if given the choice of never sucking another dick in my life and basically any other option, I would choose never sucking cock. But Mark loved it. He especially loved seeing me down there, looking at him over my glasses. Mark apparently had a thing for nerds—or maybe he just had a thing for me looking like a disheveled nerd. Me, who was always so organized and in control, on my knees and servicing him. Yeah, I could see why he might like that.
I’d had Lasik, so the glasses were just a prop now, anyway.
We shucked our clothes and I teased my way down his body, kissing and licking and sniffing. I liked smelling his body—maybe I liked it too much, but if Mark wanted his cock sucked, he was going to let me get in my sniffing. I kissed his inner thigh. I bobbed on the head of his cock and stroked him with my hand.
“That’s it,” he said. “Smile for the camera.”
I popped off his cock and glared at his cell phone. “How many of those do you have?”
“Not enough.” Mark got hard just at the thought of taping the two of us doing sex stuff. I shook my head at him, closed my eyes, and performed for the camera. “That’s it,” he cooed. “Suck that dick. Yeah, babe. You know you want it.” He moved the camera to include his own grinning face, his chest, his abs.
I didn’t yell at him. The sooner we got this over with, the sooner we could get ready for bed and unlock the door in case Alex woke up in the middle of the night. I ran through my list of reasons why sucking cock was too risky with a kid in the apartment. I continued pleasuring Mark. I thought about what we were going to do tomorrow.
“Yeah, babe,” Mark urged. “Take it all the way. Back of the throat, go all the way.”
I went as deep as I could. Mark had a much thicker cock than mine, so doing this was more difficult for me than him. I slid down his cock, burying my face in his pubes. “Sniff, dude. You kinky fucker. Use your throat.”
I pulled back, then toyed with the head again. The way we were going, we’d be doing this until I got sore. It was time to change up the rules, and plus, I was feeling commemorative too.
I lightly raked my teeth along the bottom of his glans.
He took in a sharp breath. “Teeth!” he admonished.
I did it again, and he grabbed my hair firmly.
I popped off his cock. “You do it to me,” I complained.
“Only when I want to fuck you,” he countered. “And you have a foreskin, it’s different. Shit, I said no teeth.”
I kissed his inner thigh, bruising with my teeth.
“Maybe I want to fuck you,” I said.
He stopped his grumbling. “You can do whatever you want,”
he said evenly.
“You’re gonna have to stay quiet.”
“I can be quiet.”
I lubed my finger and toyed with his hole. “I don’t know. You’re usually so loud. Maybe we should just play with some ice...” My finger teased him without penetrating. I thought about how many times I would need to wash that hand before I could eat with it again... stay focused, Chris. One task at a time, the task at hand.
“Don’t even...” Mark begged. “You can’t tease me like this.” He flopped on his back, locking his legs around my waist and pulling me off my knees. “If you’re gonna do it, do it.”
I slid my finger in him. I bit into the skin over his abs, working my way up his chest.
“I love when you get like this,” he moaned.
“Shhh. I’m serious about staying quiet.”
“Oh God,” he said. “Just fuck me. Please, babe. I’m so fucking horny.”
I was his top that night and we cuddled afterward. Later, I cleaned my hands three times and Mark and I both used mouthwash. I don’t think I really needed the mouthwash anymore, but it was one of my rituals and it helped me feel cleansed... so we still did it.
Then I snuck into the hallway, clothed, and peeked into Alex’s room. He was sound asleep with the nightlight on near the door. He was breathing evenly, but his bed was mostly obscured by the darkness.
“See,” Mark said. “He’s doing fine.”
“You were right,” I admitted.
“You’re too much of a softy. We have to start off on the right foot. The kid doesn’t sleep in our bed.”
“Unless he gets scared.”
“If he wakes up in the middle of the night, that’s one thing. But no falling asleep in our bed, no reading books before bedtime in our bed. We have to have a few rules in this house.”
Mark... and rules? Who woulda thought?
“I don’t like how you’re both the disciplinarian and the fun dad,” I complained.
Mark kissed me on the side of the head. “You’re the fun dad, too. And the kid idolizes you. He’s always looking for you. He knows you’re always nearby.”
“Because I am.” Because I hover. I’m going to smother him to death!
“You’re doing a great job,” Mark said. “Don’t overthink it. And don’t be too soft on him. You’ve gotta train him to live how we expect him to live.”
“Jeez, he’s not a dog.”
“Sweet Cheesus!” Mark said. “Who knew!?”
We settled into our bed with the sheet over our bodies and the hallway door ajar. Mark got naked. I kept on my gym shorts, but went commando. Then Mark tried to help me out of my bottoms, but I protested.
“In case Alex gets up.”
“Oh God,” Mark said. He stuck his hand past the waistband of my shorts and cradled my cock. “Do you wanna watch yourself fucking me?”
“I’d rather you delete the footage.”
He kissed my neck. “Videoing you is one of the only ways to get you in the mood, so no, I’m not giving it up.” He gripped my cock. “I love when you get that way.”
“Just as long as I never see the video, I’m good.”
“That’s going in my prime stash: the day we moved Alex in, and my beautiful baby fucked me good.”
“Kill me now...” So I don’t have to die of embarrassment later. ‘Beautiful baby’ my ass. He stroked me slowly, his other hand going for my ass cheeks and drifting to my hole. “You aren’t fucking me tonight,” I informed him.
“Language. We have a small child in the house.”
“You aren’t doing it. And you sure as shit ain’t doin’ it with the door open.”
“Calm down, babe. I just want to get you nice and horny.”
“Let me go to bed!”
He spooned behind me and gripped my cock even more firmly. “Get hard for me,” he whispered.
“Mark!” I turned into his face and he started kissing me while chuckling like he knew he was doing something naughty. “Bad Mark,” I whispered when we broke apart, but then went back for another kiss.
“I love you, Little Guy.”
“You’ve got to stop calling me that. If Alex says that in public, I’ll die.”
He chuckled in my ear, nibbled on my hairline, and teased my lower body some more.
Gradually, I fell asleep. There was one little kid in the bedroom across the hall, and the adult kid was behind me spooning like his life depended on it.
I couldn’t imagine being more satisfied than I was in that moment.
Green Glasses
I KNOW I SHOULDN’T tell this anecdote, because it makes us look like Alex was in charge of our lives, or at least in charge of Mark. But it makes me chuckle, so I’m going to put it in.
Mark and I had a difficult time dropping the cussing. It was so bad that I didn’t even realize when I did it. Then one day Mark and I were in the kitchen and Alex was drawing something at the table. Mark wanted to know what the kid was drawing, then he wanted to remind Alex of the plans for the afternoon, then he just kept talking.
You have to understand, this is how Mark operates. Sometimes you just have to tune him out.
Anyway, I was cleaning up the kitchen and Mark’s pestering Alex, when all of a sudden the kid presses his hand against his forehead and sighs like he’s been pushed past the breaking point. “Mark,” he said. “Will you just shut the fuck up, please?” Then he went back to his project and muttered under his breath loud enough for both of us to hear, “I’m trying to work.”
Back then, Alex had difficulty with the ‘rk’ sound so Mark was ‘Mart’ and work became ‘wort’. Also, he added extra sass into ‘trying’ so it sounded more like try-eeen.
I about lost my shit.
We couldn’t do anything because we didn’t want to call attention to the word, but we were both dying. Mark turned to me with lifted eyebrows, then he narrowed his eyes like he was disappointed in me, but I’m sorry, it was the funniest thing ever. I had that glow about me, I guess, and Mark was putting on a show of being affronted.
But it was also cute. Alex totally gave Mark what he deserved.
We met in the kitchen to have a whispered sidebar.
“That’s so not funny,” he insisted.
“You shoulda seen your face!”
“Shoulda seen your face.” He mocked my facial expression, but even his pettiness couldn’t rain on my parade.
“How do we get him to never say that again?” I asked.
“Hmmm... maybe we should start with you?”
“What do you mean?” My voice raised of its own accord.
“Shhh.”
“I am shhh, you shhh.”
“Mark, will you just shut the fuck up please?” He glared at me as he said it. “Who does that sound like?”
“Not me.”
“It’s totally you. You say it so often you don’t even realize it!”
I paused to watch Alex at the table. “Serves you right. You were pestering him... and he was trying to wort.”
“Yeah right.” He rolled his eyes. “You would take his side. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were proud of him.”
I was.
“Calm down,” I suggested. “He’s working and learning and we’re having a good time.”
“If he says that in front of Val, it’s gonna be your fault.”
“You cuss just as much as me.”
“No fucking way.”
I deflated, but had to give him a grin. What a silly, silly man. “I don’t cuss at you on purpose. It’s a habit you encouraged.”
“You do when you’re trying to work. Everything is always, ‘I’m trying to work, I’m trying to work.’ You realize that’s what he’s going to learn from you. Yelling at everyone for quiet while he tries to work.”
“You’ve made your point,” I stressed.
“Uh-oh... I feel like I’m about to be cussed out.”
“You mean maybe I’ll put you in your place.” Maybe I would, too. It’s
not a bad thing for a kid to see a man standing up for himself.
Mark wasn’t really upset. He didn’t even get snarky at Alex the next time they talked. After a few minutes of working on his project, Alex called Mark over to look at his drawing and Mark went immediately and listened attentively while Alex explained what everything was. And later, when Alex requested playing catch in the park, Mark was ready and willing.
But after that experience, I put in extra thought over my offhand remarks, and not just the f-bombs. I can be direct with Mark, which to other people might come across as bossy. Maybe it is bossy, but I didn’t want Alex to treat my partner like that, so I tried to tone it down, especially in our home.
Don’t know if it worked, but I did put in the effort.
ONE DAY, THE THREE of us were chilling in our apartment. I was working on a story and Mark was answering e-mails so we were at the dinner table working side by side, as we often did.
Alex sat in the living room in front of the TV playing with my old building blocks and entertaining himself. Usually when he was playing with the blocks he would call for me to join him or he would ask for my opinion on what he should build next. But that day he was uncharacteristically silent. Well, he wasn’t silent because he was talking to himself (or maybe an invisible friend) and it was driving me crazy.
I wanted a distraction from my writing and really wanted to play blocks (and I wanted to make the kid laugh). Call me over, Alex. You know you want to!
“Relax,” Mark whispered. “Finish up.”
“I am relaxed,” I lied.
“You’re a horrible liar.” He grinned.
I stood and peeked over the couch to get an idea of what the kid was up to—his attention span was normally so short. Alex loved interrupting me, especially when he wanted to read a book. I think it was pretty obvious how much I loved reading to the kid, and Alex knew how to play my heart. (Okay, he had me completely wound around his little finger...) Chris, will you read to me?
The answer was always, Yes!
Mark joined me and we leaned against the island while peeking at Alex.
“What’s he up to?” I whispered.
Mark shrugged.
“Do you think he has an invisible friend?”
The Foster Dad Page 3
